LIFESTYLE Archives - Page 5 of 5

I Don’t Love My Husband Like I Used To

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, LIFE, LIFESTYLE // March 15, 2021

WRITTEN BY CARLA LAWRENCE (GUEST WRITER)

I don’t love my husband like I used to. In fact, the relationship we had ten years ago is so different to the one we have now. We met when I was 16 and he was 18, back at an age where I had the time to put on a full face of make-up, do my hair, shave my legs and even apply fake tan, on a good week.

We did all our adventuring together; life was just one big adult-friendly play date. We went out almost every weekend, went for meals and did completely random things like visit old castles and museums. We’d take road trips to various spots in the UK, with often a stop at one of our favourite places, Alton Towers.

We travelled… New York, Dubai, Paris and the Bahamas, were just a few of the places we were lucky to visit, followed by our last adventure as a twosome, on our honeymoon to Florida and Miami.

But very soon after we got married, we had a baby, and shortly after that, our entire relationship changed.

You see when I met him almost fifteen years ago, I wasn’t really looking that far ahead. He was my good-looking slightly older boyfriend, we did our own thing and met up when we were free to. He drove and was old enough to go out (legally) whereas I wasn’t (although of course I found a way). Our individual groups of friends were still very important to us and we just slotted into each other’ lives when we could.

But as the years went on, I realised I could see myself marrying him and maybe even convince him to have babies with me (when we first met he wasn’t actually fussed about children – the art of persuasion is something I pride myself in)!

Growing up together, we were far from perfect, throw some vodkas and shots down my throat and I turn into a total nutter, I’m happy to admit that. But regardless of what the argument was over it was still forgotten about by the Sunday evening. It used to always be a laughing matter amongst our friends as to what we’d argue about that upcoming weekend. Usually, it was because I just wanted to get my chips and go home, whilst he was too interested in staying on the dancefloor.

And four years into our marriage, we are still far from perfect, but he is my partner in this crazy world we live in. I wouldn’t change him, well maybe a few minor things, but nobody is perfect and I’m sure there’s things he’d change about me!

Since becoming parents, I have had to dig deep for the memories of what our relationship was like before. The time that came with it, oh how I wish I had that time again(!) along with the efforts we made for one another. Life got busy, and we have now fallen into normal life as a family of three with a fourth member on the way. Throw in COVID, and we are even more boring than usual!

Our weekends are no longer filled with him taking me for random meals, cinema dates or spending all day on a Sunday driving me around the countryside finding fun things for us to do. But I don’t mind. Instead, he is my complete safety net, supporting and providing for our family and picking up the jobs here and there which I cannot be bothered doing sometimes. Spending many weekends working through a to do list I’ve generated for him through the week.

I appreciate the smaller gestures now, like him filling the sink and doing the dishes without me getting a chance to get near them, hoovering the house for what feels like three hours (that boy loves to hoover) and cleaning the shower, a job I absolutely hate but he is very pernickety so he’s happy enough to do it for me… even though you’d think there’s been a bleach explosion in the house afterwards, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

He will do anything for our girl, she will often have a toy ready for his arrival at the door that needs mending. Her Daddy can do everything according to her, and I’m ok with letting her think that!

It’s the knowing that if things get hard, or I just want a night of shutting myself away in the bath, he will quite happily do his own thing and not bother me. He doesn’t mind my un-brushed mum bun, my non made-up face, my pasty skin and let’s not mention the fact that I haven’t been able to get a wax for months.

He will always encourage me to have ‘me time’, to see my friends and would never hold a grudge if I had a weekend or night away with the girls – oh how I wish I could have one of those (damn you COVID).

When we were younger I always remember my mum telling me that we had a great relationship because we didn’t depend on each other to be happy, and we enjoyed to do our own individual things at our own pace.

That still applies, he has his hobbies, I have mine, and we love it. If I want to have a night out of the house there are no grudges and the same applies when he needs out too. We had a reading at our wedding, which said: “if you can dare to always go your separate ways together, then all the wonders of today will stay with you forever,” and I still love how much that applies to our relationship.

Of course, we have our ups and downs, who doesn’t. If I listed what we argue about you would laugh. One thing that can cause a disagreement is the fact that he is obsessed with painting and randomly painted one spindle on our banister the other week, and I quote, “just to see what it looks like.” As if I don’t enough things to do trying to get the house ready for another baby. It’s laughable now, but as a pregnant hormonal woman I almost killed him! Mostly, they are petty arguments and all quickly forgotten about because he can make a joke of things very easily.

But the love I have had for him over the years has changed, I used to love him as a good-looking boy who made me laugh and drove me about places on our little adventures. But now, I love him so much more. My husband, my best friend and partner in crime along with the Daddy he has become, which makes me so proud.

He loves bedtime with our daughter and snuggling up with her, nine times out of ten, he actually falls asleep before her. She isn’t bad often but on the odd occasion where she has misbehaved and doesn’t get her bedtime story, I think he is genuinely more gutted because it means he is missing out on his nightly cuddles.

On top of all that, he keeps me grounded, in this ‘perfect’ world we can often get caught up in with social media and he always reminds not care about what others think. Some days I find myself making a decision based on what other people might say or react, rather than what’s best for me, and I’m slowly learning to get rid of this bad habit. The creation of this blog being a prime example. But he’s very good at reminding me to just be me.

I find myself laughing at some of things we watch on Netflix with the ‘perfect’ relationships, the romantic dates and the wild sex scenes. I can feel my eyes roll fifteen times as I sit there with my scruffy hair, my white pregnant belly popping out of my pyjamas and my hairy gorilla body.

So I guess, although our relationship may not be as fun or as spontaneous and adventurous as it used to be, it’s definitely more reliable and more real than I ever thought it could be. Our adventures now, in a normal world that is, are based on our days together as a family, going to parks, going for ice cream and making new memories.

It may not be like the ones you see in films, but it’s filled with contentment and trust and that means more to me than any romantic gestures.

I appreciate, love and need him so much more now than I ever have, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

And sometimes… I even catch myself looking at him thinking, you’re a bit of alright.

YOU CAN FIND CARLA ON;

INSTAGRAM : THE HONEST MUMMY

RACISM IN THE UK | THREE WOMEN SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES

Filed Under: LIFE, LIFESTYLE // March 14, 2021

We have had this blog post planned for a while and it was scheduled to go live in April, however with the current news regarding the racism Meghan Markle experienced at the hands of the British Media and within the Royal household, we felt it was important to continue the conversation. We are sharing the experiences of three incredible women who have experienced racism in the UK, it is such a common misconception that “racism doesn’t happen here”, which is completely untrue. They are sharing their experience of growing up in Britain and how racism has impacted them.

RACISM IN THE UK

YASMIN WILLIAMS

“Being from a mixed heritage background I’ve had a few experiences of racism. From being shouted at across the street by a group of people “what are you trying to be, black or white?”, to being asked at my place of work if I could ‘tame’ my hair so I look more professional. Knowing that the colour of my skin was a problem to people was and still is hard. As a teenager I was always known as “the black friend” and was even used as a threat towards someone because I was “scary looking”. Honestly, at the time I just shrugged it off, which I haven’t forgiven myself for!

As the years went by, it really became apparent what had happened and put me in quite a bad place of not being comfortable in my own skin. I ended up seeking some therapy 2 years ago to help me figure out what happened and how it affected me.

Now I can safely say at nearly 30 years old, I finally feel comfortable with who I am. I don’t feel pressure to act a certain way, dress a certain way, look a certain way. I wear my hair with pride and can walk into a room with confidence knowing I am good enough and to he proud of the skin I’m in and who I am!

Racism in the UK is still rife in 2021 and still an everyday challenge to people of colour, even if they’ve overcome some hurdles. And I now feel confident enough to challenge the stereotype and discrimination that the BAME community are going through.”

SEHER TAWFIK

“If someone were to ask you: do you feel like you belong here, what would you say? Would you say yes without question, or would you falter and take a moment to assess what to ‘belong’ in a place actually means? To me, belonging implies identifying and building a rapport with those around you, knowing that you can be who you are without judgment. To belong is to lead a life where the only person who defines you is you and you don’t have to live under anyone else’s shadow or label because you just know that you will succeed in whatever you want to be.

It is a life without racism; where the colour of your skin doesn’t matter- just how you express what you stand for because freedom of speech prevails. Sadly, nowadays, because there is still latent racism which prevails in society to the extent that it does, the latter ideas may come across as naïve. There will be occasions when people will contest whether you do actually belong because of your ethnicity. I was born in Britain but grew up in Luxembourg, raised by two Pakistanis. My parents spoke both fluent English and Urdu; they wanted me to learn how to speak English, so they sent me to an American school where I learned to speak American English.

As a consequence, throughout my entire life, I have been seen as odd, different, ‘other’. My dialect is strange: broad, neither British nor fully American and so is my lexis. In a way, when a few people would call me ‘foreign’ it was accurate even though it was racist. But this is not what has bothered me. It is the memory of what it was like to return to the UK when I was training as a PGCE student, and then later, as an adult. I was subjected to racism, luckily, not on many accounts, but it was enough to leave a scar, and to make me reflect upon why some people felt I did not deserve to belong here in the UK.

My first experience of racism as a student teacher was brutal and shocking. During my first ever teaching placement, I used to catch two buses to get to a Secondary school in Aberdeen city. Leaving early in the morning just after 6 am, when the ebony sky was crisp and uninviting, I would wait for the bus. Running late one morning, I flagged it down a few metres away from the official bus stop and was called a ‘fucking cunt’ for doing so. The woman who uttered the racist slur looked down at me, her eyes tight slits beneath a thick mop of hair. She didn’t murmur the insult, she said it quite piercingly. In that moment, I remember that I felt like Rosa Parks, like I had broken some unofficial bus rule. But instead of anger, I felt shock. The anger welled up inside of me later. That day, something changed but I didn’t realise it at the time.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only example of racism I have suffered in my lifetime. A few years later, outside a big supermarket in the light of day, a man was verbally abusive and overtly racist. I had set out to buy some lunch and I noticed that there was a man, who had a very unusual tick, shouting his head off, slurring his words, standing near the double glass doors right next to the entrance. As I approached, what he said to me made me do a double take: ‘You fucking cunt, go back to where you came from. You don’t belong here.’

Again, this concept of belonging is thrown into the air. Was it jealousy? Anger that fuelled that hostile message on his part? I will never know. Maybe the security guards that I informed discovered why he acted the way he did that day…

Looking back now, no one deserves to be treated this way. It’s inhumane. It’s base, and it’s deeply unkind.

The final example of racism that I experienced very recently, stemmed from a white woman deeming that I was unworthy of success in a private school run by white women. When I inquired about a vacancy, the registrar gave me such a dirty, condescending look, making it quite clear that I was a fool to even consider applying. The way she uttered the phrase, ‘well I suppose you can try’ stopped me dead in my tracks. I spent the whole day battling with myself, thinking: why does she not think I am good enough? I know I’m worthy. I am a qualified teacher with tonnes of relevant experience. I know I’m good at what I do.

Then I replaced my critical mindset with: how dare she make me feel this way? I am entitled to apply to whatever institution I want to. I am good enough. It angers me and frustrates me that in 2021, racism is still an ugly pimple that people conceal and disguise: it rears its ugly head and it is most definitely still a problem. Over the years, I’ve had to battle with being ‘different’ and branded with all sorts of names such as ‘that coloured woman’ by a colleague and students, which underlines the height of ignorance when it comes to race. I’ve been asked where I get my colouring from, a question that no one of sound mind would dare to ask a white person because in essence, it is utterly ridiculous. I have had to contend with the nursery reducing my son’s name to a nickname because they find his own name (Sulayman) too hard to pronounce.

But this sort of ignorance about race needs to change.

I guess one way that we can battle this problem is by being much more transparent about examples of racism that affect our lives; we all deserve a chance to belong and feel comfortable and happy within our own skin.

Naturally, there are MANY people who are so tolerant and open minded. I have been fortunate in my teaching career so far; I have earned the respect of both students and colleagues alike, but there is still a need to struggle against those who continue to spread hatred and racism, teaching their children to ridicule ‘foreign’ sounding names because they are deemed ‘unpronounceable’ and making people like my daughter feel bad for having brown skin. I don’t want her to grow up living in a hostile world full of ignorance.

While the solution isn’t clear cut, reading and discussing the right literature definitely helps to start to make a change. At school, we teach a wonderful poem by John Agard in our GCSE Literature curriculum and it ends with a desire and craving to ‘carve’ out his own ‘identity’. And you know what- that is what everyone deserves and no one should stop anyone from being exactly who they are just because of their race.

Just remember: You belong. You are enough.”

RUPALI PAUL

“This is a prime example of even the smallest interaction, can have a long lasting impression on someone forever. My husband was in the queue at McDonald’s and I was trying to figure out where we could sit. Most of the seats were already occupied by families or teenagers. Suddenly I saw there was a couple of empty seats in front of an elderly white woman, so I thought we could sit there. We have been here before and due to it being so busy, you can just sit wherever and often you end up sitting with random people. So after seeing a whole bench empty in front of this woman, I thought I could sit there. Out of courtesy I asked if she minded and permission to sit in the empty seats. She looked at me angrily and muttered something under her breath. I was taken aback, as this is not a civilized reaction expected from such an elderly woman. I just stood there for a while stunned and blank.

LET’S TALK ABOUT CONTRACEPTION

Filed Under: HOME, LIFE, LIFESTYLE, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS // March 11, 2021

We recently reached out on our Instagram asking people to share their contraception experiences; what contraception they use, what worked or didn’t work for them and thought we’d share them with you. In our sex education post, we shared that we were not at all educated on female contraception. We were told about “the pill” (as if there is only one kind…) and that was it. Take the pill, don’t get pregnant, bobs your uncle. Not quite…..

I first went on the pill at 16 when I knew I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I took myself off to the sexual health clinic and that was it. I then stayed on the pill until we started trying for our first baby in 2016. I went back on it briefly once he was born but stopped taking it when he was around a year old. Not because I wanted another baby but frankly, it was fucking me up. I needed to give my body a break. After we had our second baby in 2020, I went for my 6 week check and opted for the pill, but I have never taken it. I just don’t want to put that in my body again. We are currently using condoms and I know they aren’t 100% effective (does anyone else think of condoms and automatically think of THAT Friends episode with Ross? LOL). It is so important that you remember what works for you, might not work for somebody else and all our bodies are so different!

Now it is time to share YOUR contraception experiences.

RACHAEL SAID…

“I was started on the pill when I was a teenager due to painful and erratic periods which did help regulate my periods but when I got older I got changed to the mini pill due to my BMI. When someone I know who worked as a Doctor in gynaecology recommended the IUS as it’s the most effective form of contraception and you can get pregnant as soon as it’s removed I decided this sounded much better for me.

The first time I had it inserted it was uncomfortable, but not painful. It’s very similar to having a smear test. You have to remove your clothing from your bottom half, lay on the bed and bring your feet to your bottom and let your knees fall open, a speculum is inserted (which I find the worst bit but my cervix is in a weird position) and then a small tube is inserted through the cervix into your womb. I found this bit gave me period type pains which lasted for about 2-3 days after with some light spotting. After that my periods stopped completely and I had no side effects whatsoever. It was changed after 5 years and again I had no issues.

2 years later I had it removed as we wanted to start a family. Simple to remove and no issues at all. There are two pieces of string that dangle down so you can check it’s still in place and this is what they use to remove it. They literally just pull it out.

It was 5 years and 2 children before I had it put back in as I knew I wanted a closer age gap between children so didn’t see the point in having one back in. So this is now my third coil. I have very light periods which, annoyingly, can be on a cycle from 28 to 44 days but this is just my body. I don’t have to remember to take any tablets, if I’m sick it doesn’t stop working and I only need to keep a note of when it’s due for changing (every 5 years) so no need to keep going to the GP for prescriptions!”

LAURA SAID…

“I’ve always struggled with my periods, Knowing When I’m due on when I’m ovulating I’ve always been a bit all over the place. After coming off the pill with my first child it made me realise the “damage“ it was doing to myself.. I knew before I fell pregnant I was in a bit of a difficult place.. but had no idea it could of been down to the pill. I was hot headed, snappy & extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. Even my partner noticed how back to my old self I became once I’d come off the pill. So I knew after my first baby there would be no going back, it scared me actually. So after doing a lot of research I wanted something natural that wasn’t going to be pumping all sorts of hormones into my body. I signed up to ‘Natural cycles’

You pay a monthly fee for an app & buy the £20 thermometer. You take your temperature under your tongue at the same time each morning, your body temperature.. you pop it into the app, so it can identify your fertility status. It gives you a green day or a red day.

As we was trying for baby number 2 .. it didn’t matter if this method “failed” however it didn’t, i was able to track my fertility accordingly and it was a really positive move for us. We’ve just had baby number two & considering trusting the natural cycles again this time to protect ourselves.

RACHAEL T SAID…

“Microgynon combined pill:

I took this for around 3 years when i was in my late teens, 3 horrible years where my moods were full of massive highs and massive lows, mainly lows. Prior to taking the pill I had always been a quite ‘moody‘ teenager and would feel particularly bad tempered in the build up to my period and would often cry, so when my low moods severely worsened after starting to take the pill I actually didn’t think much of it, but when i look back it was like i was in a fog with red mist that would descend. I went to the GP for my contraceptive reviews but over 10 years ago I didn’t have the confidence or the awareness to admit that my mental health was poor I simply said everything was fine and that my periods were fairly regular (if i took it correctly). I used to forget to take it quite regularly which always worried me too, once i came off it I definitely felt much better and more level headed.

Implants – Impanon/nexplanon

I actually only moved to Implanon as I went travelling in my 20’s and after speaking to the doctor and having a greater awareness of available contraceptives, i wanted something I couldn’t forget to take and that would last without needing to seek prescriptions. I got on amazingly well with it my moods were pretty consistent and I didn’t have a single period (which being honest was a non-bloody huge bonus). The insertion was quick and painless, and my removal was very straight forward, 3 years later. When it came to getting my next implant they had switched to a different brand which the Dr said was exactly the same as the previous just had a different brand name. I wouldn’t say Nexplanon was awful for me but i definitely went through some big moods swings for a few months and i also began to have very long irregular periods, so i am unsure really how similar they are, as if exactly the same I wouldn’t have expected an instant change in side effects. I had this implant removed a little early (after 2 years) as we wanted to begin trying for a baby, and was told within days the hormones would be out of my body. We fell pregnant within 2 months of removal.

After having my son I took the mini pill, however I was having really bad headaches and also felt it was really beginning to impact on my mental health and the relationship I was having with both my child and my partner so after a few months I decided to stop taking it, and have now been oral contraceptive free, for the first time since my teens for well over a year. I feel settled in myself and feel I have a greater awareness of my own mood and body, but i think perhaps if we have another child i would look back into long term contraception or speak to my partner about him taking some contraceptive measures.

AMY SAID…

I started on the mini pill when I was 19 and had my first serious long-term boyfriend. I was in London at dance university and went on it completely alone without advice from my mum or friends – Although I was 19 I was still too embarrassed to talk about sex! I was advised by the doctor that the mini pill would be my only option due to medical history. I had no problems with it and set an alarm on my phone so I would take it at the same time every day, this was a bit awkward when it came to show term and I’d often end up taking it late due to rehearsals. Anyway I stayed on this pill till I was 23 and decided with my new boyfriend and doctor advice that I should come off. My reason for this was that I was struggling with my mental health and had started to randomly bleed – when I shouldn’t be getting periods at all. I decided to take a break from contraceptives and noticed a massive improvement in my mental well being – I think my new partner played a huge part in this too. Haha cheese! I stayed off contraception until I was 26 and after my son Jacob was born. 8 months later I had the coil implanted (emergency contraception as the condom broke, I was breast feeding and we were not ready for another baby). Although the doctors and nurses were lovely the whole experience was unpleasant. It was uncomfortable going in and I bled so heavily for the first 6months. I was using two of the most absorbent pads at a time and still bleeding through. I was going through about 3 packs in one cycle! I kept saying I was going to get it removed but with COVID I wanted to stay away from the hospital. Get to month 7 and my periods are back to normal. I can wear tampons again and I my period pains no longer feel like contractions! It’s easy as you don’t have to think about it and so many of my friends love it. Also it can stay in for years and when we are ready for baby number two i just have to get it removed and we can start trying. Not sure if I’ll go on it again once it’s removed but it’s in and working so that suits me for now!

CHARLOTTE SAID..

From the age of 14 I was on the Pill (microgaynon 30) only to stop my periods as I hated to have them…silly I know! But I became so ill and constantly was bleeding I was bleeding for 9 months straight so then they decided to give me both the injection in your lower back/top of bum, so I had both for a a few months and then they put me solely on the injection which worked great for awhile but then I started getting really fat and bleeding again. So at this point I had to have investigation why I was becoming so ill turns out I could only have either the coil or a certain pill due to family health etc.

So I opted back onto the pill I could have which was Cerelle this was fine for ages no side effects just never had periods which I was fine with. However then I got ill and was sick and I ended up getting pregnant as pill wasn’t effective due to sickness. So I stopped of course I was pregnant. After my 1st I had the Mirena coil as I never wanted anymore children, so I had this put in the idea was after 5 years I would be sterilised and all was good was working really well for me but then after a year I had gotten 2 infections and then I kept getting the same recurring infection and had to have the coil removed as I was getting the uncommon side effect however it again stopped my periods which I was fine about. However due to kept getting a reoccurring infection I had it removed.

So I again went back on the pill and I was becoming poorly again I will Lactating even though my daughter was 3/4 years old and couldn’t understand it turns out I’ve been so poorly on contraceptions as they are all hormone based and I was diagnosed with tumours on my pituitary gland, meaning my body already over produces hormones and I was pumping even more into my system which is why I kept getting poorly. So now I’m unable to be on contraception’s but despite all this I do recommend Cerelle or the coil. I just hadn’t realised I was suffering health wise else there wouldn’t of been issues with them. Advice make sure you know your family history so you can get the best contraception for you! And what works for you also some people can forget a pill but in injection is every 3 months and the coil is for 5 years.

AMY SAID…

I have tried various forms of contraception. I started when I was at school with the pill to help ease my period cramps. They gave me the combined pill Microgynon which I took for a while but was getting really bad migraines with aura so stopped that.

When I got my first long term boyfriend I tried the contraceptive jag, I didn’t notice much side affects with this except weight gain. I then went on the mini pill which was okay, but I was having severe mood swings, and irregular bleeding. I was advised the implant would help so opted for that, again severe mood swings, low moods & it was really itchy in my arm like my body was rejecting it. After I got it removed Istuck with the one mini pill but ended up with really bad adult acne when I came off it when I split up with my then boyfriend.

Since having my little girl I decided to give the mini pill another try and it could be a coincidence but I was diagnosed with PND 3 months after starting it and was bleeding irregularly again too. I’ve since came off that too and I’m going to give my body a break and I feel much better. I know people who have had positive experiences with these forms of contraception but my body doesn’t agree with them.

SOPHIE SAID…

“A few years ago, in between having my second and third children, I went for a routine smear test. Whilst I was there, the nurse started asking about contraception etc and she mentioned that I might like to try the mirena coil. This wasn’t something I had previously considered, but I did at some point want to stop relying on contraceptive pills. I took home the information she gave me and had a read; after discussing it with my Husband I decided that I would like to try it and so I booked myself in with the doctor to have it fitted. The fitting was easy and painless and the GP made me feel completely comfortable. She did warn me of a few side effects, such as mood swings, but said these were very rare and that the vast majority of people didn’t experience any adverse effects. Unfortunately, this was not the case for me. The day before my next period was due, I experienced one of the worst migraines I have ever had. I had a really strong headache behind my eyes and every time I stood up I felt like I was on a moving boat. I also felt really nauseous. I didn’t automatically relate this to the coil and it had passed by the next day. However, the same thing happened before my next two periods, along with some very irrational mood swings throughout the months. Three months after having my coil fitted I was back in with the GP demanding that she remove it. She was extremely reluctant and kept telling me that headaches aren’t a usual side effect, she also seemed fairly concerned with regards to me being left without contraception as she wasn’t willing to prescribe more pills for me due to my age and recent headaches. I was very insistent though and she had no choice but to remove it for me. It seems crazy to say, but I felt almost instantly better. Safe to say, I will never be having a coil fitted again!”

BETH SAID…

“I started taking the Pill when I was 19 and Ryan and I had been together for a few months. And then I just never stopped, considered the side effects, or considered any other form of contraception. In my early twenties I began to realise that a lot of my low moods were down to taking the Pill, it had never occurred to me that piling my body with all those extra hormones would effect me! I began discussing with doctors about other methods of contraception due to the hormonal impact and that I was fairly useless with taking it regularly…cue our surprise pregnancy and our daughter Rosie! Post-partum, I knew that I would never go back to the Pill. I decided on the Coil as it was a hormone free method (ideal for me as I already struggle with anxiety and low moods), I could forget about it for up to five years, and unlike the pill I couldn’t forget to take it one morning and have another surprise!

I had it fitted a couple of months after I gave birth. Whilst I think the coil is amazing, having it fitted was a bit trickier than I expected. I think I was feeling really cocky after recently giving birth, I thought a tiny coil would be a walk in the park! It was fitted quickly, easily and it was pretty much pain free (like a smear). I got straight up off the bed and walked into town to meet my boyfriend and daughter, and passed out in a tub chair in Waterstones and we had to stagger home, leaning on the pram the whole way. So my advice…clear your day of plans and take it easy! I was fine the next day.

I know every body is different and not everyone has had a good experience with the coil, but I would encourage you to try it out for a few months if you’re unsure. Fitting and removing is really quick and simple. I think it’s flipping wonderful!”

JACQUI SAID…

“Over the years I have tried out a few different contraception options. Firstly came the pill or the oral contraceptive. It was fine, I’d went on it to help with heavy periods when I was in my mid teens and I was generally happy until I was probably about 18 when I started getting really bad migraines. At this point I came off it completely and as I was in a relationship at the time we chose to then use condoms as contraception. Condoms are not the most glamorous of contraceptives but they do the job very well and despite killing the mood a few times over the years haven’t let me down (touch wood). A few years later I decided to get the contraceptive implant into my arm. Initially it was amazing – didn’t have to remember to take anything and I was sorted for 3 years! The side effect for me like many was weight gain which I hadn’t really anticipated. I easily put a stone on for every year I had it and I would occasionally get very random and sporadic periods. I got it removed after about 2 1/2 years. At this point it was suggested I go back onto the pill but with the side effects I’d had previously I was pretty reluctant. After a consultation with my GP we agreed on the mini pill cerelle. This worked very well for me. No break weeks to remember just take one a day and well that’s it really. I’ve know been on and off this particular mini pill for about 6 years and always find it works for me – as long as I remember to take it. I always usually keep it in my bedside drawer and take it just before bed as I’m always in a rush in the morning and forget. It sometimes takes a while to find the best contraceptive for you and my journey with it has been more than a decade now. Different things work for different people and also different points in your life. It’s tell trial and error til you find what suits your and your body.”

SIONED SAID..

“I’ve had nothing but good experiences with my contraceptive methods. I first used the Depo contraceptive Injection. This was a small pain free injection I took for roughly 4 years every 12 weeks. There was the odd month I missed the injection just for my sanity to see a ‘period’ but I always went back to it. The Depo did make me heavy bleed to start with but eventually everything stopped, even my hormonal monthly migraines. I went for this option for convenience really and how I didn’t have to worry about it not working at any point.
I did have one course of the pill, but I’m terrible with remembering to take medication daily so this didn’t last long. After years of the injection, they do say it takes time for your body and cycle to come back to ‘normal’ and with me knowing I’d eventually want children I swapped to the implant. Looking back I wish I’d have got the implant sooner as it is something you don’t have to think of once its in. I only had to swap it once before my husband and I decided to try for a baby. I had no side effects from the implant and my periods were light.
Since having my daughter I decided to give my body a little rest from contraception and let my body and hormones get back to normal without being effected in anyway. So I haven’t used anything for almost 3 years now.”

RACHAEL R SAID..

“I was on the pill from the age of 16 to 27, with the odd short break in between, and I only decided to come off it to get my body ready for our plans to conceive our first child. For the 3 years before that I had been struggling a lot with vaginismus- an automatic reaction where your vaginal muscles tighten up whenever penetration is attempted. I had been having talk therapy and that was helping, but the biggest change happened when I came off the pill. Within a couple of months my sex drive had reappeared and I was having very little issue with having sex. After doing some research of my own I found that a low libido can be a side-effect of the pill and I felt frustrated that I hadn’t been recommended to try this sooner by my doctor or therapist. For the first 8 years that I was on the pill I was very happy with it though and I really loved how it cleared up my skin!”

THINGS WE SHOULD HAVE LEARNED IN SEX EDUCATION BUT PROBABLY DIDN’T

Filed Under: HOME, LIFE, LIFESTYLE, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS // March 9, 2021

THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS – TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS READ OUR DISCLAIMER

Things we should have learned in sex education but probably didn’t…. ALL OF IT.

When I was growing up my parents weren’t open at all when it came to sex, we never got “THE TALK” – they either relied on the fact that we were learning enough in our sex education class – HA or they just knew we’d figure it out in the end.

In year 11, when I was 15/16, we had a sex education lesson. One. A singular lesson. We learnt how to put on condoms, that sex consists of penis into vagina, and that sex is between two people who love each other very much (YUCK). That’s it. The basics. We didn’t cover the complexity of safe sex and sexuality. Not only was it not at all inclusive but as a female, I didn’t learn a single fucking thing about my body and what sex meant for me. It was only through watching A Girl’s Guide To 21st Century Sex as a teenager that I learnt about female masturbation, orgasms, foreplay ect.

We thought we’d list some of things we should have learned in sex education;

ANYTHING ABOUT FEMALE PLEASURE

Did anyone else get told what a clit was or WHERE it was? Nope, okay then. Guess what, women enjoy wanking and sex just as much as men. Shocking, I know but facts are facts people. We have had it engrained in our brains thanks to popular culture, how much men enjoy masturbating so when it comes to women, it’s something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. WRONG.

PEE AFTER SEX CAN HELP PREVENT UTI’S

My sister taught me this vital lesson when I started having sex. PLEASE. Nobody enjoys a burning sensation when they pee.

IT IS ABOUT MUTUAL PLEASURE

This might be brand new information for some people but women have sex for pleasure too! It isn’t all about falling in love and this deep meaningful connection.

FOR SOMEONE WITH A VAGINA, IT IS NOT UNUSUAL TO NOT ORGASM DURING SEX

If you do, AMAZING – but it is very common that the vast majority of women need some level clitoral stimulation to orgasm; whether that is by your partner, yourself or toys!

LUBE

You need it, USE IT. Self pleasure is supposed to be exactly that, PLEASURABLE. If you feel uncomfortable, LUBE IT UP; it can make penetration easier, more relaxed and depending which lube you opt for, make you all tingly. It exists for a reason. There is nothing to be ashamed about.

MORE THAN ONE FORM OF FEMALE CONTRACEPTION

As I mentioned, we learnt about one form of female contraception. The pill. That’s it. Contraception is NOT one size fits all. I used the pill for 10 years before I realised, it was not for me.

SEX ISN’T JUST ABOUT PENIS INTO VAGINA – LGBTQIA+

It still blows my mind that in the 21st century, we aren’t educating and discussing sexuality in schools. By not teaching it we are further adding to the stigma that LGBTQ sex isn’t normal, there is more to sex than heterosexual pleasure. It is not only adding to the stigma, but it also adds to children’s confusion.

STI CHECKS ARE IMPORTANT AND NOT SHAMEFUL

They are part of being a responsible adult!

FOREPLAY IS IMPORTANT

Amen.

BEING READY IS SUBJECTIVE

When asked about sex, so many people say “oh wait until you are ready” – what the fuck does ready mean?! I went to the sexual health clinic at 16 to go on the pill because I knew I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I told one of my “friends” and she judged. Hard. I was so embarrassed and scared I was doing the wrong thing, based purely on her judgement. Don’t ever let anyone shame you for when you are ready to have sex. Whether you are a teenager like I was or a adult woman in her 20’s/30’s. Just make sure you REALLY think about whether you want to have sex, some people do have regrets about their first time.

VIRGINITY IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

I hate this huge deal around virginity. When you have sex for the first time, you do not loose anything. It does not change us as a person, it doesn’t take anything away from our lives and it sure as shit does not affect our worth.

IF SOMEONE REFUSES TO PUT ON A CONDOM – LEAVE.

Tell them to fuck off first, obviously. If they try the whole “it just doesn’t feel as good” excuse, NO. That is not okay. Condoms are about preventing pregnancy and any STI’s. Sex is for them AND you. A condom isn’t there solely to enhance his sexual experience *eye roll*

That is just SOME of the things we should have learned in sex education, but there are so many more! I am hoping by the time my children are in school and ready for their sex education lessons, they’ll have a much more open and informative discussion.

KICK ASS WOMEN WHO INSPIRE US | INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY 2021

Filed Under: HOME, LIFE, LIFESTYLE // March 8, 2021

It is International Women’s Day 2021 and to celebrate, we thought we’d share a round up of some kick ass women who inspire us; inspire our work ethic, our home life & the amazing things they do on a daily basis!

KICK ASS WOMEN

LITTLE PAPER SWAN

Cathryn from Little Paper Swan is the ultimate girl boss! She creates the most gorgeous content, sells incredible Lightroom presets (of which we all own a few!) shares a monthly newsletter, shares lots of photography and Instagram tips & tricks all whilst being a mum to two gorgeous girls!

THE LIGHT SHE SEES

Lisa has the most STUNNING Instagram account! She shares lots of motherhood and interior posts. She has a passion for photography (and it shows *swoons*. Lisa has also kicked cancers arse TWICE, once in 2014 and again in 2020. She is such a strong woman and we highly recommend you check out her feed!

MUM TO JACK

Hannah is such a huge part of our TMC community. She is so supportive in everything we do; whether it is joining in with our book club or reaching out to other members, all whilst looking after her lovely little boy Jack. Hannah is a wonder woman when it comes to being a mummy. Jack was born very poorly and currently lives with a tracheostomy. Hannah takes it all in her stride with a smile on her face and we LOVE her.

THAT_MUMX

Another superhero mum is Bethany! She is a teen mum advocate and passionate about raising awareness for Downs Syndrome. Her little boy Roman is so bloody cute and he had his first operation at just over 24 hours old, we can’t even imagine what that was like but he is a warrior! Bethany shares the most gorgeous photos of her children and we highly recommend you give her a follow.

THAT.MAKES.SIX

Stace has the most stunning account – she is so creative and her photos are gorgeous. She has 6 ( yes 6 ) beautiful children and has also started a small business venture selling handmade crafts! Shes the queen of the juggle and we are so proud of her.

LAUREN ASHLEY GORDON

One of our favourites! Lauren is fucking HILARIOUS and shows such a real, honest account of not only parenting but life in general! She is a huge advocate for feminism, body & sex positivity.

DANIELLE BOWMAN

Danielle is another account we love; she shares gorgeous photos of her family and also shares openly all about baby loss, after she lost her little girl Rosie in 2019 – having to make the heart breaking decision to terminate their baby due to medical reasons. Danielle can bring comfort to so many people by sharing her journey so honestly.

THE MRS PROJECT

We are obsessed with Mirlah’s account! It is so colourful, filled with feel good vibes & she has the loveliest home! Mirlah has an incredible blog that is one of our favourites to read; she posts a whole variety of content!

MAMA SPARROW BLOG

Naomi is fashion GOALS, she shares real outfits that everyone can wear! We absolutely love her fashion photography and her interior posts are stunning! She also has the most beautiful family.

YASMIN JOHAL

Yasmin is someone you should ALL be following, especially if you enjoy vegan content! She shares the yummiest recipes that the whole family will love! She is Mama to the most beautiful little boy, and shares an honest outlook on motherhood. She also may or may not influence you to buy the best brownies on the planet – and you wont be sorry about it!

BEAUTY BABY AND ME

Fi is someone we have been following for a while and her account is lovely! She shares a real honest side of parenting and how bloody tough it can be, her oldest child Josh has autism and Fi is his biggest cheerleader, championing for him to have the best support in life, which is exactly what he deserves!

ALICE SPAKE

Alice is someone we have all been following for years! I think she was one of the first “bloggers” we found on Instagram and her content has only gotten better & better. Her feed is so diverse and real, which is hard to come by these days. We don’t need whimsical photoshopped photos, sometimes we just need simple life! Alice is a fellow book lover and shares great recommendations!

There you have it! 12 kick ass women you should all be following! There are so many more we could include and we may do a part 2 of this later in the year!

WHAT WE READ IN FEBRUARY

Filed Under: BOOKS, HOME, LIFESTYLE // March 3, 2021

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Happy March! I can’t believe we are here already, I for one am very happy about it as march for me means Spring and fresh beginnings. It is time for my next monthly reading wrap up and sharing what we read in February. This month was a little up & down for me when it came to reading. There were days when I could read all day every day and others where I picked my book up for five minutes and just couldn’t get in the mood. I did however manage 8 books this month – a mixture of physical, kindle & audiobooks!

MR RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET BY KATHRYN FREEMAN // LINK

We follow Mia who has recently moved to Manchester, and Luke who lives in the flat opposite. This is a really fun romance and I loved all of the characters, however it was OVERLY cheesy. I like a sprinkling but this was like taking a bath in grated cheddar LOL. I really enjoyed the fact that the book was based in Manchester (as that is where I am from) so I recognised a lot of the places they spoke about. If you love super easy, quick to read romances, I definitely recommend this!

FIGHT OR FLIGHT BY SAMANTHA YOUNG // LINK

We follow brooding Caleb & Ava, who meet at an airport and sleep together on a layover they both have. They decide to have a “friends” with benefits relationship. I say friends loosely because they REALLY didn’t like each other at first. Enemies to lovers is my favourite trope and this was deliciously good! Caleb is the perfect Scottish, brooding love interest and Ava is such a solid, strong female lead! They are the perfect romance characters. Samantha Young is one of my favourite romance authors. Her writing is addictive and she adds such depth to her plot lines.

GROWN BY TIFFANY D. JACKSON // LINK

TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR : GROOMING, SEXUAL ABUSE, MANIPULATION, DRUG USE, PEDOPHILIA AND ADDICTION

When legendary R&B artist Korey Fields spots Enchanted Jones at an audition, her dreams of being a famous singer take flight. Until Enchanted wakes up with blood on her hands and zero memory of the previous night. Who killed Korey Fields? Before there was a dead body, Enchanted’s dreams had turned into a nightmare. Because behind Korey’s charm and star power was a controlling dark side. Now he’s dead, the police are at the door, and all signs point to Enchanted. This book was such a hard reading experience, but an essential one. I listened to this in two days which is the quickest I have ever listened to an audiobook, the writing was fast paced and the chapters were incredibly short, which I am a fan of.

The book LOOSELY follows the predatory behaviour of R.Kelly and I really felt that throughout the book. The only flaw I found is that the ending was incredibly built up throughout the story and then it just fell flat, it wrapped up really quickly and a little too easy. I expected something a little more shocking.

RHAPSODIC (BOOK 1 IN THE BARGAINERS SERIES) // LINK

Fantasy romance series following Callypso (a siren) and Desmond (The Bargainer/Fae) as they join forces to defeat evil and solve a mystery. Yes it is as cheesy as it sounds. This series has been compared to A Court Of Thorns & Roses, and absolutely NOT. It is nothing like my FAVOURITE series. I am not mad that I read it but it is also hugely underwhelming. The romance isn’t great and I didn’t care much for the characters. The plot had SO much potential but went absolutely nowhere.

THE SILENT PATIENT BY ALEX MICHAELIDES // LINK

We follow Theo, a criminal psychotherapist who is determined to get to the bottom of why Alicia Berenson murdered her husband years ago, and hasn’t spoken a word since. This was probably one of my most anticipated books on my TBR and I couldn’t wait to finally pick it up and see what all the hype was about. I was left feeling slightly disappointed! I found the plot was SO slow and didn’t grip me at all until the last 100 pages, when things really picked up. However this is also the point where I guessed the “big twist” at the end. As much as I wish I had been surprised by the ending, I did enjoy watching it all unfold and come together. I’d definitely recommend this book to people who don’t read a lot of thrillers as I think the ending will definitely be less predictable.

A COURT OF SILVER FLAMES BY SARAH J MAAS // LINK

I can’t say too much about this as it is the 4th book in the A Court Of Thorns & Roses series, WHICH I RECOMMEND TO EVERYONE PLEASE READ IT. We follow Nesta as she deals with trauma and grief, it really shows a darker side to trauma and mental health. I absolutely love Nesta as a protagonist and she adds so much depth to her character – you really understand why she is the way she is and her relationship with Cassian is so special to see. This is my favourite book of the year so far, which I knew it would be. It was sexy, action packed and I was so glad to be back with the Inner Circle. There were moments that were slightly predictable but that didn’t ruin the experience at all.

THIS TIME NEXT YEAR BY SOPHIE COUSENS // LINK

Quinn and Minnie are born on New Year’s Eve, in the same hospital, one minute apart. Their lives may begin together, but their worlds couldn’t be more different. Thirty years later they find themselves together again in the same place, at the same time. What if fate is trying to bring them together? Maybe it’s time to take a chance on love. We read this as our first That Mama Book Club pick, you can read my full review here, along with other members of our book club. We also have an exclusive interview with Sophie Cousens.

STAY GOLD BY TOBLY McSMITH // LINK

TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR: transphobia, homophobia, dead naming, bullying, suicidal thoughts, outing, transphobic violence.

Tobly McSmith delivers a coming-of-age teen love story about a transgender boy who’s going stealth at his new Texas high school and a cisgender girl who is drawn to him, even as she’s counting down the days until graduation. I listened to this via audiobook and LOVED it, we have dual narrators as the chapters flick perspective between Pony & Georgia. This is such an important own voices read that encompasses compassion and understanding. The plot is so much more than the book’s synopsis will have you believe, it isn’t a super sweet teen romance – it tackles such hard topics and really tough scenes. I can’t speak for the representation but I have read other reviews by Trans readers who said this book really captured a certain experience for them that resonated with their teenage lives. I absolutely loved Pony’s relationship with his sister and how supportive she was, it was really special to read.

SHOP THE SHELF

WAYS TO HANDLE FEELING OVERWHELMED

Filed Under: HOME, LIFE, LIFESTYLE, MENTAL HEALTH, SELF CARE // February 21, 2021

BY RACHAEL

I don’t think i’m alone in admitting that I have been feeling really overwhelmed recently. I have definitely found this lockdown the hardest & most isolating. I think the crappy weather is the main cause of that but also trying to juggle two young children, housework, running TMC & being a good partner, it can be a LOT. There are a couple things I have been doing whenever I feel overwhelmed or unmotivated & they have definitely helped! So we thought we would share ways to handle feeling overwhelmed, and hopefully they’ll help you too.

ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEELING

It is totally normal, especially at the minute, to feel overwhelmed. Whether you are trying to juggle working from home whilst home schooling children or just generally keep your head above water! Acknowledging and accepting feeling overwhelmed is a form of self acceptance. From here, you will be able to understand it and begin managing it.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE

Whether it is family & friends, or in your online space. Surrounding yourself with positive & supportive people is SO important! I am incredibly lucky to have such a supportive partner and immediate family. I am also lucky enough to work with the best people behind the scenes on TMC, we are always there with a supportive meme or to simply ask “how can I help you?” when someone is struggling.

TAKE A BREAK

When you feel that surge of overwhelm rising; stop, take a minute & breathe. Go for a walk, read a chapter of your book… whatever it is that distracts and makes you happy. Taking some time to yourself can really help you gain perspective on your life.

FOCUS ON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

Whether it is watching an episode of your favourite tv show, listening to a podcast, taking a bath, ringing a family member.. doing at least one thing a day that makes you happy can be the perfect distraction.

REMIND YOURSELF OF HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME

I know it is easy to forget but we are already absolutely SMASHING life just by getting through the day. I think it is so important that we all celebrate every single win, no matter how small and really acknowledge & appreciate everything you have achieved.

KNOW WHAT IS IN YOUR CONTROL

Acknowledge exactly what you are in control of; the housework, sure. That is all down to you & your household (unless you have a cleaner – lucky bugger LOL), but if you’re feeling overwhelmed watching live news updates every day – REMOVE IT FROM YOUR LIFE. That’s not to say to remove it completely but maybe start to only tune in once a week. Don’t actively go searching on social media for false news & rumours. Especially at the minute when everything is a waiting game. It is crucial to know EXACTLY what you have control over.

We really hope you enjoyed our post on ways to handle feeling overwhelmed. Do you have any tips?

EASY SUSTAINABLE SWAPS | KITCHEN

Filed Under: ECO LIVING, LIFESTYLE, SUSTAINABILITY // January 6, 2021

WRITTEN BY RACHAEL BLAKEY

It is so important, now more than ever, that we do our bit for the planet! We are fully aware that some swaps are costly & others just don’t fit into your lifestyle, so we thought we would share 8 easy sustainable swaps | kitchen edition.

“WE DON’T NEED A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE DOING ZERO-WASTE PERFECTLY. WE NEED MILLIONS OF PEOPLE DOING IT IMPERFECTLY” – ANNE MARIE BONNEAU

01. REUSABLE STRAWS; We have the stainless steel reusable straws and I love them. Most sets come with a little pouch so you can take a couple out and about with you which I found really handy when out at restaurants or pubs as I am one of those annoying people that just prefers drinking from a straw. You can pick up a set of 8 with a travel pouch AND cleaning brush for £4.99 (link).

02. ECOEGG LAUNDRY EGG; This is a swap that all of us have made on TMC and we are HUGE fans, we recommend them to everyone so it’s only right that they make it into this post! This egg replaces your need for laundry detergent & fabric softener, which dramatically reduces your plastic usage. The egg is reusable and you just need to purchase the refills! We highly recommend the starter kit as it comes with everything you need to get started (link)

03. REUSABLE COFFEE CUP; Probably the easiest switch you can make! You can pick these up from so many places including Home Bargains ect for a couple of pounds. A lot of places will offer you a small discount if you use a reusable cup for your coffee. We have started making hot chocolates for our local walks & taking them out with us in reusable cups!

04. REUSABLE WATER BOTTLE; The same concept but for cold drinks. We have used ours for picnics during the warmer months & the screw tops are my personal favourites as they don’t leak! (link)

05. BEESWAX WRAPS; These are a relatively recent discovery of mine & I am a convert. Such a lovely alternative to cling film and much kinder the planet too! These food wraps are washable, reusable and biodegradable. They also look pretty cute too! (link)

06. LOOSE LEAF TEA; I feel like this is such a old school swap BUT it’s becoming a lot more popular. Did you know tea bags have tiny bits of plastic in them?! All you need is a tea strainer and some lovely teas! You can stick with classic English breakfast tea or why not try a lovely fruit blend?

07. SILICONE BAKING SHEETS; We picked these up at the beginning of lockdown #1 as we started doing lots more baking, as did the rest of the country LOL. They are non-stick and come in a range of different sizes! (link)

08. COMPOST; Another obvious swap but composting your food waste is one of the best swaps you can make! It not only enriches soil but it also reduces the need for chemical fertilizer!

We hope some of these easy sustainable swaps | kitchen ideas have helped! Have you implemented any into your home already?

Keep an eye out for more sustainable swap posts!

HOW TO HELP YOURSELF DE-STRESS

Filed Under: LIFESTYLE, MENTAL HEALTH, SELF CARE // January 1, 2021

BY CAITYLIS ZEALAND

We all get stressed. We can’t deny it. Little (or very big) things dig at us in our everyday lives. Finding ways to mange these stresses changes from person to person, situation to situation. We decided we would write our own little de-stress list for you all to relish in. Whether it’s lockdown, home schooling, moving house.. whatever your circumstances, we hope you’ll find something here to help.