While everyone loves to support you with what you’ll need (and potentially don’t need) when you’re pregnant, quite often us poor old mums get left by the wayside once we’ve popped out our cute little nugget. We’re left to fend for ourselves amongst leaking boobs, saggy skin and stinging bumholes and quite frankly, the postnatal fuss that we deserve is lacking! Here is our guide of Top 10 Postpartum Essentials that you need to make that time after birth just a little bit easier.
January Self Care Ideas
It’s January, it’s 2022 and it’s time to make some time for YOU! We’re all run ragged after the hustle and bustle of the Christmas period, so what better time to slow down and take care of yourself. Here’s a few self care ideas to make time for just you, whether you take a day to yourself of just ten minutes of your day, there’s something you can do that is solely to make you feel good.
Want to feel like an amazing parent?
Everyone wants to be a great parent. Figuring out how to do so can be complicated, however. It’s not as though you’re handed a manual once your child is born. That could lead to you looking for things to do when you feel like a bad mum or dad. It could also make you strive to do better. There are multiple ways to be an amazing parent. It doesn’t have to be as difficult as you’d think. Doing everything you can to make the best decisions for your child will be enough. You can do that in a few ways. While it’ll take effort, it’s much simpler than you’d expect.
Easy Ways To Be A Great Parent
Be A Role Model
It’s easy to tell your child how they should behave. It’s harder to show them, although it’s something that you’ll need to do. You should be a good role model.
People learn by imitating, especially during their early years. Being a positive example during this time is essential.
Your child is likely to do as you do. If there’s something that you don’t want them replicating, then don’t engage in that behavior.
The opposite can be said for positive behaviour you want them to engage in. The more you do it, the more they will. It could also be a great way to build a relationship with them.
Show Your Love
There’s no such thing as loving your child too much. You’ll need to show them that you love them, however. That shouldn’t be done with presents.
If you typically show your love by giving gifts a lot, you could spoil them. It’s much more recommended that you show them with acts of love, such as hugs.
Spending time with them as much as you can is also suggested. It’ll show them that you support them and are there for them without spoiling them.
Talk With Your Child
You’ll already know the importance of communication in daily life. That’s especially true with work and with your partner.
Many people overlook it when it comes to their child, however. You’ll need to communicate with them regularly, regardless of what age they are.
That doesn’t simply mean talking to them. You’ll need to be an active listener. Doing so will help your relationship with them flourish.
There are other benefits to this. You can help their brain develop. By using their brain to communicate regularly, your child exercises certain parts of their brain.
That should be enough of a reason to speak with them as much as you can.
How To Be An Amazing Parent: Wrapping Up
Everyone wants to know how to be an amazing parent. While there’s a lot of advice that you can follow, these can depend significantly on you and your child.
You’ll need to adapt to you and their needs and preferences. Focusing on their best interests will be a priority.
Doing so will make sure that you’re an amazing parent. While your child mightn’t always agree with you, looking out for them will be the most effective way of parenting.
MENTAL HEALTH AT THE END OF MATERNITY LEAVE
Today we have a guest post from Mabel’s Mummies, talking all about mental health at the end of maternity leave.
It is a truth not universally acknowledged that in fact, as a woman, you cannot have it all. Wait, what? Hold on, what I did just admit? The feminist daughter of a feminist, the great-great niece of an actual suffragette and I just said a woman cannot have it all? WTF??
Before I have my card-carrying feminist badge confiscated, can I clarify – since having my daughter two years ago, I’ve come to realise that for most women, (and I’m not the first to say so) having it all really actually means doing it all and losing something along the way. For me, it was my sense of self and very nearly my mind…
I came to motherhood late, in my 40s. Not by choice – I sadly didn’t meet my husband until my late 30s, my mum was diagnosed with a terminal illness the very week we decided to start trying for a baby and my work life went crazy at the same time. The stress of all this took a toll on my rapidly declining fertility and I found myself, at the age of 43, several miscarriages in and starting IVF. One more miscarriage and three gruelling rounds of IVF later and I finally became what I’d always wanted to be – a wife and mother with a successful career. Feminist dream – completed it mate.
Me and my daughter got off to a shaky start in the first few days with her taking an instant aversion to my aged bosom and flatly refusing to breastfeed. Combined with a really rather unpleasant forceps delivery, loads of blood loss and stitches and health visitor who told me I ‘ticked every box for developing post natal depression’ due to my bereavements and IVF, the first couple of days weren’t easy. Then – oh my god, it got so bloody good. After three weeks, I gave up trying to force her to accept my middle-aged milk (maybe it tasted sour??) and put her on formula, we literally never looked back. We became the dream team. Once freed from the environs of my crepey décolletage, she revealed herself to be a ‘unicorn baby’ – that perfect child who never cries; sleeps through from 8 weeks old and literally smiles all day. I became the mother I had always planned to be – in control, sociable, running the village baby group; bossing the baby-led weaning etc etc. (Don’t hate me, it’s all going to go tits up in the next paragraph.)
9 months in and Covid hit – still, not a problem really. We were immensely fortunate in that my husband kept his job, I’d already made my mum friends and no one we knew had Covid. We had a house in the country with a decent sized garden and the weather was glorious. I lost most of my baby weight that summer, going for long walks with her all snuggled up in her Baby Bjorn. But then, a few weeks later, my mat leave ended and I went back to work to a world I didn’t recognise. Covid had completely changed the landscape of my career and what had been a job already renowned as one of the most stressful within the industry, became just untenable in terms of what was expected and required. I’d also made the decision to go back part time – not realising that in my job, being there one less day a week and being paid 4/5ths of your salary meant that you kept the workload but had one less day to do it and 10K less a year to live off. And we were so skint.
And I missed her. Oh my god, I missed her. That year of mat leave had been the most amazing, fulfilling year of my life. I’d actually loved pretty much every minute of it. I was obsessed with the smell of her skin, the sound of her laugh, the routine of our day.
It took a while to realise that I couldn’t be in two places at once.
Well, er, obviously.
Prior to having her, I’d never actually stopped to count the hours I worked in a week in order to just keep things ticking over – never mind allowed for what needed to be done in this weird new world. (By my current calculation approx. 70. Honestly, seriously 70 hours – just to do the necessities.)
Now I had her, instead of staying until 7pm, I now had to leave at 5pm and pick her up from nursery, I couldn’t work in the evenings until she was settled in bed. I was leaving the house before she woke up in a morning and counting the minutes when I got in until she went to bed so that I could start work again. I arrived at nursery pickup late and flustered and felt constantly guilty about it. I wanted to spend all my day off with her but I was constantly checking my phone during baby group and sending work emails as she cuddled on my knee each afternoon. I was frantically jumping on the laptop every time she had a nap at weekends and getting more and more aware of how there was less and less time for her.
Needless to say, the home made baby led weaning Instagram accounts got unfollowed, the Montessori playtime activities got substituted for Bing and nursery rhymes on Youtube and I got the guilts.
I bought myself a life planner – wrote lists and targets and affirmations in it of how I was going to manage things better. I got up earlier and earlier each day – trying to maximise my day, get a workout done, get organised, make her healthy food again – ‘stay at the top of my game!!!’ What actually happened was I lost my mind.
IF you saw the Suranne Jones drama ‘I am Victoria’ this summer, you pretty much met me earlier this year (or a poor relation with a bigger bum anyway). Doing more and more to less and less effect, becoming increasingly manic and defensive and doing anything – anything to try and wrest back control. Didn’t work. By summer this year, my brain gave out on me. After getting everything I ever wanted, I found myself in a play barn one morning sobbing uncontrollably and wanting it just all to be over. Fortunately, that perfect daughter of mine was reason enough to stick around for, and I quit my job.
I was lucky enough to have a strong enough mum squad around me to help me pick up the pieces and be honest enough to share their own experiences of maternal mental health. It made me realise that no one gets an easy ride with motherhood – especially not now. I was inspired to set up my business ‘Mabel’s Mummies’ with a hope that we could be a source of help and support for other mothers. We could encourage other mothers to take time out for themselves, could help other mothers find their own mum squad and help fund important maternal mental health work by donating to Pandas Foundation.
My health visitor was almost right. I did get depression, I would argue mine wasn’t post-natal – it was post-maternity leave when the demands of being a working mother just got too much. I was immensely lucky that I was in a position to leave my job and start something new. If Covid hadn’t happened, would this have happened to me? I’m not sure – I do know though that as a society, there is just an assumption that mothers will return to work and manage. There is no support for this second massive transition in our lives – just sky-high nursery fees and a fear of being judged as having lost it ‘since she got baby brain’. But we carry on. And in the process we lose something of ourselves.
I was lucky, I’m getting help and support. I hope what we are trying to achieve with Mabel’s Mummies helps others too.
POST WRITTEN BY @MABELSMUMMIES
Celebrating Diwali with Children
I love this time of year for so many reasons, one being Diwali, the festival of light and the victory of good over evil.
Some of my greatest childhood memories were during this time of year. I remember watching my grandma make delicious food at home, there was Chukri, Mathia, Chevdo, Ladvo and so many other Gujarati delights being cooked in our kitchen. I would always have the day off from School for Diwali. It was exciting going back to school with so many stories to share with my friends about our celebrations.
We spent Diwali and New Years Day with our family, making colourful rangoli patterns, coming together, celebrating, eating, laughing, and just appreciating one another.
Now that I am a mother, I take a deeper interest in why we celebrate the days we do in our culture. I want to explain it right to my daughters when they ask me questions about our culture. I want them to love Diwali and value our culture as much as I do.
Diwali is the celebration of good over evil. It’s a celebration following the end of prince Rama’s 14-year exile, returning after defeating the evil demon Ravana. We light diva’s (candles) at this time of year to symbolise the victory of light over darkness. Diwali is celebrated by Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, Buddhists and Newar Buddhism.
The story is beautiful and has so much more detail than what I have explained above, for one, we have a 5-day celebration for Diwali with many other traditions involved – I am no expert so the above is all I can tell you from what I have come to learn and understand. Please find below some books I would recommend for children to gain a better understand of the festival. My toddler really enjoys reading these books and is hooked to the story of Rama and Sita, she even tells me she wants to be like Sita which is sweet.
Both books in the image above can be found on Amazon, one is about the traditions during Diwali festivals and the other is the story behind why we celebrate Diwali.
There is also a lovely collection of books by a company called The Jai Jai’s who make beautiful children’s book, explaining the history of our culture and festivities in the loveliest way to young kids. I will be honest, I haven’t had the opportunity to purchase a book from them yet, but I have read the one’s which my family members have, and they are wonderful for children, with lovely pictures and simple but clear explanations – I will definitely be ordering a few.
Our culture is full of so many beautiful stories, colours, delicious food, and fascinating traditions. I feel so proud to be born into such a beautiful culture and there is so much more to learn which I am excited to do with my two daughters.
Below are a few activities I did for Diwali with my toddler, it’s a great time to get creative.
Wishing you all a Happy Diwali and a prosperous New Year from @mum_without_instructions.
POST PARTUM BODY CONFIDENCE
We download the apps for conception, we read the books for pregnancy and we prepare ourselves for life as a new parent. We attempt to arm ourselves with as much knowledge and equipment to raise this tiny human as we physically can as we run in bewildered into the world of the new born. I am sure you are 100% prepared for this! Or are you? Did anyone mention or happen to tell you what you’re going to notice within yourself after you give birth? Has anyone actually first hand told you what to expect to see when you look in the mirror after childbirth. No, no one told me either. So here it is. The honesty, the raw information you need to know including preparing you on how to welcome in those new found wobbly bits ladies and gain post partum body confidence.
We spend our lives attempting to fit into societies framework of how we are ‘supposed’ to look. We try fad diets, couch to 5K programmes and all sorts of changes to help convince ourselves that our bodies are beautiful & in optimum health. We allow ourselves to become categorised by a shape like hourglass, pear, apple and so on but what about the shape of a mother. You’ve probably spent years perfecting your figure and learning to love yourself the way you are however you’re about to start the journey again.
When you have a baby your pre baby body shape will pretty much be gone. You will have created a new shape which more than likely will be the polar opposite to the shame you where before your beautiful bundle of joy came along. This however isn’t a bad thing at all so don’t panic however it’s the start along a very delicate journey of self acceptance that no one tells us women about. We pretty much have to learn to love ourselves and our bodies all over again including parts that we may not even be able to look at yet let alone accept.
Remember ladies this is not a sprint, its a marathon and its a slow and steady journey. Every women’s journey will be individual to them however were all going to be there with one another.
The first thing i would say you need to do is look in the mirror naked! That’s right mama get those girls out in full frontal view and look at yourself, look at the body that carried and birthed life into this world and before you say anything else i want you to feel gratitude towards this body, feel happiness that you managed something so beautiful and wonderful & don’t ever hate the vessel that carried a life because without it we wouldn’t have the next generation.
Now those wobbly bits – I know i know, i hear you shouting but honestly we ALL have them. Some in the same places and others in totally different. You don’t have to like them but you do need to accept them for what they are otherwise you wont be able to learn to accept yourself and new found shape. Your shape has changed so here’s what we do, we SHOP! Get your partner to have the baby or if your not ready then head online for the goodies and grab some garms because you need to figure out what works for your new founded shape and the only way to do that is to try it all on. Try on silhouettes you previously wouldn’t have even considered because trust me, you’ll be very surprised with what suits you now. Give yourself the time to do this and all the while learn about your body as you go.
As comfortable as they are girl we cannot live our lives in oversized tees and leggings – trust me tried it & it damaged my self esteem and mental health. I found about 18 months after my son was born i hated myself, so i drowned myself out in oversized tees and ill fitted leggings in the hopes i would wake up and feel differently and this just led to damaging mindsets and depression. I needed to make a change. So i did the on-line shopping business and learned my body had taken on a new shape that i actually learnt to love – The Mummy Shape! I wore jeans again, fitted tops, dresses and dumped the oversized shitty tees that where not doing me any favours and my self esteem began to rebuild, don’t get me wrong i didn’t LOVE my new wobbly bits but i took the time to accept that i have changed and I work with it instead of fighting against it and that’s the hardest part.
Some women will go through a phase where they mourn their pre baby body and i absolutely get that however don’t let that mourning turn into a depressive mind set, exchange it for determination and fuel to help you love yourself again. Lets not forget ladies we birthed a child, a full human was carried by us safely. We then delivered that child using our bodies . Let that sink in.
If you cannot find it within yourself to show your body some love right now because your journey is only just beginning i totally get that however the very least your body deserves is gratitude for doing what it has. There’s no one to teach us how to carry babies and deliver them, we are just guided by other peoples experiences and advise which in turn can be a far cry from what we experience. Essentially we are the ones with all the skills that we don’t even know we have yet. So be grateful that your body can adapt, change, grow and keep safe something so precious.
Now i don’t know about you but i have been left with some scars from my babies delivery and a handful of stretch marks. I was so relaxed in my pregnancy amount getting stretch marks however i know a lot of you worry about this aesthetic change but don’t worry yourself too much because the stretch marks carry a reminder of how incredible your body was to adapt, don’t look at them as ugly, horrible, obvious and silvery change you’re focus and look at them as inspiring, beautiful, strong & womanly. Those glittery silver streaks remind me daily of how my body adapted in one of the most beautiful ways it could. Embrace them and love them, don’t cover them up or hide. They are apart of you and you’re journey and story into motherhood.
Grab a piece of paper and notice how flat and perfect it is, now scrunch that bitch up and squeeze it to a inch of its life. Now flatten it out again and make it look the way it used to – It wont, no matter how hard you try because those creases left behind are reminders of how that paper had to adapt under intense change and pressure. They are a sign of survival & strength similarly to our stretch marks. Learning to love and accept them will change your relationship with how you see yourself & this will help you self esteem bundles. I promise.
We are incredible women, who achieve incredible things and one of those is carrying a life and birthing it and if that doesn’t make you honour your beautiful body then nothing will. You are beautiful just the way you are, wobbly bits and all. Loving yourself and self care is a journey so don’t rush yourself, travel at your own pace but if you do one thing positive every day let it be this – Remind yourself how beautiful you are even if you don’t feel it. Make this your daily mantra.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL & YOUR BODY IS INCREDIBLE!!
EXTENDED BREASTFEEDING
Today we have the lovely Emily from @sebtheseries, sharing her experience with extended breastfeeding! As someone who breastfed their oldest until they were almost 3, I am a huge advocate for extended breastfeeding and would love to help stop the stigma around it!
After working out the initial logistics of getting my breasts out in public, I was never too bothered about what anyone else thought. When my baby needed feeding, I fed him, and there was no way I was going to do it in a toilet, thank you very much! I did find it immensely helpful living in Switzerland; having only a passable working knowledge of the language meant I was oblivious to any negative comments if there were any. In fact, other than some run-ins with old ladies who seemed to think it was appropriate to say hello to the baby with their heads a little too close to my nipples for comfort, I grew in confidence as there was nothing to deter me.
And then he turned one.
Comments started flying in from all angles. Family members, friends, colleagues. I had been given the use of a private room to pump and additional time when I returned to the school where I worked, but when my son turned one that was no longer on offer.
‘You’re still feeding him?’
‘You must be exhausted!’
‘Isn’t it more for you than it is for him now?’
Somehow there seemed to be a stigma attached to feeding a child who could walk, talk, and had teeth, but things were going so well, and I didn’t see any need to stop. Instead, I armed myself with some blistering comebacks and went underground with feeding, becoming a little more discreet when we were out and about, silently resenting the perceived judgement.
Eventually at two and a half, it felt like time to stop. Unlike starting, however, there wasn’t that much in the way of support! I was advised to try picture books but couldn’t find any that appealed to our situation. In the end I decided to write my own and now my mission is to help other mums in a similar position!
‘Big change for Seb: a breastfed toddler’s weaning story’, contains gentle weaning tips that are respectful to the child whilst also exploring some of the emotions they may feel. Change can be scary and unsettling, and the narrative explores positives about growing up and becoming more independent that can give parents a starting point to prompt conversations with their own child.
You can order a copy from www.sebtheseries.com and make sure to follow me @sebtheseries on Facebook and Instagram for more breastfeeding related content!
BODY CONFIDENCE AFTER HAVING A BABY
A woman’s body during pregnancy is one of the most incredible things in life. We create, grow and birth whole human beings. We have to endure tiny bladders, back ache and leaking nipples for nine months: then proceed to walk this exhausted life for 18+ years. We give up everything for our children: including our bodies. Our boobs become a personal drinks machine and don’t even get me started on being stuck under a sleeping baby when you need the toilet!
BODY CONFIDENCE
We often become aliens in our own bodies. Unable to feel comfortable in this new skin.
You could say, that our bodies change during the course of motherhood. From the moment that seed starts to grow inside of us, our bodies change forever.
The moms that have lost babies, find it hard to conceive and those who carry to full term: our bodies are moved by this process.
We are told that our bodies are made for this job: a baby factory. Our skin changes and we are told to accept that this is life now. We have to love and be confident in this foreign place. But sometimes it’s a little hard to look in the mirror and see a person that we don’t recognise. We get bigger, We lose weight, We stretch, We wobble, We jiggle and our boobs look like that of an 80 year old woman. We find ourselves looking at the likes of Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé: these women who have given birth yet look like some sort of Greek goddess statue. The world around us doesn’t show the bodies of those who haven’t ‘bounced back’. So it’s hard to look at that reflection and see it as beautiful, especially if we compare it to the body we had pre babies.
My body does NOT look like what I expected of myself at the age of 24. To be honest I look like a dropped lasagne. I don’t have the body of a page 3 model and most people think I shouldn’t openly share this body online. But as a mom who sees only sees the same three people a day, two of them are under the age of three, getting a compliment off a stranger online is kinda’ nice.
To my parents dismay I am often seen in my lingerie on the internet. But although I am not completely in love with my post baby body, I believe it is important. It’s rare for me to see image of women like myself on the internet: something that as a young first time mom made me hate myself. It was hard to believe that anyone else looked the same or had the same experiences as I. Although everyone says that ‘stretch marks are ugly’ or ‘they tell the beautiful story of your baby’: It is hard not to see them as ugly.
So think about how you look at these women in the public eye. Do you look at them and think they are beautiful or ugly? Now think about how you think about yourself?
I am by no means the epitome of self-love. I have struggled with ED, depression, anxiety and postnatal depression. I am basically a mess. But one thing I can control is how I feel about myself. I can control what hurts me and what controls my happiness. If @Steve435 from Texas thinks my big thighs are ugly, what should I care?
My body has gone through a lot over the years. I’ve never really felt comfortable in my own skin, always comparing my weight and my looks to those around me. I always thought that happiness came from being a size 8 and having B cup boobs. In University I had an eating disorder that saw me balloon from a size 12 to a size 18 and back again within a few short months. Little did I know that in order to love myself I had to embrace what I already had rather than changing it.
So, as easy as I write it, I decided to love myself. It seems silly and unachievable. But I just sat there and said to myself. Just love yourself. Stop taunting yourself, bullying yourself. You wouldn’t treat someone else like this so why would you do this to yourself? The thing that gives you life: gave you two amazing children.
EASY STEPS TO TAKE
Taking More Photos of Yourself
Sounds silly, but this is something I stopped doing for a really long time unless it was controlled and edited by myself. I was petrified of the thought of looking fat or unpolished. During my pregnancy with Rupert I avoided the camera: being pregnant made me look massive (obviously) but I couldn’t bare seeing images of myself looking ‘big’. I have a few images from my baby shower because I was forced into them. So sad that I don’t have many images from that amazing time in my life.
I am making a huge effort to take more images of myself, not just for the gram either. Photos with loved ones and everyday moments. Focusing less on how I look and taking the time to appreciate the captured love.
Be happy and take fun photos of yourself. You don’t have to post them anywhere. Just be in love with yourself.
Take Better Care Of Yourself
At my darkest times of hating my own body, I was not only harming myself by binging and purging but I let the little things go. Things like getting my hair done, doing daily skincare, drinking water and taking time to slow down and enjoy the things I love. I was being too harsh on myself and making things worse. I know that simple things like a pamper can make me not only feel better about myself but improves my mental health. Trust being a mom of two very young boys means sometimes I don’t have time to care for myself but I find every second I can to do the things that make me happy.
Take Time To Ask For Help
I always feel like I have to do everything myself and asking help is the equivalent to failing. Being a mom is hard but I have learnt that I am not wrong or bad to ask for help. If anything it makes me a better person and parent.
I was someone before becoming a parent and asking for help allows that person to still be important.
Dressing The Way You Want, Not How Society Wants
For years I have hidden behind huge tops, jeans and jumpers because that is what is expected of me. I have always wanted to wear skirts, crop tops and dresses but I didn’t think I could unless I was skinny. But why should I stop myself dressing the way I want? If I am comfortable and happy what does it matter.
Surround yourself With Empowering Figures
I guess I have myself to blame for a lot of my issues. I have always followed the skinny bloggers, saw myself as someone less than them. Watching them and dreaming of when I could be like them: Holding myself back and purposely making myself feel bad. As I expressed in the into I had started to surround my every day life with positive influences. Following those who are promoting self love no matter who you are, rubs off on you and you end up loving yourself because you love them.
People like Francesca Perks have taught me to love myself and my skin regardless on the size number on my clothing. Wearing what I want to wear without fear of society, be happy with everything I have. Yes, I have stretch marks and cellulite: but why do these need to be a bad thing? Also she is hella sexy. Lingerie and nudes are beautiful regardless of your size.
Stephanie Yeboah, is one of the most humble and kind people you will find within the social world. She has proven that hard work and kindness will help you to be the best and most successful person.
I have actively started surrounding myself with those promoting being a good person, being inclusive and being your authentic self.
Reminding Myself of Accomplishments
I am an educated, beautiful and smart woman with a degree in Journalism, two beautiful children and a wonderful home. A blog I am proud of and a talent that has given my hobby of creating content into a job that provides. Follow hashtags like #selfloveclub and #bodyconfidence etc that will bring a lot of positivity to your feed.
Go through your social media and unfollow or mute any accounts that doesn’t make you happy. It isn’t rude to unfollow someone if they are effecting your happiness, it just means their content isn’t for you but may be for someone else. Then follow a bunch of accounts that make you happy.
We live a lot of our lives online so it should be a happy place to be.
As a society we are told it is wrong to think of ourselves as beautiful. As women we are often called narcissistic for thinking of ourselves as amazing or wonderful. But we are? Every woman is! Being a mom is hard and we should be praised for what we achieve without being seen in a bad light.
If someone compliments you, the natural reaction is to say ‘oh no I look horrible’. Why? Just think about that for a second.
We are also deemed to believe that taking a break or taking a day off makes us lazy or bad parents. We are human and sometimes we need that little moment to breathe. As long as you are looking after yourself, you are looking after your kids. Your children don’t want an unhappy burnt out mom all the time. The washing up can wait, putting the clothes away can wait. And yes, sometimes fish fingers and chips is a great dinner.
Body Confidence comes from you. No-one else. No diet can give you that, No number in your clothes can do that. Think, honestly, about yourself. Is being skinnier going to take away all your unhappiness? Is having smoother skin, longer hair, tanned skin, tighter stomach, longer nails going to make you love yourself completely? Probably not. These things may help a little but they won’t get rid of any self hate. We are programmed to hate ourselves. It takes a lot of unroot that but it is worth it.
As a mother I don’t want this pattern of self hate to continue. I don’t want my children growing up thinking mommy hates herself and it is normal to pick away at yourself every day for the way you were made. This can stop with us if we try.
So say this, I honestly want you to promise me to say this out loud to yourself every day. ‘I Love You’.
There are far too many things going on in this world right now to be worrying about, adding crap body image on to that is just not needed.
Things I say to myself everyday:
‘I Love You’
‘You Look Pretty Today’
‘You’re an amazing Mum’
‘You’re doing your best’
What I am trying to say with all this is, give yourself a break. You are beautiful, you are strong and when the end of your life comes around you will remember the happy moments: not the diets or self hate. So make more of those happy moments and less of those bad thoughts. Flaunt that body like no-one is watching. Because I guarantee the ones who love you won’t see the bad you see in yourself so what’s the point in it?
———-Zoe Sugg’s IGTV series on Body Image is an amazing video filled with the most amazing women, this video honestly changed the way I saw about my body. It is very much worth a watch for those wanting some love from within. ————-
GUEST POST WRITTEN BY LEAH HIGGINS
NOW THAT YOUR CHILD IS OLDER, WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO NEED?
Ad | COLLABORATIVE POST
Now that your child is older, they are going to need some things that they didn’t need before. They are also going to need some things a little more than they have previously, so you’re going to have to work out how to give it to them. If you don’t know what kind of things we are talking about, the simple answer is everything. However, we are going to be looking at this in a little more detail down below, so keep reading if you would like to find out more.
A Space Of Their Own
The first thing that they are going to need is a space of their own. As kids get older, they are going to start valuing their privacy a little more, and they are also going to become more independent. Maybe they want to play in their room for a little while instead of playing downstairs where they used to. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, and you need to make sure that their room is a space of their own in which this can be done. Make sure that you do it up the way that they like it, or something very similar to how you know they would have it if they could choose.
Look at a range of different furniture options such as cabin beds before you decide exactly what you want to do, instead of just choosing the first thing that you see. This shows the amount of thought that you have put into the room, and it will be appreciated by the child. Make it fun, and trust us they are going to love it.
Emotional Support
Your kids are going to be going through some changes that they may not fully understand, but it’s important that you are there to emotionally support them. Sometimes it’s difficult, like when they are angry about something and start saying hurtful things, but you need to try and remember they don’t mean it. All kids go through massive hormonal changes, and it can be tough when they are crying, lashing out and so on, but you will get through it. They need you then more than ever, no matter what they think at the time,
You need to ensure that you are there to offer emotional support wherever you can. Be their safe place where they can talk about things without being judged. This is a fantastic way to cement your relationship.
Firm Boundaries
As they grow, you are going to need to set firm boundaries. It’s difficult when they are really small because you know they don’t understand what you are saying or the point of it all. However, the older they get, the more they are going to try and test your boundaries, which is why you need to stand firm in them. Too many parents give up at the first sign of their child showing resistance to something, and while it’s hard to ignore the tantrums that come with rules, it’s necessary. Talk to them afterwards about what happened, why you said what you said and so on so that they understand everything. This should help the next time something similar is on the horizon.
Fun Activities
Finally, your kid is still going to need to do fun activities in order to enjoy themselves. Don’t think that just because they are a little older now that they don’t need the same amount of attention from you. Trust us, they do. Make sure that you have fun activities available for them to do either with you involved or at least with you in the vicinity. Ask them what fun things they would like to do every once in a while, and we’re sure that you will be able to compile a fantastic list after a little while.
We hope that you have found this article helpful, and now see some of the things that your kid is going to need a little more of now that they are older. It’s important to recognise when you aren’t giving your kid exactly what they need so that you can take a step back and really think about what you could do differently. Some parents don’t like to do this as it makes them feel like a failure, but you have got to put your kids’ needs before anything else, and if that means changing the way you are currently doing things, this is what needs to happen
HANDLING YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION ISN’T ALWAYS EASY
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Handling your child’s education isn’t always easy. There are so many options and so many choices that you are going to have to make, meaning that it’s easy to get overwhelmed. The only thing that you can do is try to break everything down and hope that you can make sense of what is going on. In this article, we’re going to be looking at some information surrounding children’s education, so keep reading down below if you would like to find out more.
YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION
Home Schooling
The first option that we have for you involves home schooling. This is a fantastic way to spend time with your child, ensure that they are learning things that are going to be helpful to their lives and so on. A lot of parents choose homeschooling if their child has issues with socialising, or if they feel as though the schools in the area aren’t up to standard. Don’t forget that the last academic year was done largely at home due to the COVID-19 lockdown that we faced, and we all survived that, didn’t we?
Don’t forget though, homeschooling doesn’t mean that you personally have to teach your child if you don’t feel qualified. You can hire someone to do this, it’s not an issue and it might actually be the better option.
Going To School
Of course, the other option is that your kids go to school. We understand that some parents are still nervous to send their kids to school due to the pandemic, but school can be really beneficial to kids. It helps to develop social skills, and ensures that they are taught by people who are qualified to do so, having expertise in certain areas of the curriculum. Trying to do what is best for your child isn’t always easy, but if you think about it, going to school gives them so many opportunities. They can join sports clubs, make friends their own age and a range of other things too. Starting out in a childrens nursery will aid them in development from a very early age, which could be the help you need as well.
Homework
Finally, when your child comes home with homework, how are you going to handle this? Are you going to make them sit at the kitchen table until it’s finished? Will you be able to help them? Sitting down and helping is a way to bond with your child, while also ensuring that they understand what is going on in their classes. The last thing that you want is for them to pretend they know when they don’t, and helping with their homework will give you a good idea as to what’s going on.
We hope that you have found this article helpful, and now see that while handling your child’s education isn’t always easy, if you break it down it’s a little easier to deal with. We’re not saying that you’re not going to have a tough time with it on occasion, but you will be able to get through it no matter which option you go for. We wish you the very best of luck and hope that everything goes okay!
4 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN LOOKING FOR CHILDCARE
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Parents can have a difficult time finding childcare that is of good quality. Visits to childcare settings should include asking about and observing a variety of things. How do you know if your child will be happy? What kind of care will they provide for your child? Does your child receive feedback about his or her progress? Is there a chance that my child might not like it?
MANAGING POSTPARTUM PAIN AND DISCOMFORT
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Pregnancy and childbirth take a huge toll on your body and it will take some time to heal. It’s perfectly normal for new mothers to experience postpartum pain and discomfort. If you are concerned about excessive pain, you should check in with your doctor to make sure that everything is ok. However, there are some simple things you can do at home to help manage your discomfort.
Stretching
You might have been told not to do any special exercises during your pregnancy, but now that you’re a new mom it’s actually a great time to start a gentle stretching and strengthening routine. Your muscles can be put under a lot of stress during birth and many people experience soreness in the legs from being in stirrups, as well as pain in the back. Some light stretching can help to loosen the muscles and reduce pain.
Sitz Baths
Sitz baths are a great way to relieve pain and discomfort in the pelvic region. You can purchase a special seat that sits right in your bathtub or use a towel and some warm water. Taking a postpartum sitz bath for 10 minutes is generally enough time, but you can do it more often if you like. Just be sure not to get the water too hot, as you can burn yourself and increase the discomfort. As well as managing pain, a regular sitz bath keeps the area clean and reduces the chances of infections. This is especially important if you had sutures after birth.
Hot Water Bottles
Afterpain is a pain that you may feel as your uterus returns to its original size after giving birth. These contractions can be incredibly uncomfortable and they tend to be worse in the first few days after giving birth. You may also experience them during breastfeeding and they can last up to six weeks. Holding a hot water bottle against your abdomen can give you fast relief when you are struggling with afterpains.
Cooling Packs
Cooling packs are great for bringing down swelling in your perineal area. This can be done by placing one of these packs inside your underwear while you sleep. You’ll want to remove the pack when it gets too warm, but this should be enough time for the coldness to help reduce pain and discomfort. Cooling packs are brilliant for reducing inflammation and helping the healing process along while also providing relief.
Ibuprofen
Changes to your hormone levels often bring about headaches in the days and weeks after giving birth. The easiest way to deal with this is to take some over-the-counter painkillers, like Ibuprofen. They have the added benefit of reducing inflammation and can be effective for managing afterpains too. As your body heals, you should avoid taking any strong painkillers, so Ibuprofen is perfect.
Time is the thing that you need most and eventually, your body will be at full strength again. But until then,
A GUIDE TO CO-PARENTING SUCCESSFULLY
As if the relationship you thought would last forever isn’t enough for you to come to terms with, you’ve a small human in the middle of it all to consider. Their entire life is about to literally be split in two; two homes, two routines and a whole lot of confusion, so I want to start by reminding you how resilient children really are and that you will all be okay. It’s a really daunting decision to come to, deciding to get a divorce or separating from a long-term partner, in fact it is HUGE. Chances are if you’re married, you’ve built a home together, share bank accounts, pets and you’ve got to figure out how to divide all of those things; except you can’t simply split a child in two, so regardless of any emotions you may be feeling towards your once significant other, you’ve got to learn to put that to one side when the topic of co-parenting comes to the table and here is our guide to co-parenting.
Firstly you’ve both got to be ready to co-parent, if you’ve ended on bad terms this may not be something you feel ready for, in which instance I would suggest reading up on parallel parenting. Being co-parents means being a team, both of you have to agree that your relationship history together is not part of the equation, the happy, healthy raising of a child between two households is the absolute priority.
Now, if you’re lucky, like I must admit I have been, you’re divorce/separation will be going smoothly and being the best parents you can be is of the upmost importance for you both, which frankly makes the whole process easier to adapt to, for both you and your child. So here are a few things that have helped us adapt to our new solo parenting roles:
GUIDE TO CO-PARENTING
Communication
I know, I know, this seems like an obvious one, but hear me out. There’s a reason you’re getting separating and the chances are, whatever the circumstances of your split, that prior to the decision to go your separate ways, communication has broken down between the two of you and it’s time to learn to do that again, shoddy I know when they are probably the last person you feel like talking to right now, but remember, this part of the process isn’t about how you feel towards your ex, it’s about remaining good parents.
You’ve got to communicate you’re parenting wishes, things you are and are not comfortable with happening, i.e. meeting new partners. But also the simple things; how your child has been sleeping, eating, are they feeling unwell? These things need to be passed between you both to make sure your child remains the focus and is kept happy and healthy.
Be Flexible
You may have a steadfast routine set in place, which is great, you both have your set days/nights/weekends, but life isn’t always able to stick to a strict timetable so you’ve got to learn to bend this routine from time to time.
Maybe you or your ex-partner wishes to take a vacation (whether alone or with the kids!), or your girls are calling for a brunch date next Saturday that you’d really like to attend. Communicate these things; work out how you can switch your days around for that particular date, together. Be sure to do this before committing to any plans outside of your co-parenting routine to minimise any friction about having to change the routine.
Consistency between households
You can’t start playing good cop, bad cop here, it’s confusing for your child and unfair to the other parent (whichever side this is coming from) so please, work out certain things that need to be agreed upon; a few random examples, no chocolate for breakfast (unless of course it’s Easter or Christmas!), bedtime, screen time, etc. All of these things link with the need for good communication! So sit down and work out clear boundaries that everyone is happy with, this way everyone is on the same page and your child has a consistent environment whichever household they are in.
Leave the child out of conversations
Regardless how firm set you are on being a great co-parenting team, there will likely be occasions where conflicts in opinions will happen and things may get heated. So always have any conversations where you feel the need to raise a concern or anything that requires a change to your co-parenting plan, away from your child. You don’t want them to see tension between you, they need to know that both of their parents are happy and can get along.
Remember, you’re trying to create a happy environment for your child, you cannot bring negative energy into their space, it will create confusion for them.
Enjoy your solo time!
Last, but by no means least, enjoy your new free time! Becoming a parent consumes your entire life, but you’ve now been granted this free time to fall back in love with yourself. So go do it, go be adventurous, take a trip, dye your hair, take yourself for lunch, do what makes YOU happy, because believe me, you deserve it. You’ve just gone through a massive life change and there is probably some pretty big emotions to sift through, so use this time to sit with those emotions, process them and come to terms with what it was that was missing in your relationship and become the person that gives you those things.
Choosing to separate from an unhappy relationship is an incredibly brave thing to do; to leave behind the life you created and expected to last a lifetime is monumental. But please hear this, choosing to leave that relationship and raising a child between two households does not make you a bad parent, it makes you a great one. Because you cannot raise a child in an unhealthy environment and expect them to grow up happy and well nurtured. You’ve done the right thing, for yourself and your child. You should be so proud of yourself.
We hope this guide to co-parenting has helped if you are newly separated or struggling to figure things out.
WRITTEN BY VANESSA : @RAISING FREDDIE
PICCOLO RECYCLABLE BABY POUCHES | REVIEW
What’s yellow, organic and will never end up in a landfill? The brand new Piccolo recyclable baby pouches obviously.
Brightly coloured and the perfect size for grabbing and popping in the change bag for those trips to the beach and zoo. We all know nothing compares to the ease of a pouch on the go, and these are the ideal snack size.
The smoothies are a great consistency as I’ve found some pouches can be really runny. The tropical flavours also smelt really great and Amelia ate the whole thing whilst waving her arms around and telling me off for not spooning it into her mouth fast enough which is definitely a good sign.
The smoothies are fab for allergy babes too as they’re dairy free and gluten free, and vegetarian. I know a lot of mamas spend ages reading the backs of things in supermarkets and all of this information is really obvious on the packaging.
So much about this product makes it clear how much Piccolo cares. They are palm oil free which is fantastic and really important for our planet. Piccolo also give 10% of profits back to charities supporting local families. Family is not obviously an important part of their brand as all of their ingredients are sourced from independent family farms and they are totally organic. They’ve offset the carbon related to their company activities and are working on the carbon used in production in order to become the UK’s first carbon neutral baby food brand.
Once you’ve finished the pouches you can wash them out, and you can fit up to 10 empty pouches back into the boxes to be returned for recycling as the whole pouch is made from just one material. They are palm oil free too which is fantastic and really important for our planet.
The process is very easy and once you’ve packaged the empties up, you just scan the QR code on the back to print the postage label, and send off. Only 20% of local councils recycle the kind of plastic used curb side, so being able to send the pouches back so easily and for free is brilliant. They can then be used again and again to make more Piccolo pouches! How neat! The fact that the whole pouch is one material and can be recycled is a game changer and the ease of returning them means hopefully people will get on board.
I’m really conscious about living sustainably and not becoming overrun with plastic which can be a massive challenge with young children as everything seems to be made from plastic and then wrapped in more plastic. Piccolo are really a step ahead of the rest with this idea and I’m definitely here for it.
Have you tried the Piccolo recyclable baby pouches?
REVIEW WRITTEN BY JODI-LEE @OURLIFEWITHOPIE
Studying For A Master’s Degree As A Parent
Studying for a master’s degree as a parent is no easy task and today we have a guest post from the lovely Beth sharing her top tips!
As a parent, how many times have you heard ‘well doesn’t life just stop when you have children?’ or ‘your life won’t be your own anymore!’ blah blah blah. Whilst life does CHANGE when sprogs arrive onto the scene, your ambitions and goals should not – they may just need a little fine tuning!
MASTER’S DEGREE AS A PARENT
I just realised I haven’t introduced myself, I’m Beth and I am Mumma to 3-year-old Isla. I am currently in the last three months of my master’s degree in animal welfare science, ethics, and law at the university of Winchester. I’ve been studying this subject and similar since about 2010. What I want to achieve from this blog is to spur you on if you have been toying with the idea of furthering yourself educationally or really in any other aspects of life but feel like you are can’t because you have kiddos.
Flexible accredited online courses are the one!
When you consider getting back into education you may think about enrolment at your local campus, which is fabulous! But for some the physical attendance can create additional obstacles where childcare is concerned, and this may lead to added stress and reluctancy to attend. Fear not, the very iPad/tablet that Karen complains your kid watches to much might be your saving grace (again!)
Many universities and colleges in the UK host a huge variety of courses and qualification in a wide range of fields. Which is great, because it means your options are vast and, in some cases, may even cater to your very specific needs. You can look at any college or university website to see what courses are on offer and what you need for application eligibility.
Each institution will be able to help you with financial advice about loans, bursaries, and grants. This part can be off putting but you don’t have to pay loans back straight away and how much you pay back all depends on how much you are earning after you qualify. You can find more information here (https://www.gov.uk/repaying-your-student-loan). You can also check the government website here (https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/support-while-you-study) to see how you could access childcare support while you study.
Plan, plan and then plan again…
If you’re anything like me, 95% of the time life is totally unmanageable (I assume that’s why gin was invented) and you are needed in about 10 different places for 50 different reasons. However, I have some helpful (you can be the judge of that) suggestions to organise and focus your time.
- Grab an annual wall planner! Diaries are all well and good but being able to see all deadlines, social events and work commitments laid out and how close one is to another is helpful with being able to manage time well. Something like this may be just the ticket (https://www.ryman.co.uk/ryman-large-wall-planner-2021-1).
- Make your daily/weekly/monthly planning as detailed as possible – including adding time for self-care, it’s very important!
- Google GANTT charts and thank me later 😉.
- Colour coding is a life saver especially when needing to recall or double check notes (access your inner Monica!)
- Lastly, there are some amazing apps such as Trello and Evernote for organisation and Forest: Stay focused which really helps with productivity – all of which I have used personally and recommend!
IF YOU LOVE THIS POST, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY CHECK OUT SOME OF OUR MOST RECENT ONES:
Work to your strengths
Deciding to take on a course alongside parenting, working and any other full on life commitments can ignite that dreaded mum/dad/parent guilt because the extra time you once had to grab the toddler another banana, meal prep, or re-tidy the living room for the 100th time before 10am may become a distant memory, but it will be totally worth it. I would suggest and I did this myself, before you start your course, write down three positive reasons which swayed your decision to start studying in the first place. Try to remember that not only are you bettering yourself for your child(ren), but you are also doing it for yourself. You will be able to develop your skills in your chosen field, gain the qualifications you deserve to grab those better paid positions in a company, or grow your self-employed business on a stronger foundation and ultimately work a job that you are passionate about. And when those blues, which will inevitably kick in every now and again pop up, just read those three positive reasons, and remember why you started in the first place!
I am always more than happy to answer any questions or if you just want to talk more about the subject pop me a message through my Instagram, my handle is @beeforanimals.
Did you go to university? Have you studied for a master’s degree whilst being a parent?
Thanks for reading and happy studying!
YOU CAN FIND BETH ON;
INSTAGRAM: @beeforanimals
FITTING TRAVEL INTO HOME SCHOOLING
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When you’re home schooling, you have to deal with the reality that you’re often playing to compete with the kind of experience that schools can and it can be difficult without the kinds of resources they have. School trips offer students the opportunity to see parts of the world they might not otherwise, often with an educational bent. Here are our top tips for fitting travel into home schooling.
Finding the spots with educational potential
A big part of any school trip is, of course, that education is made a part of it. It’s not just a vacation (though you should have vacations just for fun with your child, as well, of course), it’s an opportunity to learn. As such, you should look at some of the most educational travel spots that you might be able to visit. Places with rich history, diverse cultures, or that have developed industries that you’re teaching about, such as tech havens, are some examples of spots that might offer a lot of educational potential for your kid.
Organise it with other parents
Finding education travel spots is one thing, but solo travel for just you and your kid might be too expensive to do every once in a while. However, if you are part of any home schooling groups that you have gotten together with before for things like field trips, it might be worth bringing up the subject of booking school trips for multiple kids at once. You can take advantage of group discounts and work with travel agents that are dedicated to helping educational groups find the accommodation and travel opportunities they need.
Keep it local
You don’t necessarily need to go flying abroad anywhere in order to have a great travel experience with your kid. If you can find a spot that’s a little more local and offers just as great educational opportunities, then you may want to make it a staycation, instead. After all, there’s a good chance that the cities close to you have museums and galleries that can offer a nice dip into some historical or cultural education for your child and help you teach all manner of subjects.
Run your school on the road
Now, this is a tip that not everyone is going to be able to meet, simply because it’s quite a demanding and different lifestyle. However, the rise of travel schooling has seen a lot of parents take to the road with their kids, travelling the world with them while providing homeschooling on the road. As you might imagine, that can result in some pretty demanding schedules for the parents, but it also allows for the widest range of opportunities to use the world itself as a teaching tool. Is it a change you could afford to make?
Be sure that you’re aware of your budget and ability to organise when it comes to setting up any trips, especially when you’re organising with multiple families or kids. Offering travel opportunities for your child can be great, but you don’t want to experience undue stress as a result.
WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2021 | YOUR JOURNEYS
World Breastfeeding Week 2021 // something I am so incredibly passionate about. I have been breastfeeding for over 4 years now. My first son I exclusively breastfed him until he was 3 and he self weaned the day his little brother was born who is also still exclusively breastfed at 18 months – I have such a love/hate with it if I’m honest. It is my FAR the most mentally draining thing I have ever done. A lot of people give this unrealistic idea that breastfeeding is beautiful; full of quiet moments and cuddles.. which sometimes it is…
But it’s also full of pressure, lack of faith in you and your body and it’s also incredibly isolating. My partner could be sat right next to me in bed whilst I fed our babies and I never felt more alone. Breastfeeding a toddler is a whole other ball game – he’s winding his legs round my head and playing stretch Armstrong with my other nipple.
I have received strange looks whilst feeding out in public – or an eye roll, (spoiler – I am not a subtle feeder, the baby wants feeding, I’m not fannying about with a blanket or making sure I’m decent. It’s a tit. People need to calm down and mind their own) but I have also received the most LOVELY comments. However you chose to feed your baby, I don’t care. Honestly. As long as they’re fed, happy and YOU are happy.. go forth and do what you gotta do to survive because lord knows there’s bigger shit to worry about than how OTHER people choose to feed their children. I’m sending you all so much love – those who are breastfeeding, you’re doing amazing! And those who find this week hard for various reasons – you are sensational.
We reached out to various people from our Instagram community and asked them to share their breastfeeding experiences; donating milk, tandem feeding, mastitis and so many more!
WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2021
I breastfed from only one boob for mainly my second baby (milo) but half way through my first baby (Rocco) too. This was a challenge in its self. Milo was a very hungry boy so we had some days were he was constantly on the breast. So we give him the bottle just after a week old. As feeding from one boob, the supply just couldn’t cope and he was too hungry. He’s was combie fed from 2 weeks old.
I’ve suffered with an inverted nipple on my left breast ever since Rocco, who I managed to feed for 6 months. I thought it would go back to normal once Milo arrived but it never did and it killed me to try get Milo to feed from it so we stopped straight away on that side. (It’s still inverted.) So I had a breast cancer panic, luckily it’s not, but I’m glad I went and got it checked out! They don’t know the reason why it’s done this, so I’ll be forever wondering why. It’s been a rollercoaster ride but I wouldn’t of had it any other way, I love the bond from it & I’m proud we lasted 13 weeks just on one boob! – ALICE
I was 19 when I had my first daughter, my mum didn’t breastfeed me or my sister and none of my friends had kids. I really wasn’t sure what I was doing! I have a bit of an over supply and I was pumping too much early on. I ended up getting mastitis 3 times, so I stopped after the last time, my daughter was 6 months old. She was such a chill baby, she would take a bottle of expressed milk from the get go, and when I first offered her formula she chugged it! She loved it and didn’t really care. My second daughter is now 9 months and I’m still breastfeeding her, it’s going well. I think I knew what to expect this time, I’m also older and wiser!! I didn’t get an electric pump this time, I opted for a Haakaa pump. I think this helped with my over supply as it takes the edge off without completely emptying my boobs which helped them adjust to what my daughter needs instead of what I’m pumping. She is also a lot more clingy than my first, she loves being breastfed and isn’t too keen on a bottle! Both experiences have been so different. I’m very thankful for being able to breast feed both my daughters. It’s been a wonderful experience and nothing is better than the feeding cuddles. I’m hoping to get to my daughters first birthday.. wish me luck! – ISOBEL
I don’t know why but breastfeeding has always been so important to me. Maybe it’s because none of my close family had ever breastfed and they’ve always sort of frowned upon it, it made me want to prove a point. I certainly struggled at first with my first born. I just couldn’t quite get his latch right on the left side which ended up severely cracked. This meant he favoured the right and it became engorged and led to mastitis!
Hi I’m Sydney, a first time mama to two year old Atticus and a post-breastfeeding mum. To mark Breastfeeding Awareness Week, I wanted to share my journey. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I thought it would be natural and easy, but little did I know, I didn’t know much about it at all. I had a very quick labour, and when Atticus was placed on my chest, he naturally started nuzzling but couldn’t latch. Within one or two hours of giving birth I was told Atticus had an upper tongue tie and that breastfeeding would be a struggle. I had never heard of this before; straight away I panicked and sobbed that I just wanted to feed my baby.
I was so lucky to have such an amazing midwife, who came into my room and gave me syringes to collect colostrum. I remember how calm and patient she was as she sat with me on the bed, helping me collect my milk while I struggled to get the hang of it. Yet I was determined to make breastfeeding work; knowing I had the milk meant I wasn’t giving up easily. As the hours flew by I persisted with putting Atticus to my breast and he was trying so hard to latch. Fast forward a day later, I was still using the syringes but I felt defeated as it just wasn’t happening for us. I remember sobbing and hobbling down the hallway to find a midwife, and asking for a bottle because I just couldn’t do it anymore.
But she believed in me even when I didn’t and said, “let’s give it one last go”. To my surprise he latched, perfectly and pain free. I will always remember that moment, it was just magical. I never experienced any pain or discomfort throughout my whole journey, which was a surprise to me. The doctor said he may have a slight tongue tie but if it wasn’t causing any issues he wouldn’t need the procedure. (So Atticus never had it done.) When I bought Atticus home, the midwives didn’t give me much information on breastfeeding. I’d received the usual chart and spoken briefly about the amount of feeds he should have in 24hrs. But as he was feeding a lot more than what they said, I started to panic thinking I wasn’t providing him with enough. He was constantly on the boob, even if he wasn’t feeding he would just like to be very close to the boob (which I now know is completely normal).
I was so lucky to find an amazing support group on Facebook. There were hundreds of women with questions and we supported each other to learn about cluster feeding, leaps and the many other benefits to breastfeeding. I found my journey with breastfeeding empowering. I would always feed in public without covering up. I was very lucky to never experience any negative / bad comments, which only contributed to my positive experience. There were, of course, bad days: the constant demand, the feeling of being touched, the claustrophobia. I never spoke openly about how I was feeling because I was scared of judgment. But just because I held it close doesn’t mean you should to.
To any mama reading this, please talk to a friend a family member or whoever you feel comfortable. So many people are there to listen and help you. I always said I wanted to breastfeed for the first year but no longer, yet I ended up breastfeeding for 14 months. I still remember the last feed, knowing it was the last time, I felt sad but proud of how far we come. Atticus self weaned and it was the best time for both of us. I think by then we had both just had enough. I personally found the change huge and it was a real struggle going from a baby to a one year old, not to mention that the nip lash was real! – SYDNEY
Being brought up in a pretty devout Catholic family, the image of the Madonna, boob out, nursing an angelic baby Jesus is sort of etched onto my brain: and – weirdly – I think it’s this sort of image that created my pre-baby expectation of what breastfeeding would be like: an innately tranquil experience, with a sacred vibe. So, when my daughter arrived in 2017, via emergency C section, wouldn’t latch properly and I had to pump and bottle feed her, I felt as if I was the only mum in the world that was genuinely useless at breastfeeding. Thankfully, rather belatedly, once I’d been home a few weeks, I got help from my Health Visitor (who recommended using nipple shields) and eventually Little Miss learnt to latch and feed. Having been on the receiving end of several nasty remarks, I was very shy about breastfeeding out and about, and I spent a lot of time feeding in public loos; however, despite all this, I breastfed successfully for a year until the process naturally came to an end.
With my son, a 2020 lockdown bubba, also born by EMCS, my journey was higgledy-piggledy for different reasons. He was a NICU baby and so, after our very first feed, he was taken away from me and whisked off; so, for the first few days all I could do was pump and bag up my milk ready for someone else to feed him. He didn’t gain weight properly, was constantly sick and miserable, and 3 weeks later he started haemorrhaging; he was diagnosed with an acute Cows’ Milk Protein Allergy – he was severely allergic to the traces of dairy present in my breastmilk. So, I was told that if I wanted to continue to breastfeed him, I would have to eliminate dairy (and soya) from my diet until he was completely weaned. And I have – and it’s made the world of difference to him; he’s a happy baby now and I’m able to breastfeed him with relative ease (he has just got his first two teeth in though, so I won’t say it’s always a comfortable process!); I’m hoping to be able to continue to breastfeed him at least until his first birthday.
So when I think of my breastfeeding journey, it doesn’t marry with the image of the Nursing Madonna, it’s been a journey of cabbage leaves and lanolin cream; 4 different breast pumps, vegan cheese, washable nursing pads and good old nipple shields: but that’s okay, actually: that’s pretty brilliant; I’ve fed two small people all by myself, and if I can’t give myself a pat on the back for that during #WORLDBREASTFEEDINGWEEK then when can I! – ISSY
A complicated pregnancy and unexpected four weeks in Neonatal ICU, meant I wasn’t surprised to find myself feeling low following the birth of my eldest son and I began to suspect I had post natal depression, or PTSD. However, as the days, weeks and months passed and the periods between feeds increased, it became clear that the overwhelming ‘lows’ only occurred as my let down began. No warm, fuzzy feeling for me and definitely no ‘settling down with a piece of cake’. In short, my ‘let down’ was a total let down.
I described the sensation to a lactation consultant, who told me about D-MER (Dysphoric – Milk Ejection Response/Reflex). She explained how changes in Dopamine levels, which occur as a normal part of breastfeeding, were causing the sudden and intense waves of negative emotion. As D-MER is a spectrum hormonal response, the intensity and duration vary from person to person. I continued to breastfeed my eldest son for 15 months and experienced D-MER during every feed and I continue to do so whilst feeding my, now five month old, second son. There is no treatment for D-MER. However, having a name for it and an understanding of what it is, makes it easier to live with…I simply save the cake until later. For more information about D-MER and the role Dopamine has to play, here https://d-mer.org
TOP GIFTS FOR EXPECTANT MOTHERS
AD | COLLABORATIVE POST
Whether you are looking to support your friend throughout their pregnancy or prepping for a loved ones baby shower, there are many reasons why you might be on the lookout for the perfect gifts for an expectant mother. After all, as their baby grows, they are dedicating all of their time and energy into the little bundle of joy – which means that they deserve a little something special to make them smile too!
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