That Mama Club

NOW THAT YOUR CHILD IS OLDER, WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO NEED?

Filed Under: MOTHERHOOD //

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Now that your child is older, they are going to need some things that they didn’t need before. They are also going to need some things a little more than they have previously, so you’re going to have to work out how to give it to them. If you don’t know what kind of things we are talking about, the simple answer is everything. However, we are going to be looking at this in a little more detail down below, so keep reading if you would like to find out more.

YOUR CHILD IS OLDER

A Space Of Their Own

The first thing that they are going to need is a space of their own. As kids get older, they are going to start valuing their privacy a little more, and they are also going to become more independent. Maybe they want to play in their room for a little while instead of playing downstairs where they used to. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, and you need to make sure that their room is a space of their own in which this can be done. Make sure that you do it up the way that they like it, or something very similar to how you know they would have it if they could choose.

Look at a range of different furniture options such as cabin beds before you decide exactly what you want to do, instead of just choosing the first thing that you see. This shows the amount of thought that you have put into the room, and it will be appreciated by the child. Make it fun, and trust us they are going to love it.

Emotional Support

Your kids are going to be going through some changes that they may not fully understand, but it’s important that you are there to emotionally support them. Sometimes it’s difficult, like when they are angry about something and start saying hurtful things, but you need to try and remember they don’t mean it. All kids go through massive hormonal changes, and it can be tough when they are crying, lashing out and so on, but you will get through it. They need you then more than ever, no matter what they think at the time,

You need to ensure that you are there to offer emotional support wherever you can. Be their safe place where they can talk about things without being judged. This is a fantastic way to cement your relationship.

Firm Boundaries

As they grow, you are going to need to set firm boundaries. It’s difficult when they are really small because you know they don’t understand what you are saying or the point of it all. However, the older they get, the more they are going to try and test your boundaries, which is why you need to stand firm in them. Too many parents give up at the first sign of their child showing resistance to something, and while it’s hard to ignore the tantrums that come with rules, it’s necessary. Talk to them afterwards about what happened, why you said what you said and so on so that they understand everything. This should help the next time something similar is on the horizon.

Fun Activities

Finally, your kid is still going to need to do fun activities in order to enjoy themselves. Don’t think that just because they are a little older now that they don’t need the same amount of attention from you. Trust us, they do. Make sure that you have fun activities available for them to do either with you involved or at least with you in the vicinity. Ask them what fun things they would like to do every once in a while, and we’re sure that you will be able to compile a fantastic list after a little while. 

We hope that you have found this article helpful, and now see some of the things that your kid is going to need a little more of now that they are older. It’s important to recognise when you aren’t giving your kid exactly what they need so that you can take a step back and really think about what you could do differently. Some parents don’t like to do this as it makes them feel like a failure, but you have got to put your kids’ needs before anything else, and if that means changing the way you are currently doing things, this is what needs to happen

HANDLING YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION ISN’T ALWAYS EASY

Filed Under: HOME, HOMESCHOOLING, MOTHERHOOD //

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Handling your child’s education isn’t always easy. There are so many options and so many choices that you are going to have to make, meaning that it’s easy to get overwhelmed. The only thing that you can do is try to break everything down and hope that you can make sense of what is going on. In this article, we’re going to be looking at some information surrounding children’s education, so keep reading down below if you would like to find out more.

YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION

Home Schooling

The first option that we have for you involves home schooling. This is a fantastic way to spend time with your child, ensure that they are learning things that are going to be helpful to their lives and so on. A lot of parents choose homeschooling if their child has issues with socialising, or if they feel as though the schools in the area aren’t up to standard. Don’t forget that the last academic year was done largely at home due to the COVID-19 lockdown that we faced, and we all survived that, didn’t we?

Don’t forget though, homeschooling doesn’t mean that you personally have to teach your child if you don’t feel qualified. You can hire someone to do this, it’s not an issue and it might actually be the better option.

Going To School

Of course, the other option is that your kids go to school. We understand that some parents are still nervous to send their kids to school due to the pandemic, but school can be really beneficial to kids. It helps to develop social skills, and ensures that they are taught by people who are qualified to do so, having expertise in certain areas of the curriculum. Trying to do what is best for your child isn’t always easy, but if you think about it, going to school gives them so many opportunities. They can join sports clubs, make friends their own age and a range of other things too. Starting out in a childrens nursery will aid them in development from a very early age, which could be the help you need as well.

Homework

Finally, when your child comes home with homework, how are you going to handle this? Are you going to make them sit at the kitchen table until it’s finished? Will you be able to help them? Sitting down and helping is a way to bond with your child, while also ensuring that they understand what is going on in their classes. The last thing that you want is for them to pretend they know when they don’t, and helping with their homework will give you a good idea as to what’s going on.

We hope that you have found this article helpful, and now see that while handling your child’s education isn’t always easy, if you break it down it’s a little easier to deal with. We’re not saying that you’re not going to have a tough time with it on occasion, but you will be able to get through it no matter which option you go for. We wish you the very best of luck and hope that everything goes okay!

4 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN LOOKING FOR CHILDCARE

Filed Under: MOTHERHOOD //

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Parents can have a difficult time finding childcare that is of good quality. Visits to childcare settings should include asking about and observing a variety of things. How do you know if your child will be happy? What kind of care will they provide for your child? Does your child receive feedback about his or her progress? Is there a chance that my child might not like it?

Read more

MANAGING POSTPARTUM PAIN AND DISCOMFORT

Filed Under: BIRTH, POST BABY, POSTPARTUM //

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Pregnancy and childbirth take a huge toll on your body and it will take some time to heal. It’s perfectly normal for new mothers to experience postpartum pain and discomfort. If you are concerned about excessive pain, you should check in with your doctor to make sure that everything is ok. However, there are some simple things you can do at home to help manage your discomfort.

POSTPARTUM PAIN

Stretching

You might have been told not to do any special exercises during your pregnancy, but now that you’re a new mom it’s actually a great time to start a gentle stretching and strengthening routine. Your muscles can be put under a lot of stress during birth and many people experience soreness in the legs from being in stirrups, as well as pain in the back. Some light stretching can help to loosen the muscles and reduce pain.  

Sitz Baths 

Sitz baths are a great way to relieve pain and discomfort in the pelvic region. You can purchase a special seat that sits right in your bathtub or use a towel and some warm water. Taking a postpartum sitz bath for 10 minutes is generally enough time, but you can do it more often if you like. Just be sure not to get the water too hot, as you can burn yourself and increase the discomfort. As well as managing pain, a regular sitz bath keeps the area clean and reduces the chances of infections. This is especially important if you had sutures after birth. 

Hot Water Bottles 

Afterpain is a pain that you may feel as your uterus returns to its original size after giving birth. These contractions can be incredibly uncomfortable and they tend to be worse in the first few days after giving birth. You may also experience them during breastfeeding and they can last up to six weeks. Holding a hot water bottle against your abdomen can give you fast relief when you are struggling with afterpains. 

Cooling Packs 

Cooling packs are great for bringing down swelling in your perineal area. This can be done by placing one of these packs inside your underwear while you sleep. You’ll want to remove the pack when it gets too warm, but this should be enough time for the coldness to help reduce pain and discomfort. Cooling packs are brilliant for reducing inflammation and helping the healing process along while also providing relief. 

Ibuprofen

Changes to your hormone levels often bring about headaches in the days and weeks after giving birth. The easiest way to deal with this is to take some over-the-counter painkillers, like Ibuprofen. They have the added benefit of reducing inflammation and can be effective for managing afterpains too. As your body heals, you should avoid taking any strong painkillers, so Ibuprofen is perfect. 

 

Time is the thing that you need most and eventually, your body will be at full strength again. But until then,

A GUIDE TO CO-PARENTING SUCCESSFULLY

Filed Under: HOME, MOTHERHOOD //

GUIDE TO CO-PARENTING

As if the relationship you thought would last forever isn’t enough for you to come to terms with, you’ve a small human in the middle of it all to consider. Their entire life is about to literally be split in two; two homes, two routines and a whole lot of confusion, so I want to start by reminding you how resilient children really are and that you will all be okay.  It’s a really daunting decision to come to, deciding to get a divorce or separating from a long-term partner, in fact it is HUGE. Chances are if you’re married, you’ve built a home together, share bank accounts, pets and you’ve got to figure out how to divide all of those things; except you can’t simply split a child in two, so regardless of any emotions you may be feeling towards your once significant other, you’ve got to learn to put that to one side when the topic of co-parenting comes to the table and here is our guide to co-parenting. 

Firstly you’ve both got to be ready to co-parent, if you’ve ended on bad terms this may not be something you feel ready for, in which instance I would suggest reading up on parallel parenting. Being co-parents means being a team, both of you have to agree that your relationship history together is not part of the equation, the happy, healthy raising of a child between two households is the absolute priority.

Now, if you’re lucky, like I must admit I have been, you’re divorce/separation will be going smoothly and being the best parents you can be is of the upmost importance for you both, which frankly makes the whole process easier to adapt to, for both you and your child. So here are a few things that have helped us adapt to our new solo parenting roles:

GUIDE TO CO-PARENTING

Communication

I know, I know, this seems like an obvious one, but hear me out. There’s a reason you’re getting separating and the chances are, whatever the circumstances of your split, that prior to the decision to go your separate ways, communication has broken down between the two of you and it’s time to learn to do that again, shoddy I know when they are probably the last person you feel like talking to right now, but remember, this part of the process isn’t about how you feel towards your ex, it’s about remaining good parents. 

You’ve got to communicate you’re parenting wishes, things you are and are not comfortable with happening, i.e. meeting new partners. But also the simple things; how your child has been sleeping, eating, are they feeling unwell? These things need to be passed between you both to make sure your child remains the focus and is kept happy and healthy. 

 

Be Flexible

You may have a steadfast routine set in place, which is great, you both have your set days/nights/weekends, but life isn’t always able to stick to a strict timetable so you’ve got to learn to bend this routine from time to time. 

Maybe you or your ex-partner wishes to take a vacation (whether alone or with the kids!), or your girls are calling for a brunch date next Saturday that you’d really like to attend. Communicate these things; work out how you can switch your days around for that particular date, together. Be sure to do this before committing to any plans outside of your co-parenting routine to minimise any friction about having to change the routine.

Consistency between households

You can’t start playing good cop, bad cop here, it’s confusing for your child and unfair to the other parent (whichever side this is coming from) so please, work out certain things that need to be agreed upon; a few random examples, no chocolate for breakfast (unless of course it’s Easter or Christmas!), bedtime, screen time, etc. All of these things link with the need for good communication! So sit down and work out clear boundaries that everyone is happy with, this way everyone is on the same page and your child has a consistent environment whichever household they are in. 

Leave the child out of conversations

Regardless how firm set you are on being a great co-parenting team, there will likely be occasions where conflicts in opinions will happen and things may get heated. So always have any conversations where you feel the need to raise a concern or anything that requires a change to your co-parenting plan, away from your child. You don’t want them to see tension between you, they need to know that both of their parents are happy and can get along. 

Remember, you’re trying to create a happy environment for your child, you cannot bring negative energy into their space, it will create confusion for them.

Enjoy your solo time!

Last, but by no means least, enjoy your new free time! Becoming a parent consumes your entire life, but you’ve now been granted this free time to fall back in love with yourself. So go do it,  go be adventurous, take a trip, dye your hair, take yourself for lunch, do what makes YOU happy, because believe me, you deserve it. You’ve just gone through a massive life change and there is probably some pretty big emotions to sift through, so use this time to sit with those emotions, process them and come to terms with what it was that was missing in your relationship and become the person that gives you those things. 

Choosing to separate from an unhappy relationship is an incredibly brave thing to do; to leave behind the life you created and expected to last a lifetime is monumental. But please hear this, choosing to leave that relationship and raising a child between two households does not make you a bad parent, it makes you a great one. Because you cannot raise a child in an unhealthy environment and expect them to grow up happy and well nurtured. You’ve done the right thing, for yourself and your child. You should be so proud of yourself.

We hope this guide to co-parenting has helped if you are newly separated or struggling to figure things out.

WRITTEN BY VANESSA : @RAISING FREDDIE

PICCOLO RECYCLABLE BABY POUCHES | REVIEW

Filed Under: BABY, ECO PARENTING, MOTHERHOOD //

What’s yellow, organic and will never end up in a landfill? The brand new Piccolo recyclable baby pouches obviously.

Brightly coloured and the perfect size for grabbing and popping in the change bag for those trips to the beach and zoo. We all know nothing compares to the ease of a pouch on the go, and these are the ideal snack size.

The smoothies are a great consistency as I’ve found some pouches can be really runny. The tropical flavours also smelt really great and Amelia ate the whole thing whilst waving her arms around and telling me off for not spooning it into her mouth fast enough which is definitely a good sign.

The smoothies are fab for allergy babes too as they’re dairy free and gluten free, and vegetarian. I know a lot of mamas spend ages reading the backs of things in supermarkets and all of this information is really obvious on the packaging.

So much about this product makes it clear how much Piccolo cares. They are palm oil free which is fantastic and really important for our planet. Piccolo also give 10% of profits back to charities supporting local families. Family is not obviously an important part of their brand as all of their ingredients are sourced from independent family farms and they are totally organic. They’ve offset the carbon related to their company activities and are working on the carbon used in production in order to become the UK’s first carbon neutral baby food brand.

Once you’ve finished the pouches you can wash them out, and you can fit up to 10 empty pouches back into the boxes to be returned for recycling as the whole pouch is made from just one material. They are palm oil free too which is fantastic and really important for our planet.

The process is very easy and once you’ve packaged the empties up, you just scan the QR code on the back to print the postage label, and send off. Only 20% of local councils recycle the kind of plastic used curb side, so being able to send the pouches back so easily and for free is brilliant. They can then be used again and again to make more Piccolo pouches! How neat! The fact that the whole pouch is one material and can be recycled is a game changer and the ease of returning them means hopefully people will get on board.

I’m really conscious about living sustainably and not becoming overrun with plastic which can be a massive challenge with young children as everything seems to be made from plastic and then wrapped in more plastic. Piccolo are really a step ahead of the rest with this idea and I’m definitely here for it.

Have you tried the Piccolo recyclable baby pouches?

REVIEW WRITTEN BY JODI-LEE @OURLIFEWITHOPIE

Studying For A Master’s Degree As A Parent

Filed Under: HOME, MOTHERHOOD //

MASTER'S DEGREE AS A PARENTStudying for a master’s degree as a parent is no easy task and today we have a guest post from the lovely Beth sharing her top tips!

As a parent, how many times have you heard ‘well doesn’t life just stop when you have children?’ or ‘your life won’t be your own anymore!’ blah blah blah. Whilst life does CHANGE when sprogs arrive onto the scene, your ambitions and goals should not – they may just need a little fine tuning! 

MASTER’S DEGREE AS A PARENT

I just realised I haven’t introduced myself, I’m Beth and I am Mumma to 3-year-old Isla. I am currently in the last three months of my master’s degree in animal welfare science, ethics, and law at the university of Winchester. I’ve been studying this subject and similar since about 2010. What I want to achieve from this blog is to spur you on if you have been toying with the idea of furthering yourself educationally or really in any other aspects of life but feel like you are can’t because you have kiddos. 

Flexible accredited online courses are the one!

When you consider getting back into education you may think about enrolment at your local campus, which is fabulous! But for some the physical attendance can create additional obstacles where childcare is concerned, and this may lead to added stress and reluctancy to attend. Fear not, the very iPad/tablet that Karen complains your kid watches to much might be your saving grace (again!)  

Many universities and colleges in the UK host a huge variety of courses and qualification in a wide range of fields. Which is great, because it means your options are vast and, in some cases, may even cater to your very specific needs. You can look at any college or university website to see what courses are on offer and what you need for application eligibility. 

Each institution will be able to help you with financial advice about loans, bursaries, and grants. This part can be off putting but you don’t have to pay loans back straight away and how much you pay back all depends on how much you are earning after you qualify.  You can find more information here (https://www.gov.uk/repaying-your-student-loan). You can also check the government website here (https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/support-while-you-study) to see how you could access childcare support while you study. 

Plan, plan and then plan again…

If you’re anything like me, 95% of the time life is totally unmanageable (I assume that’s why gin was invented) and you are needed in about 10 different places for 50 different reasons. However, I have some helpful (you can be the judge of that) suggestions to organise and focus your time. 

  • Grab an annual wall planner! Diaries are all well and good but being able to see all deadlines, social events and work commitments laid out and how close one is to another is helpful with being able to manage time well. Something like this may be just the ticket (https://www.ryman.co.uk/ryman-large-wall-planner-2021-1).
  • Make your daily/weekly/monthly planning as detailed as possible – including adding time for self-care, it’s very important!
  • Google GANTT charts and thank me later 😉. 
  • Colour coding is a life saver especially when needing to recall or double check notes (access your inner Monica!)  
  • Lastly, there are some amazing apps such as Trello and Evernote for organisation and Forest: Stay focused which really helps with productivity – all of which I have used personally and recommend! 

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Work to your strengths 

Deciding to take on a course alongside parenting, working and any other full on life commitments can ignite that dreaded mum/dad/parent guilt because the extra time you once had to grab the toddler another banana, meal prep, or re-tidy the living room for the 100th time before 10am may become a distant memory, but it will be totally worth it. I would suggest and I did this myself, before you start your course, write down three positive reasons which swayed your decision to start studying in the first place. Try to remember that not only are you bettering yourself for your child(ren), but you are also doing it for yourself. You will be able to develop your skills in your chosen field, gain the qualifications you deserve to grab those better paid positions in a company, or grow your self-employed business on a stronger foundation and ultimately work a job that you are passionate about. And when those blues, which will inevitably kick in every now and again pop up, just read those three positive reasons, and remember why you started in the first place! 

I am always more than happy to answer any questions or if you just want to talk more about the subject pop me a message through my Instagram, my handle is @beeforanimals. 

Did you go to university? Have you studied for a master’s degree whilst being a parent?

Thanks for reading and happy studying!

YOU CAN FIND BETH ON;

INSTAGRAM: @beeforanimals

FITTING TRAVEL INTO HOME SCHOOLING

Filed Under: HOME, HOMESCHOOLING, MOTHERHOOD //

FITTING TRAVEL INTO HOME SCHOOLING

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When you’re home schooling, you have to deal with the reality that you’re often playing to compete with the kind of experience that schools can and it can be difficult without the kinds of resources they have. School trips offer students the opportunity to see parts of the world they might not otherwise, often with an educational bent. Here are our top tips for fitting travel into home schooling. 

Finding the spots with educational potential

A big part of any school trip is, of course, that education is made a part of it. It’s not just a vacation (though you should have vacations just for fun with your child, as well, of course), it’s an opportunity to learn. As such, you should look at some of the most educational travel spots that you might be able to visit. Places with rich history, diverse cultures, or that have developed industries that you’re teaching about, such as tech havens, are some examples of spots that might offer a lot of educational potential for your kid.

Organise it with other parents

Finding education travel spots is one thing, but solo travel for just you and your kid might be too expensive to do every once in a while. However, if you are part of any home schooling groups that you have gotten together with before for things like field trips, it might be worth bringing up the subject of booking school trips for multiple kids at once. You can take advantage of group discounts and work with travel agents that are dedicated to helping educational groups find the accommodation and travel opportunities they need.

Keep it local

You don’t necessarily need to go flying abroad anywhere in order to have a great travel experience with your kid. If you can find a spot that’s a little more local and offers just as great educational opportunities, then you may want to make it a staycation, instead. After all, there’s a good chance that the cities close to you have museums and galleries that can offer a nice dip into some historical or cultural education for your child and help you teach all manner of subjects.

Run your school on the road

Now, this is a tip that not everyone is going to be able to meet, simply because it’s quite a demanding and different lifestyle. However, the rise of travel schooling has seen a lot of parents take to the road with their kids, travelling the world with them while providing homeschooling on the road. As you might imagine, that can result in some pretty demanding schedules for the parents, but it also allows for the widest range of opportunities to use the world itself as a teaching tool. Is it a change you could afford to make?

Be sure that you’re aware of your budget and ability to organise when it comes to setting up any trips, especially when you’re organising with multiple families or kids. Offering travel opportunities for your child can be great, but you don’t want to experience undue stress as a result.

WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2021 | YOUR JOURNEYS

Filed Under: HOME, MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2021

World Breastfeeding Week 2021 // something I am so incredibly passionate about. I have been breastfeeding for over 4 years now. My first son I exclusively breastfed him until he was 3 and he self weaned the day his little brother was born who is also still exclusively breastfed at 18 months  – I have such a love/hate with it if I’m honest. It is my FAR the most mentally draining thing I have ever done. A lot of people give this unrealistic idea that breastfeeding is beautiful; full of quiet moments and cuddles.. which sometimes it is…

But it’s also full of pressure, lack of faith in you and your body and it’s also incredibly isolating. My partner could be sat right next to me in bed whilst I fed our babies and I never felt more alone. Breastfeeding a toddler is a whole other ball game – he’s winding his legs round my head and playing stretch Armstrong with my other nipple.

I have received strange looks whilst feeding out in public – or an eye roll, (spoiler – I am not a subtle feeder, the baby wants feeding, I’m not fannying about with a blanket or making sure I’m decent. It’s a tit. People need to calm down and mind their own) but I have also received the most LOVELY comments. However you chose to feed your baby, I don’t care. Honestly. As long as they’re fed, happy and YOU are happy.. go forth and do what you gotta do to survive because lord knows there’s bigger shit to worry about than how OTHER people choose to feed their children. I’m sending you all so much love – those who are breastfeeding, you’re doing amazing! And those who find this week hard for various reasons – you are sensational.

We reached out to various people from our Instagram community and asked them to share their breastfeeding experiences; donating milk, tandem feeding, mastitis and so many more!

WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2021

I breastfed from only one boob for mainly my second baby (milo) but half way through my first baby (Rocco) too. This was a challenge in its self. Milo was a very hungry boy so we had some days were he was constantly on the breast. So we give him the bottle just after a week old. As feeding from one boob, the supply just couldn’t cope and he was too hungry. He’s was combie fed from 2 weeks old.

I’ve suffered with an inverted nipple on my left breast ever since Rocco, who I managed to feed for 6 months. I thought it would go back to normal once Milo arrived but it never did and it killed me to try get Milo to feed from it so we stopped straight away on that side. (It’s still inverted.) So I had a breast cancer panic, luckily it’s not, but I’m glad I went and got it checked out! They don’t know the reason why it’s done this, so I’ll be forever wondering why. It’s been a rollercoaster ride but I wouldn’t of had it any other way, I love the bond from it & I’m proud we lasted 13 weeks just on one boob! – ALICE

I was 19 when I had my first daughter, my mum didn’t breastfeed me or my sister and none of my friends had kids. I really wasn’t sure what I was doing! I have a bit of an over supply and I was pumping too much early on. I ended up getting mastitis 3 times, so I stopped after the last time, my daughter was 6 months old. She was such a chill baby, she would take a bottle of expressed milk from the get go, and when I first offered her formula she chugged it! She loved it and didn’t really care. My second daughter is now 9 months and I’m still breastfeeding her, it’s going well. I think I knew what to expect this time, I’m also older and wiser!! I didn’t get an electric pump this time, I opted for a Haakaa pump. I think this helped with my over supply as it takes the edge off without completely emptying my boobs which helped them adjust to what my daughter needs instead of what I’m pumping. She is also a lot more clingy than my first, she loves being breastfed and isn’t too keen on a bottle! Both experiences have been so different. I’m very thankful for being able to breast feed both my daughters. It’s been a wonderful experience and nothing is better than the feeding cuddles. I’m hoping to get to my daughters first birthday.. wish me luck! – ISOBEL

I don’t know why but breastfeeding has always been so important to me. Maybe it’s because none of my close family had ever breastfed and they’ve always sort of frowned upon it, it made me want to prove a point. I certainly struggled at first with my first born. I just couldn’t quite get his latch right on the left side which ended up severely cracked. This meant he favoured the right and it became engorged and led to mastitis!

I was so lucky enough to have some support through this. Also being pro-boob I followed lots of breastfeeding pages that were a massive help, especially @milkmakingmama and @boo.b.ltd. Fast forward three years and I’ve now successfully breastfed one son for two years and my second is still going strong at nine months. So my advice to any new mama’s would be give it a go because the benefits are endless, seek out advice and weather it’s the first feed, expressed, combi, for just a couple of weeks or even a couple of years give yourself a massive pat on the back because making liquid gold isn’t easy. – MADISON

Hi I’m Sydney, a first time mama to two year old Atticus and a post-breastfeeding mum. To mark Breastfeeding Awareness Week, I wanted to share my journey. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I thought it would be natural and easy, but little did I know, I didn’t know much about it at all. I had a very quick labour, and when Atticus was placed on my chest, he naturally started nuzzling but couldn’t latch. Within one or two hours of giving birth I was told Atticus had an upper tongue tie and that breastfeeding would be a struggle. I had never heard of this before; straight away I panicked and sobbed that I just wanted to feed my baby.

I was so lucky to have such an amazing midwife, who came into my room and gave me syringes to collect colostrum. I remember how calm and patient she was as she sat with me on the bed, helping me collect my milk while I struggled to get the hang of it. Yet I was determined to make breastfeeding work; knowing I had the milk meant I wasn’t giving up easily. As the hours flew by I persisted with putting Atticus to my breast and he was trying so hard to latch. Fast forward a day later, I was still using the syringes but I felt defeated as it just wasn’t happening for us. I remember sobbing and hobbling down the hallway to find a midwife, and asking for a bottle because I just couldn’t do it anymore.

But she believed in me even when I didn’t and said, “let’s give it one last go”. To my surprise he latched, perfectly and pain free. I will always remember that moment, it was just magical. I never experienced any pain or discomfort throughout my whole journey, which was a surprise to me. The doctor said he may have a slight tongue tie but if it wasn’t causing any issues he wouldn’t need the procedure. (So Atticus never had it done.) When I bought Atticus home, the midwives didn’t give me much information on breastfeeding. I’d received the usual chart and spoken briefly about the amount of feeds he should have in 24hrs. But as he was feeding a lot more than what they said, I started to panic thinking I wasn’t providing him with enough. He was constantly on the boob, even if he wasn’t feeding he would just like to be very close to the boob (which I now know is completely normal).

I was so lucky to find an amazing support group on Facebook. There were hundreds of women with questions and we supported each other to learn about cluster feeding, leaps and the many other benefits to breastfeeding. I found my journey with breastfeeding empowering. I would always feed in public without covering up. I was very lucky to never experience any negative /  bad comments,  which only contributed to my positive experience. There were, of course, bad days: the constant demand, the feeling of being touched, the claustrophobia. I never spoke openly about how I was feeling because I was scared of judgment. But just because I held it close doesn’t mean you should to.

To any mama reading this, please talk to a friend a family member or whoever you feel comfortable. So many people are there to listen and help you. I always said I wanted to breastfeed for the first year but no longer, yet I ended up breastfeeding for 14 months. I still remember the last feed, knowing it was the last time, I felt sad but proud of how far we come. Atticus self weaned and it was the best time for both of us. I think by then we had both just had enough. I personally found the change huge and it was a real struggle going from a baby to a one year old, not to mention that the nip lash was real! – SYDNEY

After getting pregnant I had always assumed that I would try to breastfeed, and it was always asked at appointments if that was my intention. I remember the first time they put Ivy to my breast it felt so overwhelming, I’d refused whilst they stitched me up as I was bit out of it. Then I was knackered and I had the midwives planting this little gorgeous little bundle on my chest, and she was struggling to latch and they were asking me if she was latching – though how the hell a first time mum is supposed to know I’ve no idea. I opted to stay in to get help with breastfeeding but I didn’t find it amazing, each midwife tried something different, suggested something different and I did not feel encouraged to give formula if needed (though she was likely hungry and it would have calmed her thinking back).
So I left hospital with this little bundle, not latching and feeling clueless on how to get her to do so. I had no milk issues it flowed fine but the next month became a pressure keck of trying to get her to latch, pumping breast milk and topping up with formula to get levels right and trying every trick. My health visitor helpful but after about four weeks the mental toll of feeling like a constant feeding cow and the cleaning took its toll and I opted to go full formula. She took bottles like a champ and I felt better knowing she was getting the food she needed. I still feel sometimes like I’ve failed in some way but I had a very supportive family and had a health visitor who fully supported my decision. If I have a second child I will try to breastfeed again, and hopefully feel more confident about it this time. But if it’s formula then I know I’ve made the best decision as at the end of the day, a fed baby is a happy baby. – LINDSEY

Being brought up in a pretty devout Catholic family, the image of the Madonna, boob out, nursing an angelic baby Jesus is sort of etched onto my brain: and – weirdly – I think it’s this sort of image that created my pre-baby expectation of what breastfeeding would be like: an innately tranquil experience, with a sacred vibe. So, when my daughter arrived in 2017, via emergency C section, wouldn’t latch properly and I had to pump and bottle feed her, I felt as if I was the only mum in the world that was genuinely useless at breastfeeding. Thankfully, rather belatedly, once I’d been home a few weeks, I got help from my Health Visitor (who recommended using nipple shields) and eventually Little Miss learnt to latch and feed. Having been on the receiving end of several nasty remarks, I was very shy about breastfeeding out and about, and I spent a lot of time feeding in public loos; however, despite all this, I breastfed successfully for a year until the process naturally came to an end.

With my son, a 2020 lockdown bubba, also born by EMCS, my journey was higgledy-piggledy for different reasons. He was a NICU baby and so, after our very first feed, he was taken away from me and whisked off; so, for the first few days all I could do was pump and bag up my milk ready for someone else to feed him. He didn’t gain weight properly, was constantly sick and miserable, and 3 weeks later he started haemorrhaging; he was diagnosed with an acute Cows’ Milk Protein Allergy – he was severely allergic to the traces of dairy present in my breastmilk. So, I was told that if I wanted to continue to breastfeed him, I would have to eliminate dairy (and soya) from my diet until he was completely weaned. And I have – and it’s made the world of difference to him; he’s a happy baby now and I’m able to breastfeed him with relative ease (he has just got his first two teeth in though, so I won’t say it’s always a comfortable process!); I’m hoping to be able to continue to breastfeed him at least until his first birthday.

So when I think of my breastfeeding journey, it doesn’t marry with the image of the Nursing Madonna, it’s been a journey of cabbage leaves and lanolin cream; 4 different breast pumps, vegan cheese, washable nursing pads and good old nipple shields: but that’s okay, actually: that’s pretty brilliant; I’ve fed two small people all by myself, and if I can’t give myself a pat on the back for that during #WORLDBREASTFEEDINGWEEK then when can I! – ISSY

A complicated pregnancy and unexpected four weeks in Neonatal ICU, meant I wasn’t surprised to find myself feeling low following the birth of my eldest son and I began to suspect I had post natal depression, or PTSD. However, as the days, weeks and months passed and the periods between feeds increased, it became clear that the overwhelming ‘lows’ only occurred as my let down began. No warm, fuzzy feeling for me and definitely no ‘settling down with a piece of cake’. In short, my ‘let down’ was a total let down.

I described the sensation to a lactation consultant, who told me about D-MER (Dysphoric – Milk Ejection Response/Reflex). She explained how changes in Dopamine levels, which occur as a normal part of breastfeeding, were causing the sudden and intense waves of negative emotion. As D-MER is a spectrum hormonal response, the intensity and duration vary from person to person. I continued to breastfeed my eldest son for 15 months and experienced D-MER during every feed and I continue to do so whilst feeding my, now five month old, second son. There is no treatment for D-MER. However, having a name for it and an understanding of what it is, makes it easier to live with…I simply save the cake until later. For more information about D-MER and the role Dopamine has to play, here https://d-mer.org

–CHARLOTTE

My breastfeeding journey started with my first born, Cosmo who was born in May 2019. It was hard at first, he never seemed satisfied and wasn’t putting on weight. We were sent to paediatrician’s and lactation consultants and various midwives and no one seemed to be able to figure out why it wasn’t working. Then we saw Zoe, a lactation consultant who funnily enough was the mother of a girl I’d been teaching for years! Zoe diagnosed Cosmo with a tongue tie. It was slight, but enough to be causing the issues we were having. He was 8 weeks old at this point, so my supply had absolutely plummeted and I was desperate to get it back up to be able to feed Cosmo full time. We were already topping him up with formula and I had started pumping to try to increase my supply and be able to top him up with breast milk. I also started using an sns, which is a bottle with small tubes attached that supplement baby at the breast. This helped to encourage Cosmo to increase his strength and appetite by giving him more food at the breast.
Zoe had also suggested using nipple shields to give Cosmo the ‘trigger’ of the nipple on his soft palette. My nipples were very flat, on large breasts, trying to feed a baby with a small mouth, a tongue tie and a high soft palette-the anatomy of us wasn’t fitting well! As soon as I put the shield on Cosmo latched and started feeding with vigour, I nearly cried. Nipple shields are generally only recommended as a short term fix and therefore there is quite a lot of shame associated with them. Amongst all the paraphernalia that I was using, shields, the sns, pumping and topping up with formula, there were times that I felt real sadness and shame that I wasn’t able to feed my baby just at the breast. But somehow I just kept going, and bit by bit I was able to top him up less and to stop pumping. Cosmo breastfed for nearly 2 years and self weaned when I was about 20 weeks pregnant with his sister. We used shields for all of that time and by the end he only fed from one boob. Looking back I am so grateful to have had all the paraphernalia available to me. It meant I was able to breastfeed my baby for all of that time!
Fast forward and I’m just over two weeks into breastfeeding my daughter Veda. It’s completely different. She was on the boob 5 mins after she was born, before I got out of the birth pool. Her latch is good and she’s satisfied after feeding. She’s putting on weight well. I have absolutely no anxiety or gut feeling that something isn’t right. This time round is what I naively expected my first time round to be, and I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling that way. I didn’t realise how difficult it could be. There’s so much education about pregnancy and birth and so little offered during that journey about breastfeeding! I do feel grateful that I had a difficult experience with Cosmo, even though it was incredibly hard and emotionally draining, it’s made me appreciate how naturally it can happen, if things align! – BELLA
You know those videos they show you at antenatal class of a text book first feed where the baby army crawls up their Mama’s tummy and latches? Well I had that exact first feed. My beautiful baby girl shuffled her way up, lifted her head and attached her wide open mouth to my right breast in a move that wouldn’t have looked out of place on a hungry hippos board game. I think I was still high on a wave of post birth euphoria because I didn’t even have any pain. We stayed in our delivery suite all night, topless (me) and feeding often (both of us!).
I had anticipated that the first feed on my left breast might not be quite as simple as my nipple has always been inverted. I had spoken to a midwife during my pregnancy and they said that as the nipple could come out it should be ok as baby would draw it out. Turns out it wasn’t quite that simple and we couldn’t get a left sided latch without the nipple out.
Left sided latching was quite the feat in those early days. Each time I would have to get Ava-Rae into position, then gently squeeze to push the nipple out and hold to keep the nipple ready while she latched. Every time she came off, my nipple would disappear faster than a toddler left unattended with a crayon and we would have to repeat the process to get her back on. Some feeds were more successful than others. Some just ended up with a very vocal, hungry bubba being switched to the right side because trying to latch a distressed baby onto a tricky nipple just wasn’t worth the tears (both of us again!).
I spoke to the midwife when they called to discharge us at around 4wks old about it. Left sided latching was still a bit of a performance and I was getting quite a lot of pain in that nipple. Beyond the initial toe curling latch pain (if you’re there right now Mama’s, it does pass I promise) I could literally feel my nipple being drawn out of my body with every little suck. It could bring tears to my eyes on a bad day. The midwife suggested that I could try a nipple shield, and in the same breath told me if I started with a nipple shield I was unlikely to ever be able not to use one. She also suggested that if it was “that bad” I could just feed on the right side, and in the same breath told me that my right breast might not be able to supply enough milk. Or if my left breast dried up and I had a problem with the right I may have to stop feeding. And that I would look lopsided. I opted to persevere.
Thankfully there is no horror story that comes as a result of me persevering. We managed it and eventually at around 8 weeks she became able to draw the nipple out herself more so latching became easier. Not perfect, but better. And overtime the pain did subside, although it never really went away. But it horrifies me now looking back to think that was the extent of the support I was offered. That I was made to feel that just persevering was really my only option if I wanted to feed.
Today we are coming up to our 16 month breastfeeding anniversary. And for the last 6 months or so it has been a right sided only feeding journey. There was never a conscious decision to stop feeding from my left breast. And even today I still have a supply – significantly diminished I’m sure – in that breast. It just happened subconsciously. As we were out and about more and she would get distracted feeding and want to look around I would put her to my left breast less and less. Offering her the side with the easier latch meant less time for me sitting in public with my nipple just out for the fun of it. And then gradually at home the left side was offered less and less too.
Mamas if you are struggling with your journey, reach out. Speak to friends, message other Mamas on Insta, push your health visitor to help you. But only push as hard as feels right for you. Don’t quit on a bad day, but don’t make every day a bad day by pushing past something that doesn’t feel right to you. Your breastfeeding journey is incredible no matter how long it lasts because the best feeding journey is the one that is right for you. – GINA

TOP GIFTS FOR EXPECTANT MOTHERS

Filed Under: MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

GIFTS FOR EXPECTANT MOTHERS

AD | COLLABORATIVE POST

Whether you are looking to support your friend throughout their pregnancy or prepping for a loved ones baby shower, there are many reasons why you might be on the lookout for the perfect gifts for an expectant mother. After all, as their baby grows, they are dedicating all of their time and energy into the little bundle of joy – which means that they deserve a little something special to make them smile too!

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WHAT ACCESSIBILITY MEANS AS A MOTHER

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, MOTHERHOOD //

WHAT ACCESSIBILITY MEANS

WHAT ACCESSIBILITY MEANS?

MORE THAN BARE MINIMUM!

Hi, I’m Steph, mum to Ciara 5 and very soon to be mum to a baby boy too. 

I’ve never had great health, I was born 12 weeks premature and growing up I suffered hormone imbalances, bladder issues, bouts of mental ill health and I’ve had countless surgeries investigating causes for chronic and unexplained, but very real, pain. 

During my first pregnancy in 2015 I was diagnosed with Symphis pubis dysfunction at 16 weeks, a condition where your pelvic joints separate making simple activities like standing and walking, agony. By 25 weeks I was wheelchair bound. Stripped of my independence, ability to walk and generally combat life – my mental health took a turn. 

Later came a preeclampsia diagnosis, a horrendous womb infection and a NICU stay with our baby girl. 

For the first few months after Ciara’s birth, my mobility returned to some semblance of normal but I was instead plagued with all over body pain, profound fatigue, and left feeling generally unwell for long periods at a time. Though I had suffered unexplained chronic pain before this was different, it was everywhere and it wasn’t just pain. After many visits to my GP, once finally referred to rheumatology, it was confirmed later that year that I have Fibromyalgia syndrome.

Fibromyalgia effects my life significantly, it affects my sleep, days out with my family, my mood, my functionality, mobility and also my cognitive function. Fibromyalgia is categorised as a pain condition and though pain is indeed a huge factor of this condition, impacting my life on a daily basis, it is by no means the only factor.

Some days I am unable to get out of bed, cook a meal, play with my daughter or work, and I am often left bed ridden for over a week every month. 

When I found out I was pregnant a second time, I was worried about how pregnancy would impact fibromyalgia symptoms for me. It turns out my worry was valid when again at 16 weeks I was diagnosed with symphis pubis dysfunction and given crutches. Crutches require strength that my chronically ill body doesn’t have and so I am now using a mobility scooter to get around. 

The trouble with this is, we live in an ableist society, in a society that is unprepared for ambulatory mobility aid users, a society that believes disabled people can and should live full lives on the very bare minimum of accessibility. 

On a good day pre pregnancy, I could do things most healthy people can enjoy, like walk on the beach, eat meals on a picnic bench, go for a forage in the woods and so on. Now I cannot stand unaided I can’t do any of the aforementioned activities. I cannot walk on uneven ground even when supported by crutches. I cannot sit on a chair or bench that doesn’t have a back.

With the easing of lockdown restrictions over the last month or so it has been highlighted to me again with stark reality that society has made the very minimum of changes for disabled people. 

A few examples I’ve come across in recent months are, trying to buy a new sofa, I couldn’t view it in store because it was on an upper floor with no lift. I have had to change dental practices because mine is two flights of stairs above a shop, with no lift or ground floor consulting room, and no accessible parking. 

Other restrictions include not being able to go on days out with my family and enjoy all of the facilities at farm parks and playgrounds, not being able to meet friends for lunch because the bar or restaurant they’ve chosen only has high stools or picnic benches to sit on, stairs to toilets and entrances without ramps for scooters and wheelchairs. Who knew that disabled people still wanted a life, eh? News flash – we do!

What’s often even less considered by healthy people is the cost accrued trying to live a ‘normal’ life as a person who requires aids and accessibility in order to do so. 

Since losing my mobility in pregnancy I’ve had to make changes in my home, including buying a new bed, a bigger car that can accommodate my mobility scooter, a new sofa because I couldn’t lower myself onto the old one. As you can imagine, this has cost thousands of pounds. The only state support I’ve received has been the installation of grab rails and a shower seat completed by my local council. 

At the moment nobody is very hopeful about how and if my mobility will return post partum, and even if I go back to ‘normal’ my normal is still disabled, living with a disability that impacts my life regularly. 

I’m the first to admit I carried a lot of internalised ableism before I became unwell. Even once I was unwell but still mobile, I had no real idea the implications people who aren’t mobile face every second of every day. Trying to navigate a disabled life is hard and doing it with children is something else. 

Many aspects of your day needs to be planned in advance. I find I do a lot of the mental workload now, and offload the physical onto my husband, but though amazing in so many ways, even he has found letting go of inherent ableism particularly difficult. 

Since being unable to stand in the kitchen and cook meals, I’m also no longer able to reach into high cupboards or climb on a chair to turn the fire alarm off when the toast is burning at 7am. It doesn’t come naturally to others to think of these things until they experience them and I understand that, because it didn’t come naturally to me either. 

Many disabled people are ambulatory wheelchair and mobility aid users, which means they don’t need them all the time. This can be even harder for the general public to understand. But it is a necessary consideration to enable us to live in a more inclusive society. 

What I hope to achieve from talking about these topics is to draw attention to the need for more accessibility everywhere, and that doesn’t just mean ramps and lifts, it means adequate seating, it means flexible working, it means baby groups that don’t just involve parents all sat in a huddled circle on the floor. It means automatic doors, lower shelving in supermarkets, accessible holiday parks, considerate parking, paved pathways in green spaces. It means more support for sunflower lanyard wearers…. And so much more. 

As a mother it also means teaching our children about equality and inclusivity. It means letting them know that people have a variety of differences and compassion, kindness and consideration are all free, so we can sprinkle it wherever we go. 

Awareness amongst other parents is also crucial. It helps us to support each other and find genuine connections in the parenting community for people who might be experiencing similar struggles. 

I’m disabled, but I’m still a mother, still a wife, still a friend and person who wants to live just as a fulfilling life as anyone else.

WRITTEN BY STEPH : @DIVAMUMSTEPH

 

BEING CLASSED AS A GERIATRIC MOTHER

Filed Under: HOME, MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

When I saw those words GERIATRIC PREGNANCY in my notes it absolutely made my insides cringe when I became a mum for the first time at 29. I was 29. I was young, vibrant, on trend (nearly wrote “trendy” then and really showed my “geriatric” status) which made the words scrawled all over every page of my notes stick in my throat like some ugly word vomit. That was almost 11years ago. I’m a mother of two now and I birthed my second 7months ago (at nearing 39) again I got placed in the “geriatric mother” column when I booked in at the midwife.

I’m mean don’t get me wrong I’m not offended now as I was then, but I can see why some women would be if they were first time mums. I’m perplexed at why they would label anyone over the age of 12 “geriatric”? (Slight exaggeration on the age I know, but it’s the go to number for anyone younger than me).

I certainly did not feel like booking myself into the nearest nursing care home (although today it does sound appealing just to have a break from my loving children-who’s with me?!) when I first saw it in my antenatal notes. To be completely honest, I actually feel the most healthiest, energised, comfortable in my skin and firm on my parental choices this time around, more than ever.

Maybe that’s the key, in my twenties I was consumed with overwhelming anxiety about getting it “right”, you know for the “people” -like I was some Kardashian sister that had the paparazzi following her every move!  The countless real geriatrics in hair nets, offering an unwavering amount of advice, that to be honest much has come true, but at the time was somewhat overwhelming in the tampon aisle at the supermarket.

Heading towards 40,  I’m more informed in life, I’ve grown a bit in maturity (just about) but more importantly I’m trying to listen to my own maternal instincts more than just grabbing the nearest parenting tip book or the phone for a quick google search. Although, hands up, I’m still guilty of that too, just because I’m a little older doesn’t mean I’m not still as vulnerable like all the other new mums out there.

During every midwife and hospital appointment I was treated with delicate care , I was considered a RISK- like I could self combust at any moment “here she comes the geriatric mother, quick take her vitals before her ovaries wither away” ultimately it made me feel unbelievably anxious that they considered my body was not up to the job due to my age. They listed off every possible complication my pregnancies could have had and asked what age appropriate tests I would be opting for (I did comment to one midwife that I had passed the 11+ grammar school exam, at one routine appointment, it didn’t go down too well) and literally they took every ounce of my blood for a plethora of vials.

Now, I understand they have to “cover all options” so to speak and do the appropriate testing for gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure etc but when you very rarely get the same community midwife at consecutive appointments the anxiety just builds having them explain the same concerns and doing the same tests over and over again.

What I was also asked at majority of appointments was why I had an age gap between my pregnancies?, (it seems they really do like to focus on age). Was the second one an accident? New relationship? I could feel my throat burning up, as I entered into some sort of therapy session with every question I answered.

So, why was I given the geriatric status? -I reached for trusty google again and found the following information:

“Traditionally, a geriatric pregnancy is one that occurs anytime a woman is over the age of 35” according to parent.com, “Fecundability, or the probability of achieving a pregnancy in one menstrual cycle, begins to decline significantly in the early 30s, with a more rapid decline a few years later at about 37 years,” explains Margarita Mercado-Medina, therefore the older you get the less chance you have of conceiving, as there are less eggs that are available. There’s also seems to be no medical evidence to suggest a healthy woman in the 30’s, that eats well, takes her vitamins and leads a healthy lifestyle is no less complications than her counterpart in her twenties.

Ok, I get all that. I understand the heightened medical issues that seem to surround a pregnancy later on in life but what I don’t understand is the medical classification, some NHS Primary care trusts are using the terminology “mothers of advanced maternal age” and I don’t think I prefer to be in that column either. Both just  conjure up images of ladies with a blue rinses in flannelette nighties, making their way round the maternity wards.

These days women are choosing to start their families later on in life when they feel more established or more financially secure and so they should be allowed to do so without the stigma being attached. Gone are the days of 1970’s marriages when you were classed as “left on the shelf” in your early twenties. Society has changed, refreshingly for the better, older mums are here to stay but however it’s seems the terminology surrounding women in general, are still stuck in the Middle Ages (no pun intended).

Even at 29 I was financially established, I had my teaching career, marriage, house, all that was left were the 2.4 children, yet I still felt I wasn’t “old enough” to be a mum. Daft I know, looking back I felt like all the actual geriatrics somehow knew better and their judging eyes bore holes into me wherever I went. Is this why women are waiting till later? So they can be more assertive in their parental choices? I certainly know of more assertive mothers who had children at 16 than I was in my 29 years of age.

So it begs the question, does an age label matter when it comes to pregnancy? To answer it bluntly NO. I really don’t think it does.

Personally, I think there should be no labels given, it should reside on the woman’s medical background and any underlying issues she may have on the level of care she may need and not just solely based on her age bracket.

If they really do need a label to scrawl over every page of the notes, then the only label that should be given to a pregnant women is  “mother”. No woman should ever be made to feel like utter crap when at her most vulnerable state.

If I’m ever blessed with another I’m going to wear a number badge, like a proud 5 year old celebrating their birthday….. and I shall go forth and wear my badge with pride. *slowly steps off her soap box to take a bow*

Peace and love Olivia xx

WRITTEN BY OLIVIA : SIMPLY SENSORY BOXES

LIFE AFTER RESTRICTIONS | WHAT NOW?

Filed Under: LIFE, LIFESTYLE, MOTHERHOOD //

LIFE AFTER LOCKDOWN

LIFE AFTER RESTRICTIONS

Becoming a mum is a big and new experience for any woman, especially for the first time; but how about doing it during a worldwide pandemic? We are struggling to adapt to life after restrictions.

I found out I was pregnant in January 2020, and had my first scan in February, fast forward one month later the lockdown began. At this stage I wasn’t really too worried as I thought surely this won’t still be going on in September when I was due to give birth, how wrong was I!
I enjoyed my pregnancy, and the extra time I spent at home with my husband, we live with my parents and brother and sister (full house – I know!) so I was grateful for this as it would’ve been very different if I couldn’t see them too, and I really feel for the new mums that couldn’t see family.

Jacob was born on 6th September 2020 after a 10 hour labour, the first 6 hours I was alone in the hospital, having to keep yourself calm while trying to communicate to the midwifes what was happening was really difficult; the midwifes didn’t believe how fast I was progressing so kept telling me to get some rest. After a lot of begging for someone to check how dilated I was, the midwife quickly apologised, said I was 7cm and to call my husband to get here as soon as he could. He had popped home to get a blanket, expecting a long night of waiting in the car so he raced back to the hospital in record time.
Due to Jacob being back to back I couldn’t get him out so after around 4 hours of pushing and a lot of blood, sweat and tears (an episiotomy and suction cup too!) he was born.

Jacob is now 10 months and with lockdown rules eased I can’t help but feel anxious for what is to come. Having been told my whole pregnancy and Jacobs whole life to stay away from people, this included friends and loved ones; I now can’t imagine people touching and holding Jacob.

When we have seen people – at a distance and always abiding by the rules; he is always so excited to see a new face so I hope he is too young to have truly been affected by it all. I’ve spoken to other mums who have older children and have had instances where they’ve had to tell their child to stay away from other children at the park; which is obviously not really what we want to be teaching them.
The most we’ve done in Jacobs life is go for walks to our local park or coffee shop, and these small activities feel so daunting to me, obviously as this is my only experience as a mother I couldn’t say what I would’ve been like without the pandemic, but I don’t imagine I would’ve been this nervous.

It feels like we are so used to not being around family and friends, we are now so well trained in how to live life the way we currently are, isolated and distanced, that the thought of getting back to some kind of normal seems impossible.
I think it’s really important for us mums to remember that just because the rules are changing we should still do what we are comfortable with. We go through so much to bring this tiny human into the world so it’s understandable we feel nervous, pandemic or not.

I worry all the time, is Jacob doing enough of what he should be doing at his age? Is he playing enough? Is he watching too much tv? Is he interacting enough? Getting enough fresh air?  All the normal worries  mums have I’m sure, heightened by this lack of normality he was born into. But then when I look at this happy little boy I realise I must be doing something right and it’s just going to take some time getting used to and easing our self back into the new version of “normal”

GUEST POST WRITTEN BY @_JACOBSMUM

POSTPARTUM SEX DIARIES

Filed Under: HOME, LIFE, LIFESTYLE, MOTHERHOOD, POST BABY, POSTPARTUM, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS //

POSTPARTUM SEX DIARIES

The Unedited Guide to Your Postpartum Sex Life…After Baby Number Two

THE FIRST THREE MONTHS

Hi folks, lovely to meet you, how’s the weather? It’s the first time that I’ve written anything for That Mama Club’s website, so now that the pleasantries are out of the way, welcome to my nether region. You’re about to learn about all its activities in the past twelve weeks since I gave birth to my second baby, a little girl named Bea. 

Now I am sure some of you are reading this thinking, TWELVE WEEKS? She’s got a twelve week old baby and she’s writing about sex? Whilst here I am up every hour of the night and no time to shave my armpits never mind hop in the sack?!?!

I’ve been there. In fact I wrote a very similar article after a long and hard recovery after my first child, in which it took me twelve weeks to gird up my loins and brave post-partum sex, and a full nine months before I felt anything remotely resembling a libido again.

I approached the post-partum stage with something akin to military strategy this time around. Instead of sandbags, I had many many bags of mattress like maternity pads. The freezer was full of pre-made meals. And I had routinely wiggled my tank-like pregnant butt back against my partner, and demanded that we get it on…. ‘Because you know it might be a long time before we can again!’ And it’s partly this preparation for the newborn phase that meant my recovery was a lot better, which has really aided how I feel about myself and sex. 

Well, before I spoil all the juicy details for you… here’s my post-partum sex diary, second time around.

 

24-48 hours after giving birth

I’m euphoric. I love my new baby. I love my first born. I love my partner SO SO much. Wow. The dreamy emotions, and outpouring of love don’t quite dull my aching vagina, womb, in fact every bone of me is aching. I’m going to pop some paracetamol and take a (cat) nap. 

 

3 days after giving birth

I ignore my own advice and peer over my slowly deflating stomach with a handmirror to examine my stitches. I had a second-degree tear and tore up towards my urethra as well, so whilst things are stingy to say the least… its recognisably my vulva. I audibly sigh with relief as I spot that my two big vaginal varicose veins have gone down. I sobbed snottily through my mask at my midwife when I discovered them despite her reassurances that they would disappear soon after birth. Whilst the tangle of pubic hair proves my pre-birth trim wasn’t as thorough as I’d imagined, I can still make out that the varicose veins are indeed vanishing. 

It’s a great day for my labia. 

 

2 weeks after giving birth

I’m in a Facebook group for people who were due in the same month of me, and already the queries have started popping up in the group. ‘I’ve had sex and I only had my baby ten days ago, will I b ok?’ I read these open mouthed. Now I’m no doctor so I’m not going to say yay or nay as to when you can hop back in the saddle, but bravo to these ladies’ vaginas. 

I’m still joining the baby in wearing a nappy, my boobs are out of control, and my stomach muscles are so shredded I currently struggle even lying down comfortably. Sex is most firmly off the table. 

 

4 weeks after giving birth

Ok, so this is unexpected. I’ve stopped bleeding. After two long recoveries, following my first birth and a miscarriage, the packs of maternity pads I stockpiled are still sitting in the cupboard unopened. I’ve also been doing my kegels and well, it all feels pretty normal. I’ve been hiking, and I think toting the tiny one round in a sling for a month has had the unexpected benefit of engaging my core as that seems to be feeling a lot better too. I’ve mentioned all this to my partner, and he’s most definitely very *ahem* encouraged, but I say I want to rest and recover a few weeks longer. 

 

6 weeks after giving birth

I remember being unimpressed with the GP ‘check-up’ after my first birth, going into it thinking I’d be getting an internal MOT and instead being asked a sum total of two questions.

‘How are you feeling’

And

‘Have you thought about contraception’.

Well this time around, those questions were asked over the phone but in all fairness I actually am feeling very much ok by this point. Ok enough to think that YES, lets do this, I’ll wiggle my way into a almost-fitting bra and pants set and go for that voluptuous spilling-over look, that’s sexy right? Lets do this. Lets GET IT ON. 

 

7 weeks after giving birth

We still haven’t had sex. And to be quite honest I haven’t had a single ‘spark’ since I’ve had the baby. Not one fanny flutter. Not one tingling. Not a single case of the fizzy knickers. Folks, I’ve not been aroused in the slightest. But instead of going into brain meltdown I remember that I felt like this for a lot longer with my first birth, and its all down to those pesky breastfeeding hormones. 

Still, one night, when everyone else in the house is asleep I summon up some thoughts of bare chested men and Robin Hood (yes the fox, don’t ask) and slide a hand into my knickers. 

I’m awakened four hours later by the baby crying. Hand still firmly in my pants. 

I fell asleep doing myself. Ok, that’s a new one.

 

8 weeks after giving birth

WE STILL HAVEN’T HAD SEX. Last week I even shaved everything from my neck down, bar a landing strip (I say landing strip, I swear each pregnancy makes me hairier, it’s now more like the M1), moisturised, plucked my eyebrows and shimmied out of the bathroom feeling pretty damn good about myself. But after everyone else’s bath-time, a rousing two-hour bed time and then a baby deciding that this was the best evening to spend the whole evening on the boob, well we were both too tired. A second attempt was foiled by the ever-familiar call of ‘Mummmmyyyyyyyy’. And then I myself foiled another, by deciding that we would continue a session of heavy petting upstairs, but of course when I gingerly lifted the sleeping baby to put her to bed first… she woke up.

 

9 weeks after giving birth

It happened. It wasn’t glamorous, it wasn’t amazing, it was over pretty quickly, but it happened. And it felt gloriously, wonderfully, familiar. And that’s exciting. I was expecting it to feel different somehow, after all my body has changed, I pushed a baby out of my vagina mere weeks ago and yet it felt the same as always. That’s not to say our sex life is never glamorous or amazing –  but somehow having run-of-the-mill spontaneous weeknight sex was the perfect way to get back on that particular horse. No pressure, no worries about what I was wearing, if I had done enough kegels or if I was ‘exciting’ enough. It was great, it reminded me that actually I really enjoy sex, and it made me feel a little bit like the old me.

 

12 weeks after giving birth

And that brings us to today. Twelve weeks after giving birth and sex is currently firmly back on the table. Yes, it sometimes feels like a military operation, but I think that’s part of having two children one of whom is a newborn… everything feels like a military operation! But I’ve learnt to be a bit more spontaneous, if the moment arises just to go with it and enjoy it rather than worry about the laundry pile or the unsent emails. 

Finally, yes, I’ve got my libido back. And very strangely it happened exactly the same way as last time around. I had a night of very sexy dreams and woke up in the morning with a little more sashay than the night before. 

I know things will be up and down, and at the moment as we are still sleeping with the baby in the room it does feel a little bit strange to be getting down to it.

But we are doing, and I’ll take that as a win for now.

 

Becqui Jean x

EXCLUSIVELY PUMPING AND WHAT IT MEANS

Filed Under: GUEST POST, MOTHERHOOD //

 

exclusively pumping

Hello! I am Rae, mummy to Ivy and I am sharing my experience exclusively pumping. In the lead up to Ivy being born, I was so focused on the birth, I didn’t really think I needed to learn about breastfeeding and just said to myself, and when people asked, I’ll give it a good go and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. However, it wasn’t as straightforward as that, it wasn’t easy to give a good go and it wasn’t easy to just give up either. For me, I just couldn’t bring myself to give up, despite breastfeeding being physically and mentally hard, and on a number of occasions sobbing with Ivy in my arms, whilst she was crying too saying to my partner ‘I just can’t do it anymore’. For something deemed ‘the most natural thing in the world’, it really doesn’t come that naturally.

It takes time and practice for both you and baby, and no one really tells you that…I fed little Ivy directly for 2 months, there or thereabouts, it was so tough, and I believe, the trigger of my post-natal depression. When she fed well, I felt like I was coping, but when she didn’t, I was a bag of nerves, constantly worried – worried whether she was getting enough, how heavy her nappies were, how heavy she was, was she gaining enough weight? Is she hungry or not, should I wake her to feed her, is my latch efficient enough, is she getting enough hind milk? …etc, etc, the list goes on.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I now know that all the above was fine and manageable, I had a forceful let-down (the reflex of milk being released from the breast) and didn’t handle it very well…rather than pull baby off to let the initial release of milk subside, I let Ivy choke and splutter on the fast milk like a firefighter putting out a burning building, because I was worried she wouldn’t get enough otherwise. This resulted in her shallowing her latch to slow the flow (clever little thing), causing my nipples to become misshapen after feeds and very, very sore. I tried so many times to deepen the latch, and she would start off ok, but then gradually slip to be more shallow and in the end we just could not correct it.

I gritted and battled through this pain for about 3 weeks, called the breastfeeding helpline countless times, spoke to my midwife, spoke to my health visitor, had them come watch me feed and saw a IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant), twice. Went to all the drop-in clinics to get help too, but in the end, lockdown kicked in and the face-to-face help I favoured the most was not there like it used to be and honestly, my mental health around the matter was so skewed, I don’t think it would have made a difference how much help I’d got, I just didn’t have the confidence to master it. So, after a very long conversation with my HV, I decided to express for Ivy during the day and breastfeed her directly at night when she was more relaxed and sometimes fed better, but that very quickly became me just expressing as it still just bloody hurt!

And so from there I started regularly expressing and, I just sort of never stopped.

The rest is history, I think it took me about 4/5 bottles of formula to catch up with Ivy’s demand and it’s now 15 months later and I’m somehow still going. When I started, the only thing I knew about it was that I should pump every 2 hours and that the middle of the night pump was super important… But I’ve learned a hell of a lot over those months, there’s so much more to it than that and that’s why I’d like to share with you a beginners guide on how to get started, tips to ensure you can keep your supply and just general information it’s handy to know. So here it goes…

 

What is Exclusive Pumping?

In a jiffy, Exclusive Pumping, also known as EPing, is feeding baby solely on milk pumped at regular intervals from the breast and fed via bottle (sometimes supplemented with formula).

 

Why choose to pump?

There are many reasons why people choose pumping as their feeding method, ranging from baby being premature/in the NICU, to mental health (like in my case) or wanting to share responsibilities with other caregivers. So, it’s a good option to have in mind from the offset, knowing that there’s not only 2 options – breast or formula, there’s 3 including EPing, so you can continue your feeding journey in this way if you want to continue giving breastmilk and perhaps breastfeeding isn’t working for you.

 

How often do I need to pump?

Depending on how old baby is, it varies. The rule is, to produce milk, you need to keep removing milk. So, if you’re starting from scratch with a new born, then it is recommended to pump between 8-10 times in 24 hours, as to mimic the feeding pattern of a newborn. This might look a little something like the below:

6am, 8am, 10am, 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, 6pm, 8pm, 12am and 4am (10 pumps)

Or

6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, 12am and 4am (8 pumps)

It is recommended that something that looks like the above schedule is kept up for the first 8-12 weeks to establish and maintain your supply. It varies for everyone though, so you may be able to do less or have to do more, it’s very individual so you can work out what’s best for you.

After those 8-12 weeks, you can gradually drop pumps, there are loads of sample schedules online if you type it into a search engine, and can accommodate them to you, so have a play around to see what works best for you and your lifestyle.

How long should each pump be?

The more you pump the shorter your sessions can be, making sure they are a minimum of 15 minutes, otherwise your supply may decrease. As you drop pumps, it is best to add the time you are losing from that pump and spread it across the other pumps left in your day. Making sure that the minimum time pumped in a 24-hour period is 120minutes, and you should be golden!

 

What do I need?

The basic requirements to get you going are:

o   Hospital grade double breast pump

o   Pumping bra

o   Nipple balm/coconut oil

o   Manual pump

o   Drying rack

o   Bottle brush

o   Wash bowl

o   Storage/feeding bottles

o   Freezer bags for breastmilk

This lot will get you well into your pumping journey, whatever stage you’re at, the list could go on, but stripping it back, this is all you really need!

 

How much is enough?

This is a hard question, because honestly it really varies! But just know that when born, a baby’s stomach is the size of a cherry, so it doesn’t need a lot.  At first it might not look like much but keep pumping and feeding when baby’s hungry and ideally you should make enough, but if not then topping up with formula works for many. If you have all the right things in place, then there’s no reason you won’t make enough, but however much you manage, it’s incredible stuff! The amount babies drink varies also, but on average I read they take about 600-750ml per day. Just go with baby’s cues and you can’t go wrong.

 

What pump setting?

Most pumps have a massage and expression mode, the massage encourages a let-down and then you switch to expression once the let-down commences. There are different strengths for these, slowly work up until you feel it’s uncomfortable and then take it down a notch to where it isn’t.

 

Things to know…

o   Pumps parts need to be disassembled, scrubbed with warm soapy water and air dried in between each pump, as do bottles.

o   Double pump – pump both breasts at the same time

o   Use a separate wash basin and brush for your parts

o   Lube your flanges before every pump

o   Correct flange size is so important!

o   Never give up on a bad pump

o   Power pumping can help increase supply

o   Pumping shouldn’t hurt, you need to troubleshoot!

o   Look up milk storage guidelines from the offset

o   @onewiththepump @pumpmamapump and @exclusive_pumping will collectively give you all the information you need to know and are great accounts to follow

o   It’s ok to mourn if your feeding journey isn’t how you expect.

o   Baby might take a while to get used to a bottle

o   Mindset is everything

 

I could literally write a trillion things about the above and more, but I will spare you the 100,000,000,000-word count. So that’s it, in a nutshell. If you wish to crack that nut open and have a bit of a nibble, or just want to chat it through, I am always happy to help, which is why I started on my journey with @exclusivelypumpingme and if you’re about to embark, you got this mama, go smash it and I wish you every success on your journey!

Have you exclusively pumped? 

I’M NOT THE MOTHER I THOUGHT I WOULD BE

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, MOTHERHOOD //

Finding out I was pregnant again after baby loss filled me with an almost ‘forbidden excitement’ – as if I shouldn’t get my hopes up, you know, just in case it happens again. The first time around it was quite a traumatic experience and even considering trying again took me a few months. However, fast forward 12 months to the day I found out I’d lost my baby, my beautiful boy, Jude, was born – on my birthday! You couldn’t write that could you?

Going through the loss of a baby also made me feel like I should be grateful for every moment and that I shouldn’t complain because I’m so lucky to have this baby. And whilst the latter is absolutely true – it’s okay to talk about how god damn hard it is at times – because it is, right?

Jude is now 9 months old and he is the loveliest little boy I could imagine – if you don’t follow me already, come say Hi @Journeywithjude and you’ll see my obsession in photo form! But it hasn’t always been, and still isn’t always smooth sailing. Whenever I talk to other Mum’s, I’m often taken aback by responses like “Oh thank god it’s not just me” and “No one ever tells you that, do they?”

NOT THE MOTHER I THOUGHT I WOULD BE

In a world where we’re so open and willing to stand up for the things that matter, who’s standing up for the struggles of Motherhood?

You’ll feel this immediate rush of love when your baby is born…

So this just didn’t happen for me. I’m not sure if it was the fact Jude came almost 4 weeks early or that the labour was less than 2 hours but I can only describe the feeling as completely overwhelming. It was such a daunting experience and to have my husband leave me after 4 hours (covid and all that) just added to my fear I think. It wasn’t until the next day I actually started to adjust to the idea I’d had a baby and he was all mine to take care of – not that I had any idea what I was doing! 

Of course it didn’t take long for me to fall head over heels but I just want to reassure you that if you didn’t get that instant feeling – you’re not alone and it is okay. 

I’ll definitely be happy to leave my baby after a couple of months…

Erm, hell no! I always thought I’d be more than happy to hand Jude over when he was a few months old so we could ‘have some time to ourselves’ – notwithstanding the fact we couldn’t actually go anywhere or do anything – I couldn’t have wanted anything less. I’m still adjusting now but I’m starting to relax and let go – I probably need to consider whether I’ll be back at work later this year. 

Everyone talks about the issue of separation anxiety for babies but what about the parents?

I’d never let my baby sleep in my bed…

So, Jude has never been a good sleeper. I put a lot of the early months down to the fact he has reflux and that he spent so much of that time in pain or discomfort – what adult could sleep through that, let alone a baby? 

But just as we got that under control with the right medication, the 4 month sleep regression hit and my god, I was not expecting to find it as hard as I did. Looking back now, I’m not sure how I made it through – the nights were so long, dark and lonely – and even with the amazing support of my husband, I still really struggled. I remember thinking about just walking out the door and driving away – I never actually did by the way – but those thoughts would creep in regularly. 

We really hit rock bottom when we were sleeping on a mattress on the floor of Jude’s nursery and he’d end up on the mattress too, by 4am every morning, just so we could get some sleep. It was at this point we knew something had to give and we started the course from @Justchillmama. It wasn’t a miracle worker and we’re working on Jude’s night time sleep even now but his day naps are amazing and he’s learnt how to settle himself to sleep. And for any Mum struggling with sleep, you’ll hear me when I say, it changed my life! 

These are just a few of the things I told myself before having Jude and I’m sure there are many more for you too. But just know, you’re not alone. We all imagine the Mother we’ll be and it’s okay to think ahead about how you want to do things but it’s also okay to change your mind or to ‘do what you need to do’ when all hell breaks loose. 

We’re often our own biggest critics and if I’ve learnt one thing from reaching out to this amazing community, it’s that there is so much support out there, so make sure you use it! I’m always around for a little ‘pick me up’ too if you need it. 

So from me to you – You got this, Mama! I am not the mother I thought I would be, and that is okay. I am still exactly what my baby needs.

 

WRITTEN BY AMY : @JOURNEYWITHJUDE

HELP YOUR BABY TO GET A BETTER NIGHT’S SLEEP

Filed Under: MOTHERHOOD //

HELP YOUR BABY

Becoming a mother can be a wonderful experience, but it’s really tough when your baby is up all night. Luckily there are lots of things you can do to help your baby to get a better night’s sleep.

 Create a routine

To help your baby get to sleep it’s important to create an effective bedtime routine. If your baby is too stimulated in the evening, they may struggle when it’s bedtime. The key is to focus on calming activities. Before bed, engage them in quiet and relaxing play, reading a book, singing, or cuddling.

Help your baby learn

When you notice that your baby is drowsy, this is the time to put them into their crib. Position them on their back, and allow them to get comfy. They might cry a little at first, but give them some time to adjust. If they do not stop crying you can return to the room and check they are okay.

According to Parents.com, you’ll need to put our baby into their crib when they have elevated melatonin levels, (aka when they first get drowsy). If you wait any longer your baby’s melatonin levels will get lower, making it harder for them to fall asleep.

Try a pacifier

If your baby struggles to settle and drift off it can be beneficial to buy them a pacifier. The presence of a pacifier can feel comforting and help them to relax. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, using pacifiers at night can also ‘reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome,’ (Bundoo, 2021).

Create a comfortable space

As you can imagine, it’s important to create a comfortable space to help your baby to sleep. You’ll want the best crib, baby mattress, bedding materials, and perhaps a moses basket. When you’re shopping for baby items, take a look at Foryourlittleone. Here you’ll find plenty of supplies to create the perfect sleeping environment.

Keep the crib in your room at first

Experts recommend that you should keep the baby crib in your room for six months. After this time, you’ll be able to move the crib into the nursery if you wish. Keeping the crib in your room will give you peace of mind, and allow you to check on your baby with ease.

Maintain the correct temperature

To help your baby sleep it’s important to keep the right temperature in the room. An ideal temperature is somewhere between 67 and 73 degrees Fahrenheit. Maintaining this temperature will help your child sleep peacefully. Check the temperature before bed, and adjust if your baby feels too cold.

As a parent you’ll want to learn all you can about your little one, from baby sleep myths to breastfeeding tips. With the help of these ideas, you’ll ensure that your little one gets the best night’s sleep. You might find that your baby wakes up at night and sleeps in the day? If so, try to get a little shut eye when they are sleeping (if possible). If you’re finding it hard to sleep at night there are a few sleep meditation apps that may be of use.

POSITIVE C-SECTION EXPERIENCE DURING A PANDEMIC

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST //

WRITTEN BY RACHEL (GUEST WRITER)

Today, Rachel is sharing with us, all about her positive c-section experience, during the Covid-19 pandemic. This month is c-section awareness month and we want to share that you CAN have a positive c-section experience, even if it wasn’t originally in your plan. If you had a positive c-section, please let us know!

This is a hard subject as it is very difficult to accurately portray what happened. I remember feeling upset only days after giving birth because I could not accurately remember what had happened. It was almost like different bits were slipping away, in the same way a dream does. I was trying to keep hold of it but suddenly, it was gone, or I would have to go over and over it, to get it right. Where does it go! I guess some of my positive c-section experience has gone to join my forgotten dreams. It is such a pinnacle moment in a woman’s life, and I wanted to remember every little bit. Some women may want to forget their experience and it does seem that the female mind has a coping mechanism already structured into their brain, as most women seem to forget or remember their experience slightly differently, especially as time goes on. I remember reading somewhere, that what we remember, and each time we remember something, it is always slightly different, so what we remember today is perhaps a version of what happened. I would recommend filming it! You do not have to watch it if you do not want to! Here is what happened during my positive c-section experience.

POSITIVE C-SECTION EXPERIENCE

POSITIVE C-SECTION

Everything for me seemed to happen so quickly once I was taken to the theatre. I was so nervous and there seemed to be a flurry of people around me with different jobs to do and as the anaesthetist could tell I was nervous, she kept talking to me about my cats. It is like they have done their jobs so many times, they become a bit robotic, everything is second nature. They move around you, making everything seem easy and uncomplicated and when I caught their eyes, they would smile. Yes, all these people were wearing masks, but you can tell when someone is smiling, their whole face changes shape and I think they seemed to have mastered the ‘mask smile’ to ensure their patients know everything is ok. 

As a nurse, I enjoy seeing the way other health care professionals (HCP) work and I find it fascinating. For me, an excellent HCP is someone who can expertly do their job whilst having the right amount of emotional intelligence to react to their patients’ needs. When you consider what has been in the news over the last couple of years regarding maternity care, including the East Kent and Shrewsbury and Telford scandals, I think that women need to be able to trust their care providers. I can confidently say that I felt in completely safe hands when I had Scarlett. I had been suffering with some anxiety before giving birth, I was worried about losing control. 

I have never given birth before, so my experience can only be compared to what actually happened on July 23rd 2020 or one born every minute, which I’m not sure is completely accurate! Too much drama for my liking! I do not think any birth experience should have the boring adjective ’normal’ attached to it but 2020 has made sure of this anyway! Although, to be told that you have had a normal birth is reassuring as it ensues that everything went well, whether you think it was normal is another matter! You must remember that to the lay person, your normal is completely different to the healthcare professionals ‘normal’ and healthcare professionals must remember this as well. I have to say being a nurse, there is nothing wrong with being boring and normal. If I write normal one more time!! During my nurse training I did watch someone give birth and it was amazing. I remember to this day, seeing the determination, strength, exhaustion and then the complete elation when the baby was born. Women’s bodies are just incredible. 

To give birth requires considerable energy and courage but then Covid has added on another level of anxiety and uncertainty. The information you are told seems to be ever-changing, the midwives at your ante-natal appointments can only give you accurate information that is available at that exact moment, they make no promises, you hear whispers that so and so had to give birth alone, that hospitals are only letting birth partners in when they are 4cm dilated, that pregnant women are alone trying to navigate themselves to the delivery ward, whilst carrying their hospital bag (or I’m sure suitcase in some circumstances) and security guards are not letting birth partners in. How are women supposed to cope with so much uncertainty when they are in labour? It is such a vulnerable time. The last thing they should be thinking about is, where is my mask and hand sanitiser, but I am sure many women have already thought of this and put some ready in the car! It is a frightening time and again seems like a postcode lottery to what the Covid policy is at your chosen hospital. Birth partners stay in their cars or pace the car parks waiting for the phone call, will they make it in time, are their loved ones ok, are their babies ok? 

Try not to worry, I guess they are trying to deliver care which is safe for everyone. I just wish it could be more streamlined and that someone in the patient information department could release statements to squash the rumour mill scare stories. It can be scary enough! Having a baby should be a magical time, and for most (hopefully) you have waited nine months to meet your beautiful baby and you should at the very least be supported by your birthing partner. I do think that hospitals should be releasing up to date advice more regularly to reassure their patients. To be informed only empowers us and helps us prepare. I have learnt through my job, that yes, the information you are giving may not always be great news or not what someone wants to hear but to not tell someone is essentially only making things worse. Communication is key. We need time to process and come to terms with what our new reality is. Maternity services have now had time to put together clinical guidance which will offer key advice for pregnant women during this horrible time, if you are pregnant, this is very reassuring. You can access this information through the RCOG.

Usually, when someone gives birth you might expect to be asked questions such as how was the birth, how are mother and baby doing? Instead, these seem to be secondary, I remember being asked did you have to wear a mask, did you have to have a Covid test, was Colin allowed in. People tend to ask you questions with a certain tone, they might feel sorry for you, and maybe they should. 

I do think it is very weird that we have pictures of me and my husband wearing masks. It takes away some of the actual emotion of what was really going on but also highlights what a crazy time we are living in. I worry that in years to come my pictures will only be a reminder of Covid. Although, people may also see a brave couple about to experience something amazing and yet normal, in a time which was not normal at all. I was wearing a mask whilst I was having a c-section – that is not normal! 

Covid or no Covid, my birth experience was all I could have hoped for. I hope your experience was amazing too and I hope that you and your babes are healthy. My birth experience was slightly more structured as I was booked in for a caesarean section. I did feel slightly in control, we knew a time to get to the hospital, the security guard found our names on the list, and we were admitted on to the delivery ward. 

There is something strange about knowing when your baby will be born, it does feel slightly like cheating. This thought was pronounced as I could hear women in labour. I heard such deep strong noises; these women were doing something amazing. And here I was, essentially waiting to be cut open! This was becoming very real as the minutes ticked by. It is such a surreal thought, looking at your tummy, and knowing soon a baby is going to come out of it, like a magic trick..ta da!! For me, it was weird that I was going to meet someone for the first time that my body had grown over forty weeks, and yet, this creature did not know me, and I did not know her, but we were bound together. I do not know how you felt but although I knew I was going to have a baby, I could never quite believe it. It made me worry whether there was going to be love at first sight. I’ll be honest, I don’t think I did get this awe-inspiring feeling of absolute love when I first met her. I felt amazed at what had just happened but the feeling of being absolute besotted and the kind of love that makes you want to cry would take a few weeks at least. This can be completely normal and so if this is happening to you, just give it time. 

I keep a diary and so I am going to put in my diary entrance from when I had my section. It was written seven days after having the operation and it is slightly erratic, but it probably gives the most accurate version:

31st July 2020:

‘I wanted to write this sooner and wished I had, as I’m already forgetting some of the things that happened in the last 7/8 days and I don’t want to. It’s been an emotional time, not least because I’ve had a baby, major surgery, stayed in hospital for four nights but we’ve had to have Denzil put down…(Denzil was one of our cats and he had to put down the day after we got home from hospital. I have honestly never felt such happiness and sadness at the same time). 

When we got to the hospital it was so surreal – I kept thinking whatever happens I will have a baby by 1pm. I couldn’t imagine the thing that was in my tummy would be on the outside…

At about 11am the midwife came back and said they were ready. I was so nervous. I fully expected to go to theatre on a bed but she just said take your pillow and Colin got the bags and we walked through. She weighed me first, I was 66.8kg (I had put on 10kg)! Then we just literally walked into the theatre – there was no waiting room. It was quite overwhelming – there were quite a lot of people – mostly women and two men. Maybe six women. The anaesthetist asked me to sit on the bed – she was asking about my cats. I was absolutely petrified. Colin was there with me. She was trying to put a cannula in my right wrist – she put local in first which stung but was struggling – I told her I was extremely nervous and thirsty. She gave up and put another cannula in. Another lady was going to do my epidural, I wondered if she was training. I was told to put my feet on a chair in front of me so I could pull my knees into my chest, I was told to relax my shoulders – at this point I was uncontrollably shaking all over – I couldn’t stop. I was told I would feel something cold being sprayed on my back, which I think was local anaesthetic. It was very cold. She then felt for the space where she was going to inject. It was completely weird – I felt a weird pressure – and then a warm feeling, which gradually went to my toes and started to rise in my legs – everything started to feel heavy – I expected to feel numb, but it was more like a pins and needle feeling. I was then asked to lie myself on the bed which I wasn’t sure I’d manage but I did.

One of the men helped me to stay on my left- hand side and then I was lifted onto another bed – by now I felt really weird. My arms were on my chest and I could barely feel my chest! The lady then sprayed me with something very cold on my shoulder and said she would spray this on my legs going up to my chest and I was to tell her when I felt it as cold as the first spray – I felt it around my breasts. Its not that you can’t feel it but you can’t feel the cold.

The surgeon came in then and she asked if I wanted to see baby being born – I did. It was all very quick from this moment – the screen went up in front of me – Colin was to my right – I just kept looking at him – he was talking to me – I think I was crying – I could feel tugging and there was pushing and pulling all the way up near my ribs – it was making the screen shake! The anaesthetist said your waters have gone – and I heard someone say there’s lots of water – then I heard a suction. I was told it was time for her to be delivered – it felt like it only been a couple of minutes. The screen was down and Colin was up with the camera ready.

As I was lay flat I couldn’t see the first bit but then I heard the surgeon say there’s lots of hair and then I saw this full head of hair being lifted out – she cried straight away and lifted both her arms up! It was incredible but also unbelievable that its happening to you. Baby was then whisked off and Colin went with her – I could hear her crying. The anaesthetist talked me through everything they were doing with baby. I was not really with it – I was really wanting to know her birth weight. When she was brought back she was placed on my naked chest. It was so surreal and she was rooting almost straight away.

The anaesthetist took some pictures of us. It took them about 30 minutes to stitch me up. I was then wheeled through to recovery. I was still shaking. The midwife was with me and another man. My temp had dropped to 35 something – they put a bear wrap over me and Scarlett. We then went to the main recovery for about an hour. The midwife put Scarlett on my breast and to my amazement there was this gold liquid coming from my nipples. I then got transferred to the post-natal ward C2 and I was wheeled there with Scarlett on my bare chest. I had been given diamorphine and I was really itchy on my legs and tummy. I think I asked Colin about 10 times how much she weighed. It was all just very surreal. I couldn’t stop staring at her, a fully formed perfect human had just come out of my body!’


Thank you for reading about my positive c-section , I have really loved writing this blog post. I am aware that for some of you, your birth experience may not have been anything like what you had hoped for. If you think that something could have gone better, your experience was not good or if you feel down about what happened, then you might want to consider having a debrief. Your health visitor should be able to give you the right paperwork, do not be scared to ask, your mental and physical health is very important and may make all the difference to how you feel going forward. 

We hope you enjoyed reading Rachel’s positive c-section experience. Did you have a positive c-section?

What would you want to know about a positive c-section? Did you think a positive c-section could be possible?

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INSTAGRAM: SCARLETT TRUTH HONESTY