That Mama Club

6 tips for introducing your newborn to the family dog

Filed Under: BABY, HOME, MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

Whilst pregnant, other than the obvious big questions (was that a contraction or a braxton hick?), one of big pieces that we pondered was how to best, and safely, introduce our family dog to baby. To make sure we did it in a way that would keep both the fur and fur-less babies happy, we talked to a few experts including our Vet and my sister (who’s a trained Vet Nurse and works as in animal welfare). They both had some great tips for introducing your newborn to the family dog!

The biggest tip for introducing your newborn to the family dog was to ensure that the dog kept getting the same amount of attention; but that it could come in different forms/from different sources! Here are some more tips on introducing your newborn to the family doggo:

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Finding more security + comfort in pregnancy

Filed Under: MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

finding more security

Pregnancy can be one of the most wonderful processes you will ever go through, after all, even those who may be non-religious admit that there’s something truly miraculous in having a child. That said, it’s hardly the easiest adventure you could go through, and is quite taxing on your body and mind to put it lightly. This is especially the case for first-time mothers, who have to go through this process with care and diligence in order to retain their health and the health of their baby. Of course, no advice you could read online will ever counter the personalized care and attention from your medical professional aid and midwife support. That said, sometimes it can be that you feel the need for finding more security and comfort in your pregnancy, especially during those times when your mood is being affected by the intense demands on your body. Anyone could and should forgive you for needing a little care at this time.

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Making Time For Your First Born After A New Baby

Filed Under: MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

It’s quite a universal response of first-borns to feel threatened by the news or arrival of a new addition to the family. Their world as they’ve known it all their life is changing and they have no control over it. While in many cases, first-borns look forward to becoming a sibling, it can be an emotional time for everyone involved. Welcoming Baby #2 does not mean that you won’t have time to spend with your first-born, it just means you’ll have to be a little more creative about how you share yourself among them. Here are some ideas on making time for your first born after a new baby.
Making Time For Your First Born
 

Let them help

 
The arrival of the new baby may make your first-born feel displaced. Help them combat these feelings by letting them help where they can with the baby. Offer them a spoon to help at meal times or let them get hands on changing baby’s nappy. You can also designate them a special job like reading to the baby before nap-time. Make sure that during that time, the focus is on your first-born and acknowledge how helpful they’re being. This will serve as another great way of spending time together.
 

Designate separate toy areas

Your first child will experience inevitable feelings of displacement once the new baby comes home. Limiting the amount of shared items will help your older one understand that the arrival of a sibling does not naturally mean they no longer have their own place. Dedicating an area in the house for just their toys and activities may help with this. Find some space in your home (that you can afford to lose) and dedicate it to your first child’s favourite activities and toys. Maybe they can help pick out some new accessories like a desk and chair or a new shelf. Let Them help with the set up of it. Make them feel as involved as possible and ensure they understand it’s their corner. If you want to take it a step further you can also create a similar space for the new addition and let them help with that, too. This is not meant to isolate them from each other and does not eliminate a shared space where they can (eventually) play together but carves out spaces for each of them to have time to themselves.

Schedule activities they enjoy

Think about some of the activities your first-born likes and make realistic plans to schedule them in. Consider switching it up to accommodate the environment or circumstances when the situation arises- for instance, when the baby is sleeping. If they enjoy doing crafts, pull out the craft box and encourage them to make some crafts for the baby nursery or to display. Provide them with a choice of activities and let them lead the direction of the project with your guidance. They will enjoy having control over the activity and expressing their creativity. Not only does this allow you to spend quality time with them doing something stimulating and productive, it will keep them occupied should the new arrival interrupt.
 

Go On Adventures

Depending on your circumstances, you may not feel quite ready to leave your baby alone in the first few months. However, once you feel ready to take that step, plan adventures with your first-born that are specially for you two. Whether it be to a cafe for a milkshake or a more adventurous trip like going to a soft-play or play park, your first-born will appreciate the quality time spent together. Not only will this help to instil their confidence in your bond but will also create special memories.

Hugs and cuddles

 
This is probably the easiest to do. Hugs and cuddles, cuddles and hugs. As your arms get fuller and your first-born gets older, these spontaneous bouts of affection may happen less naturally or even less frequently. Even if you’re using down-time from the baby to get some much deserved rest, scoop up your first-born for a snuggle and enjoy some quiet time together. Not only will they treasure the close physical contact it may help to quell any feelings of jealousy watching you cuddle up to the baby.

Spend as much time as you can

It may be easier said than done but spending as much time as you can with your first-born is crucial to maintaining their sense of security which is inevitably challenged by a new arrival. Especially when that new arrival is adorable, small and chubby and everyone is coming over to “see the baby”. Life with a child can be unpredictable, let alone two. Any small snippets of time you can muster with your first-born will make all the difference. It doesn’t have to be large or time-consuming events or adventures; it can be a little tickle time on the rug or a quick story on the sofa.
Time with you is all that will matter.

WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2021 | YOUR JOURNEYS

Filed Under: HOME, MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2021

World Breastfeeding Week 2021 // something I am so incredibly passionate about. I have been breastfeeding for over 4 years now. My first son I exclusively breastfed him until he was 3 and he self weaned the day his little brother was born who is also still exclusively breastfed at 18 months  – I have such a love/hate with it if I’m honest. It is my FAR the most mentally draining thing I have ever done. A lot of people give this unrealistic idea that breastfeeding is beautiful; full of quiet moments and cuddles.. which sometimes it is…

But it’s also full of pressure, lack of faith in you and your body and it’s also incredibly isolating. My partner could be sat right next to me in bed whilst I fed our babies and I never felt more alone. Breastfeeding a toddler is a whole other ball game – he’s winding his legs round my head and playing stretch Armstrong with my other nipple.

I have received strange looks whilst feeding out in public – or an eye roll, (spoiler – I am not a subtle feeder, the baby wants feeding, I’m not fannying about with a blanket or making sure I’m decent. It’s a tit. People need to calm down and mind their own) but I have also received the most LOVELY comments. However you chose to feed your baby, I don’t care. Honestly. As long as they’re fed, happy and YOU are happy.. go forth and do what you gotta do to survive because lord knows there’s bigger shit to worry about than how OTHER people choose to feed their children. I’m sending you all so much love – those who are breastfeeding, you’re doing amazing! And those who find this week hard for various reasons – you are sensational.

We reached out to various people from our Instagram community and asked them to share their breastfeeding experiences; donating milk, tandem feeding, mastitis and so many more!

WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2021

I breastfed from only one boob for mainly my second baby (milo) but half way through my first baby (Rocco) too. This was a challenge in its self. Milo was a very hungry boy so we had some days were he was constantly on the breast. So we give him the bottle just after a week old. As feeding from one boob, the supply just couldn’t cope and he was too hungry. He’s was combie fed from 2 weeks old.

I’ve suffered with an inverted nipple on my left breast ever since Rocco, who I managed to feed for 6 months. I thought it would go back to normal once Milo arrived but it never did and it killed me to try get Milo to feed from it so we stopped straight away on that side. (It’s still inverted.) So I had a breast cancer panic, luckily it’s not, but I’m glad I went and got it checked out! They don’t know the reason why it’s done this, so I’ll be forever wondering why. It’s been a rollercoaster ride but I wouldn’t of had it any other way, I love the bond from it & I’m proud we lasted 13 weeks just on one boob! – ALICE

I was 19 when I had my first daughter, my mum didn’t breastfeed me or my sister and none of my friends had kids. I really wasn’t sure what I was doing! I have a bit of an over supply and I was pumping too much early on. I ended up getting mastitis 3 times, so I stopped after the last time, my daughter was 6 months old. She was such a chill baby, she would take a bottle of expressed milk from the get go, and when I first offered her formula she chugged it! She loved it and didn’t really care. My second daughter is now 9 months and I’m still breastfeeding her, it’s going well. I think I knew what to expect this time, I’m also older and wiser!! I didn’t get an electric pump this time, I opted for a Haakaa pump. I think this helped with my over supply as it takes the edge off without completely emptying my boobs which helped them adjust to what my daughter needs instead of what I’m pumping. She is also a lot more clingy than my first, she loves being breastfed and isn’t too keen on a bottle! Both experiences have been so different. I’m very thankful for being able to breast feed both my daughters. It’s been a wonderful experience and nothing is better than the feeding cuddles. I’m hoping to get to my daughters first birthday.. wish me luck! – ISOBEL

I don’t know why but breastfeeding has always been so important to me. Maybe it’s because none of my close family had ever breastfed and they’ve always sort of frowned upon it, it made me want to prove a point. I certainly struggled at first with my first born. I just couldn’t quite get his latch right on the left side which ended up severely cracked. This meant he favoured the right and it became engorged and led to mastitis!

I was so lucky enough to have some support through this. Also being pro-boob I followed lots of breastfeeding pages that were a massive help, especially @milkmakingmama and @boo.b.ltd. Fast forward three years and I’ve now successfully breastfed one son for two years and my second is still going strong at nine months. So my advice to any new mama’s would be give it a go because the benefits are endless, seek out advice and weather it’s the first feed, expressed, combi, for just a couple of weeks or even a couple of years give yourself a massive pat on the back because making liquid gold isn’t easy. – MADISON

Hi I’m Sydney, a first time mama to two year old Atticus and a post-breastfeeding mum. To mark Breastfeeding Awareness Week, I wanted to share my journey. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I thought it would be natural and easy, but little did I know, I didn’t know much about it at all. I had a very quick labour, and when Atticus was placed on my chest, he naturally started nuzzling but couldn’t latch. Within one or two hours of giving birth I was told Atticus had an upper tongue tie and that breastfeeding would be a struggle. I had never heard of this before; straight away I panicked and sobbed that I just wanted to feed my baby.

I was so lucky to have such an amazing midwife, who came into my room and gave me syringes to collect colostrum. I remember how calm and patient she was as she sat with me on the bed, helping me collect my milk while I struggled to get the hang of it. Yet I was determined to make breastfeeding work; knowing I had the milk meant I wasn’t giving up easily. As the hours flew by I persisted with putting Atticus to my breast and he was trying so hard to latch. Fast forward a day later, I was still using the syringes but I felt defeated as it just wasn’t happening for us. I remember sobbing and hobbling down the hallway to find a midwife, and asking for a bottle because I just couldn’t do it anymore.

But she believed in me even when I didn’t and said, “let’s give it one last go”. To my surprise he latched, perfectly and pain free. I will always remember that moment, it was just magical. I never experienced any pain or discomfort throughout my whole journey, which was a surprise to me. The doctor said he may have a slight tongue tie but if it wasn’t causing any issues he wouldn’t need the procedure. (So Atticus never had it done.) When I bought Atticus home, the midwives didn’t give me much information on breastfeeding. I’d received the usual chart and spoken briefly about the amount of feeds he should have in 24hrs. But as he was feeding a lot more than what they said, I started to panic thinking I wasn’t providing him with enough. He was constantly on the boob, even if he wasn’t feeding he would just like to be very close to the boob (which I now know is completely normal).

I was so lucky to find an amazing support group on Facebook. There were hundreds of women with questions and we supported each other to learn about cluster feeding, leaps and the many other benefits to breastfeeding. I found my journey with breastfeeding empowering. I would always feed in public without covering up. I was very lucky to never experience any negative /  bad comments,  which only contributed to my positive experience. There were, of course, bad days: the constant demand, the feeling of being touched, the claustrophobia. I never spoke openly about how I was feeling because I was scared of judgment. But just because I held it close doesn’t mean you should to.

To any mama reading this, please talk to a friend a family member or whoever you feel comfortable. So many people are there to listen and help you. I always said I wanted to breastfeed for the first year but no longer, yet I ended up breastfeeding for 14 months. I still remember the last feed, knowing it was the last time, I felt sad but proud of how far we come. Atticus self weaned and it was the best time for both of us. I think by then we had both just had enough. I personally found the change huge and it was a real struggle going from a baby to a one year old, not to mention that the nip lash was real! – SYDNEY

After getting pregnant I had always assumed that I would try to breastfeed, and it was always asked at appointments if that was my intention. I remember the first time they put Ivy to my breast it felt so overwhelming, I’d refused whilst they stitched me up as I was bit out of it. Then I was knackered and I had the midwives planting this little gorgeous little bundle on my chest, and she was struggling to latch and they were asking me if she was latching – though how the hell a first time mum is supposed to know I’ve no idea. I opted to stay in to get help with breastfeeding but I didn’t find it amazing, each midwife tried something different, suggested something different and I did not feel encouraged to give formula if needed (though she was likely hungry and it would have calmed her thinking back).
So I left hospital with this little bundle, not latching and feeling clueless on how to get her to do so. I had no milk issues it flowed fine but the next month became a pressure keck of trying to get her to latch, pumping breast milk and topping up with formula to get levels right and trying every trick. My health visitor helpful but after about four weeks the mental toll of feeling like a constant feeding cow and the cleaning took its toll and I opted to go full formula. She took bottles like a champ and I felt better knowing she was getting the food she needed. I still feel sometimes like I’ve failed in some way but I had a very supportive family and had a health visitor who fully supported my decision. If I have a second child I will try to breastfeed again, and hopefully feel more confident about it this time. But if it’s formula then I know I’ve made the best decision as at the end of the day, a fed baby is a happy baby. – LINDSEY

Being brought up in a pretty devout Catholic family, the image of the Madonna, boob out, nursing an angelic baby Jesus is sort of etched onto my brain: and – weirdly – I think it’s this sort of image that created my pre-baby expectation of what breastfeeding would be like: an innately tranquil experience, with a sacred vibe. So, when my daughter arrived in 2017, via emergency C section, wouldn’t latch properly and I had to pump and bottle feed her, I felt as if I was the only mum in the world that was genuinely useless at breastfeeding. Thankfully, rather belatedly, once I’d been home a few weeks, I got help from my Health Visitor (who recommended using nipple shields) and eventually Little Miss learnt to latch and feed. Having been on the receiving end of several nasty remarks, I was very shy about breastfeeding out and about, and I spent a lot of time feeding in public loos; however, despite all this, I breastfed successfully for a year until the process naturally came to an end.

With my son, a 2020 lockdown bubba, also born by EMCS, my journey was higgledy-piggledy for different reasons. He was a NICU baby and so, after our very first feed, he was taken away from me and whisked off; so, for the first few days all I could do was pump and bag up my milk ready for someone else to feed him. He didn’t gain weight properly, was constantly sick and miserable, and 3 weeks later he started haemorrhaging; he was diagnosed with an acute Cows’ Milk Protein Allergy – he was severely allergic to the traces of dairy present in my breastmilk. So, I was told that if I wanted to continue to breastfeed him, I would have to eliminate dairy (and soya) from my diet until he was completely weaned. And I have – and it’s made the world of difference to him; he’s a happy baby now and I’m able to breastfeed him with relative ease (he has just got his first two teeth in though, so I won’t say it’s always a comfortable process!); I’m hoping to be able to continue to breastfeed him at least until his first birthday.

So when I think of my breastfeeding journey, it doesn’t marry with the image of the Nursing Madonna, it’s been a journey of cabbage leaves and lanolin cream; 4 different breast pumps, vegan cheese, washable nursing pads and good old nipple shields: but that’s okay, actually: that’s pretty brilliant; I’ve fed two small people all by myself, and if I can’t give myself a pat on the back for that during #WORLDBREASTFEEDINGWEEK then when can I! – ISSY

A complicated pregnancy and unexpected four weeks in Neonatal ICU, meant I wasn’t surprised to find myself feeling low following the birth of my eldest son and I began to suspect I had post natal depression, or PTSD. However, as the days, weeks and months passed and the periods between feeds increased, it became clear that the overwhelming ‘lows’ only occurred as my let down began. No warm, fuzzy feeling for me and definitely no ‘settling down with a piece of cake’. In short, my ‘let down’ was a total let down.

I described the sensation to a lactation consultant, who told me about D-MER (Dysphoric – Milk Ejection Response/Reflex). She explained how changes in Dopamine levels, which occur as a normal part of breastfeeding, were causing the sudden and intense waves of negative emotion. As D-MER is a spectrum hormonal response, the intensity and duration vary from person to person. I continued to breastfeed my eldest son for 15 months and experienced D-MER during every feed and I continue to do so whilst feeding my, now five month old, second son. There is no treatment for D-MER. However, having a name for it and an understanding of what it is, makes it easier to live with…I simply save the cake until later. For more information about D-MER and the role Dopamine has to play, here https://d-mer.org

–CHARLOTTE

My breastfeeding journey started with my first born, Cosmo who was born in May 2019. It was hard at first, he never seemed satisfied and wasn’t putting on weight. We were sent to paediatrician’s and lactation consultants and various midwives and no one seemed to be able to figure out why it wasn’t working. Then we saw Zoe, a lactation consultant who funnily enough was the mother of a girl I’d been teaching for years! Zoe diagnosed Cosmo with a tongue tie. It was slight, but enough to be causing the issues we were having. He was 8 weeks old at this point, so my supply had absolutely plummeted and I was desperate to get it back up to be able to feed Cosmo full time. We were already topping him up with formula and I had started pumping to try to increase my supply and be able to top him up with breast milk. I also started using an sns, which is a bottle with small tubes attached that supplement baby at the breast. This helped to encourage Cosmo to increase his strength and appetite by giving him more food at the breast.
Zoe had also suggested using nipple shields to give Cosmo the ‘trigger’ of the nipple on his soft palette. My nipples were very flat, on large breasts, trying to feed a baby with a small mouth, a tongue tie and a high soft palette-the anatomy of us wasn’t fitting well! As soon as I put the shield on Cosmo latched and started feeding with vigour, I nearly cried. Nipple shields are generally only recommended as a short term fix and therefore there is quite a lot of shame associated with them. Amongst all the paraphernalia that I was using, shields, the sns, pumping and topping up with formula, there were times that I felt real sadness and shame that I wasn’t able to feed my baby just at the breast. But somehow I just kept going, and bit by bit I was able to top him up less and to stop pumping. Cosmo breastfed for nearly 2 years and self weaned when I was about 20 weeks pregnant with his sister. We used shields for all of that time and by the end he only fed from one boob. Looking back I am so grateful to have had all the paraphernalia available to me. It meant I was able to breastfeed my baby for all of that time!
Fast forward and I’m just over two weeks into breastfeeding my daughter Veda. It’s completely different. She was on the boob 5 mins after she was born, before I got out of the birth pool. Her latch is good and she’s satisfied after feeding. She’s putting on weight well. I have absolutely no anxiety or gut feeling that something isn’t right. This time round is what I naively expected my first time round to be, and I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling that way. I didn’t realise how difficult it could be. There’s so much education about pregnancy and birth and so little offered during that journey about breastfeeding! I do feel grateful that I had a difficult experience with Cosmo, even though it was incredibly hard and emotionally draining, it’s made me appreciate how naturally it can happen, if things align! – BELLA
You know those videos they show you at antenatal class of a text book first feed where the baby army crawls up their Mama’s tummy and latches? Well I had that exact first feed. My beautiful baby girl shuffled her way up, lifted her head and attached her wide open mouth to my right breast in a move that wouldn’t have looked out of place on a hungry hippos board game. I think I was still high on a wave of post birth euphoria because I didn’t even have any pain. We stayed in our delivery suite all night, topless (me) and feeding often (both of us!).
I had anticipated that the first feed on my left breast might not be quite as simple as my nipple has always been inverted. I had spoken to a midwife during my pregnancy and they said that as the nipple could come out it should be ok as baby would draw it out. Turns out it wasn’t quite that simple and we couldn’t get a left sided latch without the nipple out.
Left sided latching was quite the feat in those early days. Each time I would have to get Ava-Rae into position, then gently squeeze to push the nipple out and hold to keep the nipple ready while she latched. Every time she came off, my nipple would disappear faster than a toddler left unattended with a crayon and we would have to repeat the process to get her back on. Some feeds were more successful than others. Some just ended up with a very vocal, hungry bubba being switched to the right side because trying to latch a distressed baby onto a tricky nipple just wasn’t worth the tears (both of us again!).
I spoke to the midwife when they called to discharge us at around 4wks old about it. Left sided latching was still a bit of a performance and I was getting quite a lot of pain in that nipple. Beyond the initial toe curling latch pain (if you’re there right now Mama’s, it does pass I promise) I could literally feel my nipple being drawn out of my body with every little suck. It could bring tears to my eyes on a bad day. The midwife suggested that I could try a nipple shield, and in the same breath told me if I started with a nipple shield I was unlikely to ever be able not to use one. She also suggested that if it was “that bad” I could just feed on the right side, and in the same breath told me that my right breast might not be able to supply enough milk. Or if my left breast dried up and I had a problem with the right I may have to stop feeding. And that I would look lopsided. I opted to persevere.
Thankfully there is no horror story that comes as a result of me persevering. We managed it and eventually at around 8 weeks she became able to draw the nipple out herself more so latching became easier. Not perfect, but better. And overtime the pain did subside, although it never really went away. But it horrifies me now looking back to think that was the extent of the support I was offered. That I was made to feel that just persevering was really my only option if I wanted to feed.
Today we are coming up to our 16 month breastfeeding anniversary. And for the last 6 months or so it has been a right sided only feeding journey. There was never a conscious decision to stop feeding from my left breast. And even today I still have a supply – significantly diminished I’m sure – in that breast. It just happened subconsciously. As we were out and about more and she would get distracted feeding and want to look around I would put her to my left breast less and less. Offering her the side with the easier latch meant less time for me sitting in public with my nipple just out for the fun of it. And then gradually at home the left side was offered less and less too.
Mamas if you are struggling with your journey, reach out. Speak to friends, message other Mamas on Insta, push your health visitor to help you. But only push as hard as feels right for you. Don’t quit on a bad day, but don’t make every day a bad day by pushing past something that doesn’t feel right to you. Your breastfeeding journey is incredible no matter how long it lasts because the best feeding journey is the one that is right for you. – GINA

TOP GIFTS FOR EXPECTANT MOTHERS

Filed Under: MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

GIFTS FOR EXPECTANT MOTHERS

AD | COLLABORATIVE POST

Whether you are looking to support your friend throughout their pregnancy or prepping for a loved ones baby shower, there are many reasons why you might be on the lookout for the perfect gifts for an expectant mother. After all, as their baby grows, they are dedicating all of their time and energy into the little bundle of joy – which means that they deserve a little something special to make them smile too!

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BEING CLASSED AS A GERIATRIC MOTHER

Filed Under: HOME, MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

When I saw those words GERIATRIC PREGNANCY in my notes it absolutely made my insides cringe when I became a mum for the first time at 29. I was 29. I was young, vibrant, on trend (nearly wrote “trendy” then and really showed my “geriatric” status) which made the words scrawled all over every page of my notes stick in my throat like some ugly word vomit. That was almost 11years ago. I’m a mother of two now and I birthed my second 7months ago (at nearing 39) again I got placed in the “geriatric mother” column when I booked in at the midwife.

I’m mean don’t get me wrong I’m not offended now as I was then, but I can see why some women would be if they were first time mums. I’m perplexed at why they would label anyone over the age of 12 “geriatric”? (Slight exaggeration on the age I know, but it’s the go to number for anyone younger than me).

I certainly did not feel like booking myself into the nearest nursing care home (although today it does sound appealing just to have a break from my loving children-who’s with me?!) when I first saw it in my antenatal notes. To be completely honest, I actually feel the most healthiest, energised, comfortable in my skin and firm on my parental choices this time around, more than ever.

Maybe that’s the key, in my twenties I was consumed with overwhelming anxiety about getting it “right”, you know for the “people” -like I was some Kardashian sister that had the paparazzi following her every move!  The countless real geriatrics in hair nets, offering an unwavering amount of advice, that to be honest much has come true, but at the time was somewhat overwhelming in the tampon aisle at the supermarket.

Heading towards 40,  I’m more informed in life, I’ve grown a bit in maturity (just about) but more importantly I’m trying to listen to my own maternal instincts more than just grabbing the nearest parenting tip book or the phone for a quick google search. Although, hands up, I’m still guilty of that too, just because I’m a little older doesn’t mean I’m not still as vulnerable like all the other new mums out there.

During every midwife and hospital appointment I was treated with delicate care , I was considered a RISK- like I could self combust at any moment “here she comes the geriatric mother, quick take her vitals before her ovaries wither away” ultimately it made me feel unbelievably anxious that they considered my body was not up to the job due to my age. They listed off every possible complication my pregnancies could have had and asked what age appropriate tests I would be opting for (I did comment to one midwife that I had passed the 11+ grammar school exam, at one routine appointment, it didn’t go down too well) and literally they took every ounce of my blood for a plethora of vials.

Now, I understand they have to “cover all options” so to speak and do the appropriate testing for gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure etc but when you very rarely get the same community midwife at consecutive appointments the anxiety just builds having them explain the same concerns and doing the same tests over and over again.

What I was also asked at majority of appointments was why I had an age gap between my pregnancies?, (it seems they really do like to focus on age). Was the second one an accident? New relationship? I could feel my throat burning up, as I entered into some sort of therapy session with every question I answered.

So, why was I given the geriatric status? -I reached for trusty google again and found the following information:

“Traditionally, a geriatric pregnancy is one that occurs anytime a woman is over the age of 35” according to parent.com, “Fecundability, or the probability of achieving a pregnancy in one menstrual cycle, begins to decline significantly in the early 30s, with a more rapid decline a few years later at about 37 years,” explains Margarita Mercado-Medina, therefore the older you get the less chance you have of conceiving, as there are less eggs that are available. There’s also seems to be no medical evidence to suggest a healthy woman in the 30’s, that eats well, takes her vitamins and leads a healthy lifestyle is no less complications than her counterpart in her twenties.

Ok, I get all that. I understand the heightened medical issues that seem to surround a pregnancy later on in life but what I don’t understand is the medical classification, some NHS Primary care trusts are using the terminology “mothers of advanced maternal age” and I don’t think I prefer to be in that column either. Both just  conjure up images of ladies with a blue rinses in flannelette nighties, making their way round the maternity wards.

These days women are choosing to start their families later on in life when they feel more established or more financially secure and so they should be allowed to do so without the stigma being attached. Gone are the days of 1970’s marriages when you were classed as “left on the shelf” in your early twenties. Society has changed, refreshingly for the better, older mums are here to stay but however it’s seems the terminology surrounding women in general, are still stuck in the Middle Ages (no pun intended).

Even at 29 I was financially established, I had my teaching career, marriage, house, all that was left were the 2.4 children, yet I still felt I wasn’t “old enough” to be a mum. Daft I know, looking back I felt like all the actual geriatrics somehow knew better and their judging eyes bore holes into me wherever I went. Is this why women are waiting till later? So they can be more assertive in their parental choices? I certainly know of more assertive mothers who had children at 16 than I was in my 29 years of age.

So it begs the question, does an age label matter when it comes to pregnancy? To answer it bluntly NO. I really don’t think it does.

Personally, I think there should be no labels given, it should reside on the woman’s medical background and any underlying issues she may have on the level of care she may need and not just solely based on her age bracket.

If they really do need a label to scrawl over every page of the notes, then the only label that should be given to a pregnant women is  “mother”. No woman should ever be made to feel like utter crap when at her most vulnerable state.

If I’m ever blessed with another I’m going to wear a number badge, like a proud 5 year old celebrating their birthday….. and I shall go forth and wear my badge with pride. *slowly steps off her soap box to take a bow*

Peace and love Olivia xx

WRITTEN BY OLIVIA : SIMPLY SENSORY BOXES

FIRST TRIMESTER PREGNANCY TIPS

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, PREGNANCY //

We’ve all read the pregnancy books and seen the wonders of impending motherhood shared online but the first trimester is no joke! On one hand, you are so unbelievably excited and on the other, you feel like a exhausted, nauseous sack of shit. I found my second pregnancy MUCH harder than my first, mainly due to the fact I had a toddler to look after. I couldn’t just wallow in pregnancy self pity. I had to function and look after someone else’s needs before my own. We are here to share our first trimester pregnancy tips, to (hopefully) make the ride a little smoother.

first trimester pregnancy tips

FIRST TRIMESTER PREGNANCY TIPS

  • My first trimester was hell I was sick constantly all the way throughout my pregnancy and couldn’t physically function. If I was to give any tips it would be to allow your body to rest , sleep , eat when you can and try drinking enough if you can keep it down. Don’t put pressure on yourself.” – Ria
  • Crackers, ginger biscuits or cereal to help with the sickness
  • Sleep WHENEVER you can! Even if it is just grabbing five minutes on the sofa. Go to sleep when your other children go to sleep. I literally went to bed at 7pm every night for the first four months of my pregnancy with Oliver.
  • Don’t beat yourself up for not feeling yourself! It will pass.
  • Listen to your body. If it needs to rest, rest. If it needs to eat, eat.
  • Indigestion liquid for morning sickness! I had bottles of it everywhere, and the sachets in my handbag. Someone at work thought it was a sachet of mayonnaise! – Mummy’s Waisted
  • Waistband extenders so that I could wear my usual trousers and jeans! These were a life saver and I didn’t need to buy any maternity wear. – Mummy Wishes
  • A good pregnancy pillow. I had twins second time round and by the end was a beached whale in bed (they were both 7.5lbs!) so it was impossible to get comfortable but a long pregnancy pillow that I could curl around me and put between my knees helped. – Twins, Tantrums & Cold Coffee
  • A forehead stick for the inevitable pregnancy headaches, works like a dream! – Emily & Indiana
  • Bio oil! I used it religiously through all three pregnancies and emerged stretch mark free. Aside from that benefit, the act of just massaging your tummy is such a lovely chance to bond with your bump and your baby. – The Good Thing Is Though
  • Soft comfy bras without wires that can grow with you! – Refined Prose
  • Water bottle to keep you hydrated during the day as you do tend to feel quite hot and thirsty when you’re pregnant!

We hope these first trimester pregnancy tips helped! Are you currently pregnant? What has helped you?

C-SECTION TIPS

Filed Under: BIRTH, HOME, PREGNANCY //

WRITTEN BY BECKY REED (GUEST WRITER)

I’m Becky from life.with.the.reeds on Instagram and I have a fair few c-section tips to share with you all!
I had an emergency c section in July 2019, suffered an AKI and was treated for sepsis. My birth story for the background – (https://reedlikenooneiswatching.wordpress.com/2020/09/06/becoming-mum-my-birth-story/?preview=true)
 
My regret is not researching more about C sections, the birth classes certainly advocate for vaginal births but not much is mentioned into “belly births” or how quick a straight forward delivery turns into an emergency C section.
The way I see it now, is you have got to do, what you have got to do. There is no gold star or trophy at the end for either. We are all just mums.

C-SECTION TIPS

C-SECTION TIPS

 

Take the pain meds.

I had paracetamol for my week-long stay in hospital and even a week once I was home. I wasn’t in sharp shooting pain as such, just a niggling droning pain – like a bruise but on the inside, I was however terrified about anything coming apart or getting infected.

Take the laxatives. 

Trust me, I didn’t do a normal poo for 3 weeks I was given iron tablets which funnily do the opposite of the laxative so didn’t feel comfortable going normally until the iron tablets were over with. The midwives will need to see you have regular movements and wee’s to remove the catheter after surgery.

Fragmin injections.

Blood clot preventers, they will give you these to take home too, so get someone to do them for you, my lucky hubby got the short straw. I am not comfortable with needles, less so after birth so there was no way I would have been able to stick these in me and admire anyone that does. I’m just a wimp!

Post-Partum Bleeding

The mother of all periods. Adult nappies became my friends. You are so prepared to change the baby’s nappy but not your own… Why is that?

Big pants.

The bigger the better. Head to Marks and Spencer as these pants will become your best friend. I bought “boy short” type pants for my birth bag, they were not suitable as the waistband sat right along the incision. My mum grabbed me a pack of granny pants and I have never looked back.

Pelvic floors

Yup – you still have to do those. Reminder – You are doing them right now too!

Compression Socks

I did not remove my compression stockings for two weeks (only off for showers). I was so worried about DVT and I was adamant I would not go back in the hospital.

All the pillows
Pillow to hold at your incision site, in case you sneeze, cough, laugh.

Pillows to prop you up at night or day. Your normal bed is the worst transition from the electronic hospital beds. Lying flat in bed hurts, anything to ease that transition is a must.

Time for rest

No housework. The midwife said not to exert or lift anything heavier than the baby. So, I listened and I healed. 6 weeks is a very long time, but I had good support around, where my mum did our ironing, hubby maintained household chores and I sat on the recliner, baby in my arms, keeping my fluids up and enjoying our bundle and trying to work out how to be a mum.

No driving 

I didn’t drive until our 6-week review. I didn’t want my insurance invalidated, plus if you emergency stop your seatbelt is not in the best place, so just don’t do it. I know some mums do, do this, but if you can avoid driving then certainly do that.

Cleaning

Now I had a strong hatred for my scar, so I refused to even look at it in the beginning. Hubby would clean it for me though, morning and night, this was done with warm boiled water, and a cotton bud or pad, going from one end to the other, we would then pat with a tissue and let air dry, which would just involve me propped up in bed, lifting my new mum tum for about 5 minutes. He would also look out for any red patches, heat or sounds gross, oozing because those are signs of infection. But we were all good.

Numbness
No one tells you about the patch of skin between your navel and scar will be entirely numb. I have asked and apparently, that’s normal, the sensation “might” come back. I have just gotten used to the loss.

We hope these c-section tips helped, especially if you are due to give birth soon. 

YOU CAN FIND BECKY ON;

INSTAGRAM: LIFE WITH THE REEDS

PANDEMIC HOME BIRTH STORY

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST, POSITIVE BIRTH STORIES, PREGNANCY //

WRITTEN BY RACHEL BRADFORD (GUEST WRITER)

PANDEMIC HOME BIRTH

Hi, I’m Rachel, mother to three kids under five, and proud home birther to two out of three of my babies. We welcomed our last baby, Temperance, into the world on 28th September 2020 in the midst of a global pandemic in our home is Hampshire.

This was our second home birth, both of which were empowering and amazing experiences. So here’s my story of a pandemic home birth

My home birth experience (Southampton University Trusts)

The first moment I knew I was in labour was in the morning of the 28th around 7:30am when I started to feel strong backache and mild contractions that bordered on braxton hicks. Our four year old was due to go to school (his first full day) so my husband dropped him off, taking our two year old with him so I can pace around the living room, and bounce on my exercise/birthing ball. They came back and I put our two year old down for a nap around 9:30am.

I started to monitor the contractions and read a bit of my book (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) to distract me as they started to get more intense. I phoned the midwives around 10am to have a chat. My contractions weren’t hugely regular, a mix of 4 minutes to 2 minutes apart, sometimes lasting 30 seconds, sometimes longer. I knew this was typical for my body from my previous births. I don’t fall into a particular pattern. I decided on the phone to give it a little longer before I requested the midwives to come.

Half an hour later, the contractions were getting increasingly more difficult to talk through so I called again. The labour line said they would contact the midwives and see if and who could come out to me. I received a call perhaps 10minutes later from the midwife saying she was coming from the hospital and how was I doing? I was starting to get the bearing down sensation from the contractions where the pressure started to build in my back, spread to the front and pushed downward. I said this to the midwife who asked if I thought it would be a good idea to request the second midwife which I said yes. They would be with us in half an hour.

In that time, Dann began filling our hired birthing pool. He had inflated it earlier that morning before the school drop off. The pool took about 30 minutes to fill being a mini birthing pool (the standard size can be upwards of 45 minutes but our water tank struggles to keep up with that size and maintain the water temperature at 36 degrees. We’ve learnt this from previous experience.) To fill up faster, Dann connected hoses to both our kitchen sink tap, and the hot tap in our downstairs toilet. The pool was filled when the midwives arrived at around 11:30am.

The lead midwife (who turned out to be the student who had attended both of my previous births which was pretty special) did my internal exam, as well as general wellbeing checks giving me some entonox to tide me over as the pain was getting more intense. We phoned my friend to come collect Dexter who had now woken from his nap, and I got into the birthing pool with the entonox by my side. The midwives were super helpful with hand holding and helping me get into the pool whilst my husband sorted Dexter who was good as gold throughout. 

As soon as I got in the pool the sensation to push increased and I let my body do its thing. The next part is a little  fuzzy from the pain and pain relief (entonox makes me very heady and spaced out though I know this isn’t the case for most). Not long later, I could feel baby girl’s head near crowning, and I was aware of the midwives monitoring more closely, using the mirror in the pool to monitor any crowning. 

To everyone’s surprise, my own included, she crowned on a contraction, with her body slipping out on the same push. My previous home birth, I pushed the head out, then had to wait a full contraction later before I could push his body out. The midwives caught her and said I could move back so they could pass her up to me. The surprise is written all over my face in some of the photos my husband took. Dexter was with me the entire time, blowing on the entonox canister by the pool as I breathed it in.

I was given the injection to pass the placenta, passed Temperance to my husband and the midwives and guided out of the pool to the sofa to pass the placenta and get checked over. Before I managed to get to the sofa, the placenta slipped out onto the floor. Fortunately we have wood flooring and understanding midwives who had a good laugh about it.

After another check for tears and grazes, I was deemed as a graze which didn’t need stitches (the midwives can do these at home so you don’t have to transfer) and Temperance was brought back for cuddles and her first feed whilst the midwives monitored me for a bit longer and fill in their paperwork whilst we all enjoyed a cup of tea. My friend arrived to collect Dexter for a playdate so we had a bit of time as a three with our baby girl. The most fascinating part of having a home birth is learning about the placenta checks the midwives do, particularly as our hospital trust is a teaching hospital so always has students. I had three midwives attending in the end for this birth.

It was an intense and quite quick birth, but I wouldn’t change a thing. 

How the pandemic affected our pregnancy and birth experience

As a low risk pregnancy, I was lucky to not have many difficulties. Due to the pandemic, my husband couldn’t attend a single scan which was hard, even as a third time mother. We had our first scan a week into the first lockdown. I was the one who told my husband we were having a girl when I got back in the car after my 20 week scan.

All my appointments with my midwife (the same community midwife I’ve had for each of my pregnancies and the most supportive woman ever, she was the one to suggest a home birth in the first instance.) were alone, in masks.

I had an additional growth scan at 37 weeks due to stagnant growth which was not a hugely fun experience, though bumping into Lucinda, my midwife at the hospital was nice.

During my actual birth, the pandemic fortunately didn’t make a big impact. The only real perceptible difference was the fact the midwives wore masks the entirely time, aside from when they had a drink. I am glad we chose a home birth as I think I would have ended up birthing alone in a hospital due to restrictions and childcare.

I think the pregnancy restrictions were far worse and harder than the labour restrictions, and I am very pleased to see that a lot of Covid restrictions have been lifted now for partners and pregnant people. 

The months since have been different to how we expected to spend our days with our baby girl when we conceived her in January 2020, but we have our healthy baby girl and a wonderful birth experience to remember, and that’s all that matters to me.

YOU CAN READ RACHEL’S FIRST GUEST POST BY CLICKING HERE : EVERYTHING YOU NEED WHEN PLANNING A HOME BIRTH

FOLLOW RACHEL ON:

INSTAGRAM: ILLUSTRATED TEACUP

 

BUSTING C-SECTION MYTHS

Filed Under: BIRTH, PREGNANCY //

BUSTING C-SECTION MYTHS

Caesarean Sections, more commonly known as the C-Section. Note how I used the word “commonly”, they are an incredibly common procedure, in fact, around 1 in 4 UK births are c-sections. So why are they still getting a bad rep?

I’ll start by saying no one, NO ONE, ever has the right to tell you you are less of a mother because your child was brought into the world via c-section. If they do? Be done with them, you do not need, nor deserve such negativity. It sucks to be told that, I’ve been told I don’t know what it’s like to give birth, I spent 36 hours in labour and had surgery to save mine and my child’s life. I do know what it’s like to give birth, my birth story just might be a little different to yours. 

So let’s bust a few myths here shall we!

BUSTING C-SECTION MYTHS

“You’re too posh to push” 

  • I used to joke about this one when we performed embryo transfers in horses, we’d say that the egg donor mare was “too posh to push” I’ll not get into the complexity of embryo transfer in horses, because the reasons for reproduction in horses and humans are worlds apart. The point is when you’re saying that to a mother who has just had life changing surgery, (yes it’s life changing!) then you really need to take some time to educate yourself on how major this regularly performed surgery really is. 

“It’s the easy way to give birth”

  • Now I’ve never had a vaginal birth, but I know many, many women who have, let me assure you NO form of childbirth is easy, so let’s stop saying that one shall we, to all mothers. 
  • Secondly the recovery after a C-section is brutal, the first time I stood after surgery required 2 people to pull me to my feet otherwise I’d never have pushed through that pain. The expression “I feel like I’m splitting in half” has never been so vividly true. 

“You’ll not be able to breastfeed”

  • This is a big fat lie! It is true that your milk supply may take a little longer to establish, but you absolutely can have a beautiful breastfeeding journey after a c-section.

“You didn’t really give birth”

  • I HATE this one. Yes I (and every other c-section mother) did in fact, give birth, we just required a little help. You wouldn’t say that Lewis Hamilton didn’t really win the Grand Prix because someone changed his tyres for him. Celebrate that win, Mama has just given birth (although maybe pour her Champers in a glass not all over her)

“Loads of people have c-sections, what’s all the fuss about”

  • It’s a real tough blow having a c-section, it can take away all of your birthing wishes and dreams, it puts you in the back row when you should be centre stage. It can be a lot for someone to come to terms with, so be kind, they’re probably hurting emotionally and definitely physically. 
  • It’s major surgery, you’d make a fuss over someone having their appendix cut out through keyhole incisions, so make a fuss over that new Mama who’s just had huge abdominal surgery, can barely move and now has someone completely dependent on her for survival!

Becoming a Mother is intense, emotional, exhausting and to have someone make that time harder for you is a painful experience. You birthed a child, you did, in the way in which you had to. Don’t ever let anyone pull you down for that, there’s already a strong chance you’re telling yourself that you failed, you didn’t, you are a superwoman and totally bossing being a new Mama. 

Be kind to yourself, I know it’s tough, it may not have been what you wanted, but your child will never think any less of you for the way they were born. 

APRIL IS C-SECTION AWARENESS MONTH – FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM WHERE WE ARE SHARING LOTS OF CONTENT!

PREPARING FOR A POSITIVE CAESAREAN

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST, HYPNOBIRTHING, POSITIVE BIRTH STORIES, PREGNANCY //

WRITTEN BY CLAIRE DUGAN – TUTUM BIRTHING (GUEST WRITER)

POSITIVE CAESEREAN

Are you planning to give birth to your baby via caesarean? Is this elective, or perhaps you have been advised to do so for a medical reason. You may be feeling completely fine with this decision or you may feel disappointed, perhaps with a sense of having no options and the vaginal birth you were planning has been taken away from you.  I want to reassure you that you can still have a sense of control over your abdominal birth and having this sense of control can then allow you to feel more prepared and excited whether planned or unplanned. 

POSITIVE CAESAREAN

Your baby’s birth can be magical when you give birth abdominally. It is proven that the more relaxed you are going into your abdominal birth the easier the bonding, healing and recovery can be.  We want and need to have an emotional experience however we birth, we should be given the opportunity for involvement and to be a part of the birth as much as possible, therefore you can use hypnobirthing as it has a wonderfully beneficial effect on your mindset and your ability to remain relaxed. Hypnobirthing as birth preparation really is for all births. Incorporating logic, mindfulness, affirmations, breathing techniques, confidence and techniques to keep the adrenaline at bay so you can enjoy your birth. 

If you have elected or are preparing for an abdominal birth then being aware of your choices, understanding what the team is open to doing within your hospital and then communicating this to them via your wishes for birth will also help you to feel more in control.  I always recommend my parents put together an option for a plan B or C. So even if you have an unplanned abdominal birth, you can still have some choices in place. 

Are you familiar with the term ‘gentle caesarean’? This means that the obstetrician would make the incision and your baby’s head would be born gently before slowly waiting for the body to follow, this allows your baby to have a calmer entrance into the world.  Moving through in this way also helps with expelling the fluid from the lungs which would have been squeezed out if your baby was born vaginally through the birth path. 

If you have been using guided hypnobirthing MP3’s in your pregnancy, they would have made a positive association for you which will still be very helpful. Make sure you have your MP3 or music on one headphone, so you have this to keep you calm while also staying informed of what is happening in the room if this is your preference. 

On gowning up you can have your gown tied at the front opposed to the back, like putting on a jacket, this will enable you to enjoy skin to skin with your little one as soon as you can. We know the benefits of skin to skin and this should be as encouraged with an abdominal birth. It will help to release the oxytocin and to stimulate your supply.  

You may have heard of delayed cord clamping. Straight after birth, historically your baby’s cord would have been cut either right away or after around one minute.  We now know that delaying your baby’s cord from being cut has huge benefits for the baby.  Delaying it for even 3-5 minutes ensures that they receive a huge amount of extra oxygenated blood volume through the cord from the placenta, up to 30%. They are also then receiving iron which will be enough for 3-6 months. White blood cells and antibodies to keep their immune system boosted. They will also get the transferral of vital stem cells. You can also leave the cord until it goes white and floppy.  Delaying your baby’s cord being clamped should be done for you unless of course, the baby needs some help after birth and in this case they will need to clamp the cord to assist your baby. 

You can have the ECG dots placed on your upper back and shoulders opposed to your chest which will then allow for immediate skin to skin and for your baby to be placed directly on your chest after birth without any interference. 

You can ask for the lights to be dimmed around the theatre room apart from those being used directly above the surgery.  Once your baby has been born, it will then be able to enjoy skin to skin in a darker more dimly lit atmosphere up by your chest. 

The surgical screen can be lowered so you are able to see your baby being born, this is magical if you would like to experience it. Some parents would prefer not to see it however some have described it as magical.  It is your decision however, you do need to communicate this with your birth team I would suggest before the day just to make sure it is something they do offer.

Skin to skin.  The first hour should be as calm as possible to encourage your baby to feed and establish breastfeeding if this is your wish.  It will help to produce the oxytocin for bonding and will assist in encouraging your uterus to contract down. You can request that the midwives do not weigh or measure your baby until after that first initial hour following birth. 

I really hope this helps to let you feel more in control of your abdominal birth and for you to prepare in the best way for you both as parents.  I would urge you to communicate with your midwives as much as possible which will then enable you to stay close to your choices and if it is not possible then you will understand why.

YOU CAN CLAIRE ON;

INSTAGRAM: TUTUMBIRTHING_

WEBSITE: TUTUM BIRTHING – HYPNOBIRTHING

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A NICU MUM

Filed Under: HOME, MOTHERHOOD, POSTPARTUM, PREGNANCY //

WRITTEN BY HELENA (GUEST WRITER)

Both of my boys were born prematurely, and each needed to spend a number of weeks in neonatal care. During that time, and since, I’ve had people make comments which were less than helpful and often upset or angered me. It can be hard to know what to say to someone going through NICU so I’ve put together this list which will hopefully help if you have a friend or family member who is going through this tough experience.

NICU MUM

  1. “When will you get home?”

This can be difficult to answer. The chances are that Mum will get home much sooner than the baby, so who are you actually referring to? In the worst of cases, mum and dad might not actually be sure the baby is going to come home at all.

The situation changes really quickly in the first few hours and days so this question is really unhelpful at the beginning in particular. “We aim for a due date” is basically all that a doctor will tell Mum and Dad, even when things are going well. They never change this answer as things can change with a baby in a heartbeat. Every time you ask a parent “when will you get home”, you will only be reminding them of just how far away the due date feels.

Five weeks after my youngest was admitted, we had no idea he was even close to coming home until the day before. Even then we thought it would be a handful of days, not just one.

Instead try saying “however long baby is in hospital, know that I am here to help. I will drop off some food so you can have something warm for dinner tonight”.

  1. “Have you asked if you can stay overnight?”

Do you really think any parent wants to leave their baby behind? Of course they have asked if they can stay. There just isn’t the space in neonatal units in the UK for every baby to have their parents with them overnight. The unit we spent all those weeks in with my boys has three bedrooms reserved for babies who are a night or two away from going home so parents can stay knowing staff are just outside if they need support. There are significantly more than three babies in the unit at any one time.

There is no worse feeling than leaving your baby behind in the hospital. It just doesn’t feel natural to leave hospital having given birth without a baby, so every parent will most definitely have asked if they can stay.

Instead say “I can’t imagine how you are feeling having to leave your baby. I’m here if you want to talk.”

  1. “Why don’t you just sleep on a chair so you can stay all night?”

It really isn’t a case of “just” sleeping on a chair beside your baby’s incubator or cot. You make it seem so easy saying “just” and that little word can make mums feel like they are not putting enough effort in. 

Most new mums, exhausted after giving birth, can lie in bed, cuddling and feeding their newborn for the first few hours, even days. NICU mums have to move between the postnatal ward and neonatal ward only to sit and look at their baby from an uncomfortable chair.

Many mums will have had a traumatic birth and are far from being well themselves. I’m sure most mums would “just” sleep on a chair if they were physically able and they knew the baby was only going to be in for a night or two. But sleeping on a chair really isn’t an option when you know it’s going to be weeks or months. Baby needs a healthy mum who isn’t running on zero sleep.

Instead say “It’s awful that you are separated from the baby, I can only imagine how hard that is.”

  1. “At least you can have a full night’s sleep while the baby is still in hospital!”

Seriously, don’t even think about saying this. First, think about how difficult it would be to sleep if you were separated from your new baby who is gravely ill in hospital. Then remember that most NICU mums will also be waking up to an alarm to pump milk every three hours for their sick baby. Believe me when I say that being woken by an alarm at 2am makes it infinitely harder to get back to sleep than if you’d been woken by a baby.

In addition to being woken by the alarm, you have to then wake up enough to pump, go downstairs to put the milk in the fridge and sterilise the pump kit ready for the 5am alarm call. Oh, and you’ve probably phoned the unit for an update on how the baby is doing.

Plus there’s also the fact that instead of relaxing at home and napping with the baby during the day, you are instead travelling to the hospital to sit on that uncomfortable chair, wishing you could touch and cuddle your baby. So no, getting more sleep is definitely not an upside to a baby being in NICU.

Instead say “Wow, you are doing an amazing job. Getting up to pump must be so tough but think of all the goodness you are giving to the baby”.

  1. “My friend’s cousin’s dentist’s son had a baby born at 31 weeks too. He was home from hospital after 4 weeks so you probably won’t be there much longer.”

You probably think that saying something like this might make a NICU mum or dad feel better but, in reality, comparing their baby to another is far from productive. All babies develop at their own rate, not to mention the fact that they are all born with different issues. 

It just makes you feel worse when it gets to 4 weeks and your baby still isn’t close to being sent home. How come my baby chose the short straw and needed to stay longer than this other baby?

Instead just say “baby is beautiful, I can’t wait to meet them”.

  1. “I would have loved it if my baby had been taken away and looked after that first night. It would have been great to have had a good sleep.”

Someone said this to me just the other day and it made me feel so angry. I wish so much that I’d been able to spend those precious first moments with my babies, time that we will never get back. It just seems so unfair that someone can say that they wish they hadn’t had to. Maybe it’s easier to appreciate how special those first few hours and days are with a new baby once you’ve had them taken away? Plus, see above regarding the “good sleep”.

Instead, just don’t mention it, even if that’s how you feel. NICU parents haven’t been able to make that choice and would probably do anything to be able to cuddle their baby as much as parents of full term babies can.

  1. “I’m so uncomfortable, I wish the baby would just arrive now.”

I’ve heard this so many times from pregnant women, even ones who know my history of two premature births. I almost didn’t include it as I didn’t want to offend anyone, however, I really think it needs to be mentioned. Although I know that it’s just a thing that people say without actually meaning, I’m never quite sure what to say in response. It just feels like people don’t appreciate how hard it is having a baby in NICU.

I was already starting to feel uncomfortable with my small bumps so can only imagine how uncomfortable being heavily pregnant must be. But surely it can’t be worse than spending weeks or months in hospital, being unable to comfort or hold your baby properly and watching the baby undergo numerous medical procedures while you just have to sit and hope? At least being uncomfortably pregnant only affects you, not baby, siblings and extended family.

Remember that NICU mums are probably grieving that missed third trimester. My second premature birth was half expected but I still felt robbed of my bump and didn’t feel at all ready for the baby to be here. I really do feel cheated that I missed out on the last heavily pregnant stage and it makes me sad hearing people wish it away. (Little disclaimer, this is of course a blanket statement. Obviously there will be cases where mum or baby is actually unwell, not just uncomfortable, and I’m only referring to cases where there are no medical issues, just a healthy pregnancy.)

Instead feel free to complain about how uncomfortable you are, I’m sure your NICU mum friend will be able to empathise. Please just don’t add the throwaway comment of “I wish the baby would just arrive now”.

  1. “At least you didn’t have to give birth to a bigger baby so it won’t have hurt as much as if the baby had been full term.”

I don’t think it is at all possible to compare the pain of childbirth with another person. Out of my two births, I can safely say that I found the birth of my second, smaller baby much more painful than my first and so the theory seems to fall down.

My second son arrived 9 weeks early. That’s more than two months before he was supposed to be here. My first son was “only” 6 weeks early and while that was scary, I had been assured by doctors that it wasn’t really “that” early in terms of prematurity and the likelihood was that everything would be fine.

Nine weeks, however, felt so much earlier than six. The doctors were optimistic that he would be ok in the long run but I didn’t get the same feeling of confidence from them as I had the first time round. I’d been through the neonatal unit before and knew during labour that this time we’d be in for longer, with a toddler at home who I hadn’t fully prepared for the baby arriving right now and a hospital on the verge of lockdown. 

I think my body was doing everything it could to hold him in and I just couldn’t relax into the hypnobirthing breathing in the same way I had before. The panic and worry meant I just couldn’t calm myself down so I’m sure that led to the birth being more painful.

Giving birth early also means that the birth plan, if you’d even got as far as writing one, goes out of the window. You instead need to give birth hooked up to every monitor going, with what feels like half the hospital either in the room or waiting outside. You also know that you likely won’t be able to see your baby, let alone hold them, because they are going to need immediate medical attention to survive.

It’s not the relaxing, minimal pain birth experience you were probably hoping for, no matter what size baby is. Also, many NICU mums have had sections as the birth is often due to a medical emergency and I don’t think the size of baby has any baring on the pain caused by that.

Instead say “giving birth so early must have been terrifying.”

  1. “You don’t like staying pregnant do you?”

Why do people think it’s ok to say this? I get this one far too often, even from a few of the nurses in the neonatal unit. While I get that it’s probably meant as a joke to lighten the mood, it’s really not something I find funny.

I would have done anything to stay pregnant so my babies and family didn’t have to go through the trauma of weeks and weeks in hospital. More than anything, I wish that I’d been able to finish my pregnancies normally, excited and counting down the days for the arrival of my healthy babies. Instead, I had all of my birthing choices taken away from me and was petrified during my labour that my babies would be born terribly unwell or worse.

Instead, don’t make a joke, offer support either emotional or practical.

YOU CAN FIND HELENA ON;

INSTAGRAM: THE TARTAN LEEKS

WEBSITE: THE TARTAN LEEKS

HOME BIRTH PLANNING | EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST, HOME, POSITIVE BIRTH STORIES, PREGNANCY //

BY RACHEL BRADFORD (GUEST WRITER)

HOME BIRTH

HOME BIRTH

Hello, a quick introduction. My name is Rachel, mama to three kids under five (yes I know!). I’ve been really lucky to have the best of birth experiences, and had two home births out of choice and preference. I get a lot of shocked faces, and surprise when I’ve spoken about my home birth before (more so about my second born, first home birth as that was in 2018 so we’ve seen more people as opposed to my 2020 home birth where we obviously haven’t seen many people).

There’s a lot of thoughts and feelings about home births. Like most things there are facts and figures, both positive and negative, which add to preconceived ideas and feelings.

I’m a huge advocate of home births and women’s birth rights, especially around where they give birth and reducing the surprise that seems to surround home birthing. I promise, it is safe. It is no more risk than any other kind of birth.

Planning a Home Water Birth

For both home births, I discussed my plans with my midwife who gave me the go ahead at my 36 week appointment. She knew I wanted a home birth prior to this, but it was decided and agreed at 36 weeks during our birth planning appointment. If it’s your first home birth, your Trust will organize a home visit.

The home visit is not about judging the cleanliness of your home, or how well you’ve decorated. The midwife mostly just wants to know if there will be enough space, especially if you plan to have a home water birth as the pools are quite large. They also want to check parking and access, considering the possibility of ambulance being needed (this isn’t to scare you, but should absolutely be taken into account). Once your home birth has been agreed, which is dependent on your personal circumstances and pregnancy (see more on your rights below), your Trust will organise the home birth kit.

Depending on your Trust, some have dedicated home birth teams, others use their community midwives, others still use the midwives within the hospital and send them out as and when needed. Some Trusts will send your home birth kit to you at 37 weeks (the advised date at which a home birth is deemed safe as you are full term) which you store in your home until required. Or, your midwives will bring the kit with them on the day/night of the birth. The former happened for our first home birth, the latter happened for our second home birth. These kits include incopads, syringes, disposal kits, emergency resuscitation equipment, general medical supplies, and entonox if requested. This is usually brought by the midwives on the day/night of labour but I have heard of it being with the kits too.

I have always been a fan of the idea of water births, and have attempted water births for all three of my labours, with two successful (my first was a dry land birth, after spending a lot of time in the pool for the labour but needing some extra monitoring for my back to back baby for the last part of pushing).

Home births absolutely allow for a water birth if you wish to go that route. Some Trusts have the scope to offer birth pools on hire, some for free, some for a small charge. Many, unfortunately don’t. However, there are many birth pool hire companies, where they will provide everything you need for your home water birth, including instructions and courier service. We have used the Gentle Births Birthing Pool Hire for both of our home water births, which is a small independent company that have the very best customer service and excellent quality hired pools. You can also buy a pool outright, and then sell later. Both options are usually around the £100 mark. 

For pain relief, aside from the pool, you can use tens machines and paracetamol. Speak to your midwife and GP about pethidine or other heavier painkillers, which can be given in a home birth but has to be prescribed in advance by a GP. Entonox, or gas and air, is the most commonly used pain relief in home births.

HOME BIRTH

Home Birth Facts

There’s quite a lot of fear associated with home births. Around 2% of births in England and Wales (I don’t have the data for other areas, sorry) happen at home (ONS) or outside of a NHS/hospital setting. 

“Overall around 80% of first-time mothers who planned a birth at home or in a Birth Centre had a straightforward birth, compared to only 60% of those that planned a birth in an Obstetric unit.” (Aims) This figure increases for the second time and subsequent mother’s.

There isn’t a definitive fact for why home births lean toward more straightforward births but many believe the reduction of stress from moving from one environment to another (especially a clinical one) can contribute to labour being managed better by mother’s.

“In the Birthplace Study, only about 5 or 6 in 100 women transferred from home or an FMU in order to have an epidural, and about twice as many from an AMU.” (Aims) 

Your Options and Rights

There are many reasons to birth at home, and why it may be a viable and preferred option. Many, like myself, don’t like a hospital environment. Particularly when you factor in the rates of intervention for a hospital birth compared to a midwife led unit or home birth. Some choose a home birth to regain control after a traumatic previous birth. Those who have had previous fast deliveries are often advised to consider a planned home birth as generally second births are faster than the first.

As with all aspects of maternity and perinatal care, your choices are your own and you are well within your rights to change your mind, before, and during labour. If you do, you can be reassured that being at home isn’t going to endanger your child. You can still be transferred. This also applies to births that develop complications. We all know that no birth is the same, and to expect the unexpected. Midwives are trained to look for signs of distress, just as they would within a hospital environment, and will have you transferred to hospital if you need the additional assistance. Ambulances will rank you highly on their priority list too.

“The most common reason for transfers is that labour is going slowly and the mother wants it to be speeded up artificially. The other main reason is that her midwife has picked up signs that her baby may not be coping well with labour. Midwives are trained to spot these warning signs early, so the transfer can normally be done in plenty of time and in a calm way.” (Aims)

Unfortunately, some parents to-be are not supported with their choice to home birth by their Trust. This does not remove your right to birth wherever you choose.

“If you are keen to have a Homebirth and your Hospital Trust is reluctant to support you, another option is to hire an Independent Midwife to provide your care. (link to IMUK) and in some areas private companies are offering midwifery services, some of which are paid for by the NHS.” (Aims)

You are also able to free birth should you wish for no medical intervention. This is sometimes the path taken by those who have been advised that a midwife cannot get to them at home, usually due to staffing, who do not want to go into a hospital environment. You can also call for a paramedic crew to attend should you need emergency support but you should remember that they are not trained to the same level as midwives about intervention and baby monitoring, and will likely transfer you to hospital unless a midwife can arrive shortly after the birth in the case of quick and sudden births.

“Some women choose to birth at home without midwife support (known as free-birthing). This is legal. It is also legal for a relative or friend to support a woman who is labouring without a midwife present, as long as they are not acting in the capacity of a health professional or giving medical or midwifery care.” (Aims)

Shopping List

Birthing Pool

if you want a water birth (they come with liners and pumps. You may need to purchase a thermometer and sieve).You will also need a hand mirror so the midwives can use it in the water to monitor your visible progress. I found an affordable hairdressers hand mirror for about £4 on Amazon.

Lots of towels

preferably old ones in dark colours but I promise home births really aren’t as messy as you would like. You’ll want ones for around the pool, for you when you get out of the pool (if applicable) plus ones for your sofa or bed, plus for baby to be wrapped in.

Cheap shower curtains or tarpaulin

 This helps to protect your floor especially if you have carpet (you can duct tape to the carpet to stop it sliding). Also can be used on your sofa or bed to protect them. Cheap is fine. I used £2 shower curtains from ASDA that we threw away at the end with the pool liner and incopads.

Maternity Pads

are helpful too if you have the funds. Your midwife team will bring incopads in their kits, but these are great for between calling and the arriving, as well as after birth if you are a heavy bleeder. Boots do a good pack of five pads.

Tea, biscuits and snacks

For you, the family and the midwives. For my first homebirth I gave birth at shift change so it wasn’t hugely necessary. But my second, I laboured right through to lunch (more about that later) which made for some peckish midwives who didn’t even appear to contemplate food. We offered tea and biscuits which they gladly accepted as I held our new born daughter and they did their paperwork. Chocolate hobnobs will forever remind me of giving birth.

Candles/lighting

are great options for creating a cosy atmosphere. Some midwives advised against real candles due to naked flames near a flammable substance, i.e. the entonox, although I’ve never had that problem personally. Many choose fairy lights to go around the pool, and battery powered candles as they also last a long time with no fire risk.

I also packed an emergency hospital bag, just in case. You never know if your circumstances are going to change, and with every birth and baby different, it doesn’t hurt to have a plan B. I packed all the basics for a hospital stay in case we needed some extra help. Fortunately I’ve never had to use it, and raided it after the birth for my hidden extra snacks!

Most of all, if you’re planning a home birth, enjoy the process. Own your choice. Home births, not so long ago, were the norm, and hospital births unusual. They are safe. You are safe.

YOU CAN FIND RACHEL ON:

INSTAGRAM: ILLUSTRATED TEACUP

BLOG: ILLUSTRATED TEACUP

 

THE FEAR OF BECOMING A NEW MUM

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

BY ALLY ROBERTS (GUEST WRITER)

 

I felt a whole range of emotions when I found out I was pregnant, from happy and excited to nervous and quite frankly terrified. But one feeling that kept niggling away at me was the fear of becoming a new mum & losing my sense of identity. It took me over 30 years to become the woman I was and I wasn’t ready to give her up, I just had no idea how I was going to manage being a good mum and still be me.

Growing up I was often referred to as someone’s daughter or sister and I spent my twenties carving out a life that was mine. I fell in love with travel, different cultures and other peoples idea of normal fascinated me. I set myself challenges and completed the three peaks, night rides, half marathons and numerous 10ks. I was worried I wouldn’t have that any more and just be known as someone’s wife and mum, then felt guilty for thinking that for surely there’s no greater title as being someone’s mum? 

Obviously with the world in lockdown, travel and challenges are out of the window, but I found myself putting pen to paper when Elena was born to try and clear my mind and make sense of the crazy year we’d just lived through. I’d always loved the idea of writing I enjoyed English at school and college and I’ll read any opportunity I get, I’d just always come up with excuses for not writing anything down myself. So I wrote a poem for Elena’s memory box when she was two months old, I then stumbled across a project on Instagram.

The author Emylia Hall was putting together an anthology called born in lockdown and wanted people to write in with their experiences. I’d missed the deadline but sent my poem in anyway and she said she wanted to include one of the stanzas in the pregnancy section, it was all of six lines but It felt so good that in the throes of becoming a new mum I was managing to do something for me.

I then set up an Instagram account to document my writing and motherhood and stumbled across this wonderful online community of mums and ones who enjoy writing. A message from That Mama Club inspired me to write this article and send it into them.

Writing helps clear my mind and gives me a focus and it’s my interpretation of ‘me time’. Leaving my husband to parent whilst I nip for a quick shower isn’t what I’d call me time, it’s a basic human need and I think as mothers we need more than that, well I do anyway. I guess what I’m trying to say is everyone has a spark or something they’re passionate about but self doubt or excuses get in the way. Even if it’s just ten minutes a day I try to dedicate that time to writing.

Obviously some days I find myself at 5pm, husbands home and I’m not quite sure what I’ve managed to achieve that day, but more often than not I find if I don’t put the TV on until a certain time of day or spend less time on Facebook it frees my time up to invest in me. It’s slow progress, I mean It’s taken me several days to put this together in what normally would only take an hour or so but that doesn’t matter. You can lose yourself in giving too much away but having a small amount of time dedicated to yourself can make a huge difference to how you feel, I genuinely feel like a better mum and wife for it too.

We hope you resonated with Ally’s post & her fears of becoming a new mum!

YOU CAN FIND ALLY ON;

INSTAGRAM : RHYMING MUM

PREGNANCY WITH TYPE 1 DIABETES

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

BY CLAIRE HARDING (GUEST WRITER)

pregnancy with type 1 diabetes

Claire is going to be sharing her story of experiencing pregnancy with type 1 diabetes. We hope you find this post helpful, insightful & educational!
Being a mummy and being a diabetic are two things that I am, they are two things that I don’t think about very often, they are life, they are me.
I can’t imagine life without either diabetes or our sons.

PREGNANCY WITH TYPE 1 DIABETES

I don’t remember much about life before being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when I was 10 years old. It’s something that has just always been there and thankfully has, mostly, been a positive part of my life, something to embrace. It’s been hard work but thanks to my fantastic parents, brother and husband it’s never been a fight, it’s never been a hassle, it’s been a positive (being able to eat snacks in exams was a definite positive when I was a teenager). It’s never been a hindrance, it’s never stopped me from doing something I wanted to achieve.
What is Type 1 Diabetes?
In my experience there is a general confusion as to what diabetes is, lots of people think it’s caused by eating too much sugar, that insulin helps when you feel faint, that there is a cure, that you are elderly or that poor management of weight has caused it – non of these are true for me!
Diabetes is a lifelong condition that affects your body’s ability to control its own blood sugar levels with insulin. There are two main types, type 1 and type 2. Type 2 diabetes is the more common, in the UK around 90% of all adults with diabetes have type 2.
Diabetes is where your body can’t produce enough or any insulin to break down the sugars in food, for type 1 diabetics their immune system has destroyed the cells that produce the insulin whereas for type 2 diabetics their body doesn’t produce enough insulin.
The treatment type 1 diabetes is insulin injections or with an insulin pump. When I was first diagnosed I had two injections a day, one at breakfast and the other at supper. When I became a teenager it went up to 4 injections a day, at breakfast/lunch/supper and one long lasting insulin at night. I then I went onto an insulin pump, I was one of the first paediatric patients in my hospital to go on one which was exciting. A pump is a small electronic device that is attached to the body using a cannula, a tiny tube which you replace every 2-3 days, it allows more flexibility and freedom with when and what you eat as well as allowing tighter control of sugar levels. It is attached to you 24/7 but, for me, it’s the best piece of equipment!
Preparing for pregnancy for diabetics
When my diabetic consultant learnt of my engagement he immediately recommended meeting with a diabetic obstetrician. A sudden worry came over me, will being diabetic stop me from becoming the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be, a mother.
Coming out of the very positive, somewhat premature, meeting with the doctors, we were aware that a bit more work may need to go into the planning for a baby than for someone without diabetes. It wasn’t just going to be about how diabetes could affect the pregnancy but how being pregnant could affect my diabetes.
After our wedding, a move to the South West and buying our first house, we began to think about starting a family. Diabetes very much came to the forefront of our thoughts, management of sugar levels had to be tighter than ever before, I would also need to be on a higher dose of folic acid from when we started trying to when I was around 12 weeks pregnant to help me to have a healthy pregnancy.
Pregnancy with Diabetes
When I saw the positive pregnancy test I was overjoyed and relieved but those happy feelings were paired with a worry that our preparation would not be enough, that the work in the months leading up to getting pregnant hadn’t been enough to help this baby through the next 9 months. I knew I needed to start booking doctor appointments, it gave me peace of mind to know that the team that look after me were aware of the pregnancy as early as possible to allow for as much support as possible.
 
Due to the increased risk of miscarriage and stillbirth, diabetic mothers attend more scans and more obstetrician appointments than most women, especially from 20 weeks onwards. I am so thankful for those extra opportunities to see our son, to make sure everything was going ok, to have the chance to ask questions and get reassurance. I don’t remember overly worrying about the pregnancy on a day to day basis, I’m sure my husband would disagree, but the day before each scan I had overwhelming fear that we would receive bad news the following day, I would question whether I had felt him kick the normal amount. From 20 weeks I had appointments and scans roughly every 4 weeks and then from around 30 weeks every 2 weeks with both the obstetrician and my diabetic consultant. I also had email contact every few days with the diabetic team. The amount of insulin needs to be reviewed and changed constantly. Babies born to women with pre-pregnancy diabetes have a risk of twice as many complications as babies born to women without diabetes, these risks can be reduced with really tight control of the diabetes before and during the pregnancy.
I had always been under the impression that diabetics had to have a caesarean delivery and that there would be a lot of medical intervention for the baby when they are born, but from our first appointment I was told that labour and delivery could be how I wanted it to be, although diabetics are induced between 37 and 38 weeks to reduce risk of stillbirth. We were also told that 45 per cent of women with pre-pregnancy diabetes have c-sectionscompared with 27 percent of women without diabetes.
One Friday we had a routine scan and obstetrician appointment, I was 36+3 weeks pregnant. We found out that our son was a bit too big, roughly 9lbs, and that I was showing signs of pre eclampsia so we were told that we needed to go home and get our bag and that I was being admitted to hospital, our son will be delivered by c-section on the following Monday! We were totally unprepared and scared. A fear of c-section and panic for his life was all I could think about as we drove home, we hadn’t even packed the hospital bag at this point! After an incredibly quick trip home, a panic phone call to my mother, a cry and a pot noodle for my husband, we returned to be admitted to the prenatal ward.
It was such an odd weekend, I didn’t feel like I should have been there, everyone around me was in labour and in a lot of discomfort whilst I was just bored of having to stay in bed being constantly monitored, both for the baby and the diabetes. I was given steroids over the weekend to help speed up his lung development, it gives preterm babies a much stronger chance of surviving. On the Sunday night we were told that I would be the first in the next morning, bright and early, so my husband decided to stay the night, he still hasn’t got over the fact that he had to sleep on the floor with only a couple of towels as a mattress due to all the reclining chairs being used elsewhere.
A few hours before the section I was taken off my insulin pump, a pump allows insulin to drip into me continuously thereby giving me a tighter control of my sugar levels, and the hospital took over control of my insulin via a continuous drip, I then went back on the pump once I was well enough to eat again after the baby was born. It was so nice not having to think about the diabetes whilst worrying about everything else that was happening at the time.
The section went as planned, the epidural had made me feel really light headed but everything else went well. At 12:31pm I became a mother, our first son was born. We had a quick glance at him and then he was given a check over by a specialist team who were thankfully very happy with him and all his observations so no further medical care was needed for him then. They weighed him and were chuckling away whilst doing so, we were asked what we had been told his predicted weight would be, to which we responded 9lbs, this was met by more chuckles, we were then told that he weighed an incredibly healthy 10lbs 13oz! A large baby is one of the tell tell signs of a diabetic mother.
Once our son was born the diabetic management didn’t just stop. Juggling the diabetes whilst being a new mother was a huge learning curve and extremely tiring, especially while breastfeeding as your body uses glucose to produce the milk thereby affecting the mother’s blood sugar levels, drumstick sweets were my best friend whilst our son was feeding! It took around 6 months to adjust to motherhood whilst making sure the diabetes continued to go smoothly.
This pregnancy was normal for me, just like many other things it was just how it is with diabetes, I don’t and won’t ever know any different. It was both mentally and physically tough, it was definitely a challenge but it wasn’t enough to put us off doing it all again 14 months later with our second son.
We hope you discovered something new reading Claire’s post on her experience of pregnancy with type 1 diabetes.

YOU CAN FIND CLAIRE ON;

INSTAGRAM: HARDING_AT_HOME

THE FOURTH TRIMESTER

Filed Under: BABY, GUEST POST, MOTHERHOOD, POST BABY, POSTPARTUM, PREGNANCY //

BY HAYLEY MILLINGTON (GUEST WRITER)

THE FOURTH TRIMESTERTHE FOURTH TRIMESTER

Millie’s Birth ended up being a very positive one for me. I wanted a home birth in a pool but ended up doing 12 hours labour at home with no pain relief and then an ambulance trip to the hospital, because I was pushing but she wasn’t moving. We were told in hospital she was back to back and the doctor manually turned her before an episiotomy to get her out. I felt So proud of myself and felt cared for in the hospital, which we decided to stay in overnight for some breastfeeding help and reassurance as new parents. In the time after leaving the hospital it really caught up on me what my body had been through. This was inevitably the fourth trimester.

THE FOURTH TRIMESTER

The pain of the episiotomy was uncomfortable and if that wasn’t enough, the post labour bleeding made my pelvic floor feel heavier and swollen too.

Getting about was hard , a few days after birth we wanted to go for a walk in the fresh air and it took what would usually take 10 minutes to the garden centre and back, a good 40 minutes!  

I was loving the new born bubble I was in, dark nights were drawing in and it was getting colder out, so having a baby in October meant we could hibernate and really get to know our new daughter. 

But everyday was hard for me, emotions were high with lack of sleep, my milk coming in added extra pain and I was already struggling with breastfeeding.

More than anything I was having to deal with the after effects of the episiotomy, It meant I couldn’t just get up to pick up my baby from her Moses basket, I couldn’t sleep next to her in bed and so she’d be passed over to me and then I would pass her back for a nappy change.

Almost every day we had visitors, I would get myself downstairs ( which also was a slow journey) and then I’d put a pillow under one of my legs so that I could sit as reasonably comfortable as possible.

A week post birth and the pain wasn’t subsiding, so I told my midwife and she agreed that the stitches were taking along time to heal and so it may be worth getting seeing an out of hours doctor to get some antibiotics. 

Not only this but Millie’s belly button had also become infected so she would also need to go to the doctor as soon as possible.

The week after, things were starting to get a little easier – I was still in pain down below but was sure to be following the midwives tips, which were, not to use soap when showering, not to soak in a bath, lay on a towel to dry after a shower and to give the stitches some air, don’t go for long walks which increases the blood flow to your pelvic floor, freeze maternity pads and change them more regularly. 

 

My emotional outbursts were starting to subside, I had in the first week, moments where I felt useless and that although my partner Pete was helping in every way possible, I resented him for being able to lift Millie and hold her so easily and often , I felt I was missing out on bonding and all I was being used for was feeding. 

I think it hit hard when one day, a different midwife hurried into the house for a quick visit, she was all out of sorts telling us she was in a rush and as soon as she had looked at Millie, she simply said “ Did anyone tell you she had tongue tie?’ Which proceeded with a weigh in and telling us she’d also lost too much weight! 

 

I felt sick – Pete and I looked at each other in shock, I knew we were thinking the same thing “ who the hell is this woman!” She then said She was going to call the hospital and we needed to go right away , next thing she was on her way out of the living room but not without asking if I was eating well and telling me I looked a bit pale ! 

I literately held back all my tears until she walked out the door and then just broke down whilst I held Millie in my arms.

 I’d failed her, I wasn’t producing enough milk and I hadn’t even realised how much weight she’d lost. 

After an overnight hospital visit and the doctors confirming she did not have tongue tie ( phew!), we decided to breast and formula feed to help get her weight up and decided I would try and pump in order to see how much I could produce . 

Now let me tell you this, Pumping was not something I took to lightly.

The following night as I sat in front of the tele trying to pump for half hour and barely anything coming out, I literately sobbed at the thought of being this thing who’s only job was to produce milk in order to make my tiny human happy , yet it made me feel quite the opposite – I turned to Pete and cried “ I can’t do this , I feel like a cow!”

The next day I had made the decision to stop breastfeeding and go onto formula and I felt so much happier and knew that I also had a happy baby who was being fed too. 

The realisation after all of this was that I’d been told about most aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and raising a baby but not one person had told me of just how hard that ‘fourth trimester’ really can be. 

I now try my best to check on new mum friends and see how they are feeling after giving birth as it really can feel lonely, tough, emotional and painful even though it’s equally the most amazing experience I have ever endured – and of course, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat! 

You can read all about the fourth trimester on the NCT website (link), did you experience the fourth trimester?

THE FOURTH TRIMESTER

YOU CAN FIND HAYLEY ON;

INSTAGRAM: MUMMY & MILLIE

PREGNANCY AFTER MISCARRIAGE | GUEST POST

Filed Under: BABY, GUEST POST, MOTHERHOOD, PREGNANCY //

BY LAURA (GUEST WRITER)

PREGNANCY AFTER MISCARRIAGE

My last post was to raise awareness and to help other people grieve for the loss of a baby – and I really hope it has done that –
I was extremely broken, I couldn’t really see a way out or a way through the heartache but my family and friends got me through it and so did hope.

And my god I had heartache that would hit me at the most random times – a family BBQ would break me and I wouldn’t want to socialise .. I felt so alone and that nobody else was feeling my pain or they was but they wasn’t showing me that they was … or that I was the only one hurting – which wasn’t the case.

PREGNANCY AFTER MISCARRIAGE

I had ‘hope’ that actually it would happen again, and this time it ‘wasn’t meant to be.’ It was so hard to get my head around and a lot of people told me “it was meant to be” which at the time .. was the worst thing to say. In my eyes It was meant to be it was my baby.

It felt like it was my first pregnancy all over again and any slight pain or movement I was scared, every time I went for a wee I check for blood.. I found myself not wanting to share my news because I felt like a fraud – I’ve told them once and didn’t end up with a baby so how could I announce this again?..

The first 12 weeks were a complete blur! I ignored the whole pregnancy well as much as I could minus the sickness! I didn’t really want to think about it – the NHS have been amazing! – I had a scan at 8 weeks, 10 weeks and then at 12 weeks all reassurance scans ensuring baby was growing and everything was moving in the right direction. With my first little one I read everyday what to expect on the apps and what I’ll be feeling, this time I ignored everything – properly not the right thing to do but I couldn’t believe it was real and I didn’t want to believe that I could also loose this baby.

If I didn’t think about it and didn’t get attached – it wouldn’t matter if anything happened. (Obviously not true) but what I’m trying to say is – have hope. Here I am with my little rainbow currently laying on my chest – My rainbow was due on the same date that I had to have our operation to remove Bee & somehow I found some comfort it that, we waited 3 months after to conceive again & here we are, happy and healthy! My eldest was so excited to be a big brother and I’m so thankful to be able to give him this opportunity, don’t be scared to try again, there’s never a right time … you’ll never heal the pain or replace the baby but you can believe it will happen.

 

Love me & my babies xx

We want to thank Laura so much for sharing her pregnancy after baby loss post with us. She also shared a miscarriage awareness post that you can find here (link), it is such a beautiful piece of writing and we feel incredibly honoured that Laura shared her journey with us.

YOU CAN FIND LAURA ON:

INSTAGRAM: LIFE WITH MUMMA

MY THOUGHTS ON BABY LOSS | GUEST POST

Filed Under: HOME, PREGNANCY //

BY AMY (GUEST WRITER)

BABY LOSS

On TMC we are so passionate about raising awareness & talking about topics that are still, unfortunately, considered taboo. We have Amy from Raising Rothlet sharing her experience on baby loss.

BABY LOSS

As I sauntered through my second trimester in August 2017, I was worried that our daughter might be born late and be a Pisces and not an Aquarius like us. I was worried that I was going to miss out on the girls weekend away booked for February. I was worried that I’d still be fat for bridesmaid duties in April. I was worried that the morning sickness was going to continue throughout my whole pregnancy, I was worried that the nursery carpet was too dark a colour, I was worried that the balloons for the baby shower wouldn’t all fit in my car.

How fast these worries melted away, when we heard the words ‘I’m sorry there is a problem with your baby’. We weren’t prepared for the words ‘I’m sorry there is a problem with your baby’ – we’d seen her wriggling on the scans, listened to her heartbeats and lain side-by-side in the evenings, counting them.

We weren’t prepared for every plan we had to peel away from the comfortable certainty to which it had clung. We weren’t prepared for the complications, the six days in hospital, the worried faces of consultants, the moving goalposts…. We weren’t prepared for words like ‘hysterectomy’ being flung around. We weren’t particularly prepared for the labour, or for the little creature that emerged from me, ten fingered and ten toed.

We weren’t prepared for that not to be the end of it, but two months later for my body to still be insisting that it was pregnant; for the operation to sort this out to go a tiny bit tits up. But then, neither were we prepared for our newlywed love for one another to mature so quickly or grow so deep. For the overwhelming kindness of our families and friends, for the tears of strangers. And, thinking we knew about ‘the state of the NHS’, we weren’t prepared to be so impressed by the compassion and competence of the embattled staff, from the student nurses up to our consultant who, as he marched the corridors clicking his pen, achieved almost messiah status in our eyes.

Every one of the billions of people on our planet is a miracle of fate, and now we’ve made another little miracle of fate, what do I say when people ask “is this your first baby?” It depends on my mood at the time how I answer. What I would always like to say though, is that sorrow can come to any kingdom, no matter how happy. That shit happens to everyone, and this particular shit happens to more of us than we know.

That if we turn our faces to the sun the shadows will fall behind us; that some good can come from almost any situation. I am grateful for the experiences I’ve had, for the things I have learnt, for the love I’ve been shown, for the way I am changed, for the certainty that I married the right man, and most of all, for the new life that grew in my womb and healed my heart.

We really appreciate Amy sharing her experience of baby loss with us, you can read her post all about decision fatigue here. xxx

BABY LOSS

YOU CAN FIND AMY ON;

INSTAGRAM: RAISINGROTHLET

INSTAGRAM: THE.FAMILY.BURROW