Guest Post by Dr. Chisato Hotta, DSW, LMFT, LPCC | Therapist Mama Bear and 2 Ausome Cubs | @Therapistmamabear
“He has autism.” I will never forget my husband’s red eyes when he told me this when he came out of the doctor’s office. I had been in another room with our other child, who was also getting assessed. We went home and walked to Target afterwards with our boys.
“You know,” my husband, Yuki, said, “I actually think this is a good thing.”
“Tell me about that,” I said.
““It makes sense. It clarifies a lot of things and also acknowledges that we were not overreacting. And the diagnosis is a way for us to get them the help to grow up and learn the skills to help them thrive. The diagnosis does not change who they are.”
I wholeheartedly agreed with him. That night, I held my precious soon-to-be 3 year old boy, Yuri, and cried. Not because I was devastated by the diagnosis…. But because I knew that life was going to be hard for him.
I knew that there are people out in the world that would judge him for who he is.
I knew that there were people out there that would not take the time to get to know him.
I knew there would be people that label him and not get past that label. And that was heartbreaking.
A few weeks later, his twin, Akira, was diagnosed. We knew it was coming, and we were ready.
Since that first night of diagnosis, I have not cried. I turned those fears into my reason to advocate. We have advocated for their IEPs (individualized education plans), speech therapy, specialized classrooms and more. We had an experience where we were told that their diagnosis and needs would be “not a problem” at a Waldorf charter school and then were told, while virtual learning, that it is not the right placement for them. When pointed out that they are: 1. Advanced than the other kids, as acknowledged by the teacher and administrators, 2. They were doing virtual learning anyway, so they would not be getting extra support other than speech therapy, which they were receiving, 3. No one at the school had actually met the boys in person. After a lot of back and forth, we came to the conclusion that we didn’t want to continue to fight to keep them at a school that was so judgmental, small minded and closed off. So, we pulled them from that school and placed them at the neighborhood district school. We have advocated for more communication from the teacher. After months and months, the teacher finally lets us know how they are doing in class when we go pick them up. We know the school is trying, and that is the big thing for us. Be part of our team- we are all there to support the boys together. Work with us and let us work with you. There have been ups and downs, but the boys are worth all of that.
The diagnosis does not tell anyone how amazing they are. Their diagnosis does not tell anyone their strengths. Or their sense of humor. Or how funny and silly they are. Or how talented they are. Their diagnosis does not tell anyone anything about who they are. Don’t be fooled by the label- you will miss who they are.
Their progress is astonishing. My boys were not verbal at that time of diagnosis- and now, at 6 years old, they are little chatterboxes. Yuri used to cry for hours when someone would come over- he now greets people at the door with a smile. Akira used to have long meltdowns, hitting his head, screaming, crying and more- now, he uses his words and skills to calm down and express his needs. They love to hug, give kisses, cuddle. They are loving, funny, sweet and the most amazing boys. We also know that Yuri is advanced in anything with art- he paints, loves creating using legos, draws, colors, sculpts and more! When we get him art kits, he carefully studies the box and then uses that as an example. We also know that Akira is advanced in anything with math- he can do large multiplication, can do addition of decimals and fractions while understanding that 1/4+1/4=1/2, and uses roman numerals correctly. They score off the charts for many tests.
It can be hard at times, yes. Like any family, we have our ups and downs. We argue at times. We have resilience. We laugh. We band together. Over everything, we have love. And at the end of the day, that is what matters.
Dr. Chisato Hotta, DSW, LPCC, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, licensed professional clinical counselor and a doctor in social work. Dr. Chisato currently is a senior program supervisor at a mental health non-profit where she is able to support the amazing program directors, supervisors, clinicians and more. Dr. Chisato also works part time as an adjunct professor, and a therapist. She also gives training on mental health, autism, commercial sexual exploitation of children and more. Her husband, Yuki, has a master’s degree in statistics and is an associate risk and data analyst. Dr. Chisato is also a mom to twin boys, Yuri and Akira, who are both on the autism spectrum and are her world and light. She tries to blend being a mental health provider and being a mama in her Instagram and Facebook. She also has a blog where she talks about mental health, autism and balancing roles and gives weekly tips. She also wrote and self-published a children’s book on coping skills.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/
Instagram: @therapistmamabear
Website: http://therapistmamabear.my.
Another book and journal coming up soon!
Leave a Reply