We get it, we’re mamas, and we miss being able to sit down with both hands free to read a book too. Thank goodness for podcasts and audio books, the ultimate hands free content! Here we’ve rounded up some of our current favourites – all podcasts we’d recommend to a friend (that’s you!).
Creativity is the lifeblood of our existence. It allows us to come up with new ideas, solve problems and express ourselves in ways that words cannot. Without creativity, we would be living mundane lives devoid of passion and happiness. But luckily, creativity is something that we can all tap into – no matter who we are or what we do. In this blog post, we will explore how being creative can completely change our lives for the better!
There is a common notion that entering into couples therapy spells trouble for the relationship. If you’re ever brave enough to share to a close friend or family member that you and your partner are considering therapy, the usual response is “Oh, is everything alright?” or “What’s wrong?”. And, when accompanied by that worrying expression of pure pity, you could feel like your relationship is about to meet its doom.
It’s January, it’s 2022 and it’s time to make some time for YOU! We’re all run ragged after the hustle and bustle of the Christmas period, so what better time to slow down and take care of yourself. Here’s a few self care ideas to make time for just you, whether you take a day to yourself of just ten minutes of your day, there’s something you can do that is solely to make you feel good.
Today we have a guest post from Mabel’s Mummies, talking all about mental health at the end of maternity leave.
It is a truth not universally acknowledged that in fact, as a woman, you cannot have it all. Wait, what? Hold on, what I did just admit? The feminist daughter of a feminist, the great-great niece of an actual suffragette and I just said a woman cannot have it all? WTF??
Before I have my card-carrying feminist badge confiscated, can I clarify – since having my daughter two years ago, I’ve come to realise that for most women, (and I’m not the first to say so) having it all really actually means doing it all and losing something along the way. For me, it was my sense of self and very nearly my mind…
I came to motherhood late, in my 40s. Not by choice – I sadly didn’t meet my husband until my late 30s, my mum was diagnosed with a terminal illness the very week we decided to start trying for a baby and my work life went crazy at the same time. The stress of all this took a toll on my rapidly declining fertility and I found myself, at the age of 43, several miscarriages in and starting IVF. One more miscarriage and three gruelling rounds of IVF later and I finally became what I’d always wanted to be – a wife and mother with a successful career. Feminist dream – completed it mate.
Me and my daughter got off to a shaky start in the first few days with her taking an instant aversion to my aged bosom and flatly refusing to breastfeed. Combined with a really rather unpleasant forceps delivery, loads of blood loss and stitches and health visitor who told me I ‘ticked every box for developing post natal depression’ due to my bereavements and IVF, the first couple of days weren’t easy. Then – oh my god, it got so bloody good. After three weeks, I gave up trying to force her to accept my middle-aged milk (maybe it tasted sour??) and put her on formula, we literally never looked back. We became the dream team. Once freed from the environs of my crepey décolletage, she revealed herself to be a ‘unicorn baby’ – that perfect child who never cries; sleeps through from 8 weeks old and literally smiles all day. I became the mother I had always planned to be – in control, sociable, running the village baby group; bossing the baby-led weaning etc etc. (Don’t hate me, it’s all going to go tits up in the next paragraph.)
9 months in and Covid hit – still, not a problem really. We were immensely fortunate in that my husband kept his job, I’d already made my mum friends and no one we knew had Covid. We had a house in the country with a decent sized garden and the weather was glorious. I lost most of my baby weight that summer, going for long walks with her all snuggled up in her Baby Bjorn. But then, a few weeks later, my mat leave ended and I went back to work to a world I didn’t recognise. Covid had completely changed the landscape of my career and what had been a job already renowned as one of the most stressful within the industry, became just untenable in terms of what was expected and required. I’d also made the decision to go back part time – not realising that in my job, being there one less day a week and being paid 4/5ths of your salary meant that you kept the workload but had one less day to do it and 10K less a year to live off. And we were so skint.
And I missed her. Oh my god, I missed her. That year of mat leave had been the most amazing, fulfilling year of my life. I’d actually loved pretty much every minute of it. I was obsessed with the smell of her skin, the sound of her laugh, the routine of our day.
It took a while to realise that I couldn’t be in two places at once.
Well, er, obviously.
Prior to having her, I’d never actually stopped to count the hours I worked in a week in order to just keep things ticking over – never mind allowed for what needed to be done in this weird new world. (By my current calculation approx. 70. Honestly, seriously 70 hours – just to do the necessities.)
Now I had her, instead of staying until 7pm, I now had to leave at 5pm and pick her up from nursery, I couldn’t work in the evenings until she was settled in bed. I was leaving the house before she woke up in a morning and counting the minutes when I got in until she went to bed so that I could start work again. I arrived at nursery pickup late and flustered and felt constantly guilty about it. I wanted to spend all my day off with her but I was constantly checking my phone during baby group and sending work emails as she cuddled on my knee each afternoon. I was frantically jumping on the laptop every time she had a nap at weekends and getting more and more aware of how there was less and less time for her.
Needless to say, the home made baby led weaning Instagram accounts got unfollowed, the Montessori playtime activities got substituted for Bing and nursery rhymes on Youtube and I got the guilts.
I bought myself a life planner – wrote lists and targets and affirmations in it of how I was going to manage things better. I got up earlier and earlier each day – trying to maximise my day, get a workout done, get organised, make her healthy food again – ‘stay at the top of my game!!!’ What actually happened was I lost my mind.
IF you saw the Suranne Jones drama ‘I am Victoria’ this summer, you pretty much met me earlier this year (or a poor relation with a bigger bum anyway). Doing more and more to less and less effect, becoming increasingly manic and defensive and doing anything – anything to try and wrest back control. Didn’t work. By summer this year, my brain gave out on me. After getting everything I ever wanted, I found myself in a play barn one morning sobbing uncontrollably and wanting it just all to be over. Fortunately, that perfect daughter of mine was reason enough to stick around for, and I quit my job.
I was lucky enough to have a strong enough mum squad around me to help me pick up the pieces and be honest enough to share their own experiences of maternal mental health. It made me realise that no one gets an easy ride with motherhood – especially not now. I was inspired to set up my business ‘Mabel’s Mummies’ with a hope that we could be a source of help and support for other mothers. We could encourage other mothers to take time out for themselves, could help other mothers find their own mum squad and help fund important maternal mental health work by donating to Pandas Foundation.
My health visitor was almost right. I did get depression, I would argue mine wasn’t post-natal – it was post-maternity leave when the demands of being a working mother just got too much. I was immensely lucky that I was in a position to leave my job and start something new. If Covid hadn’t happened, would this have happened to me? I’m not sure – I do know though that as a society, there is just an assumption that mothers will return to work and manage. There is no support for this second massive transition in our lives – just sky-high nursery fees and a fear of being judged as having lost it ‘since she got baby brain’. But we carry on. And in the process we lose something of ourselves.
I was lucky, I’m getting help and support. I hope what we are trying to achieve with Mabel’s Mummies helps others too.
Autumn is well and truly underway. For me, this calls for leafy walks, chunky jumpers, cosy blankets and hot chocolates. I sometimes think I should have been a bear in a previous life. The idea of binge eating, followed by hibernation sounds like a dream come true. But as the nights are drawing in and it’s darker and colder, others might begin to struggle.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that comes and goes throughout the year, and is triggered by the changing seasons. SAD is more commonly seen in the autumn/winter, but can also affect people in spring/summer.
Most of us might get the ‘winter blues’ at this time of year, but SAD is the next level. It can be debilitating to an individual and impact their ability to function on a day-to-day basis. Any sense of motivation and enjoyment seem at an all-time low, and it shouldn’t be dismissed as just a bad few days. Symptoms might also become more severe as the season progresses. Some might also experience alternating emotions season to season – manic highs one season, followed by manic lows the next. This sounds like one big never ending rollercoaster of continuous symptoms to me!!
One of the main symptoms you’ll see with SAD is a change to sleeping and eating patterns, whether this is an increase or decrease. This can be a bit of a viscous circle, and have a further knock on affect to an individual’s mood.
Factors that can have an impact on a person and their SAD, is their location, and if there is a history of depression. For example, those who live in warmer climates are less likely to be affected by SAD than those in colder climates. The amount of sunlight exposure can affect serotonin and melatonin levels, which influence a person’s mood and sleep.
SAD needs to be taken seriously. As with other types of mental illness, if left to fester, it can take hold of a person and affect all aspects of their life. A whole season is a long time to be struggling too.
As with anything, acknowledgement is the first step. Self-care is important at any time of year, but especially if you feel like you’re beginning to suffer.
Some people dislike the thought of taking medication, but it doesn’t have to be anti-depressants. As a common trigger is to do with levels of light/sunshine, an effective way to help give yourself a boost could be taking vitamin D and/or melatonin supplements, which we would naturally otherwise get from being exposed to sunlight. This could be done alongside using a light box. By sitting in front of this for a set amount of time each day, this mimics natural sunlight, helping to change chemicals in the brain that regulate your mood.
It’s also good to try and reframe your thinking, by trying to see the season as an opportunity, instead of a hardship. What can you only do during that particular season? By trying to make the most of it and embracing it, you allow yourself to be present in the moment, instead of wishing it away longing for the next season. And we all know a watched kettle takes longer to boil. You may not miss it when it’s gone but you don’t need to hide from it either. Happiness can be found, we just need to be on the lookout for it ☺
I know this is easier said than done. It doesn’t matter what it is that you do, it’s all about putting yourself first. We worry so much about looking after others, that we forget about our own needs.
It is estimated that up to three in 100 people in the UK are affected at some point in their life. Whilst it’s more common to occur during the autumn/winter months, it can also happen in spring/summer. Whenever it occurs, it’s important to acknowledge it and to be kind to yourself.
Written by @my.little.mountopia
When my first baby (Bella) was born in 2015, I felt on top of the world. A new mother, young, her whole life ahead of her and so many exciting things would be coming my way. Not that I knew that, but I wish I had done. Perhaps then I wouldn’t have slipped into such a low place. Or perhaps I would. Who knows. But I definitely think motherhood was the door that opened it.
Post-natal depression. What a bitch. It’s a hugely common problem that can affect both mothers and fathers in the early stages after having a baby. And it’s shit.
After birth you hear all of your health care team mentioning it. Your midwife will ask you how you’re feeling plenty of times at your home visits. Mine did. And every single time I had the biggest smile on my face and would tell her that everything was fine, that I was okay, that I was happy.
I’d go into the high street to meet family, go for a coffee, go out to lunch, and I’d show Bella off to every single person who showed an interest. I’d smile and I’d laugh, I’d tell everyone I was coping and doing great!
My husband would come home from work and I would be curled up on the sofa cuddling Bella, we’d be lay on the floor together having tummy time, smiling, laughing, singing songs. We’d be playing and having fun, and I didn’t have to tell him that I was fine or that I was doing okay, because I knew that I was showing that in my actions.
But one day, he came home from work and that wasn’t the case.
I was curled up in the corner of the bedroom, my eyes shut tight and my hands over my ears, crying horrendously. In the lounge, Bella was lay in her Moses basket and also crying horrendously. She was probably really hungry, or tired, or scared because she was alone. But I couldn’t be around her anymore.
The truth was, as much as I loved her and wanted her in my life every second of every day, I also didn’t want to be a mom anymore.
Things got so much worse over time, to the point that there were moments when I considered leaving her completely. I thought about wrapping her up and leaving her in her carrycot on a random doorstep in hope that they’d be a kind and loving family who would take her in, love her and care for her better than I could. I thought about putting her in the pram and going for a walk with her, going into a baby changing room with her and leaving her there for the next mother who entered to find her and again, take her in, love her and care for her. And there were times when I just thought about stepping in front of moving traffic.
Obviously I never did any of those things. We’re both still here to tell the tale and I’m more than proud to say that Bella is thriving. A beautiful, intelligent and inquisitive 5 year old with so much love to give. I’m not doing too badly myself too, now a mother of 3 (Bella, plus Bronson 4 and Blossom 2), and so happy! But that’s not to say that my mental health has improved.
I never was officially diagnosed with post-natal depression. Later on when discussing other mental health related issues with my GP I was told that I should have been, but by then it was too late as the depression side of things had settled. In its place, all sorts of other shit that I didn’t want to have to deal with.
In 2017 (the year after my second child, Bronson, was born) I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, which is a mental health condition in which a person experiences frequent obsessive, often quite frightening intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviours such as locking the door a certain number of times in a row.
Along with this came other things. Anxiety, another total bitch. And something that until I developed it I’d never even heard of. Dermatillomania, more commonly known as skin picking disorder, is a mental health condition in which a person picks and scratches at their skin often causes bruising, bleeding and quite often, a lot of scars.
For me, OCD was noticed when I realised that I avoided going out because I had constant thought that someone was going to break into our flat if we weren’t there, and that if we went out one of us would be hit by a car. Additionally I was checking on the children a lot more throughout the night which meant I was no longer sleeping, I was either sat in their room watching them so I could see that they were breathing, or I was sat in bed scratching at myself, nervous that something bad was going to happen. And even now these are all still huge issues for me that I’ve not yet broken the cycle of. They’re just my norm. They affect me every single day, the OCD is still present and keeps me up at night, the dermatillomania is still present and causes more scarring.
In very early 2020, a couple of years after my third child Blossom was born, I learned that eating disorders are often linked with OCD. I learned this because I approached my GP about some coping strategies and was then diagnosed with a binge eating disorder.
Binge eating disorder is often forgotten about and ignored. A lot of people think that the only eating disorders are anorexia and bulimia, and a lot of medical professionals try to treat BED by just suggesting that the suffering person starts a diet. Which unfortunately isn’t as easy as it sounds.
You see, even though I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder at 24, my GP suggested that I’d probably had my eating disorder since my mid-teens, and it had just resurfaced due to my body shape changing after having 3 children. Which does make sense. I first joined a diet group at the age of 16, and since then have had a constant loop of starting a diet and fucking it up, over and over again still to this day.
I often wonder if I’ll ever break the cycle with any of these issues. I wonder if becoming a mother is what caused majority of it or if there were issues lying low that were just made more apparent after birth. I wonder if I’ll ever get through a day without getting teary, without panicking, without scratching at my skin or feeling angry at my body or not wanting to go outside.
If you have any of these thoughts, if you have any mental health issues that cause you to struggle in anyway, it’s important to know that you’re not alone and that help is available, and that there are so many people just like you. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in the world who’s ever felt the way that I do. And I’m sure that a lot of you that read this will have felt the same way at some point.
It’s not just you and you’re never alone. I’m here to say that our mental health does not define us. We’re bad ass, and we’ve got this!
Chloe is here to share her top tips on on health, wellbeing and the power of setting goals!
More than ever, the importance of looking after our well-being and supporting each other is crucial. The pandemic has eroded many of the things that protect our mental health, including family support, social connections, and financial security. In particular, this lockdown is proving to be extra challenging due to the added pressure of home-schooling, cold weather, and shorter days. As we are no longer strangers to lockdown protocol, many people have coping tactics in place, but this hasn’t come easy for some. In times like this, it is essential to have kindness and compassion – not only to others but to yourself.
The low days
It is normal to feel low at some stage in our lives. Feeling sad, disheartened, frustrated, or worried are emotions we have all experienced, but this low mood often passes after a few days. It’s important to let yourselves feel these emotions but be careful not to stay in this place for too long. Today’s mood does not belong to tomorrow – tomorrow is always a fresh start.
I experience feelings of sorrow from time to time because it is part of being human. As much as we would all hope, it just isn’t feasible to live in a state of blissful happiness all day, every day. So, surrender to the low days, reflect on your feelings and let your mind refresh through sleep. This may sound easier said than done, and the current lockdown restrictions have been a real test of character for all of us, but with a bit of self-care, those bleak feelings can and will be overcome.
A healthy body and mind
What I have come to learn is that good health is about the mind and the body. Feeling good about ourselves and having adequate fitness levels will help us achieve more of the things we want to do in life. Unfortunately, even with my best efforts, stress always seems to lurk around the corner, making it difficult to avoid. It is important to seek new and innovative ways to escape this feeling.
More often than not, we feel isolated to deal with our problems when our connections are out of reach. Inspirational quotes and motivational writers are great at lifting spirits. After all, words have a powerful influence on our emotions. They can be used constructively with words of wisdom or destructively with words of despair. When the going gets tough, words have the energy to help, support, and heal us. A fantastic account that provides me with a burst of wisdom and focuses my mind is Kimberley Jane. Her posts offer me encouragement and motivate me to focus on my passions and ambitions.
She also provides a range of natural self-care remedies and products to keep you feeling uplifted and in a strong state of mind – she is well worth a follow! Another favourite of mine is the Scummy Mummies Podcast. With guest hosts, they discuss the reality of parenthood with a comedic touch. They always boost my morale and help me see the funny side of life. Boos are also a great way to understand certain emotions and can help you see clarity. A few I would recommend are: The Power of Positive Thinking, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and Reasons to Stay Alive.
Positive habits
Having a healthy body and mind involves creating positive habits. These include sleeping well, being active, eating well, having healthy relationships, and feeling comfortable in our skin. Another way to focus on our mental health is by setting goals. We often lose motivation and willpower in stressful moments, making it harder to plan or be excited about activities. However, it is through these difficult times that planning and structure are most important.
Setting goals is a tool that helps us focus on the critical aspects of our lives. I think it is safe to say that everyone realises the importance of goal setting but adapting them as we move through life is overlooked. I often have to work towards deadlines and goals in my work life, but I’ve never truly set myself a goal that is special to me. I decided that to improve my health and well-being, it was time to focus my attention on setting and achieving my lifelong goals. I needed something that focused my mind and inspired me to get the best out of my life.
Setting goals
Deciding on an appropriate and specific goal is a difficult task in itself. How many times have you set yourself a new year’s resolution and then actually achieved it? The truth is, some goals are achieved while others are not. This is because they seem so out of our reach, and the prospect of actually achieving them seems impossible. We tend to value things we have in the present far more than we value things we are aspiring for in the future.
More often than not, people set goals that are too vague, frame them with negative language, and rarely reflect people’s genuine aspirations. It is time to take an approach rooted in reality and constructed for you and your passions. Even if we don’t realise it, we all have a plan for our life; we dream about where we would like to be and imagine our futures. Without goals, we are just aimlessly stumbling through life.
Achieving your goals
Now the hard part – not just finding the power in setting goals but actually achieving these goals. Long-term goals may take years to complete and may seem like a distant dream in the present moment. However, by breaking this down into a series of smaller short-term goals, you will find yourself more focused and motivated. It may feel overwhelming at first, but once you’ve set out a structured and manageable plan, your long-term goal will become more transparent and plainer insight.
Seeing progress may take time, but growth will emerge as you journey through and cross off those smaller short-term goals. Like me, you may prefer writing everything down and crossing it off as you achieve them. To accomplish this, it may help to organise your goals into a monthly schedule and then break these down further into daily tasks. At first, it may seem daunting and difficult to achieve something every day, but in no time at all, this will become a habit, and you will learn how to manage and maximise your time efficiently. I have created a workbook for those needing a little inspiration on getting started; you can download it for free here.
Setting new goals helps trigger new positive behaviours, enables you to measure your progress, and sustains that momentum in life. The road to achieving your goals is never straight, and there will always be detours and bumps along the way – embrace these as they are all part of the journey.
We hope you enjoyed Chloe’s tips on wellbeing, health & the power of setting goals! Do you believe their is power in setting goals?
I don’t think i’m alone in admitting that I have been feeling really overwhelmed recently. I have definitely found this lockdown the hardest & most isolating. I think the crappy weather is the main cause of that but also trying to juggle two young children, housework, running TMC & being a good partner, it can be a LOT. There are a couple things I have been doing whenever I feel overwhelmed or unmotivated & they have definitely helped! So we thought we would share ways to handle feeling overwhelmed, and hopefully they’ll help you too.
It is totally normal, especially at the minute, to feel overwhelmed. Whether you are trying to juggle working from home whilst home schooling children or just generally keep your head above water! Acknowledging and accepting feeling overwhelmed is a form of self acceptance. From here, you will be able to understand it and begin managing it.
Whether it is family & friends, or in your online space. Surrounding yourself with positive & supportive people is SO important! I am incredibly lucky to have such a supportive partner and immediate family. I am also lucky enough to work with the best people behind the scenes on TMC, we are always there with a supportive meme or to simply ask “how can I help you?” when someone is struggling.
When you feel that surge of overwhelm rising; stop, take a minute & breathe. Go for a walk, read a chapter of your book… whatever it is that distracts and makes you happy. Taking some time to yourself can really help you gain perspective on your life.
Whether it is watching an episode of your favourite tv show, listening to a podcast, taking a bath, ringing a family member.. doing at least one thing a day that makes you happy can be the perfect distraction.
I know it is easy to forget but we are already absolutely SMASHING life just by getting through the day. I think it is so important that we all celebrate every single win, no matter how small and really acknowledge & appreciate everything you have achieved.
Acknowledge exactly what you are in control of; the housework, sure. That is all down to you & your household (unless you have a cleaner – lucky bugger LOL), but if you’re feeling overwhelmed watching live news updates every day – REMOVE IT FROM YOUR LIFE. That’s not to say to remove it completely but maybe start to only tune in once a week. Don’t actively go searching on social media for false news & rumours. Especially at the minute when everything is a waiting game. It is crucial to know EXACTLY what you have control over.
We really hope you enjoyed our post on ways to handle feeling overwhelmed. Do you have any tips?
So many people think you have to make HUGE change in your life for you to feel the benefits or like you have achieved something. Where as really, lots of small five minute habits will have just as big impact. If not more so. These habits will make your life that little bit easier, more manageable & benefit your overall life.
A really easy one. Whether it is taking five minutes first thing in the morning to make your bed, take your empty glass from last nights drink downstairs and empty the dishwasher for example, or it can be setting a timer for five minutes and quickly decluttering things that don’t belong in a room. This will keep your space much tidier & prevent clutter from building up.
I am a bugger for writing a list of things I need to do in a day, and there being 20 things on it. Which, with two young children & a partner out at work every day – it sometimes just isn’t doable. So giving yourself ONE task to do and once that is done, IF you can, write a different task down and get that done. You’ll feel so much better seeing one thing written down & crossed off, than a whole list with only a couple of things managed.
My favourite thing to do. Taking just 10 or 15 minutes to sit and read a chapter of a book can really help you. It is the perfect distraction and it is relaxing for your mind. It keeps your mind engaged but not on 20 thousand things at once. As soon as the boys are in bed, that is my time to read. It’s the perfect thing to do before you go to sleep.
Whether it is a quick text or a good old face time catch up. Reach out to a friend & check in, they’ll appreciate it!
Whether it is watching a favourite tv show, listening to a podcast or exercising!
Who doesn’t love receiving a compliment? & it’s also nice knowing you gave a compliment that brightened somebody’s day.
Especially at the minute I think it is so easy for us to get lost in the bad things that are occurring and how different life is so just take five minutes each day to appreciate what we DO have. I appreciate having my family, I appreciate the roof over my head, I appreciate that my partner has been able to work all through the pandemic (as scary as it has been). It’s the little things in life.
I think a lot of us have this idea that if we put ourselves first, it makes us selfish, but it doesn’t. It’s okay to take time out of your day to do the thing YOU want to do, to take five minutes for yourself.
This is something I definitely need to implement more because I always feel so much better when I do. Delete your social media apps or put them all in one folder and move it off your front screen. Even if it’s just half a day. It is is so refreshing & does wonders for not only my mental health, but also my productivity.
Every day. 3 things, they can be physical features & personality traits.
There is always time to educate yourself on certain topics. I think the past 12 months, more than ever, have taught us that we should be constantly learning about what is happening in the world. There is no time for ignorance.
We hope these five minute habit ideas help, let us know a habit you implement into your daily life.
I think it is safe to say that everyone’s mental health has been affected this past year, I feel like we have been focusing a lot more on taking care of ourselves & unfortunately it doesn’t look like we are any closer to the current situation ending so we are sharing easy ways to focus on your mental health in 2021.
I know right now we can’t ask for much outside help but mentally & emotionally we could all do with a hand every once in a while. There is no shame in admitting you are struggling – whether you need someone to listen to you rant about your other half or just word vomit your feelings.
Reach out to someone you love, respect or appreciate and let them know! Not only will it make you feel better but they’ll love it to. You don’t know how much someone needs to be reminded that they are loved. Communication is so important – whether it’s a message on social media, a quick text or a video call.
This is something i’ve definitely done more this past few months. A break from my phone, from the kids.. it is so needed & vital for your mental health. It can really help to clear your mind.
Your feelings or something that’s been really bothering you. Let it all out on paper. It doesn’t have to make sense. Just throw the words down on paper. You’ll feel so much better.
Whether it’s going for a 20 minute walk or taking five minutes to sit in your outdoor space. It is proven that being with nature can increase energy levels & boost mental wellbeing.
Whether it is starting a journal, blogging, colouring or reading; focus your mind & energy on something you love.
Treat yourself with kindness & respect. Shrug off the self doubt, list one thing you like about yourself every day. Whether it is a physical feature or a personality trait you have.
Write down professional or personal goals, aim high but also don’t over-schedule yourself. You’ll feel such a sense of achievement.
I think we can all agree that the past 12 months have been “same shit, different day”. As a parent I know how important routines can be but I also know how much my mental health benefits when we break up the monotony. Even if it’s just taking a walk somewhere different or trying something out of your comfort zone – a new meal to cook, a genre of tv show you don’t usually watch…
I’m not going to preach about drinking lots of water & eating a healthy diet – obviously that is great BUT what I mean is give your body what you love. Give your body what it wants. You want a Big Mac meal, go for it. You want to treat yourself to a FULL FAT can of Coke (my favourite), then do it! I think we’ve realised that life is too short & fleeting to deprive yourself and you body of the things it wants. Whether it is a veg packed stir fry or a 20 box of McChicken nuggets.
There you have it, 10 ways to focus on your mental health this year. How are you feeling? What will you implement into your daily schedule to look after your mind?
I think it’s safe to say that 2021 hasn’t been off to the best start, and (possibly quite naively) the start I imagined. 2020 was such a crazy year for me personally as I had a second baby, we went into lockdown & my partner continued to work as a key worker so I found my life consumed by a new baby & a toddler, it took me a while to find my feet. However I am determined to make 2021 the year that I focus a little bit more time on me. I am not going to be making any huge changes but I thought I would share 40 personal developmental goals that are super simple & easy to incorporate into your day.
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENTAL GOALS
What are your personal developmental goals? Will you try and incorporate any of these into your daily life?
In decision making and psychology, decision fatigue refers to the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual.
“Do you want this salmon?” asked my husband, from the fridge.
“Err…..”
I do not know if I want the salmon.
Our toddler is howling from his highchair because he’s not just not up for breakfast today. I have been splattered with yoghurt. I have been poked in the eye with a tiny fork. The cat is screeching and grappling with my ankles because she can see a small gap between the biscuits in her food bowl, and my phone just pinged. My own breakfast is cooling rapidly on the table, I cannot think whether or not I want salmon with it. My brain is out of storage.
I have reached my decision-making capacity and it’s not even 9am.
“Erm, I don’t know,” I say. The fridge slams. He is angry. He thinks I’m being funny with him.
I have long been aware that my decision-making capacity has a limit, and that my threshold is low. I find it stressful to have to make decisions that don’t matter to me. Which parking space, which coffee shop, which side of the hotel room bed, what kind of toothpaste, what we have for dinner. I am happy to hand over 90% of choices to others, as long as I retain influence for the things I do have a strong opinion on. I don’t much care what cars we have, I want absolute sign off on the carpets.
“What do you want from the shop?”
“Oh! Surprise me” (I don’t care).
Since producing another human, I have found the number of decisions I face in a day increased at least twofold. I must decide what two people will wear (after first deciding which weather forecast to believe), what two people will eat, where to go on our morning walk, how we will spend our time in the afternoon. Overarching all of this, I have to choose a parenting style, a set of boundaries, a school. I have to choose from a panoply of potential child-related purchases and decide whether or not to let him eat chips or have a rock for a pet.
We know that there is such a thing as ‘decision fatigue’, which is not only emotionally draining, but can lead to decreased productivity, lack of motivation, impulsive behaviour, and poor choices. Perhaps most worryingly, it even affects our ability to perceive risk and anticipate consequences.
For me, it has been necessary to find a strategy to limit the daily demand of decision making. The following five things seem minor but their cumulative impact is significant.
I’ll end with a quote from one of my favourite ever leaders…
“You’ll see I wear only grey or blue suits. I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make” – Barack Obama. 44th President of the United States.
When I gave birth it was quite surreal and traumatic, I ended up with an emergency section and can’t remember much of the first moments with my daughter, I couldn’t hold her until I came to which was at least an hour after she was born, I woke in recovery to find my partner feeding her which was amazing too but I was upset that I didn’t get that skin to skin I hoped for. I had to stay in due to a post dura headache caused by the epidural and I couldn’t look after her much and due to the pandemic my partner was only allowed in for half an hour each day. I remember one of the girls in the ward saying to me when it gets to day 5 and you can’t stop uncontrollably crying don’t worry it’s just the baby blues and you will feel better in time.
3 days later I got out and wow it hit me like a tonne of bricks, I was sobbing uncontrollably and felt like I couldn’t bond with my baby, it sounds strange but I couldn’t believe she was mine she was so perfect and I actually thought what if they’ve given me the wrong baby.
When I couldn’t stop crying I turned to my partner and said do you think I could have postnatal depression and he asked the question that will always stick in my brain “well do you love her” obviously I did so It can’t be that I thought.
To sum up, postnatal anxiety & depression is not what you might think. The comment made innocently by my boyfriend “do you love her” still sticks in my mind 6 months on. Before I had a baby that’s exactly what I thought postnatal depression would be, that you don’t love your baby, you can’t look after them, you can’t get out of bed, look after your appearance, house etc. In actual fact it’s sometimes loving so much and the overwhelming feeling of responsibility that can make you feel this way & that’s ok, what’s not ok is suffering in silence & I would urge anyone who feels this way to speak up I feel 100x better since being diagnosed and treated.
So, I’ve always been a bit of a worrier. And I know I’m not alone in this. Following the birth of my daughter in 2016 I was diagnosed with PND, and whilst I thankfully no longer suffer with this it did trigger anxiety and at the end of 2019 I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I thought I would share my tips on parenting with anxiety.
A lot of the time I feel like I’m better at managing my anxiety than I used to be, but there are definitely times where it’s managing me instead. Which is certainly not easy with a four year old in tow. So here are my focusses when it feels like anxiety is creeping in on my parental responsibility.
It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep will do. It’s tempting to go to bed and scroll through social media for too long, but you’ll always have a better night’s sleep if you put down the phone and pick up a book instead. When I’m really struggling to sleep because I’m busy overthinking, I’ll use valerian drops.
I know, easier said than done with little ones around. But even if you can find yourself a little pocket of time…an hour in the evenings, a small walk, even just doing the food shop on your own! We all need some time where we can switch off parent-mode and just let our brains breathe out a bit.
that will calm you down when you’re feeling really anxious or wound up. I personally like doing embroidery. I’m not very good at it, but that’s not the point! It keeps my brain busy and focussed, whilst distracting me from whatever has triggered anxiety. Same goes for baking, reading, adult colouring books, anything you’d like!
Now this can be a hard one at times. A lot of the time it can feel like a huge effort to get the little ones dressed, fed, cleansed and looked after, let alone yourself! But I don’t necessarily mean a full face of make up and glam hair. Have yourself a nice bath, get a good skin care routine going, and just made sure that every day you feel comfortable and good about yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup!
A classic symptom of anxiety is overthinking, so get those thoughts out of your head and on to a piece of paper! It keeps your head calmer and ticking off those jobs that stress you out feels so satisfying. Even the little jobs like washing up, putting on a laundry load…trust me. And bonus, there are so many pretty list books available.
Every now and then I’ll go through my list of accounts I follow on Instagram and unfollow any who don’t make me feel positive. Ensure your only following accounts that make you feel good and avoid any that may post triggering content. We just don’t need that extra negativity in our lives!
Even if just for a little walk around the block. I can’t tell you the amount of times that I really didn’t want to, and I’d really have to drag myself out the door, but I can honestly say that I’ve always felt better after a walk, every single time. Sometimes you just need some fresh air.
It can be hard with little ones around, I know. They depend on us. With my little one I try to be honest with her. I don’t tell her everything as she’s only 4. But I do tell her when sometimes I’m feeling a bit sad or stressed. You may be surprised at how much they want to help you feel better! Your feelings are valid, and you need to allow yourself to feel them in order to process them.
If you are reaching the point where you’re having more bad days than good, where anxiety is really muscling in on your parenting ability and your relationships, where your struggling with negative thoughts…get help! There are so many lovely (and free) services available to you through your local GP. In the past I have used the NHS Let’s Talk service, which you can refer yourself to without having to see a GP. No one of judging and everyone just wants you to feel better.
I really hope this helps. Please note that I am no professional, these are just things to do that help me manage parenting with anxiety, and hopefully they can help you to manage yours. So get those kids to bed, put on some pyjamas, get Bridgerton on and indulge in a bit of self care! You truly deserve it.
Love, Beth xxx
Being a mum is tough work, I think that’s something we can all agree on. We all need some self-care activities. Some days feel like a breeze, whereas others feel painful and never ending. None of us is perfect in this role of motherhood, most of us aren’t even close, and the reason for that is because we’re only human.
Every day we are met with constant demand-demand-demand from these miniature versions of ourselves we created and most days we seem to struggle to find time to pee let alone do anything else for ourselves!
We all get stressed. We can’t deny it. Little (or very big) things dig at us in our everyday lives. Finding ways to mange these stresses changes from person to person, situation to situation. We decided we would write our own little de-stress list for you all to relish in. Whether it’s lockdown, home schooling, moving house.. whatever your circumstances, we hope you’ll find something here to help.