Ok, so this one is a little bit contentious. Socks aren’t exactly the sexiest piece of clothing, even with a lace trim! But there is some science behind why you are more likely to orgasm whilst wearing socks.
Read moreThe Pride flag colours
6 Biggest Life Changes After Having A Baby
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Having a baby is the gift that keeps on giving. I know loads of people that claimed they never wanted kids and were happy without them. Then, they have a child and tell you how amazing it is! This is a common reaction that most parents have when they bring a baby into the world. It’s such a precious and incredible thing – how can you not love it?!
Removing the Stigma from Couples Therapy
When we’re sick, we go to a doctor. We take our car to a mechanic when it needs repairing or our phone to a technician when it’s spazzing out. So what’s wrong with seeking advice from a therapist when your relationship needs a bit of a tune-up?
There is a common notion that entering into couples therapy spells trouble for the relationship. If you’re ever brave enough to share to a close friend or family member that you and your partner are considering therapy, the usual response is “Oh, is everything alright?” or “What’s wrong?”. And, when accompanied by that worrying expression of pure pity, you could feel like your relationship is about to meet its doom.
TMC + Me | Sex Dreams
“I keep having sex dreams about a colleague. Every time I look at him I find myself blushing. I’m married. What should I do?”
One of our lovely TMC followers needs some advice. If you’ve ever had this experience, what advice can you share?
TRIED & TESTED : SATISFYER PRO 2 REVIEW
Welcome to a brand new series here on TMC; Tried & Tested! Today we are bringing you the Satisfyer Pro 2 Review. If you haven’t heard of the Satisfyer Pro, it is a toy that massages the clitoris using pressure waves and tingling pulsations. Basically it is a vacuum for your clit… but better. It features 11 intensity levels and the silicone cap is removable for easy cleaning. It is waterproof which means you can add a little something special to your shower\bath.
*THIS POST MANY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS – CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT AFFILIATE LINKS
SATISFYER PRO 2 REVIEW
The toy is rechargeable, meaning you’ll never need to go out to buy batteries. To charge it, you just dock the magnetic charger to the base of the toy and plug it into a USB wall adapter. The white light will flash whilst charging and become steady when it’s done. A full charge takes around 1.5 hours, though the first charge may take up to 8 hours.
I have always been a bullet girl, never really straying from what I knew would get me off. HOWEVER over the past 12 months I have been more and more intrigued by new toys that caught my eye, and one I saw continuous rave reviews for was this one. I umm’d and ahh’d for a while before finally treating myself and boyyyy did I treat myself.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
My partner and I used this together the first time and i’m not going to lie, I just couldn’t get to grips with it. It didn’t feel great and took a while to get it in the “right” place. HOWEVER I used it solo a few days later and holy shit balls. Amazing. I think I felt like I had more time to learn how to best use the toy, what setting worked for me ect. The Satisfyer has this incredible ability to engorge the clitoris so it is a lot more sensitive, meaning orgasms are *chef’s kiss*.
Speaking of orgasms.. they come in fast and multiple times.. compared to using my usual vibrator, my clitoris is more able/ready to move onto a second, third, and fourth orgasm. I know right? Amazing. However this being said, I definitely recommend some sort of lube, otherwise it can leave your clit feeling rather sore and sorry for itself.
Lubricant is mainly differentiated between “water-based” and “silicone-based”. Water-based lubricants are easy to use and are suitable to use with condoms, however these lubricants evaporate over time. Silicone-based lubricants are not compatible with some silicone-based products, so you wouldn’t use them with the satisfyer.
NEGATIVES:
The only slight downfall to this toy is that it isn’t the quietest, well.. until you get it in the right spot and then the volume does decrease slightly. Even the buttons have a clicking sound.
I also wish it was kind of… prettier and it’s quite bulky too. My 4 year old asked why I had an ear thermometer on my bedside table.
OVERALL:
Would I recommend this toy? Absolutely. It’s maybe not a great toy for those who are only just branching into the world of clitoral toys but it is incredible for those that are wanting to step up their sex toy game!
Want to give the Satisfyer a go?? Click here to treat yourself*
Have you tried the Satisfyer Pro 2? Are you a sex toy fan?
Busting Common Sex Myths That Are Completely False
A few months ago we shared common vagina myths that weren’t true and you all loved it, so we thought we would do a part 2 in the Myth Busting series. Today we are sharing common sex myths that aren’t true and boy is there a LOT. We have narrowed it down to 10 of our personal favourites that are all absolutely bullshit.
THIS BLOG POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS, TO LEARN MORE PLEASE READ OUR DISCLAIMER
COMMON SEX MYTHS
REAL SEX IS JUST LIKE PORN
Hahahaha, no. Absolutely not. Do I want to go at it for hours? No. Do I look like I can be bent like a Stretch Armstrong? HA. Can I experience orgasm after orgasm through penetration? Don’t be stupid. Porn is work. It’s someone’s job. It is created for entertainment.
STI TESTS ARE JUST FOR THOSE WHO “SLEEP AROUND”
A very popular misconception. STI tests are for ANYONE who has unprotected oral, vaginal or anal sex.
CONTRACEPTION IS A WOMAN’S RESPONSIBILITY
Oh, a favourite of mine *cue eye roll*. The decision to have sex is a joint one. I once was about to have sex with a guy and was surprised when I asked if he had any condoms. “Oh no, I presumed you would be on the pill or something…” douche bag. The only way to protect against a sexually transmitted infection (STI) is by using a condom.
YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT IF THE PENIS “PULLS OUT”
The amount of people who I know have got pregnant by using the pull out method is ridiculous. I don’t know how anyone can have the logic that it would work to prevent pregnancies, but alas. It happens. Before a penis ejaculates, there’s sperm in the pre-ejaculatory fluid (sometimes called pre-come), which leaks out when a person gets an erection.
EVERYONE IS HAVING SEX
Wrong. Having sex is a personal choice and it honestly makes me sad the amount of people rush into it because they think everyone is doing it. Also, if you have had sex one – don’t feel pressured to do it again. Wait until you are ready.
VAGINAS GET LOSER THE MORE PEOPLE THEY HAVE SEX WITH
Nope. No. The vagina is a muscle that expands and contracts. It also baffles me how a person with a vagina could have sex with the same partner for 10 years and nothing be thought of it, but one who has multiple sexual partners over that same time and her vagina must be the size of the Grand Canyon. People need to fucking behave.
VIRGINITY APPLIES TO ONLY VAGINAL SEX
It’s no secret that I despise the term “losing your virginity”, you don’t LOSE anything and i’ll be damned if a penis is that special it changes my identity. The word “virginity” has been used to describe a heterosexual woman who has not had vaginal sex. This obviously does not represent people of all genders and sexual orientations, who are likely to have a different meaning of virginity. Your “first time” is extremely personal and means something different to each person.
MASTURBATION IS HARMFUL TO YOUR SEX LIFE
Listen, as long as it feels good for you and you enjoy it – go forth and wank. Masturbating is healthy and safe. It isn’t for everyone which we fully understand. There’s no right or wrong way to go about it. Whether you prefer the use of toys to help you orgasm or good old fashioned hand. It is very much an each to their own type scenario.
ANAL SEX IS ONLY FOR GAY MEN
This is such an outdated notion that it is laughable. Wanting to try different sexual activities with your partner does not mean anything about your sexual orientation.
VAGINA OWNERS ALWAYS EXPERIENCE AN ORGASM THROUGH PENETRATIVE SEX
If only it was that easy eh? A recent study showed that 40% of women orgasm through penetrative sex, where as the other 60% need “assistance”, whether that it through toys* or clitoral stimulation.
There you have it! 10 common sex myths that are completely untrue. Did you believe any of these growing up?
POSTPARTUM SEX DIARIES
The Unedited Guide to Your Postpartum Sex Life…After Baby Number Two
THE FIRST THREE MONTHS
Hi folks, lovely to meet you, how’s the weather? It’s the first time that I’ve written anything for That Mama Club’s website, so now that the pleasantries are out of the way, welcome to my nether region. You’re about to learn about all its activities in the past twelve weeks since I gave birth to my second baby, a little girl named Bea.
Now I am sure some of you are reading this thinking, TWELVE WEEKS? She’s got a twelve week old baby and she’s writing about sex? Whilst here I am up every hour of the night and no time to shave my armpits never mind hop in the sack?!?!
I’ve been there. In fact I wrote a very similar article after a long and hard recovery after my first child, in which it took me twelve weeks to gird up my loins and brave post-partum sex, and a full nine months before I felt anything remotely resembling a libido again.
I approached the post-partum stage with something akin to military strategy this time around. Instead of sandbags, I had many many bags of mattress like maternity pads. The freezer was full of pre-made meals. And I had routinely wiggled my tank-like pregnant butt back against my partner, and demanded that we get it on…. ‘Because you know it might be a long time before we can again!’ And it’s partly this preparation for the newborn phase that meant my recovery was a lot better, which has really aided how I feel about myself and sex.
Well, before I spoil all the juicy details for you… here’s my post-partum sex diary, second time around.
24-48 hours after giving birth
I’m euphoric. I love my new baby. I love my first born. I love my partner SO SO much. Wow. The dreamy emotions, and outpouring of love don’t quite dull my aching vagina, womb, in fact every bone of me is aching. I’m going to pop some paracetamol and take a (cat) nap.
3 days after giving birth
I ignore my own advice and peer over my slowly deflating stomach with a handmirror to examine my stitches. I had a second-degree tear and tore up towards my urethra as well, so whilst things are stingy to say the least… its recognisably my vulva. I audibly sigh with relief as I spot that my two big vaginal varicose veins have gone down. I sobbed snottily through my mask at my midwife when I discovered them despite her reassurances that they would disappear soon after birth. Whilst the tangle of pubic hair proves my pre-birth trim wasn’t as thorough as I’d imagined, I can still make out that the varicose veins are indeed vanishing.
It’s a great day for my labia.
2 weeks after giving birth
I’m in a Facebook group for people who were due in the same month of me, and already the queries have started popping up in the group. ‘I’ve had sex and I only had my baby ten days ago, will I b ok?’ I read these open mouthed. Now I’m no doctor so I’m not going to say yay or nay as to when you can hop back in the saddle, but bravo to these ladies’ vaginas.
I’m still joining the baby in wearing a nappy, my boobs are out of control, and my stomach muscles are so shredded I currently struggle even lying down comfortably. Sex is most firmly off the table.
4 weeks after giving birth
Ok, so this is unexpected. I’ve stopped bleeding. After two long recoveries, following my first birth and a miscarriage, the packs of maternity pads I stockpiled are still sitting in the cupboard unopened. I’ve also been doing my kegels and well, it all feels pretty normal. I’ve been hiking, and I think toting the tiny one round in a sling for a month has had the unexpected benefit of engaging my core as that seems to be feeling a lot better too. I’ve mentioned all this to my partner, and he’s most definitely very *ahem* encouraged, but I say I want to rest and recover a few weeks longer.
6 weeks after giving birth
I remember being unimpressed with the GP ‘check-up’ after my first birth, going into it thinking I’d be getting an internal MOT and instead being asked a sum total of two questions.
‘How are you feeling’
And
‘Have you thought about contraception’.
Well this time around, those questions were asked over the phone but in all fairness I actually am feeling very much ok by this point. Ok enough to think that YES, lets do this, I’ll wiggle my way into a almost-fitting bra and pants set and go for that voluptuous spilling-over look, that’s sexy right? Lets do this. Lets GET IT ON.
7 weeks after giving birth
We still haven’t had sex. And to be quite honest I haven’t had a single ‘spark’ since I’ve had the baby. Not one fanny flutter. Not one tingling. Not a single case of the fizzy knickers. Folks, I’ve not been aroused in the slightest. But instead of going into brain meltdown I remember that I felt like this for a lot longer with my first birth, and its all down to those pesky breastfeeding hormones.
Still, one night, when everyone else in the house is asleep I summon up some thoughts of bare chested men and Robin Hood (yes the fox, don’t ask) and slide a hand into my knickers.
I’m awakened four hours later by the baby crying. Hand still firmly in my pants.
I fell asleep doing myself. Ok, that’s a new one.
8 weeks after giving birth
WE STILL HAVEN’T HAD SEX. Last week I even shaved everything from my neck down, bar a landing strip (I say landing strip, I swear each pregnancy makes me hairier, it’s now more like the M1), moisturised, plucked my eyebrows and shimmied out of the bathroom feeling pretty damn good about myself. But after everyone else’s bath-time, a rousing two-hour bed time and then a baby deciding that this was the best evening to spend the whole evening on the boob, well we were both too tired. A second attempt was foiled by the ever-familiar call of ‘Mummmmyyyyyyyy’. And then I myself foiled another, by deciding that we would continue a session of heavy petting upstairs, but of course when I gingerly lifted the sleeping baby to put her to bed first… she woke up.
9 weeks after giving birth
It happened. It wasn’t glamorous, it wasn’t amazing, it was over pretty quickly, but it happened. And it felt gloriously, wonderfully, familiar. And that’s exciting. I was expecting it to feel different somehow, after all my body has changed, I pushed a baby out of my vagina mere weeks ago and yet it felt the same as always. That’s not to say our sex life is never glamorous or amazing – but somehow having run-of-the-mill spontaneous weeknight sex was the perfect way to get back on that particular horse. No pressure, no worries about what I was wearing, if I had done enough kegels or if I was ‘exciting’ enough. It was great, it reminded me that actually I really enjoy sex, and it made me feel a little bit like the old me.
12 weeks after giving birth
And that brings us to today. Twelve weeks after giving birth and sex is currently firmly back on the table. Yes, it sometimes feels like a military operation, but I think that’s part of having two children one of whom is a newborn… everything feels like a military operation! But I’ve learnt to be a bit more spontaneous, if the moment arises just to go with it and enjoy it rather than worry about the laundry pile or the unsent emails.
Finally, yes, I’ve got my libido back. And very strangely it happened exactly the same way as last time around. I had a night of very sexy dreams and woke up in the morning with a little more sashay than the night before.
I know things will be up and down, and at the moment as we are still sleeping with the baby in the room it does feel a little bit strange to be getting down to it.
But we are doing, and I’ll take that as a win for now.
Becqui Jean x
How To Keep Sex Fun After Having Children
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Sex can seem like a chore at the best of times, so throw in having children and it all goes out the window. Especially when you have young children and you have to decide whether you’d rather have an orgasm or an extra 10 minutes sleep.. i’m not gonna lie – sleep always won. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times me & my partner had sex in the 12 months following our first son’s birth. However since having our second child (he is 17 months old now for context), my libido is BACK and we are having sex again. More sex than we’ve had in a long time. We thought we would share our top tips on how to keep sex fun after having children.
TAKE YOUR TIME
You don’t want to rush in all guns blazing with a giant tentacle shaped butt plug wedged between your cheeks. Slow & steady wins the race. Ease yourself in. Don’t feel like you have to release your inner porn star (although if you do, HELL YEAH…). Please let’s also remember, just because you might be cleared for sex at your six week postnatal check (WHO IN THE FRESH HELL IS READY AT SIX WEEKS?!) that does NOT mean you have to do it. You don’t owe anyone anything.
NURTURE YOUR EMOTIONAL & EMOTIONAL NEEDS
We all know it’s hard to relax and let go when we have 20,000 things running through our mind. Think, what do you need to do for yourself to feel good? – it could be ranting to a friend about something you’ve been annoyed about, it could be taking a long bath, it could be enjoying a cheeky little pre-coital wank (wink..). Practicing self care as a couple is equally as important; whether it’s asking a family member to babysit whilst you for a date night or ordering a takeaway and watching a film once the kids are in bed.
THINK ABOUT WHAT TURNS YOU ON
Not your partner. YOU. What are you into? Communicate that with your partner! Just the conversation itself can be HOTTTT.
INTRODUCE SEX TOYS
The tentacle shaped butt plug I mentioned previously? that’s a real toy but i’m not trying to scare you. We have a few to share that are fun! A 10 Day Love Challenge Couple’s Box is filled to the brim with exciting sex toys and erotic accessories that will spice up your sex life and bring pleasure to you both. If toys aren’t your thing (they really aren’t for everyone!), then how about a sexy little version of Monopoly. The Monogamy Erotic Board Game features three levels of intensity for personalised play: intimate, passionate and steamy. It reaches its climax with the winner choosing one of the 50 fantasies to act out. Some of the cards have a “Treat” action that you carry out over in the days and weeks to come..
Okay, for those who fancy trying something a little more… butt appreciation.. we have the kit for you! This Anal kit for beginners contains everything you need. It contains everything you need to relax and open up to new pleasurable sensations – including step-by-step instructions.
MAKE SMALL GESTURES
You don’t have to plan big extravagant weekends away and luxurious spa breaks. Small gestures daily can really make all the difference; having a kiss at the end of every day, sending a sexy text message, your partner managing to unpair their crusty socks before they put them in the wash…
There are so many different things you can do to keep things fun and sinful 😉 What is something you have done with your partner to light the spark again?
PIN FOR LATER
LET’S TALK ABOUT CONTRACEPTION
We recently reached out on our Instagram asking people to share their contraception experiences; what contraception they use, what worked or didn’t work for them and thought we’d share them with you. In our sex education post, we shared that we were not at all educated on female contraception. We were told about “the pill” (as if there is only one kind…) and that was it. Take the pill, don’t get pregnant, bobs your uncle. Not quite…..
I first went on the pill at 16 when I knew I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I took myself off to the sexual health clinic and that was it. I then stayed on the pill until we started trying for our first baby in 2016. I went back on it briefly once he was born but stopped taking it when he was around a year old. Not because I wanted another baby but frankly, it was fucking me up. I needed to give my body a break. After we had our second baby in 2020, I went for my 6 week check and opted for the pill, but I have never taken it. I just don’t want to put that in my body again. We are currently using condoms and I know they aren’t 100% effective (does anyone else think of condoms and automatically think of THAT Friends episode with Ross? LOL). It is so important that you remember what works for you, might not work for somebody else and all our bodies are so different!
Now it is time to share YOUR contraception experiences.
RACHAEL SAID…
“I was started on the pill when I was a teenager due to painful and erratic periods which did help regulate my periods but when I got older I got changed to the mini pill due to my BMI. When someone I know who worked as a Doctor in gynaecology recommended the IUS as it’s the most effective form of contraception and you can get pregnant as soon as it’s removed I decided this sounded much better for me.
The first time I had it inserted it was uncomfortable, but not painful. It’s very similar to having a smear test. You have to remove your clothing from your bottom half, lay on the bed and bring your feet to your bottom and let your knees fall open, a speculum is inserted (which I find the worst bit but my cervix is in a weird position) and then a small tube is inserted through the cervix into your womb. I found this bit gave me period type pains which lasted for about 2-3 days after with some light spotting. After that my periods stopped completely and I had no side effects whatsoever. It was changed after 5 years and again I had no issues.
2 years later I had it removed as we wanted to start a family. Simple to remove and no issues at all. There are two pieces of string that dangle down so you can check it’s still in place and this is what they use to remove it. They literally just pull it out.
It was 5 years and 2 children before I had it put back in as I knew I wanted a closer age gap between children so didn’t see the point in having one back in. So this is now my third coil. I have very light periods which, annoyingly, can be on a cycle from 28 to 44 days but this is just my body. I don’t have to remember to take any tablets, if I’m sick it doesn’t stop working and I only need to keep a note of when it’s due for changing (every 5 years) so no need to keep going to the GP for prescriptions!”
LAURA SAID…
I have tried various forms of contraception. I started when I was at school with the pill to help ease my period cramps. They gave me the combined pill Microgynon which I took for a while but was getting really bad migraines with aura so stopped that.
When I got my first long term boyfriend I tried the contraceptive jag, I didn’t notice much side affects with this except weight gain. I then went on the mini pill which was okay, but I was having severe mood swings, and irregular bleeding. I was advised the implant would help so opted for that, again severe mood swings, low moods & it was really itchy in my arm like my body was rejecting it. After I got it removed Istuck with the one mini pill but ended up with really bad adult acne when I came off it when I split up with my then boyfriend.
Since having my little girl I decided to give the mini pill another try and it could be a coincidence but I was diagnosed with PND 3 months after starting it and was bleeding irregularly again too. I’ve since came off that too and I’m going to give my body a break and I feel much better. I know people who have had positive experiences with these forms of contraception but my body doesn’t agree with them.
SOPHIE SAID…
“A few years ago, in between having my second and third children, I went for a routine smear test. Whilst I was there, the nurse started asking about contraception etc and she mentioned that I might like to try the mirena coil. This wasn’t something I had previously considered, but I did at some point want to stop relying on contraceptive pills. I took home the information she gave me and had a read; after discussing it with my Husband I decided that I would like to try it and so I booked myself in with the doctor to have it fitted. The fitting was easy and painless and the GP made me feel completely comfortable. She did warn me of a few side effects, such as mood swings, but said these were very rare and that the vast majority of people didn’t experience any adverse effects. Unfortunately, this was not the case for me. The day before my next period was due, I experienced one of the worst migraines I have ever had. I had a really strong headache behind my eyes and every time I stood up I felt like I was on a moving boat. I also felt really nauseous. I didn’t automatically relate this to the coil and it had passed by the next day. However, the same thing happened before my next two periods, along with some very irrational mood swings throughout the months. Three months after having my coil fitted I was back in with the GP demanding that she remove it. She was extremely reluctant and kept telling me that headaches aren’t a usual side effect, she also seemed fairly concerned with regards to me being left without contraception as she wasn’t willing to prescribe more pills for me due to my age and recent headaches. I was very insistent though and she had no choice but to remove it for me. It seems crazy to say, but I felt almost instantly better. Safe to say, I will never be having a coil fitted again!”
BETH SAID…
“I started taking the Pill when I was 19 and Ryan and I had been together for a few months. And then I just never stopped, considered the side effects, or considered any other form of contraception. In my early twenties I began to realise that a lot of my low moods were down to taking the Pill, it had never occurred to me that piling my body with all those extra hormones would effect me! I began discussing with doctors about other methods of contraception due to the hormonal impact and that I was fairly useless with taking it regularly…cue our surprise pregnancy and our daughter Rosie! Post-partum, I knew that I would never go back to the Pill. I decided on the Coil as it was a hormone free method (ideal for me as I already struggle with anxiety and low moods), I could forget about it for up to five years, and unlike the pill I couldn’t forget to take it one morning and have another surprise!
I did have one course of the pill, but I’m terrible with remembering to take medication daily so this didn’t last long. After years of the injection, they do say it takes time for your body and cycle to come back to ‘normal’ and with me knowing I’d eventually want children I swapped to the implant. Looking back I wish I’d have got the implant sooner as it is something you don’t have to think of once its in. I only had to swap it once before my husband and I decided to try for a baby. I had no side effects from the implant and my periods were light.
Since having my daughter I decided to give my body a little rest from contraception and let my body and hormones get back to normal without being effected in anyway. So I haven’t used anything for almost 3 years now.”
THINGS WE SHOULD HAVE LEARNED IN SEX EDUCATION BUT PROBABLY DIDN’T
THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS – TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS READ OUR DISCLAIMER
Things we should have learned in sex education but probably didn’t…. ALL OF IT.
When I was growing up my parents weren’t open at all when it came to sex, we never got “THE TALK” – they either relied on the fact that we were learning enough in our sex education class – HA or they just knew we’d figure it out in the end.
In year 11, when I was 15/16, we had a sex education lesson. One. A singular lesson. We learnt how to put on condoms, that sex consists of penis into vagina, and that sex is between two people who love each other very much (YUCK). That’s it. The basics. We didn’t cover the complexity of safe sex and sexuality. Not only was it not at all inclusive but as a female, I didn’t learn a single fucking thing about my body and what sex meant for me. It was only through watching A Girl’s Guide To 21st Century Sex as a teenager that I learnt about female masturbation, orgasms, foreplay ect.
We thought we’d list some of things we should have learned in sex education;
ANYTHING ABOUT FEMALE PLEASURE
Did anyone else get told what a clit was or WHERE it was? Nope, okay then. Guess what, women enjoy wanking and sex just as much as men. Shocking, I know but facts are facts people. We have had it engrained in our brains thanks to popular culture, how much men enjoy masturbating so when it comes to women, it’s something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. WRONG.
PEE AFTER SEX CAN HELP PREVENT UTI’S
My sister taught me this vital lesson when I started having sex. PLEASE. Nobody enjoys a burning sensation when they pee.
IT IS ABOUT MUTUAL PLEASURE
This might be brand new information for some people but women have sex for pleasure too! It isn’t all about falling in love and this deep meaningful connection.
FOR SOMEONE WITH A VAGINA, IT IS NOT UNUSUAL TO NOT ORGASM DURING SEX
If you do, AMAZING – but it is very common that the vast majority of women need some level clitoral stimulation to orgasm; whether that is by your partner, yourself or toys!
LUBE
You need it, USE IT. Self pleasure is supposed to be exactly that, PLEASURABLE. If you feel uncomfortable, LUBE IT UP; it can make penetration easier, more relaxed and depending which lube you opt for, make you all tingly. It exists for a reason. There is nothing to be ashamed about.
MORE THAN ONE FORM OF FEMALE CONTRACEPTION
As I mentioned, we learnt about one form of female contraception. The pill. That’s it. Contraception is NOT one size fits all. I used the pill for 10 years before I realised, it was not for me.
SEX ISN’T JUST ABOUT PENIS INTO VAGINA – LGBTQIA+
It still blows my mind that in the 21st century, we aren’t educating and discussing sexuality in schools. By not teaching it we are further adding to the stigma that LGBTQ sex isn’t normal, there is more to sex than heterosexual pleasure. It is not only adding to the stigma, but it also adds to children’s confusion.
STI CHECKS ARE IMPORTANT AND NOT SHAMEFUL
They are part of being a responsible adult!
FOREPLAY IS IMPORTANT
Amen.
BEING READY IS SUBJECTIVE
When asked about sex, so many people say “oh wait until you are ready” – what the fuck does ready mean?! I went to the sexual health clinic at 16 to go on the pill because I knew I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I told one of my “friends” and she judged. Hard. I was so embarrassed and scared I was doing the wrong thing, based purely on her judgement. Don’t ever let anyone shame you for when you are ready to have sex. Whether you are a teenager like I was or a adult woman in her 20’s/30’s. Just make sure you REALLY think about whether you want to have sex, some people do have regrets about their first time.
VIRGINITY IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT
I hate this huge deal around virginity. When you have sex for the first time, you do not loose anything. It does not change us as a person, it doesn’t take anything away from our lives and it sure as shit does not affect our worth.
IF SOMEONE REFUSES TO PUT ON A CONDOM – LEAVE.
Tell them to fuck off first, obviously. If they try the whole “it just doesn’t feel as good” excuse, NO. That is not okay. Condoms are about preventing pregnancy and any STI’s. Sex is for them AND you. A condom isn’t there solely to enhance his sexual experience *eye roll*
That is just SOME of the things we should have learned in sex education, but there are so many more! I am hoping by the time my children are in school and ready for their sex education lessons, they’ll have a much more open and informative discussion.
BUSTING VAGINA MYTHS | COMMON MYTHS THAT ARE COMPLETELY FALSE
In my 28 years of having a vagina I have heard a LOT of myths surrounding it and as a teenager I believed every single one. It’s no secret that women don’t discuss their vagina’s anywhere near as much as men talk about their penis’ – however it’s not through lack of interest. We just don’t feel the need to strike up a conversation about it every chance we get. With that being said, the less we talk about something, the more wide spread & bizarre the myths and rumours get. So we are here, busting vagina myths!
THAT YOUR VAGINA SHOULD SELF LUBRICATE ON CUE
Funnily enough, no. As much as people like to think vagina’s are ready at the flick of a finger, NO! I think as a younger person you associate “vaginal dryness” with older women, but it is actually incredibly normal! Things such as breastfeeding, certain medications and going through menopause can impact your self lubrication. Foreplay is incredibly important for women, not just because it can feel good.. DUH, but to make sure we are prepped and ready for sex. Also, lube exists for a reason.
THE MORE YOU MASTURBATE, THE LESS SENSITIVE YOUR VAGINA WILL BECOME
The “logic” behind this is that the more you do it, the more your body gets used to it, so stops responding – especially when using vibrating toys. There is also the myth that other things won’t feel as good because your body grows accustom to your toy. Which is all completely false. There is absolutely no evidence to back any of this up and has someone who has used vibrating toys for… 10 years.. i’m all good thank you.
HAVING LOTS OF SEX OR A BABY CAN CAUSE LOOSENESS”
The vaginal muscles are incredibly stretchy and whilst obviously the vagina does expand when aroused or to give birth – it shrinks back to its normal size! So having lots of sex or a baby does NOT affect vaginal “tightness”.
THAT WOMEN CAN COME FROM VAGINAL STIMULATION ALONE
Did you know only 30% of women can come from penetrative sex alone? I am gonna tell you right now that I am NOT one of those women. There’s a reason the clitoris is the only body part that’s use is SOLELY for pleasure. Penetrative sex is not the be all and end all of orgasms. Every vagina is different and everyone’s body reacts differently – explore and discover what you like!
THAT DISCHARGE MEANS YOUR VAGINA IS DIRTY
WRONG. It is totally normal and HEALTHY to have vaginal discharge. Discharge is actually the vagina’s way of self cleaning (PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VAGINA ALONE WHEN IT COMES TO CLEANING!), it is full of healthy bacteria and protects against infections. Obviously you know your body (and what comes out of it), so if you experience any itchiness, a change in smell, more discharge than normal then get a self-test or go to the doctor.
ALL LABIAS LOOK A SPECIFIC WAY
I can’t even… no. NO NO NO. Despite its size, shape or length… your labia is NORMAL.
YOUR CHERRY “POPS” AFTER SEX
Sure, the hymen (which is a band of tissue in the back part of your vagina) can tear and bleed during your first sexual intercourse experience but it can also break by using a tampon, horse riding, or dancing! It is not always a first time sex thing.
There you have it! We hope you found this post useful – us busting vagina myths! What is a myth you believed growing up about your vagina or sex?