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That Mama Club

WHAT IS A NICU PARENT? | GUEST POST

Filed Under: BIRTH, BIRTH TRAUMA, GUEST POST // February 1, 2021

WRITTEN BY SAM (GUEST WRITER)

NICU

Back in 2017, I became a Mummy for the first time. During what should have been a joyous occasion, my husband and I underwent the toughest month of our lives. Our little boy was a full-term baby, but he was born with 2 lesions on his left lung. At 19 days old, he underwent surgery at Great Ormond Street Hospital to remove one of the lesions. After a total of 31 days in the NICU at both our local hospital and Great Ormond Street Hospital, we finally took our son home.

The experience has had a big impact on my life. It affected my mental health greatly in the years following his NICU stay, and I am not the only NICU parent to feel this way. There is a little community of us and yet, some people are completely unaware that we exist. The NICU is not often talked about, and I want to change that.

What is the NICU?

The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit found in hospitals across the world. The place where both full term and premature babies go when they are poorly and need extra help in order to be fighting fit. For some parents, they have prior knowledge that their baby could need extra help from the NICU at birth, but for other families, it is a huge shock to the system. Either way, nothing can prepare you for the reality of having a baby, or babies, in the NICU.

What is the reality of having a baby in the NICU?

For me personally, I found it to be really tough. I had a couple of minutes of skin to skin after he was born. And minutes later, my son was taken to be checked over properly, and it was another 24 hours before I could hold him again. My husband and I each held him for around 15mins each, every day. That was it for the first few weeks. Once he had his surgery, he was doing a lot better and so were able to hold him a lot more. Having a newborn baby that you can’t pick up and cuddle whenever you want is just heart breaking. Whilst we had to wait those 24 hours for a proper cuddle, there are families who had to wait days, weeks or even months to hold their baby. 

When I went in to see my son on the NICU for the first time, I found it to be really daunting. The room had several other incubators in, some of which were occupied by premature babies, and it wasn’t quiet. The constant noise from the machines beeping or having alarms ringing – you can’t ever forget them. They become part of your normal. You quickly learn what sounds are normal and which ones result in panic and a lot of medical staff around one baby. You can never unsee your baby with wires everywhere, cannulas in their hands or feet, requiring oxygen to breathe. Those are memories that will be with you forever. 

Post Natal recovery is something that is very easily thrown out of the window when your baby moves onto the NICU. I had induced labour, that resulted in a forceps delivery and episiotomy. Walking was painful. Sitting was painful. And here I was, walking to and from the car and the NICU and having to sit down all day. There was no lying down in bed or lounging on the sofa with my feet up, as I may have envisioned before giving birth. It definitely made my recovery harder. It’s so easy to forget about self-care when you’re in the NICU. 

NICU

For those Mummy’s wanting to breastfeed their baby, being in the NICU can make an already tricky process that much harder. As a first time Mum, I had no experience of breastfeeding. I was unsure I could do it, or whether I would enjoy it, but always wanted to give it a go. My son was unable to tolerate milk until after his surgery, at which point, he was tube fed to begin with. In order to encourage my milk to come in, and begin establishing my supply, I began exclusively expressing. It was hard going, but it was the only thing that I felt I could do to contribute to my Son’s care. So, no matter how relentless it became, I was adamant on carrying on. I was very fortunate, as knowing so much more now about expressing, I’m aware that it isn’t for every Mummy.

 The aftermath

When your child is ready to be discharged, you are hit with a wave of different emotions. We were in the NICU for a month, and I very much felt excited to be able to take our Son home, but also very anxious. We had spent the month surrounded by a full medical team, with wires and monitors attached to him to ensure he was safe. You don’t get to take the medical equipment, nor the doctors and nurses with you. It is a lot to get your head around.

This is also the part where I think a lot of people expect Parents to forget everything that they have been through because they finally have what they always wanted – their baby at home with them. This just isn’t the case. For me personally, I struggled to accept what had happened to our family during that first year, and beyond. It’s only really since the birth of my second child last year, that I have really come to terms with it all.

The NICU is a complex setting to find yourself in. It’s a highly emotional environment, particularly post birth with all the hormones you have to deal. It’s an experience I won’t ever forget. But it is an experience that you don’t often hear people talk about and this needs to change. I am so incredibly proud of my Son, my NICU baby, as are so many other parents will be of their NICU babies. He showed me what it is to be strong. He will always be my NICU Warrior.

 

YOU CAN FIND SAM ON;

INSTAGRAM: THE_NICU_MUMMY

BLOG: THE NICU MUMMY

1 Comment

Comments

  1. Amanda

    February 1, 2021 at 2:24 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! I can’t imagine. It definitely takes strong parents and such strong little ones! Definitely warriors❤️

    Reply

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We’ve all had those days where everything is going wrong, we’re all shouting and feeling frustrated. The best piece of advice I ever received as a parent is in those times, get outside. There is something about everyone getting fresh air, and the physical space around you that helps calm any situation. 

Here are some more benefits to getting outside (whether it’s a walk or just sitting in the garden) 

🐞Lowers your blood pressure, reduces stress and improves your mood. 

🐞The fresh air also helps you sleep better 

🐞Improves focus — Studies show that both adults and children who have difficulties focusing or controlling impulses are better able to concentrate after being in nature.

🐞Helps us heal quicker - patients who spent time outdoors during their recovery required fewer painkillers, had fewer complications and experienced shorter hospital stays. 

🐞Tops up your vitamin D - Which is an important vitamin for overall health, as well as strong and healthy bones

🐞Improves your immune system - A study published in 2010 evaluated the effect of forest bathing on immune function. For a group of Japanese adults, a three-day trip to the forest increased the number of white blood cells in their blood. These levels of white blood cells stayed elevated for more than 30 days after their adventure in the woods! 

🐞Fosters a better imagination and creativity in children 

What are your favourite ways to enjoy being outside? 

(Thankyou to @simplejourneying for tagging us in this gorgeous photo)
Happy Monday Everyone! Meet a Mama Monday is a wo Happy Monday Everyone! 
Meet a Mama Monday is a wonderful way to meet & connect with likeminded people in our little community 

To Join in, all you have to do is;
❤️ Like & save this post.
❤️ Follow @thatmamaclub
❤️ Leave a comment telling us a little bit about yourself!

Then, all you do is go through the comments, follow and engage with others in this community who interest you!

If you would like to help spread the word and get more people involved, please feel free to share this post to your stories and/or tag people you think would like to join in. We are also trying something new on stories for Meet a Mama Monday - So head over and check it out!

Team TMC

*Please note - this is NOT a loop. You don't have to follow everyone back, you don't have to follow anyone at all if you don't want to- you follow who you like, who you're drawn
to, who inspires you *

#communityovercompetition
#thatmamaclubig #thatmamaclubchallenge
#TMCmeetamamamonday
Ending this Friday evening with a magical post fro Ending this Friday evening with a magical post from @that.enchanted.life 

Aren't bluebell photos beautiful?😍

#thatmamaclubig #bluebells #bluebellwoods
What a week it has been! Feels like the only time What a week it has been!

Feels like the only time i have completely relaxed has been when i have fallen asleepat night!

Work is super busy at the moment, and having just recived a payrise i feel under pressureto do well!

Add to that the fact that Tolani was poorly and the pressure of me feeling stressed about staying home with her!

And when i sent her off to nursery after a few days i felt guilty towards her for not letting her stay home! 

The balance act of being a full time working mum is sometimes too much and i wish i could just get some time to be just me! 

Coming from Sweden i am used to a better work/family life balance where both parents take the same amount of responsibility!

UK is so different! 
As a matter of fact only 75.1% of mums work in the UK, which is 20% lower then dads working.

Whether you want to work or stay at home with your children, it should be your decision. NOT because you don't have a choice!

With nursery fees being crazy high its no wonder people can't afford it! 
Ours were £2,000 when both kids were in full-time nursery 🤯

Do you work? If you do, how do you find the work/family life balance? 

If you are a stay at home mum, is it by choice or could you just not afford to work?

#thatmamaclubig
#womenempowerwomen #workingmom #workingmum #workingmums #workingmama #stayathomemomlife #stayathomemum #workbalance #familylifebalance #stressedmom #stressedmum
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