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That Mama Club

WHAT ACCESSIBILITY MEANS AS A MOTHER

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, MOTHERHOOD // August 6, 2021

WHAT ACCESSIBILITY MEANS

WHAT ACCESSIBILITY MEANS?

MORE THAN BARE MINIMUM!

Hi, I’m Steph, mum to Ciara 5 and very soon to be mum to a baby boy too. 

I’ve never had great health, I was born 12 weeks premature and growing up I suffered hormone imbalances, bladder issues, bouts of mental ill health and I’ve had countless surgeries investigating causes for chronic and unexplained, but very real, pain. 

During my first pregnancy in 2015 I was diagnosed with Symphis pubis dysfunction at 16 weeks, a condition where your pelvic joints separate making simple activities like standing and walking, agony. By 25 weeks I was wheelchair bound. Stripped of my independence, ability to walk and generally combat life – my mental health took a turn. 

Later came a preeclampsia diagnosis, a horrendous womb infection and a NICU stay with our baby girl. 

For the first few months after Ciara’s birth, my mobility returned to some semblance of normal but I was instead plagued with all over body pain, profound fatigue, and left feeling generally unwell for long periods at a time. Though I had suffered unexplained chronic pain before this was different, it was everywhere and it wasn’t just pain. After many visits to my GP, once finally referred to rheumatology, it was confirmed later that year that I have Fibromyalgia syndrome.

Fibromyalgia effects my life significantly, it affects my sleep, days out with my family, my mood, my functionality, mobility and also my cognitive function. Fibromyalgia is categorised as a pain condition and though pain is indeed a huge factor of this condition, impacting my life on a daily basis, it is by no means the only factor.

Some days I am unable to get out of bed, cook a meal, play with my daughter or work, and I am often left bed ridden for over a week every month. 

When I found out I was pregnant a second time, I was worried about how pregnancy would impact fibromyalgia symptoms for me. It turns out my worry was valid when again at 16 weeks I was diagnosed with symphis pubis dysfunction and given crutches. Crutches require strength that my chronically ill body doesn’t have and so I am now using a mobility scooter to get around. 

The trouble with this is, we live in an ableist society, in a society that is unprepared for ambulatory mobility aid users, a society that believes disabled people can and should live full lives on the very bare minimum of accessibility. 

On a good day pre pregnancy, I could do things most healthy people can enjoy, like walk on the beach, eat meals on a picnic bench, go for a forage in the woods and so on. Now I cannot stand unaided I can’t do any of the aforementioned activities. I cannot walk on uneven ground even when supported by crutches. I cannot sit on a chair or bench that doesn’t have a back.

With the easing of lockdown restrictions over the last month or so it has been highlighted to me again with stark reality that society has made the very minimum of changes for disabled people. 

A few examples I’ve come across in recent months are, trying to buy a new sofa, I couldn’t view it in store because it was on an upper floor with no lift. I have had to change dental practices because mine is two flights of stairs above a shop, with no lift or ground floor consulting room, and no accessible parking. 

Other restrictions include not being able to go on days out with my family and enjoy all of the facilities at farm parks and playgrounds, not being able to meet friends for lunch because the bar or restaurant they’ve chosen only has high stools or picnic benches to sit on, stairs to toilets and entrances without ramps for scooters and wheelchairs. Who knew that disabled people still wanted a life, eh? News flash – we do!

What’s often even less considered by healthy people is the cost accrued trying to live a ‘normal’ life as a person who requires aids and accessibility in order to do so. 

Since losing my mobility in pregnancy I’ve had to make changes in my home, including buying a new bed, a bigger car that can accommodate my mobility scooter, a new sofa because I couldn’t lower myself onto the old one. As you can imagine, this has cost thousands of pounds. The only state support I’ve received has been the installation of grab rails and a shower seat completed by my local council. 

At the moment nobody is very hopeful about how and if my mobility will return post partum, and even if I go back to ‘normal’ my normal is still disabled, living with a disability that impacts my life regularly. 

I’m the first to admit I carried a lot of internalised ableism before I became unwell. Even once I was unwell but still mobile, I had no real idea the implications people who aren’t mobile face every second of every day. Trying to navigate a disabled life is hard and doing it with children is something else. 

Many aspects of your day needs to be planned in advance. I find I do a lot of the mental workload now, and offload the physical onto my husband, but though amazing in so many ways, even he has found letting go of inherent ableism particularly difficult. 

Since being unable to stand in the kitchen and cook meals, I’m also no longer able to reach into high cupboards or climb on a chair to turn the fire alarm off when the toast is burning at 7am. It doesn’t come naturally to others to think of these things until they experience them and I understand that, because it didn’t come naturally to me either. 

Many disabled people are ambulatory wheelchair and mobility aid users, which means they don’t need them all the time. This can be even harder for the general public to understand. But it is a necessary consideration to enable us to live in a more inclusive society. 

What I hope to achieve from talking about these topics is to draw attention to the need for more accessibility everywhere, and that doesn’t just mean ramps and lifts, it means adequate seating, it means flexible working, it means baby groups that don’t just involve parents all sat in a huddled circle on the floor. It means automatic doors, lower shelving in supermarkets, accessible holiday parks, considerate parking, paved pathways in green spaces. It means more support for sunflower lanyard wearers…. And so much more. 

As a mother it also means teaching our children about equality and inclusivity. It means letting them know that people have a variety of differences and compassion, kindness and consideration are all free, so we can sprinkle it wherever we go. 

Awareness amongst other parents is also crucial. It helps us to support each other and find genuine connections in the parenting community for people who might be experiencing similar struggles. 

I’m disabled, but I’m still a mother, still a wife, still a friend and person who wants to live just as a fulfilling life as anyone else.

WRITTEN BY STEPH : @DIVAMUMSTEPH

 

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📖 You can get some great activity books about holidays (in England and abroad) to entertain them on the trip or on site. Little toys collected from parties can be great to pack in bags. And you don’t worry if they get lost

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🪩 Routine may drop for the week but embrace it. You’ll get up later and stay up till late to enjoy the entertainment. You can soon get back into the normal swing of things 

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Taking Kids on Holiday ⛱ Packing and travelling Taking Kids on Holiday ⛱

Packing and travelling can be stressful enough, let alone when you have little ones to take too. As holiday season is upon us, here are some top tips to help make it easier 

🛫 Prepare your kids before hand by showing them photos of where you’re going and what planes are like if you are flying (This is a big thing we have to do for all new things with our eldest) 
It gives them a chance to ask questions and get their heads around what’s to come. You can even have a countdown they can change each day to build excitement 

🍪 Snacks, snacks and more snacks. You can never pack too many for the journey
 
If you’re flying, check what you can take through security for kids. They often allow drinks. And babies can take milk through. I also highly recommend having your baby drink milk during take off and landing to help their ears adjust to pressure! 

📖 You can get some great activity books about holidays (in England and abroad) to entertain them on the trip or on site. Little toys collected from parties can be great to pack in bags. And you don’t worry if they get lost

❤️ Lower your expectations of what you may get done whilst you’re away. Toddler who had previously dropped naps may pick them up again for the week as new experiences tire them out 

🪩 Routine may drop for the week but embrace it. You’ll get up later and stay up till late to enjoy the entertainment. You can soon get back into the normal swing of things 

🥳 Most of all have fun! There may be some tantrums but kids will only remember the joy 

Where are you heading this summer? 
.

Thankyou to @zelda_nehir_kd for tagging us in this beautiful photo
Happy Monday Everyone! Meet a Mama Monday is a wo Happy Monday Everyone! 
Meet a Mama Monday is a wonderful way to meet & connect with likeminded people in our little community 

To Join in, all you have to do is;
❤️ Like & save this post.
❤️ Follow @thatmamaclub
❤️ Leave a comment telling us a little bit about yourself!

Then, all you do is go through the comments, follow and engage with others in this community who interest you!

If you would like to help spread the word and get more people involved, please feel free to share this post to your stories and/or tag people you think would like to join in. We are also trying something new on stories for Meet a Mama Monday - So head over and check it out!

Team TMC

*Please note - this is NOT a loop. You don't have to follow everyone back, you don't have to follow anyone at all if you don't want to- you follow who you like, who you're drawn
to, who inspires you *

#communityovercompetition
#thatmamaclubig #thatmamaclubchallenge
#TMCmeetamamamonday
Friday the 13th and our prompt for today was "I am Friday the 13th and our prompt for today was "I am Grateful for"
#thatmamaclubchallenge 

There are so many things to be grateful for but sometimes we all need to remind ourselves what they are! ❤️

Thank you all for joining in! 
Love this photo by @ateeqhomeed

#thatmamaclubig #happyfridayeveryone
Yesterdays prompt on #thatmamaclubchallenge was I Yesterdays prompt on #thatmamaclubchallenge was 
I AM ENOUGH 

And I absolutely loved @oliverashley2021 entry

"Everyday I feel blessed that I have such lovely boys and I am extremely grateful that they are (touch wood) healthy and happy. 

However, before having my boys i was known as Charlene and I don't see her often! 

These days I am less confident and only care about the welfare of my boys and not too much myself. 

She was fun, spontaneous and full of energy. She was full of goals, had aspirations and had the determination to achieve whatever she wanted. Its so important to find her again! 

She is the reason I'm the best mum and will never fall below 110% whilst being in the parent role. Charlene was the foundation and I am truly grateful. 

Now let's go find her"

#thatmamaclubig #selflovetribe #selflovemovement #selfloveiskey #makeyourselfapriority #ilovemyselfmore #bethebestversionofyourself #bestversionofme #loveyourselftoday #positiveselftalk #celebrateyoursuccess 

#celebrateyourself #loveyourbodynow #weareallbeautiful #sayyestoyourself #aconfidentyou #stopcomparing #learningtolovemyself #loveyourimperfections #selfcarecommunity 

#selfcarecomesfirst #dosomethingforyou #selfcareroutines #selfloveisfirstlove #selfloveadvocate  #selflovematters
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