BY LAURA (GUEST WRITER)
My last post was to raise awareness and to help other people grieve for the loss of a baby – and I really hope it has done that –
I was extremely broken, I couldn’t really see a way out or a way through the heartache but my family and friends got me through it and so did hope.
And my god I had heartache that would hit me at the most random times – a family BBQ would break me and I wouldn’t want to socialise .. I felt so alone and that nobody else was feeling my pain or they was but they wasn’t showing me that they was … or that I was the only one hurting – which wasn’t the case.
PREGNANCY AFTER MISCARRIAGE
I had ‘hope’ that actually it would happen again, and this time it ‘wasn’t meant to be.’ It was so hard to get my head around and a lot of people told me “it was meant to be” which at the time .. was the worst thing to say. In my eyes It was meant to be it was my baby.
It felt like it was my first pregnancy all over again and any slight pain or movement I was scared, every time I went for a wee I check for blood.. I found myself not wanting to share my news because I felt like a fraud – I’ve told them once and didn’t end up with a baby so how could I announce this again?..
The first 12 weeks were a complete blur! I ignored the whole pregnancy well as much as I could minus the sickness! I didn’t really want to think about it – the NHS have been amazing! – I had a scan at 8 weeks, 10 weeks and then at 12 weeks all reassurance scans ensuring baby was growing and everything was moving in the right direction. With my first little one I read everyday what to expect on the apps and what I’ll be feeling, this time I ignored everything – properly not the right thing to do but I couldn’t believe it was real and I didn’t want to believe that I could also loose this baby.
If I didn’t think about it and didn’t get attached – it wouldn’t matter if anything happened. (Obviously not true) but what I’m trying to say is – have hope. Here I am with my little rainbow currently laying on my chest – My rainbow was due on the same date that I had to have our operation to remove Bee & somehow I found some comfort it that, we waited 3 months after to conceive again & here we are, happy and healthy! My eldest was so excited to be a big brother and I’m so thankful to be able to give him this opportunity, don’t be scared to try again, there’s never a right time … you’ll never heal the pain or replace the baby but you can believe it will happen.
Love me & my babies xx
We want to thank Laura so much for sharing her pregnancy after baby loss post with us. She also shared a miscarriage awareness post that you can find here (link), it is such a beautiful piece of writing and we feel incredibly honoured that Laura shared her journey with us.