Guest Post by Dr. Chisato Hotta, DSW, LMFT, LPCC | Therapist Mama Bear and 2 Ausome Cubs | @Therapistmamabear
Lets chat about loving yourself when things are hard
As a parent, I feel like it can be so easy for us to be hard on ourselves. If we do not breastfeed, we are bad. If we do breastfeed, we are bad. If we have 1 child, the child will be lonely. If we have more than 1 child, we have too many. It is like whatever we do, it is never good enough. At least it can feel that way, can’t it?
As a therapist, I heard many parents express this sentiment. This feeling of guilt can come from within ourselves, or honestly, from outside of ourselves too. The truth is, the important thing is to be able to look at the positive that we are doing, and acknowledge that, whatever we do, there will be people that judge us. No one can tell us what is right or wrong- as long as we are not abusing our children (of course!) no one has the right to tell you what you are doing is wrong. That includes ourselves!
How can we be kind of ourselves when things are hard? When we feel like we are not doing enough, or that things are too much?
One big thing that I do is to remind myself that being a parent is HARD.
As a parent, our job is to help another human being figure out how to be the best adult they can be one day! That is very, very hard. There is no manual of parenting- sure, there are parenting classes and plenty of books, which are all amazing. At the same time, all children are different! So of course it is hard! As our children grow up, we learn how to parent them. So if you have a 7 year old- guess what? You are a 7 year old parent.
So… take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you are doing a hard job. So it is ok to be overwhelmed. It is ok to be frustrated. It is ok to feel lost. That is totally normal. You are doing the best you can- that is what matters!
Dr. Chisato Hotta, DSW, LPCC, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, licensed professional clinical counselor and a doctor in social work. She is currently a senior program supervisor at a mental health non-profit where she works with a small but mighty team to provide trainings, implementing changes as needed and providing support to the agency. Dr. Chisato also works part time as an adjunct professor, and a therapist, and gives training on mental health, autism, commercial sexual exploitation of children and more. Her husband, Yuki, has a master’s degree in statistics and is an associate risk and data analyst.
Dr. Chisato is a mom to twin boys, Yuri and Akira, who are both on the autism spectrum and are her world and light. She tries to blend being a mental health provider and being a mama in her Instagram and Facebook. Dr. Chisato has a blog where she talks about mental health, autism and balancing roles and gives weekly tips. She is also a self-published writer of a children’s book on coping skills.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/
Instagram: @therapistmamabear
Website: http://therapistmamabear.my.
Another book and journal coming up soon!
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