That Mama Club

C-SECTION EXPECTATIONS

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST //

WRITTEN BY DARSHANA (GUEST WRITER)

C-SECTION EXPECTATIONS

Darshana is sharing c-section expectations vs the reality of what it was actually like to experience!

C-SECTION EXPECTATIONS

I remember being at my NCT meeting when I was pregnant with my first daughter and there was a class on c-sections. I remember how they described a c-section as one of the scariest experiences you will ever go through when giving birth. I was asked to sit in the middle of the room and around 4 to 5 other group members were asked to surround me to describe how intimidating a c-section could be with so many people around you while you lay there being cut open. 

With my first daughter I had a vaginal birth which was a long and traumatic experience. I was in hospital being induced for around 5 days before I finally went into labour. After around 15 hours of labour and the help of an epidural, I finally gave birth to my beautiful little girl but unfortunately, my placenta was caught behind my closed cervix, so I was taken into the operation theatre to get it manually removed. 

With my second daughter – who is now two months old – I was induced once again, this time because my waters had broken but I wasn’t aware of it. This meant a chance of infection for the baby. I remember being terrified of being induced again and the thought of my husband not being by my side while I went through it all – giving that the pandemic placed limits on birth partners prior to the birth. Luckily, he could be with me as soon as the induction process began. As soon as they put the pessary in me, my contractions came on too strong, too quickly which wasn’t right and they explained that they will be moving us down to the delivery ward so I can get the hormone drip and start my labour. 

We were moved into a room in the delivery ward where my husband and I were getting ready for me to get the hormone drip and start the labour process. We had no idea what was about to happen. Around 5 medical staff walked into the room with a consultant, and they all surrounded me as I sat on the bed. They started to explain that my baby’s heartbeat was dropping every time I had a contraction, and they feared the baby could be at risk. By the end of the conversation, I was told I would require an emergency C-section.

I remember feeling so scared for my baby and I feared the idea of being cut open to have her taken out. The whole moment felt surreal. Considering I had preeclampsia with my first daughter and still gave a normal birth, I never thought an emergency c-section would even be an option. I remember crying as the doctor read the risks to me before asking me to sign the operation papers, she asked if I wanted to have a moment to process it all, but I told her to continue and fought back my streaming tears.

I was wheeled into the operation theatre where the staff were so lovely and made me feel so calm and comfortable. When I had the epidural during my first daughter it was a very unpleasant experience as the anaesthesiologist had hit a blood vessel at the first attempt and had to try again. I was expecting the same pain but this time it felt nothing like the first time. Within 10-15 minutes of me lying down and being numb, my second baby girl was here. I could not believe how quickly it happened and how I did not feel a thing, maybe just some pulling but it felt unbelievably quick. I was feeling very nauseous from the anaesthetic and felt very cold and shivery – apparently this was normal.  

I have been asked by many women close to me how I found the c-section and which birth I preferred. After having my first daughter I remember saying to my husband I don’t know if I can go through that again and I don’t think I want any more kids. This time I said to my husband if I have a c-section I will definitely have a third. I know some people might find this reaction surprising because a c-section is such serious surgery but I found it quick, and I didn’t struggle with contractions. Weirdly, I felt like I had more control because I knew she was coming now, I didn’t have to wait and wait not knowing when I would finally meet her.  

The recovery

I agree the recovery is a long and hard road but I was lucky enough to have the support. I was staying with my parents when I just came out of hospital as our house was being renovated. I had many people running around my toddler helping entertain her while I rested and spent time with my newborn. I stayed on top of my painkillers – which really helped – and I felt like I was able to get up and walk around slowly quite quickly. I think the reason why I dealt with the recovery better was because I had Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) throughout my pregnancy which had me in crutches near the end and the recovery from a c-section felt like I was still dealing with the SPD symptoms. 

I did struggle with the idea of not being able to do a lot on my own and feeling helpless when it came to caring for my toddler. It got me down a lot of days but I also pushed to recover quicker than I should have which resulted in my stitches being infected. The infection pain was worse than any pain I felt throughout the recovery process. Every time I laughed or coughed, I was in excruciating pain, it was horrible. I ended up having to go to the doctors and being prescribed antibiotics to help my stitches heal. Three months on and I still don’t feel 100%, it is delicate where the stitches once were and almost numb at times. I still get a pulling pain when lying down or running. I keep wondering if this pulling pain will go or if it will stick around. People that see me think I am fully recovered but I still deal with some pain getting out of bed and when I try to run or if I move suddenly but my mind keeps telling me I am a mum and I have to just get on with life with or without any pain, my family needs me. 

I am still on the road to recovery but I do know one thing, a c-section is not as scary as it is made out to be as long as you are in good hands in that theatre, I was lucky and I am thankful for that. 

Stigma behind c-sections

‘too posh to push’

This saying has always confused me and made me think who created this? Who thinks that a woman is any less of a mother or even less of a woman if she brings her child into the world through an operation rather than pushing them out? You give birth to your children; you have carried them for 9 months and you have then had your body cut open to bring them into this world. You have gone through the same trauma, the same feelings regardless of how your baby enters your world. Why does it make you any different if you opted or had no choice but to go through a c-section?

I always care what people think and slowly I am learning why I should care? They didn’t go through my pregnancy or the birth with me! It was just me, I know how I felt and what I went through mentally and physically so what gives anyone else the right to have an opinion on how my baby comes into the world? 

Top tips for anyone who is about to have a c-section or fears a potential emergency c-section:

  • Mentally prepare yourself to have limited mobility post operation. Do not feel disheartened at how difficult it is to get confidently mobile. 
  • When coming out of the shower make sure you dab (not rub) the c-section area with a towel and then lie down and air dry it. I didn’t know about air drying the area so I got an infection, luckily my cousin who is a midwife helped me through that period and told me what I should do.  
  • Even if you think you are healing quickly, give yourself time, you might slow down the healing by thinking you are perfectly fine.
  • Don’t lift anything heavy! 
  • Ask for help, you definitely need it. Call in all the help you can, grandparents, siblings or friends and don’t feel bad for it. 
  • If you notice any puss or redness around your stitches, make sure you call the doctor. If your stitches are infected it’s best to get onto an antibiotic course as soon as possible.
  • If the area does get infected, hold that area when you laugh, sneeze or cough, it will hurt a little less. 
  • Don’t put into your mind that you ‘can’t’ walk confidently, giving yourself time is fine but don’t stop making small efforts to help yourself recover.

Bringing your baby into this world is a blessing, how they come into this world doesn’t matter as long as they are healthy and happy. I know my baby is gorgeous, healthy (touch wood) and happy. I have no shame or no fear in saying that I had a c-section, and I will opt for one next time too (if there is a next time) over vaginal birth too. Your body and you are amazing, never forget that beautiful mamas!

YOU CAN FIND DARSHANA ON;

INSTAGRAM: MUM_WITHOUT_INSTRUCTIONS

A QUICK CLOTH NAPPY GUIDE

Filed Under: CLOTH NAPPIES, GUEST POST, HOME, MOTHERHOOD, SUSTAINABILITY //

WRITTEN BY EMMA REED (GUEST WRITER)

CLOTH NAPPY

If you are looking to switch or are just starting out with cloth nappies I can assure you that this is the beginning of a great journey. Not only will you be providing your baby with a more comfortable nappy, but you will also be taking steps in becoming more eco-friendly too. Cloth (or reusable) nappies have come a long way in recent years so in this guide we will take a quick look at what they are like, the terms, how many you will need, how to use them and how to care for them.

Modern Cloth Nappies

When you are presented with the term cloth nappies I am sure your immediate thoughts go back to white terry towels that are bulky and are fastened with a safety pin and, many years ago, this was very true and the only nappy option out there. Today’s cloth nappies have come a long way and we now have natural materials, quick-drying fabrics, improved technology, a variety of absorbency levels as well as the development of PUL which provides a waterproof layer on the outside of the cloth nappy. On top of this, modern cloth nappies are beautifully designed and fit perfectly.

Cloth Nappy Terms

There are a lot of new terms to learn when it comes to the world of cloth nappies and these can overwhelm and put many parents off but once you break them down and begin to understand what they mean, it all begins to slot into place:

All in ones or AIO’s are all in one nappies which simply means that the main insert is attached to the nappy. You don’t remove anything for washing but you can boost them for extra absorbency.

Pocket nappies have a pocket in the back where the insert is placed inside. This is what absorbs the urine and keeps it away from the baby’s skin. You can add extra inserts (boosters) for optimum absorbency. These inserts will fall out during the wash and you will have to stuff the nappy again once dry.

A two-part nappy system is made up of 2 cloth nappies. One that fully absorbs the moisture and a wrap that sits over the top of this to contain the wetness. These are a great option for a heavy wetter and for night time.

Pre-fold nappies are you traditional-looking style like your terry towel. These are extremely absorbent and can be used as above. However, there’s no need for safety pins now, nippas are clever rubber fasteners that will grip the pre-fold together with no risk of injury.

An all in two is a cloth nappy that has an insert that can popper inside which means you may be able to get away with just taking this out, replacing with a clean one and reusing the wrap at change time. 

A Little More Cloth Jargon…

Liners – There are 2 options here, a reusable liner or a disposable liner. A disposable is a thin piece of viscose that sits inside a nappy to catch the poo and can then be thrown away in a normal waste bin. A reusable liner will most likely be made of fleecy material and will do the same job as a disposable one but you will tip the poo into the toilet and wash the reusable liner to be used again.

Inserts – This is the absorbent layer that goes inside a cloth nappy.

Boosters – These are extra inserts (usually made from bamboo, Microfibre, Charcoal, Hemp) which provide an extra boost for your heavier wetters.

Choosing A Cloth Nappy

Which cloth nappy you choose will come down to what you like, what fits well, what is more convenient to you, absorbency, fastenings and of course, style and design.

My top tips in helping you to decide upon which cloth nappies to use are to speak to other cloth nappy parents, read reviews and blogs on particular brands, check if your local area has a cloth nappy library where you can get fantastic advice and also borrow a variety and to also join cloth nappy Facebook groups. Once you get a good idea of what will work for you, you can begin to build up your stash.

How Many Will You Need?

This will highly depend on whether or not you want to cloth full time. If you think that using cloth nappies full time is the right move for you then you will need around 20-25 nappies to be able to comfortably achieve this. However, if you don’t feel confident to go in full time, if your childcare setting won’t accept cloth nappies, you can do part disposable and part reusable. There are no rules, you just do what works for you and your family.

How To Use Cloth Nappies

A cloth nappy goes on and fastens in a very similar way to a disposable nappy. You have poppers to adjust the size (rise) and to tighten around the waist. You want a nice snug fit with the leg elastics turned in to prevent leaks and no movement. A baby should ideally get around 2-4 hours wear out of a cloth nappy but identifying when a change is required will take a little practise and time as you get to know how much urine it can hold. There is no indicator line here to help you but a quick feel of the outside should help you to determine how full a nappy is.

When your baby is ready for a nappy change, you simply remove it, clean them up with a wipe as you usually would and then place a new cloth nappy on. If the dirty nappy you have just removed is only wet, you can place this into your wet bag or nappy bin ready for the next wash. If you have a soiled nappy, you will need to tip the poo down the toilet, remove as much from the nappy as possible (you may need a wipe, toilet roll or scraper if it is a loose stool) and then place the cloth nappy in your nappy bin.

Washing & Drying

Washing your cloth nappies is probably the biggest talking point in the cloth nappy world. Everyone has their own routine as we all do with our regular washing but as a guide you should do:

  • Cold rinse or daily wash, no detergent
  • Longest and best cycle (usually a cotton or baby care) on a 40 or 60 degree with full dose of detergent (no conditioner)
  • Spin at 1200 or less
  • Air dry

Keeping a simple routine will make using cloth nappies really easy for you.

And that’s it really. My biggest piece of advice would be to just delve into the world of cloth nappies and give it a go. Once you start using them, you begin to find your feet with it all and soon enough you will be hooked!

Emma Reed is a Mother and Blogger who lives in Hampshire with her 2 children, Jake (7) and William (3), and her husband, Rob. She began her parenting blog back in 2016 when she self-published a book on baby teething. Her blog is inevitably what led her to begin living a more eco-friendly lifestyle and she now uses her platforms to show others how they can also adapt their own lives to incorporate these changes. You can read her blog over at www.emmareed.net or follow her on Instagram over at @emmareed_writes

MY C-SECTION STORY

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST, HOME //

WRITTEN BY RIA MONTGOMERY (GUEST WRITER)

Today I am going to be sharing my c-section story. I fell pregnant quite quickly after planning to have a baby with my other half. I was around 3 weeks when I found out and it was the best feeling but also the worst.

I suffered badly with hyperemesis throughout my whole pregnant along with preeclampsia. I hated been pregnant I felt unwell constantly and was in and out of hospital because I couldn’t keep anything down.

As my pregnancy went on I went in for a scan and I was 36 weeks pregnant. Talking to the midwife about my birth plan , discussing my options I had everything planned. I wanted a natural birth but would accept any help if I needed it i felt as prepared as a I could for the arrival of my daughter. Until I had a scan at 36 weeks it lasted longer than normal and I asked the lady at the time if everything was okay and she said all is fine however I’ll be seeing a specialist straight after and to wait to be called through.

I remember thinking what’s going on worrying something was seriously wrong.

After 10 anxious minutes we got called in.

The guy who we saw sat us down and explained that our daughter wasn’t growing properly , and at the right size for how far on I was and that she was measuring small. I didn’t understand why and I questioned was it something I had done was it my body? The specialist told me that it wasn’t any of my fault and this can happen but at the same time I felt like I was to blame.

He then told me that I had to have a C – Section within two days time. It was Thursday at this time and come Sunday I was having her out.

I remember crying , thinking the worst and being scared of the unknown.

It wasn’t what I had planned. Even though I wasn’t looking forward to giving birth having a serious operation scared me to death.

I went home and I cried for a few hours. I felt sick and I just wanted it to be over.

I had my baby shower the Saturday morning and told my friends and family that Maisie would be born Sunday.

Let’s just say everyone was shocked and I still couldn’t believe what was happening.

Sunday came the 9th feb.

I went into hospital for 7.30am after getting a call from my midwife to come down. I felt scared but so excited that I would be meeting my little girl very soon.

We got taken into a bay and I was asked to get undressed and into a robe.

My bloods got taken before and my blood pressure.

And then it was time to go down to theatre. My heart was racing with fear.

I remember walking into theatre and there were 6 members of staff and even that made me feel uneasy but I knew I was in safe hands and they were there to help.

I got asked to sit on the bed in order for me to have the spinal epidural , being asked to sit still and relax was pretty hard considering I was literally shitting myself at the fact that I was going to be having a needle put into my back and not being able to feel the bottom half of my body.

However with the help of a theatre nurse it was done and within minutes I couldn’t feel a thing from waist down. It was a very strange feeling.

My partner was next to me holding my hand , I had a drip on one arm and my Blood pressure been measured on another as well as a cannula  in my hand for any drugs I needed at the time.

I was given something , I’m not quite sure what but within seconds I wanted to be sick I felt really unwell and went very pale. I remember turning to my partner and telling him and he had to get someone to give me some anti sickness in order to help. I thought something bad was happening to me at this point but within a few minutes I felt normal again.

The surgeon talked me through what he was doing ( not in full detail ) but made me aware of the feeling I may feel during the procedure. I could feel a lot of tugging but other than that I couldn’t feel much at all.

Very quickly Maisie arrived weighing 4lb 7oz. Once I had been stitched back up I was taken back to my room.

This part was a little blurry due to all the drugs I had.

The road to recovery was hard. I couldn’t do the things I should of being able to do. I couldn’t pick my daughter up or bend or make any sudden movements as it hurt. I couldn’t Life anything and even climbing the stairs hurt.

I felt useless and like a rubbish mum and this was only the beginning.

I needed help to get in and out of bed for 10 days before I could find my own way of doing it. 10 days I spent inside feeling and looking like crap. I felt gross. Was this really motherhood?

10 days on and I managed to venture out for a little walk. Fresh air did me the world of good and that was something that kept me sain especially when I couldn’t do a lot just getting out after being inside for a solid 10 days really made a difference.

For anyone who is having a section.

Know that everything will be okay.

It doesn’t last forever the feeling you may have and you get a beautiful baby in your arms after.

Make sure you rest and don’t put pressure on yourself. And if you need to cry then cry. I did a lot of it even months after.

There you have it, Ria’s c-section story – We hope this post helped if you had a similar birth!

YOU CAN FIND RIA ON;

INSTAGRAM: MAMA AND MOON

MY EMERGENCY C-SECTION EXPERIENCE

Filed Under: BIRTH, BIRTH TRAUMA, GUEST POST //

WRITTEN BY ISOBEL STOCKS (GUEST WRITER)

C-SECTION EXPERIENCE

Theodore Thomas arrived into the world on the 8th August 2019 and this is the story of his birth. I think it’s important to say that even though I consider my birth story a traumatic one, it was simultaneously a magical and empowering experience. I really wanted to find the courage to share this with a community of mamas and prospective mamas in the hope that a handful of you may relate to my story or appreciate my honesty. Today I am going to be sharing my emergency c-section experience. 

MY C-SECTION EXPERIENCE

At the halfway point of my pregnancy, we were told that a C-section might be necessary as my placenta was too low and because Teddy was measuring big. However, my placenta eventually moved and we got the all-clear for a natural birth around 34 weeks. In my mind I then wrote off the idea of a C-section and looked forward to a natural birth.

A few days before my due date, I went for a sweep (this is where the midwife brushes the membranes around your cervix in order to stimulate hormones and encourage labour). I was worried it would be uncomfortable but I barely felt a thing. We also had a last minute scan to check Teddy’s size and position. We were then told that he was measuring small and that they recommended induction in case he had stopped growing (and scarily, in case the placenta had stopped functioning). Later you will understand the irony of this!

We were booked in for an induction on the 6th August, two days after my due date. I just kept wishing that he would come naturally on those days in-between. Part of me thought he would suddenly make an appearance in the middle of the night; I was so uncomfortable, I felt loads of pressure down there where Teddy’s head seemed so low, and my husband Matt definitely had a few nightmares where he woke up in a panic thinking it was “showtime” and he hadn’t put the car-seat in the car! Looking back now, Teddy was born at 1.43am and perhaps I had mother’s intuition that he would arrive in the early hours.

On induction day, we felt surprisingly calm and relaxed. We had a lovely space in the induction ward at our local NHS hospital, with a sofa, a TV, and even a little patio table and chairs. We played board games and ate ice lollies as it was the peak of summer, with no idea what awaited us.

My induction kicked in about 14 hours after I had a pessary put in and labour was extremely intense. It began in the night – Matt was asleep on the sofa and I remember rolling around endlessly on the bed, bouncing on my birthing ball and trying to listen to a playlist I’d made of songs that reminded me of Teddy to take my mind off the deep period-like pains rooted in my back. When I really began to struggle with the pain, I asked for a warm bath, which did help me relax. From there, I started inhaling gas and air and I only remember snippets. 

I was in active labour for about 19 hours in total. I genuinely feel like I just lost a day in my life. I dozed in and out of sleep or a hallucinatory state. Matt was a superhero, supporting and comforting me while liaising with medical professionals and keeping anxious family in the loop. It came to a point – about 10 ‘o’ clock at night – when I was told to start pushing. By then the pain became indescribable and I begged for an epidural, despite my previous adamance that I would never have one. I have a huge phobia of needles! 

After checking I was certain, the midwives called the anaesthetist to administer my epidural and I prepared myself mentally for what we thought was the final stage: we were finally going to meet our baby. Then came the next hiccup. Teddy was right there, in the birth canal, but he was stuck. The midwives called a consultant in and they agreed it didn’t look like baby was going to come out, so would we agree to a c-section? We were reluctant at first; after such an intense labour and hours on end without sleep we couldn’t process that this was our only option. We just wanted Teddy to be delivered safely and so I signed the consent forms. I was still high on gas and air; I know if I had to sign them pre-labour I would probably have been terrified yet I surprised myself with how brave I was. I even accepted that I had to have a top-up of epidural by the time we got round to theatre! I think I made friends with the anaesthetist – I recall that he was really lovely and jolly, even in the middle of the night. 

Eventually the time came for us to proceed to theatre. Matt nervously put on his blue scrubs and crocs. I remember being wheeled into theatre and hearing the radio, which put me at ease. The lights were bright but oddly homely and I felt like I was entering a café or coffee shop! I was lifted from my trolley bed onto the surgery table by the doctors and midwives. My body just flopped onto the table; I couldn’t feel it because of the epidurals, it was like it didn’t belong to me. A big screen that looked like a sheet was constructed in front of me, it came up to my bra line. I lay back and shut my eyes as I just felt so tired. I really had no concept of what was going on; the doctors were chatting away about their shift as they must have been starting the procedure! The delivery of our baby. I grasped Matt’s hand and we waited, wondering what was happening behind the sheet and hoping Teddy wasn’t too distressed.

I felt absolutely no pain at all, instead I felt a surreal pulling sensation, like the surgeons were on a treasure hunt in my tummy, moving everything around, looking behind my organs, then putting them back into place again! That sounds gruesome, but the C-section itself wasn’t a scary ordeal. It felt quite peaceful. I almost wish we had some of those beautiful photographs you see of a C-section baby being lifted out of mum’s tum taken, but Matt did say he peeped under the screen when my monitor started beeping, and it scared him to death. I forgot to say that the song playing on the radio as Teddy entered the world was Cutting Crew – “I just died in your arms tonight”. Hence why Matt was petrified.

Teddy came into the world and they announced that he weighed ten pounds on the dot! So his growth had not slowed as they had estimated – that was the whole reason for my induction! At that point the monitor started beeping. Matt heard them say I was losing lots of blood and that they were considering a transfusion! At this point I felt so drowsy and a midwife started stroking my hair, trying to keep me awake. Matt accompanied Teddy as he had to have an injection and a proper check over because of a suspected infection. I got a very quick glimpse of him across the room – he was so pink, he had such a distinctive cry and I remember thinking his ears didn’t look like mine or Matt’s! That split second was the most magical moment of my life, but then Teddy disappeared.

It was traumatic to be instantly separated from my baby. I felt distressed and even doubted that he was mine as I hadn’t witnessed the birth and I hadn’t even touched him. Therefore I couldn’t make that physical connection yet. I waited for forty minutes, although it felt like forever, for Teddy and Matt to return. I was desperate to see Teddy’s tiny face up close and to feel his skin on mine for the very first time. I was desperate to embrace Matt and to be united as a family. I remember becoming very impatient with a midwife and asking for a drink of water and some sugar while I was waiting as I felt so weak! I didn’t get offered the classic post-birth toast! I remember crying floods of tears as the midwife wrote notes in my file. Goodness knows what she wrote! 

This period of time post-surgery wasn’t the most pleasant experience, however I must stress that we had numerous midwives look after us from the very beginning of my induction who were kind, compassionate, personable and who went above and beyond their duty of care. Due to the nature of the birth and Teddy’s infection, we had to stay in hospital for a week in total and Teddy was admitted to the special care unit. Again, here we received incredible care. That’s a whole other story and I am already conscious of how long this is and whether anyone will actually want to keep reading! So now I want to share a few tips for a C-section recovery.

PILLOWS ARE YOUR FRIEND

Finding a comfortable position is really tricky in the early days. Make sure you have lots of pillows, some squashy and some firm to support your back, your shoulders, your hips, your legs. I was reminded never to cross my legs and to keep moving where possible or to do little windmill motions with my ankles to reduce the risk of clots. I used my pregnancy pillow after the birth for breastfeeding. Your wound area is incredibly delicate and you won’t want to put any pressure on it. I even struggled wearing leggings – floaty dresses with loose pyjama shorts underneath and Bridget Jones pants were my go-tos. At night I would roll up a soft blanket and sleep with that wedged under me so my scar couldn’t rub. 

TAKE IT EASY (REALLY, DO)

Don’t bend down to change nappies. Do them on a raised surface like the bed, or ask loved ones to help for those first few weeks. Having a caddy full of essentials such as nappies, wipes, muslins, maternity or breast pads, Lanolin if feeding, pain relief and snacks nearby will stop you needing to locate things and help you save up valuable energy. Avoid loading or unloading the dishwasher, or even washing up for extended periods of time because you’ll find it really hurts your core and therefore your scar. You may feel a failure for not being able to do these basic things. You may feel a lack of control but honestly, you will recover much quicker if you don’t overdo it or strain your scar area. I definitely got frustrated and did too much too quickly, thinking I needed to clean the house when of course, it wasn’t important.

KEEP THE PAIN AT BAY

It is vital that you keep your pain relief topped up. When you leave hospital after a C-section, you will be given a stash of paracetamol and ibuprofen, alongside something stronger. I underestimated the idea of staying on top of it; take it before you feel any pain at all, otherwise it suddenly catches up with you and you will have a few really uncomfortable hours. Set a timer on your phone for every four hours or the recommended dosage time and take it on the dot, even through the night.

EMBRACE THE SOFA SNUGGLES

You have been through an entire pregnancy and birth and now you’ve been thrust into a new job nurturing a new-born who needs you 24/7. Try to relax and make the most of those gorgeous milky snuggles. Any chores can wait, or loved ones should be willing to do them for you! Always accept help. If you want to be alone or feel too emotional to even have family as visitors, then let them come and help you, and tell them that you are going to go to your bedroom to feed and catch up on sleep with baby. They will be grateful just to see you and baby briefly and won’t expect you to be the hostess with the mostess right now, so don’t place that pressure on yourself. 

BEDSIDE SNACKS

Keep snacks and bottles of water by your bed for the middle of the night or an early morning start. Staying hydrated reduces any swelling due to limited mobility and also constipation as you might experience this for up to a few weeks after the C-section. If you’re breastfeeding, I found oat or milk breakfast biscuits really good for providing energy and nutrition; I was also always in need of a little chocolate fix for a pick-me-up. I had an iron deficiency for a few months after my C-section, so ensure to keep your diet rich in iron through green veggies like spinach or dried fruits and cereal (easy to prepare and snack on all day!).

I hope you have enjoyed reading about my c-section experience and that it may have addressed any unanswered questions you had. My birth wasn’t perfect on paper but whenever Teddy points out my smiley face shaped scar in the bath and I say “You came out through there!”, he does a little smile himself, and I feel so proud of myself and my journey to being united with my baby boy.

YOU CAN FIND IZZY ON;

INSTAGRAM: VINTAGEBEAUTYANDTEDDY

C-SECTION ADVICE & TIPS

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST //

WRITTEN BY MARTYNA (GUEST WRITER)

We have the lovely Martyna today sharing her birth experience and c-section advice.

My c-section wasn’t planned. During pregnancy there was no indication that a c-section might be required to deliver my baby boy Alex safely and it never even crossed my mind that I could need one.

C-SECTION ADVICE

I went into spontaneous labour and everything was going perfectly until it was time to push. I was trying with all my might, literally putting my all into it but Alex was just not moving down, at all. After an hour and a half of unsuccessful pushing, the decision was made to try forceps in theatre followed by an emergency c-section if the forceps was not successful. This was due to  Alex becoming distressed and his heart rate dropping.

I was given an epidural and the doctors attempted delivery by forceps 3 times, but as you probably have guessed,  this was unsuccessful. Once I was told that they would perform a c-section, I just felt utter relief. I was absolutely exhausted and high on pethidine and epidural, and I just wanted my baby to be here.

My husband was with me the entire time, I had a wonderful midwife and a  very lovely anaesthesiologist. They kept me distracted from what was going on, to the point that I didn’t even realise that they had started. I asked the midwife if they had, she nodded and literally a second later, we heard Alex cry and saw him being lifted above the little screen. It was absolute music to our eyes and both my husband and I started crying. He was just perfect, very loud and absolutely massive!

I didn’t feel a thing, in terms of pain or discomfort but I did loose a litre of blood. Whilst I was getting stitched up, Alex had cuddles with daddy, he was checked, weighed and measured – an impressive 9lb 12oz, and 56cm! No wonder he wasn’t moving down into the birth canal as he was supposed to! I did ask to do skin to skin immediately however my baby boy was just too long to fit across my chest!

Once I was taken into recovery, Alex was placed on my chest, we had skin to skin and his first breastfeed. It was amazing and I honestly couldn’t care less about the manner in which he was delivered. He was healthy and strong and in my arms.

My recovery was ok, though I have nothing to compare it to as Alex is my first baby. The midwives on the postnatal ward were really good, and very quick to respond to me asking for help. The epidural takes a while to wear off so you do need help with pretty everything, including even lifting your baby out of their bassinet.
A tip I was given was not to wait for pain before asking for painkillers. Instead, it is best to keep them topped up. Saying that I don’t remember the pain being horrific though everyone experiences pain differently.

I was discharged home around 24 hours after Alex was born, which I was very pleased about  because due to Covid, we were unable to have any visitors. In hindsight, I wish I had stayed for longer, because it later transpired I was dehydrated, anaemic and had picked up an infection.

I was readmitted back into hospital 4 days postpartum due to the infection which turned into sepsis. I’m not sure what caused it but I think that I was definitely trying to do too much too quickly. When Alex was 5 weeks old, my scar, which had been healing perfectly until that point, had re-opened slightly and I developed another infection. This was treated with antibiotics at home though so at least I didn’t need another hospitalisation.

All in all, I would say that m experience of the c-section itself was positive. It went smoothly even though it was an emergency situation. The recovery was the trickiest part for me and I really wish I had taken things easy.

C-SECTION ADVICE

If you are due to have a c-section, don’t fear, and perhaps think about the following –

1. Practice hypnobirthing – whilst I didn’t have a vaginal birth, it really helped me and my husband to stay calm during an emergency situation. I’d highly recommend it.

2. Don’t think that you can’t do skin to skin immediately after delivery, most of the time I believe you can (Alex was just too big to fit across my chest!)

3. Keep your pain killers topped up, don’t wait to be in pain.

4. Oramorph (morphine) is brilliant but it can make you constipated, I’d say only take it if you really need it.

5. I was given a drug of some sort, before the surgery started to stop me from feeling nauseous afterwards, and I was absolutely fine. Another lady on my ward wasn’t and she felt awful in recovery. Perhaps ask for this if you’re not offered it by the anaesthesiologist. (Sorry I can’t remember the name of it)

6. Be kind to yourself and don’t try to do too much too quickly. Remember you have had a major surgery on top of having a baby – rest plenty, eat well and take all the help you can get

7. Enjoy the snuggles with your little bubba – as long as you and your baby are safe and well, it doesn’t matter how you baby was delivered!

YOU CAN FIND MARTYNA ON;

INSTAGRAM; MARTYNA765

C-SECTION AWARENESS MONTH 2021

Filed Under: BIRTH, HOME //

If you don’t usually read our blog or follow us over on Instagram, you might not know that this month is c-section awareness month! We have got in touch with lots of lovely Mama’s from our Instagram community and asked them to share their stories on our website, today we have the lovely Jackie sharing her c-section experience.

C-SECTION AWARENESS MONTH 2021

C-SECTION AWARENESS MONTH

JACKIE’S STORY

I want to talk about the reason I never really went to any mummy-baby groups.
Why I avoided other new mums like the plague.

You know all those inappropriate questions other mothers ask, usually to compare your labour experience with their own? Those little bonding questions you ask new mothers…

“Is your fanny still intact?” “Did you shit when I pushed?” “Oh, you had a c-section? Thats ok then, at least you didn’t have to push it out.”

Yes, that was actually once said to me. Along with, “Oh, too posh to push eh?!” and “aw, at least you had the easy way out!”

And it hurt. It cuts something crazy deep to hear stuff like that.

I didn’t choose to have a c-section., and please don’t mistake this as a caesarean section bashing post, because it really isn’t. It’s just my frustrations about my own experience.

My labour experience was not physically horrific, but I am forever, emotionally scarred. The hardest part of my labour experience was not that I was 2 weeks overdue.

It wasn’t that everything I had planned went to pot, thats to be expected. I wasn’t allowed in the beautiful purple sparkly room with the amazing birthing pool, instead I had to be strapped to a bed with wires and shit hanging off me, that disgusting needle in my hand (which fucking KILLS by the way), in the most clinical, unfriendly looking room in the whole unit. You know when you’re shown round the delivery suite and you’re like, “oooh this rooms lovely” or “bloody hell this room is horrific” and naturally, you end up in the latter.

It wasn’t that the midwife on shift 1 told me I wasn’t allowed anything to eat, and that if I felt hungry, I wasn’t in proper labour yet. I’m pretty sure I’d have been able to gobble down some chocolate, regardless of what stage of labour I was in.

It wasn’t that the midwife on shift 2 completely misjudged how many cm’s dilated I was. She must have had the worlds skinniest fingers, to think 5-6 cm’s is anything like 1-2cm (which is what I actually was when senior midwife checked 12 hours later, oh, and the head wasn’t even fixated…).

It wasn’t that it took the staff 24 hours to realise that my waters had not properly broken, and in order to do so they had to stick a big stick up my fadge to pop them, thus making the contractions kick in, fast and furiously.

It wasn’t that after 50 something hours, after several 4 hour vaginal checks with multiple people giving it a good feel (having an epidural makes you a great candidate for student midwives to get a go at the icky stuff), we collectively came to the decision to slice this baby out of my belly. I vaguely remember telling my Gareth that I wanted a c section 12 hours previously, not really understanding the full ins and outs of what I was asking for. I just knew she wasn’t coming out of my foof, and I couldn’t do another 24 hours of come and go contractions.

The hardest part of my labour was not watching my purple coloured little monkey taken to the far side of the room and not laid on my chest straight away.

It wasn’t watching her be given to my partner and not me, that bit was actually pretty special, the look of raw emotion on his face will never leave me for as long as I live.

The hardest part of my experience wasn’t spending 24 hours in the most horrific ward, listening to the staff tell us that Gareth couldn’t stay past 10pm and I had to stay alone. With a brand new human.

It wasn’t the hardest part when I got told off by a student midwife for changing my baby’s nappy on my lap in the hospital bed. I cried, because I literally could not move, and there was nobody to help. Have you ever stayed in a post natal ward for longer than 12 hours? I felt like I was in a prison.

It wasn’t when the numbness in my legs and stomach wearing off and I had to walk to the shower and actually try and wash myself, and then having to ring the emergency cord because I’m pretty sure I was having a mild panic attack following the sight of copious amounts of bloody coming out of me, plus washing yourself after a c-section? Unaided? Not possible. It wasn’t that there was only 1 poor midwife, clearly rushed off her feet on discharge day, with a bunch of other families waiting to be discharged. A process that took 12 hours instead of 2.

It wasn’t when we finally got discharged and she decided that the first time she checked over our baby, something seemed wrong… So off she sauntered off down the corridor, into a room, where I could hear my baby girl screaming. I’ll never forget how sick and angry I felt at that moment.

The hardest part of my labour and the recovery weeks that followed wasn’t any of the above. I had given birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. It’s the attitude of others, concerning c-sections. How insensitive peoples comments were whilst I was still recovering. Too posh to push?! Are you fucking serious? I didn’t fucking choose to not push her out like a champ. I didn’t sit there and think, ‘nah, I’ve had enough now, I’m tired, lets slice this one out’.

I had a failed labour induction, and I felt like I’d failed in every way imaginable. I felt like my boyfriend didn’t look at me like I was a superwoman. I’d read all these brilliant stories about the beautiful way in which fathers saw the mother of their children, after seeing them give birth, and I didn’t have that. Well, I thought I didn’t.

There is such a social stigma that surrounds c sections. You can’t escape judgement and ignorance. The fact that some people, still don’t see it as actually ‘giving birth’, which is absofuckinglutely ridiculous.

It fucks me off that everyone has to have an opinion, and that, between mums, its become a competition to see who had the hardest labour. Confuckingrats to you, you’re labour was physically and undeniably worse than mine. Did you get a trophy? A ‘best pusher’ prize? Oh, you got a baby? Me fucking too!!!

I apologise if I’ve come across as a bitter, sarcastic arsehole, but what I am slowly coming to terms with… Is that it really doesn’t matter how you got your baby. You gave birth, whether it came out of your foof, or your belly.

I shouldn’t be so angry at other mums who talk about their experience, as they probably feel some of the same feelings I do, and instead we should be bonding over this. I am able to do that now, listen to other stories, and not sit there thinking they’re judging me. People want to be heard. And I am a superwoman. I faced my biggest challenge, and I get cute little reminders of how amazing my body is, in the face of my stunning baby girl, and my war wound.”

Did you know April was c-section awareness month? 

YOU CAN FIND JACKIE ON;

INSTAGRAM: JACKIE RYDER

C-SECTION TIPS

Filed Under: BIRTH, HOME, PREGNANCY //

WRITTEN BY BECKY REED (GUEST WRITER)

I’m Becky from life.with.the.reeds on Instagram and I have a fair few c-section tips to share with you all!
I had an emergency c section in July 2019, suffered an AKI and was treated for sepsis. My birth story for the background – (https://reedlikenooneiswatching.wordpress.com/2020/09/06/becoming-mum-my-birth-story/?preview=true)
 
My regret is not researching more about C sections, the birth classes certainly advocate for vaginal births but not much is mentioned into “belly births” or how quick a straight forward delivery turns into an emergency C section.
The way I see it now, is you have got to do, what you have got to do. There is no gold star or trophy at the end for either. We are all just mums.

C-SECTION TIPS

C-SECTION TIPS

 

Take the pain meds.

I had paracetamol for my week-long stay in hospital and even a week once I was home. I wasn’t in sharp shooting pain as such, just a niggling droning pain – like a bruise but on the inside, I was however terrified about anything coming apart or getting infected.

Take the laxatives. 

Trust me, I didn’t do a normal poo for 3 weeks I was given iron tablets which funnily do the opposite of the laxative so didn’t feel comfortable going normally until the iron tablets were over with. The midwives will need to see you have regular movements and wee’s to remove the catheter after surgery.

Fragmin injections.

Blood clot preventers, they will give you these to take home too, so get someone to do them for you, my lucky hubby got the short straw. I am not comfortable with needles, less so after birth so there was no way I would have been able to stick these in me and admire anyone that does. I’m just a wimp!

Post-Partum Bleeding

The mother of all periods. Adult nappies became my friends. You are so prepared to change the baby’s nappy but not your own… Why is that?

Big pants.

The bigger the better. Head to Marks and Spencer as these pants will become your best friend. I bought “boy short” type pants for my birth bag, they were not suitable as the waistband sat right along the incision. My mum grabbed me a pack of granny pants and I have never looked back.

Pelvic floors

Yup – you still have to do those. Reminder – You are doing them right now too!

Compression Socks

I did not remove my compression stockings for two weeks (only off for showers). I was so worried about DVT and I was adamant I would not go back in the hospital.

All the pillows
Pillow to hold at your incision site, in case you sneeze, cough, laugh.

Pillows to prop you up at night or day. Your normal bed is the worst transition from the electronic hospital beds. Lying flat in bed hurts, anything to ease that transition is a must.

Time for rest

No housework. The midwife said not to exert or lift anything heavier than the baby. So, I listened and I healed. 6 weeks is a very long time, but I had good support around, where my mum did our ironing, hubby maintained household chores and I sat on the recliner, baby in my arms, keeping my fluids up and enjoying our bundle and trying to work out how to be a mum.

No driving 

I didn’t drive until our 6-week review. I didn’t want my insurance invalidated, plus if you emergency stop your seatbelt is not in the best place, so just don’t do it. I know some mums do, do this, but if you can avoid driving then certainly do that.

Cleaning

Now I had a strong hatred for my scar, so I refused to even look at it in the beginning. Hubby would clean it for me though, morning and night, this was done with warm boiled water, and a cotton bud or pad, going from one end to the other, we would then pat with a tissue and let air dry, which would just involve me propped up in bed, lifting my new mum tum for about 5 minutes. He would also look out for any red patches, heat or sounds gross, oozing because those are signs of infection. But we were all good.

Numbness
No one tells you about the patch of skin between your navel and scar will be entirely numb. I have asked and apparently, that’s normal, the sensation “might” come back. I have just gotten used to the loss.

We hope these c-section tips helped, especially if you are due to give birth soon. 

YOU CAN FIND BECKY ON;

INSTAGRAM: LIFE WITH THE REEDS

MY BREASTFEEDING JOURNEY : THE STRUGGLES & SUCCESSES

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, MOTHERHOOD //

WRITTEN BY SEHER TAWFIK (GUEST WRITER)

BREASTFEEDING JOURNEY

My breastfeeding journey has been far from smooth.  My first had severe allergies: milk, nuts and egg would make her projectile vomit, swell up until she almost stopped breathing and her body was so swollen that I had to call the ambulance when she was six months old.  It meant I had to adjust my diet and the way I fed her.

It also meant that I had to fend off the pressure from some of my extended family to switch to formula, implying that there was something defunct about my milk; to ignore hostile remarks that hurt, slicing through me and cutting me up. To persevere when it would have been easy to give up. And I would have given up had I not reached out to a very loving and supportive group of women ‘The Boobie Buddies’. They became fast friends and I gained confidence in my ability to feed my child the way I needed to, and to stop getting overly concerned with the frequency with vomiting, the clicking noise she made as she gulped more air than she should.  I also learned how to adjust the way I fed her, holding her head at an angle to help her to inhale less air as she fed. Later, with the help of doctors, consultants, allergy and blood tests, I also learned that cutting out dairy, nuts and eggs from my diet helped her to digest my milk.   And now, at five, she is a very healthy child. And our bond is incredibly strong.

Feeding a baby with tongue-tie

The challenge to feed my son was different: he was born with a tongue-tie which was an extreme form of ankyloglossia. But the midwife dismissed it, proclaiming that hers hadn’t stopped her in life. An unhelpful comment, I realised much later… 

I was told that if the baby continued to gain weight, the tongue tie didn’t need to be addressed- unhelpful advice, but naively, the advice I followed. 

I fed my child around the clock, sometimes every 15 minutes because he wouldn’t feed properly, his gums a vice cutting into my nipples, the Lansinoh nipple cream offering little comfort. I would take a deep breath before feeding, plucking up the courage not to cry, biting my lip and mouthing the words: Don’t be weak. Your baby needs you. Work through the pain. 

I continued this way, trying not to get deflated and depressed when he would choke on my milk. Because of my fast let down, he struggled to keep up with my fast flow, the milk gushing and sometimes splashing his face, occasionally vomiting what seemed like the entire contents of his feed, drenching his clothes and mine. I persevered until I thought: I need some help.

So I reached out to a private clinician who helped with breastfeeding and dealt with tongue-tied babies.  My son was 10 weeks old and after a quick examination in which she told me how severe his was, I cried ugly, profuse tears because I had listened to the midwife and mother-in-law and they had been so wrong. I remember telling her between sobs: just snip it. 

The baby was horrified; for a few days thereafter, he didn’t trust me, and questioned me when I lowered his little body to my breast. But it passed, and the pain associated with feeding vanished and I felt better. I told no one about my decision except my mother and immediate family. They understood that it was MY breastfeeding journey that mattered, and no one knew better than I did what I needed to do for my son. To date, I have never told my mother-in-law (and have learned that some things are really none of her business). 

An advocate for breastfeeding

Looking back, if you’d told me that I would be an advocate for breastfeeding, I would have scoffed in your face. Loudly. Prior to becoming a mum, I had never considered breastfeeding, convinced that all babies thrived on formula and bottled milk, as formula is replete with so much goodness and the most important thing is that a baby is fed, satiated and grows, regardless of whether it is breastmilk or formula that nourishes it. Everyone’s circumstances are different, and the main thing is that you do what works for you.

But for me, once I had my daughter, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed.  

I learned about the incredible benefits of breastmilk and our body’s ability to churn out liquid gold that adapts in temperature and antibodies based on a baby’s needs, a never-ending supply always at the ready to quench a hungry babe, distract a terrible tantrum and soothe the most distressed babe. I am who they turn to – they seek out my bosom before they seek solace anywhere else. My son will always place his little hand over one breast, playfully squeezing my nipple as he feeds, because it gives him comfort and it is natural. 

The initial suckle of a newborn as they latch onto the nipple, instinctively knowing what to do, is incredible to witness.  Their tiny tongues, undulating like waves, as they suck up colostrum, a mother’s initial milk, is remarkable.  This liquid gold helps combat obesity and diabetes in a child’s later life and it also helps the mother too:  it reduces your chance of lifelong heart disease, and type 2 diabetes whilst also enabling you to bond with your child, lose weight, and helping your uterus to shrink more quickly to its former size. The benefits are undeniable, besides it being a much cheaper alternative. It is, as Medela suggests, ‘the ultimate convenience food’.

Fast forward to this day, and I continue to feed my son on demand- more at weekends and when poorly. I only really pumped for a few months when I first returned to work when he was 8 months old, but he only really fed from me, rejecting the bottled breastmilk, much to my utter dismay (as pumping in itself was a challenge). 

If you were to ask me if I’d do it all again, the answer is undeniably yes, because it has been one of the best things that I have done for my kids. 

 YOU CAN FIND SEHER ON;

INSTAGRAM : A MOTHER BLOGS

WHY IT IS OKAY TO WANT MORE CHILDREN

Filed Under: GUEST POST, MOTHERHOOD //

WRITTEN BY KELLY POPHAM (GUEST WRITER)

MORE CHILDREN

WHY IT IS OKAY TO WANT MORE CHILDREN

I have always wanted a big family, both Mike and I are one of four children and so we are used to a busy full house. I always imagined having three children, granted I think after now having one I’m not sure three are on the cards, however I really want Isaac to have a little sister or brother eventually. 

I will be honest, the thought of trying for another baby fills me with anxiety, which is the opposite of what you want when trying for a baby. It took us almost two years to get pregnant the first time and it took a huge toll on my mental health and relationship. It was months and months of heartache and disappointment and I don’t know if I could go through all that again. I think because it took so long I just don’t see a situation where it happens quickly for us, so I’m going into it assuming the worst, which makes it really hard to see it as a positive experience. 

In addition to worrying it won’t happen, I also have this constant feeling like I don’t have the right to be sad if I can’t get pregnant again, that I am so lucky to have one child when so many don’t that I don’t get to be selfish and be upset that we can’t have another one. This weighs on me a lot and I think it’s probably the same for many other women out there. I have thought about this a lot recently and it’s made me realise the following:

  • It is my right to have as many children as I choose – The choice of how many children we have is down to us, we get to decide how many is right for us, if it is possible to have them. Every woman and couple has the right to make the choice and shouldn’t be made to feel bad if she wants more than one child.

 

  • I have the right to be sad – I have heard so many people say ‘oh well you have one child’, or ‘oh well at least you know you can get pregnant’. Whilst those statements are true, they honestly can be hurtful and they don’t take away the pain of someone who is desperately trying for another baby but isn’t getting pregnant.  So many people struggle with infertility, even if they got pregnant quickly the first time there is no guarantee that it will happen that way again. You never know what someone has been through, or will go through. 

 

  • It does not take away how grateful I am – because I am so grateful to have Isaac. It also doesn’t take away the love I have for my child. I longed and wished for him for so long. I think because of how much I longed for him, I know what it feels like to want something so much and have no control over whether it will happen that I know how much I want a second child. I am willing to potentially go through that all over again to have another child. That doesn’t take anything away from Isaac, I think it just shows how much it means to me to have two. 

 

  • My feelings are valid – Everyone has an idea of what they would like their life to be, what job they want, what they would like their family to look like, that is your right. If you see lots of children in your life that’s ok and therefore it is ok to feel sad, angry and disappointed if it doesn’t happen.  No one has the right to tell you how to feel, trying for a baby can be heartbreaking and brutal for some women and already having a child doesn’t take away the pain and sadness that can come from trying to conceive. 

 

So if you are going through a similar situation and struggling, know that it’s ok to feel whatever you want and need to feel. You are going through this no one else and they don’t get to judge.

YOU CAN FIND KELLY ON;

INSTAGRAM: KELLY AND A LITTLE ONE

TRAUMATIC BIRTH IN A PANDEMIC

Filed Under: BIRTH, BIRTH TRAUMA, GUEST POST, HOME //

WRITTEN BY SAMANTHA WHITTALL

TRAUMATIC BIRTH IN A PANDEMIC

Samantha is sharing her (trigger warning) *traumatic birth in a pandemic, story with us. There is a huge stigma around birth & not every experience is a positive one! 

I wanted to tell my story as we sometimes underestimate how strong we are as women.
So I conceived before the pandemic but carried and gave birth during the pandemic.
My journey starts with my first trimester where I was always throwing up, everyone around me except my partner kept saying its morning sickness it will go but it didn’t, to the point where I couldn’t eat anything and had to go to the doctors where she signed me off work for a couple of weeks and gave me meds so I could at least eat, my second trimester was better and then I got into my third trimester where I started swelling up and couldn’t walk far without getting breathless and didn’t really have any energy I would spend most of my day sleeping.

TRAUMATIC BIRTH IN A PANDEMIC

So I was at my last scan my feet were swollen which I was told later was a warning sign and the midwife even commented on it but wasn’t concerned but when they did the scan they said that melody had dropped of the growth and I needed to go into be induced, I was all booked in for that at 39+5 but when I was 38+4 16th August I woke up threw up and felt like I had bricks on my chest but still insisted we went to see my partners parents as they were part of my bubble at the time and I’m so glad we did as when we got there my partners mum said she doesn’t look good but we just thought it was normal because of how my pregnancy had been but she insisted I called the midwife department so I did I explained everything and she said I’m not worried about the throwing up but if your feeling bad about your chest you should just go to your local A&E.
I wouldn’t of normally bothered but something just told me that we should go anyway so we went and got a lady who had just come of maternity leave (what are the chances) she took one look at me and got angry at the lady I had been on the phone with as she explained I should of been told to go straight to the bigger hospital that can deal with pregnancy as they don’t have a maternity ward, she took me into the back, did an EKG and spoke to another doctor I was then told I was going to the bigger hospital and had to have a cannula put in so i’m glad my partner was allowed in with me because I don’t think I would of done it otherwise (side note I struggled giving blood as I fear it and I hated having this done too) so that went in my left arm then after the tears and fear of having that one put in they then get a message from the bigger hospital saying they wanted a pink cannula put in and guess what I had a green one in so they then put a pink one in my right hand and left the green one in just in case.
So I go to the bigger hospital and they do a Covid test on me and I’m put in a room without my partner, the lady then comes in I haven’t been told what’s wrong only that I’m being induced today so they shove a hormone pill in my cervix (not sure if she said behind it or not) so already freaking out because I don’t know what’s wrong, I haven’t got my partner and I’ve just had the induction started. Then I’m not sure when or why but I was taken up to the delivery suite which is when my partner was allowed to come in (so thankful for that) when I got up there I was hooked up to the hormone drip and that is no joke when that goes in the contraction come fast and painful which I read about after. The midwife finally told me all this was happening because I had pre-eclampsia, so as the hormones are coming and the contractions are horrendous and feels like she’s trying to come out my bum (such a weird feeling) she wasn’t reacting well to the stress of the hormone her heartbeat dropped every time the hormone went in, at some point they then broke my waters which was a whole other experience it felt like internal deep cat scratches.
I then spent hours in agony with the contraction and fully taking advantage of the gas and air so they decided the epidural was the way to go, I was bricking it and of course I ended up with the doctor that can’t read the situation I had the epidural done and the second it was done he said ” I don’t think I’ve done this one right so might have to do again and blood is coming back into the line” (don’t say stuff like that to someone who is a nervous wreck) so we tried with the first epidural and it hardly did anything and I was pushing that button and maxing out that epidural and I still felt everything so then another doctor came in and did a SECOND one telling me the first one had a kink in it. This one I got a little relief but could still feel the contraction even with maxing that one out too I was asked to vocalise every time I felt one (definitely didn’t disappoint with vocalising that)  hours had past and its a bit blurry with timing of everything that happened but I remember them checking and I had only got to 3cm all that and only 3cm.
Melody’s heartbeat still kept dropping every time the hormone went in and I had been doing this for a whole day then someone came in and was really rough with my down below/ cervix and I remember crying to partner saying she hurt me and I don’t want her touching me again (thankfully I didn’t see her again) then a female doctor came in and wanted to take a sample of melody so a cry later I was huffing on the gas and air while they stretched me to get to melody so they could get some blood.
I was still on the hormone drip and having horrendous contraction when the decision was then made sometime in the morning (so I had gone from the afternoon of 16th to the morning of the 18th with no sleep) that I was going in for an emergency c-section. I had a catheter put in and wheeled into the theatre they said they were going to do the spinal block but my partner wasn’t there and I remember freaking out but the really nice assistant said “we don’t usually let the partners in for the spinal block because they either faint or don’t take it well” but my partner was allowed in and they did the spinal block, they then waited and tested it with cold spray which i’m glad they did as left side of me wasn’t numb but the right side was.
I was actually scared they would still go ahead and it a weird feeling to have a contraction only down half your body so I was put up again and they upped the amount in the spinal block and my partner was told to keep me awake (again very hard with recollection due to drugs) I remember him telling me to stay awake and I needed to keep my eyes open, all I wanted to do was sleep so badly I remember closing my eyes then all of a sudden my baby was in my partners hands with a cone head and absolutely beautiful, I remember I kept rubbing my eyes to wake myself from the drugs and push through them because I wanted to see my baby.
I had a peco dressing put on my c-section then after that I was in after care for 3 days that was horrible only seeing my partner for an hour and the staff really wasn’t the best and was only told after I got out and was with my doctor that my liver function wasn’t where it should be and I had high blood pressure  so was on tablets for them and my partner had to jab me everyday for 10 days and had to look out for jaundice I am also suffering with gallstones and going through the process of trying to get them sorted.
But I have a happy healthy 7 month girl and would go though it again just to have her and that in itself shows how strong we women are.
Thank you so much to Samantha for sharing her traumatic birth in a pandemic with us. 

YOU CAN FIND SAMANTHA ON;

INSTAGRAM: SAMANTHA ROSE SHARP

YOU’RE MORE THAN JUST A MUM

Filed Under: GUEST POST, HOME, MOTHERHOOD //

WRITTEN BY CLAIRE MAC (GUEST WRITER)MORE THAN JUST A MUM

 

Feeling like you’re just a mum is something that seems to hit all of us at some point on our motherhood journey. The feeling has a negative impact, resulting in a mass amount of mum guilt, self-doubt and feeling as though you’ve lost yourself. I actually hate the term ‘just a mum’, I think it’s one that should be banned & never at all said again but unfortunately, I can’t really get around it for this article.

Today I’m going to be delving into the emotions that come with feeling like you’re just a mum, how they arise and why we feel so negatively about them.

And most importantly I’m going to be telling you why you’re more than just a mum! You were someone before you became their mum, you’re still someone now.

Why do you feel like you’re just a mum?

  • Loss of identity.

It sounds dramatic, but I felt like I had to mourn my pre-baby self as the loss of my identity was so impactful. It’s something I really didn’t expect. As mums, we fall into a monotonous routine and our lives become dictated by our children. We lose our identities and unfortunately no longer feel like ourselves. Because of this we easily get stuck in a rut & feel like we’re just mums.

  • You slow down, but become busier.

A day in the life of a new mum is a repetitive one. Our babies run like clockwork in the sense that they need feeding every three hours, with naps in between and copious amounts of changing as and when. Everything feels so regimented. We slow down because we’re doing the same tasks, but we become busier because it’s an around the clock job.

  • You become restricted.

As dramatic as it sounds you can no longer live your life the way you used to pre-motherhood. Everything we do feels somewhat restricted by our children, whether it’s revolving our day around their nap time or now having to leave the house with five different bags. Unfortunately, as much as we try, we can’t be the pre-mum people we used to be.

  • You take second place.

You’re no longer a priority. I’m sorry, but it’s true (you knew that anyway though, right?). We take second place to our babies as they become our priorities leaving us behind, feeling like we’re just a mum. It needs to happen; Our babies need to be our priorities, but there’s no doubting that us taking second place definitely affects the way we view ourselves.

  • You’re no longer working

Whether you’re a career girl or not, working becomes a huge part of our lives. Heck, sometimes we’re at work more than we are at home, so when we’re not working it sadly feels as though we don’t quite have that purpose we once used to.

How you can feel like more than just a mum.

  • Connect with old friends.

I bet you’re not as social as you once were, right? I’m absolutely the same! My child has become my priority, which of course my friends understand, but I think it’s important to not lose connections. A colleague of mine suggested setting a reminder on my phone every Sunday evening to send out a couple of Whatsapp messages to my friends, just to check in and see how their week has been. It’s beneficial for all parties, both yourselves and your friends. Set yourself that reminder! You won’t regret it.

  • Start a new hobby.

I already know what you’re thinking. You’re a busy mum, how on Earth are you going to find the time to start a new hobby. I’m not saying you have to start painting the Mona Lisa, what I’m suggesting is taking ten minutes out of your day to read a couple of pages from your book, get stuck into a crossword puzzle. Paint the Mona Lisa if you like? Just take a few moments to do something that’s purely for you.

  • Stop the comparison game.

One of the reasons for feeling like we’re just a mum, is that our brains are constantly in parent mode. We see our child’s development and compare it to other children, even though we know it’s the worst thing in the world. Stopping the comparison game can be so, so difficult, but once you’ve achieved it, it’s so beneficial.

  • Take time out.

You’re a mum 24 hours of the day, 7 days a week, so having time away from your child to yourself doesn’t make you any less of a parent. You shouldn’t feel guilty about filling your cup back up. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so take care of yourself, take some time out for yourself & give mum guilt the middle finger. You might even parent better because of it.

  • Ask for help

Asking for help is something I still struggle so much with now, even two years since having my little girl. If you have the privilege of having a good support network around you, utilise them! Yes our children are ours, but they’re also somebody’s grandchild, niece, nephew or godchild. I bet your support network will enjoy having your child for an hour just as much as you’d enjoy the break. And breaks are good! We shouldn’t feel guilty about having them.

 

If this article has helped you at all in any way, even if it’s just got you thinking about yourself a little differently I’d love to hear from you. Slide into my DM’s at @clairemacblog & tell me why you’re more than just a mum.

MENTAL HEALTH & ME

Filed Under: GUEST POST, MENTAL HEALTH, MOTHERHOOD, PPD //

WRITTEN BY SOPHIE (GUEST WRITER)

MENTAL HEALTH & ME

When my first baby (Bella) was born in 2015, I felt on top of the world. A new mother, young, her whole life ahead of her and so many exciting things would be coming my way. Not that I knew that, but I wish I had done. Perhaps then I wouldn’t have slipped into such a low place. Or perhaps I would. Who knows. But I definitely think motherhood was the door that opened it.

Post-natal depression. What a bitch. It’s a hugely common problem that can affect both mothers and fathers in the early stages after having a baby. And it’s shit.

MENTAL HEALTH & ME

After birth you hear all of your health care team mentioning it. Your midwife will ask you how you’re feeling plenty of times at your home visits. Mine did. And every single time I had the biggest smile on my face and would tell her that everything was fine, that I was okay, that I was happy.

I’d go into the high street to meet family, go for a coffee, go out to lunch, and I’d show Bella off to every single person who showed an interest. I’d smile and I’d laugh, I’d tell everyone I was coping and doing great!

My husband would come home from work and I would be curled up on the sofa cuddling Bella, we’d be lay on the floor together having tummy time, smiling, laughing, singing songs. We’d be playing and having fun, and I didn’t have to tell him that I was fine or that I was doing okay, because I knew that I was showing that in my actions.

But one day, he came home from work and that wasn’t the case.

I was curled up in the corner of the bedroom, my eyes shut tight and my hands over my ears, crying horrendously. In the lounge, Bella was lay in her Moses basket and also crying horrendously. She was probably really hungry, or tired, or scared because she was alone. But I couldn’t be around her anymore.

The truth was, as much as I loved her and wanted her in my life every second of every day, I also didn’t want to be a mom anymore.

Things got so much worse over time, to the point that there were moments when I considered leaving her completely. I thought about wrapping her up and leaving her in her carrycot on a random doorstep in hope that they’d be a kind and loving family who would take her in, love her and care for her better than I could. I thought about putting her in the pram and going for a walk with her, going into a baby changing room with her and leaving her there for the next mother who entered to find her and again, take her in, love her and care for her. And there were times when I just thought about stepping in front of moving traffic.

Obviously I never did any of those things. We’re both still here to tell the tale and I’m more than proud to say that Bella is thriving. A beautiful, intelligent and inquisitive 5 year old with so much love to give. I’m not doing too badly myself too, now a mother of 3 (Bella, plus Bronson 4 and Blossom 2), and so happy! But that’s not to say that my mental health has improved.

I never was officially diagnosed with post-natal depression. Later on when discussing other mental health related issues with my GP I was told that I should have been, but by then it was too late as the depression side of things had settled. In its place, all sorts of other shit that I didn’t want to have to deal with.

In 2017 (the year after my second child, Bronson, was born) I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, which is a mental health condition in which a person experiences frequent obsessive, often quite frightening intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviours such as locking the door a certain number of times in a row.

Along with this came other things. Anxiety, another total bitch. And something that until I developed it I’d never even heard of. Dermatillomania, more commonly known as skin picking disorder, is a mental health condition in which a person picks and scratches at their skin often causes bruising, bleeding and quite often, a lot of scars.

For me, OCD was noticed when I realised that I avoided going out because I had constant thought that someone was going to break into our flat if we weren’t there, and that if we went out one of us would be hit by a car. Additionally I was checking on the children a lot more throughout the night which meant I was no longer sleeping, I was either sat in their room watching them so I could see that they were breathing, or I was sat in bed scratching at myself, nervous that something bad was going to happen. And even now these are all still huge issues for me that I’ve not yet broken the cycle of. They’re just my norm. They affect me every single day, the OCD is still present and keeps me up at night, the dermatillomania is still present and causes more scarring.

In very early 2020, a couple of years after my third child Blossom was born, I learned that eating disorders are often linked with OCD. I learned this because I approached my GP about some coping strategies and was then diagnosed with a binge eating disorder.

Binge eating disorder is often forgotten about and ignored. A lot of people think that the only eating disorders are anorexia and bulimia, and a lot of medical professionals try to treat BED by just suggesting that the suffering person starts a diet. Which unfortunately isn’t as easy as it sounds.

You see, even though I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder at 24, my GP suggested that I’d probably had my eating disorder since my mid-teens, and it had just resurfaced due to my body shape changing after having 3 children. Which does make sense. I first joined a diet group at the age of 16, and since then have had a constant loop of starting a diet and fucking it up, over and over again still to this day.

I often wonder if I’ll ever break the cycle with any of these issues. I wonder if becoming a mother is what caused majority of it or if there were issues lying low that were just made more apparent after birth. I wonder if I’ll ever get through a day without getting teary, without panicking, without scratching at my skin or feeling angry at my body or not wanting to go outside.

If you have any of these thoughts, if you have any mental health issues that cause you to struggle in anyway, it’s important to know that you’re not alone and that help is available, and that there are so many people just like you. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in the world who’s ever felt the way that I do. And I’m sure that a lot of you that read this will have felt the same way at some point.

It’s not just you and you’re never alone. I’m here to say that our mental health does not define us. We’re bad ass, and we’ve got this!

YOU CAN FIND SOPHIE ON;

INSTAGRAM: MRS MOMMA SOPH

PANDEMIC HOME BIRTH STORY

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST, POSITIVE BIRTH STORIES, PREGNANCY //

WRITTEN BY RACHEL BRADFORD (GUEST WRITER)

PANDEMIC HOME BIRTH

Hi, I’m Rachel, mother to three kids under five, and proud home birther to two out of three of my babies. We welcomed our last baby, Temperance, into the world on 28th September 2020 in the midst of a global pandemic in our home is Hampshire.

This was our second home birth, both of which were empowering and amazing experiences. So here’s my story of a pandemic home birth

My home birth experience (Southampton University Trusts)

The first moment I knew I was in labour was in the morning of the 28th around 7:30am when I started to feel strong backache and mild contractions that bordered on braxton hicks. Our four year old was due to go to school (his first full day) so my husband dropped him off, taking our two year old with him so I can pace around the living room, and bounce on my exercise/birthing ball. They came back and I put our two year old down for a nap around 9:30am.

I started to monitor the contractions and read a bit of my book (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) to distract me as they started to get more intense. I phoned the midwives around 10am to have a chat. My contractions weren’t hugely regular, a mix of 4 minutes to 2 minutes apart, sometimes lasting 30 seconds, sometimes longer. I knew this was typical for my body from my previous births. I don’t fall into a particular pattern. I decided on the phone to give it a little longer before I requested the midwives to come.

Half an hour later, the contractions were getting increasingly more difficult to talk through so I called again. The labour line said they would contact the midwives and see if and who could come out to me. I received a call perhaps 10minutes later from the midwife saying she was coming from the hospital and how was I doing? I was starting to get the bearing down sensation from the contractions where the pressure started to build in my back, spread to the front and pushed downward. I said this to the midwife who asked if I thought it would be a good idea to request the second midwife which I said yes. They would be with us in half an hour.

In that time, Dann began filling our hired birthing pool. He had inflated it earlier that morning before the school drop off. The pool took about 30 minutes to fill being a mini birthing pool (the standard size can be upwards of 45 minutes but our water tank struggles to keep up with that size and maintain the water temperature at 36 degrees. We’ve learnt this from previous experience.) To fill up faster, Dann connected hoses to both our kitchen sink tap, and the hot tap in our downstairs toilet. The pool was filled when the midwives arrived at around 11:30am.

The lead midwife (who turned out to be the student who had attended both of my previous births which was pretty special) did my internal exam, as well as general wellbeing checks giving me some entonox to tide me over as the pain was getting more intense. We phoned my friend to come collect Dexter who had now woken from his nap, and I got into the birthing pool with the entonox by my side. The midwives were super helpful with hand holding and helping me get into the pool whilst my husband sorted Dexter who was good as gold throughout. 

As soon as I got in the pool the sensation to push increased and I let my body do its thing. The next part is a little  fuzzy from the pain and pain relief (entonox makes me very heady and spaced out though I know this isn’t the case for most). Not long later, I could feel baby girl’s head near crowning, and I was aware of the midwives monitoring more closely, using the mirror in the pool to monitor any crowning. 

To everyone’s surprise, my own included, she crowned on a contraction, with her body slipping out on the same push. My previous home birth, I pushed the head out, then had to wait a full contraction later before I could push his body out. The midwives caught her and said I could move back so they could pass her up to me. The surprise is written all over my face in some of the photos my husband took. Dexter was with me the entire time, blowing on the entonox canister by the pool as I breathed it in.

I was given the injection to pass the placenta, passed Temperance to my husband and the midwives and guided out of the pool to the sofa to pass the placenta and get checked over. Before I managed to get to the sofa, the placenta slipped out onto the floor. Fortunately we have wood flooring and understanding midwives who had a good laugh about it.

After another check for tears and grazes, I was deemed as a graze which didn’t need stitches (the midwives can do these at home so you don’t have to transfer) and Temperance was brought back for cuddles and her first feed whilst the midwives monitored me for a bit longer and fill in their paperwork whilst we all enjoyed a cup of tea. My friend arrived to collect Dexter for a playdate so we had a bit of time as a three with our baby girl. The most fascinating part of having a home birth is learning about the placenta checks the midwives do, particularly as our hospital trust is a teaching hospital so always has students. I had three midwives attending in the end for this birth.

It was an intense and quite quick birth, but I wouldn’t change a thing. 

How the pandemic affected our pregnancy and birth experience

As a low risk pregnancy, I was lucky to not have many difficulties. Due to the pandemic, my husband couldn’t attend a single scan which was hard, even as a third time mother. We had our first scan a week into the first lockdown. I was the one who told my husband we were having a girl when I got back in the car after my 20 week scan.

All my appointments with my midwife (the same community midwife I’ve had for each of my pregnancies and the most supportive woman ever, she was the one to suggest a home birth in the first instance.) were alone, in masks.

I had an additional growth scan at 37 weeks due to stagnant growth which was not a hugely fun experience, though bumping into Lucinda, my midwife at the hospital was nice.

During my actual birth, the pandemic fortunately didn’t make a big impact. The only real perceptible difference was the fact the midwives wore masks the entirely time, aside from when they had a drink. I am glad we chose a home birth as I think I would have ended up birthing alone in a hospital due to restrictions and childcare.

I think the pregnancy restrictions were far worse and harder than the labour restrictions, and I am very pleased to see that a lot of Covid restrictions have been lifted now for partners and pregnant people. 

The months since have been different to how we expected to spend our days with our baby girl when we conceived her in January 2020, but we have our healthy baby girl and a wonderful birth experience to remember, and that’s all that matters to me.

YOU CAN READ RACHEL’S FIRST GUEST POST BY CLICKING HERE : EVERYTHING YOU NEED WHEN PLANNING A HOME BIRTH

FOLLOW RACHEL ON:

INSTAGRAM: ILLUSTRATED TEACUP

 

MY TRAUMATIC BIRTH STORY

Filed Under: BIRTH, BIRTH TRAUMA, GUEST POST, HOME //

WRITTEN BY ALICE ISHERWOOD (GUEST WRITER)

TRAUMATIC BIRTH STORY

Alice is sharing her traumatic birth story today. I experienced a traumatic birth with my first baby so her story really resonated with me and it is so important to share these experiences.

MY TRAUMATIC BIRTH STORY

“Now why would you want to do a homebirth?!”

I had to think about this question for a while. And when the answer struck me I decided to be honest about it, even though it wasn’t pretty.

I wanted to birth my fourth baby at home because I vividly remember giving birth in a hospital.

… I remember the feeling of betrayal, when I asked the doctors for an epidural after several hours of immense pain feeling stuck during labour. They told me it was way too late for that and that I was almost there and then decided (2 hours later) an epidural was necessary because the baby wasn’t moving.

I remember that annoyed facial expression of the anaesthetic doctor (he literally rolled his eyes) because I couldn’t sit still due to the strong contractions while he was trying to stick a huge needle into my spine. I remember the sensation, when two doctors threw their whole body weight onto my abdomen to get the baby moving down.

And I remember the tears in the assistant doctors eyes as they rushed my unconscious blue skinned daughter out of the room. Because she, like myself, thought that my first born might not make it.

Afterwards – I also remember – one of the doctors couldn’t hold back from informing me, that I was quite obviously not built for this.
-so after going through all of this (twice) apparently all of it was my fault, right?

But you know what was the worst thing after my first two births? It wasn’t the fear or the pain or the injuries. It was that feeling of failure. I felt like I had failed myself and my baby.

The third time round it just had to be different. I decided to give birth in a different hospital, me and my husband commenced regular conversation about labour, participated in a Hypnobirthing course (which was life changing) and worked on establishing a stable positive mindset. We worked through a lot of trauma and fear and on being a team, one unit that was in this together. We breathed a lot, laughed and cried and when the day came I gave birth to our third little miracle we encountered a phenomenal experience.

Philomena was born in less than 2 hours with no intervention, pain or injuries and we only spent the last 5 minutes of labour in hospital (literally, we just made it…). She was healthy and energetic. And so was I. It was like a dream.

It took me three goes to work out, that giving birth (for me) wasn’t about being in a medical environment, having people tell me what to do and luck or coincidence. For me it was about self determination, trusting my body and space for intimacy – and I believe all of these conditions will be met best in the comforts of my own home.

But these might not be the key factors for you; Every woman has her individual needs concerning birth and I’m sure if the emphasis was set on understanding and meeting those needs instead of interventions and control, birth would be less about fear, trauma and pain.

It would quite possibly be the most amazing experience for all of us.

Thank you so much to Alice for sharing her traumatic birth story with us. Did you have a traumatic birth?
YOU CAN FIND ALICE ON;

INSTAGRAM: MOTHER_OF_ROSES

BUSTING C-SECTION MYTHS

Filed Under: BIRTH, PREGNANCY //

BUSTING C-SECTION MYTHS

Caesarean Sections, more commonly known as the C-Section. Note how I used the word “commonly”, they are an incredibly common procedure, in fact, around 1 in 4 UK births are c-sections. So why are they still getting a bad rep?

I’ll start by saying no one, NO ONE, ever has the right to tell you you are less of a mother because your child was brought into the world via c-section. If they do? Be done with them, you do not need, nor deserve such negativity. It sucks to be told that, I’ve been told I don’t know what it’s like to give birth, I spent 36 hours in labour and had surgery to save mine and my child’s life. I do know what it’s like to give birth, my birth story just might be a little different to yours. 

So let’s bust a few myths here shall we!

BUSTING C-SECTION MYTHS

“You’re too posh to push” 

  • I used to joke about this one when we performed embryo transfers in horses, we’d say that the egg donor mare was “too posh to push” I’ll not get into the complexity of embryo transfer in horses, because the reasons for reproduction in horses and humans are worlds apart. The point is when you’re saying that to a mother who has just had life changing surgery, (yes it’s life changing!) then you really need to take some time to educate yourself on how major this regularly performed surgery really is. 

“It’s the easy way to give birth”

  • Now I’ve never had a vaginal birth, but I know many, many women who have, let me assure you NO form of childbirth is easy, so let’s stop saying that one shall we, to all mothers. 
  • Secondly the recovery after a C-section is brutal, the first time I stood after surgery required 2 people to pull me to my feet otherwise I’d never have pushed through that pain. The expression “I feel like I’m splitting in half” has never been so vividly true. 

“You’ll not be able to breastfeed”

  • This is a big fat lie! It is true that your milk supply may take a little longer to establish, but you absolutely can have a beautiful breastfeeding journey after a c-section.

“You didn’t really give birth”

  • I HATE this one. Yes I (and every other c-section mother) did in fact, give birth, we just required a little help. You wouldn’t say that Lewis Hamilton didn’t really win the Grand Prix because someone changed his tyres for him. Celebrate that win, Mama has just given birth (although maybe pour her Champers in a glass not all over her)

“Loads of people have c-sections, what’s all the fuss about”

  • It’s a real tough blow having a c-section, it can take away all of your birthing wishes and dreams, it puts you in the back row when you should be centre stage. It can be a lot for someone to come to terms with, so be kind, they’re probably hurting emotionally and definitely physically. 
  • It’s major surgery, you’d make a fuss over someone having their appendix cut out through keyhole incisions, so make a fuss over that new Mama who’s just had huge abdominal surgery, can barely move and now has someone completely dependent on her for survival!

Becoming a Mother is intense, emotional, exhausting and to have someone make that time harder for you is a painful experience. You birthed a child, you did, in the way in which you had to. Don’t ever let anyone pull you down for that, there’s already a strong chance you’re telling yourself that you failed, you didn’t, you are a superwoman and totally bossing being a new Mama. 

Be kind to yourself, I know it’s tough, it may not have been what you wanted, but your child will never think any less of you for the way they were born. 

APRIL IS C-SECTION AWARENESS MONTH – FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM WHERE WE ARE SHARING LOTS OF CONTENT!

PREPARING FOR A POSITIVE CAESAREAN

Filed Under: BIRTH, GUEST POST, HYPNOBIRTHING, POSITIVE BIRTH STORIES, PREGNANCY //

WRITTEN BY CLAIRE DUGAN – TUTUM BIRTHING (GUEST WRITER)

POSITIVE CAESEREAN

Are you planning to give birth to your baby via caesarean? Is this elective, or perhaps you have been advised to do so for a medical reason. You may be feeling completely fine with this decision or you may feel disappointed, perhaps with a sense of having no options and the vaginal birth you were planning has been taken away from you.  I want to reassure you that you can still have a sense of control over your abdominal birth and having this sense of control can then allow you to feel more prepared and excited whether planned or unplanned. 

POSITIVE CAESAREAN

Your baby’s birth can be magical when you give birth abdominally. It is proven that the more relaxed you are going into your abdominal birth the easier the bonding, healing and recovery can be.  We want and need to have an emotional experience however we birth, we should be given the opportunity for involvement and to be a part of the birth as much as possible, therefore you can use hypnobirthing as it has a wonderfully beneficial effect on your mindset and your ability to remain relaxed. Hypnobirthing as birth preparation really is for all births. Incorporating logic, mindfulness, affirmations, breathing techniques, confidence and techniques to keep the adrenaline at bay so you can enjoy your birth. 

If you have elected or are preparing for an abdominal birth then being aware of your choices, understanding what the team is open to doing within your hospital and then communicating this to them via your wishes for birth will also help you to feel more in control.  I always recommend my parents put together an option for a plan B or C. So even if you have an unplanned abdominal birth, you can still have some choices in place. 

Are you familiar with the term ‘gentle caesarean’? This means that the obstetrician would make the incision and your baby’s head would be born gently before slowly waiting for the body to follow, this allows your baby to have a calmer entrance into the world.  Moving through in this way also helps with expelling the fluid from the lungs which would have been squeezed out if your baby was born vaginally through the birth path. 

If you have been using guided hypnobirthing MP3’s in your pregnancy, they would have made a positive association for you which will still be very helpful. Make sure you have your MP3 or music on one headphone, so you have this to keep you calm while also staying informed of what is happening in the room if this is your preference. 

On gowning up you can have your gown tied at the front opposed to the back, like putting on a jacket, this will enable you to enjoy skin to skin with your little one as soon as you can. We know the benefits of skin to skin and this should be as encouraged with an abdominal birth. It will help to release the oxytocin and to stimulate your supply.  

You may have heard of delayed cord clamping. Straight after birth, historically your baby’s cord would have been cut either right away or after around one minute.  We now know that delaying your baby’s cord from being cut has huge benefits for the baby.  Delaying it for even 3-5 minutes ensures that they receive a huge amount of extra oxygenated blood volume through the cord from the placenta, up to 30%. They are also then receiving iron which will be enough for 3-6 months. White blood cells and antibodies to keep their immune system boosted. They will also get the transferral of vital stem cells. You can also leave the cord until it goes white and floppy.  Delaying your baby’s cord being clamped should be done for you unless of course, the baby needs some help after birth and in this case they will need to clamp the cord to assist your baby. 

You can have the ECG dots placed on your upper back and shoulders opposed to your chest which will then allow for immediate skin to skin and for your baby to be placed directly on your chest after birth without any interference. 

You can ask for the lights to be dimmed around the theatre room apart from those being used directly above the surgery.  Once your baby has been born, it will then be able to enjoy skin to skin in a darker more dimly lit atmosphere up by your chest. 

The surgical screen can be lowered so you are able to see your baby being born, this is magical if you would like to experience it. Some parents would prefer not to see it however some have described it as magical.  It is your decision however, you do need to communicate this with your birth team I would suggest before the day just to make sure it is something they do offer.

Skin to skin.  The first hour should be as calm as possible to encourage your baby to feed and establish breastfeeding if this is your wish.  It will help to produce the oxytocin for bonding and will assist in encouraging your uterus to contract down. You can request that the midwives do not weigh or measure your baby until after that first initial hour following birth. 

I really hope this helps to let you feel more in control of your abdominal birth and for you to prepare in the best way for you both as parents.  I would urge you to communicate with your midwives as much as possible which will then enable you to stay close to your choices and if it is not possible then you will understand why.

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SHARING THE MUMMY LOVE | GUEST POST

Filed Under: GUEST POST, MOTHERHOOD //

WRITTEN BY DARSHANA (GUEST WRITER)

After having my first daughter I instantly felt judged and the shocking thing was that I felt most judged by other mothers. I always thought other mums would understand how I felt and what I was going through because they were on the same journey. Instead, I found mothers who were competing with one another to win the ‘best mum’ award and constantly justifying their decisions on how they parent their kids in front of others. I am here to share the mummy love & remind people why it is so important that we support each other, especially during such a difficult time. 

Below are some of the questions/statements I had experienced after having my first daughter which I found extremely hurtful and made me feel like a terrible mum instantly.

MUMMY LOVE

I think it is so important for mums to lift each other up and be judgement free as they are going through the exact same journey. I believe everyone has their own way of parenting and no way is the wrong way, it might just not be my way. Its mind boggling how they are your children but the whole world has an opinion on how you should bring them up. It is difficult to have so many eyes judging you while you are figuring out your own path in this parenting journey. 

I am really hard on myself and mega critical on what kind of mother I am, and I sometimes think I need to give myself a break but it always helps to have another mum giving me positive encouragement and not making comments about how my way is not the ‘right way’ – what is the right way when it comes to parenting? I do not think anyone has the answer to that. If you do, please share the secret!

I know there are also mums out there who believe in supporting and uplifting all mums because it is not as easy as it looks on the outside. Since becoming a mum I have taken an oath that I will never judge how differently a mum parents to me, but I will encourage and applaud them in doing what they are doing because only they know what is good for their baby and what works for them.

I want to end this by saying no mum is wrong or holds the title of being a ‘bad mum’. We are incredible and if we doubt it for a second, look at the smile on our children’s faces when they are with us and it will tell all. 

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WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A NICU MUM

Filed Under: HOME, MOTHERHOOD, POSTPARTUM, PREGNANCY //

WRITTEN BY HELENA (GUEST WRITER)

Both of my boys were born prematurely, and each needed to spend a number of weeks in neonatal care. During that time, and since, I’ve had people make comments which were less than helpful and often upset or angered me. It can be hard to know what to say to someone going through NICU so I’ve put together this list which will hopefully help if you have a friend or family member who is going through this tough experience.

NICU MUM

  1. “When will you get home?”

This can be difficult to answer. The chances are that Mum will get home much sooner than the baby, so who are you actually referring to? In the worst of cases, mum and dad might not actually be sure the baby is going to come home at all.

The situation changes really quickly in the first few hours and days so this question is really unhelpful at the beginning in particular. “We aim for a due date” is basically all that a doctor will tell Mum and Dad, even when things are going well. They never change this answer as things can change with a baby in a heartbeat. Every time you ask a parent “when will you get home”, you will only be reminding them of just how far away the due date feels.

Five weeks after my youngest was admitted, we had no idea he was even close to coming home until the day before. Even then we thought it would be a handful of days, not just one.

Instead try saying “however long baby is in hospital, know that I am here to help. I will drop off some food so you can have something warm for dinner tonight”.

  1. “Have you asked if you can stay overnight?”

Do you really think any parent wants to leave their baby behind? Of course they have asked if they can stay. There just isn’t the space in neonatal units in the UK for every baby to have their parents with them overnight. The unit we spent all those weeks in with my boys has three bedrooms reserved for babies who are a night or two away from going home so parents can stay knowing staff are just outside if they need support. There are significantly more than three babies in the unit at any one time.

There is no worse feeling than leaving your baby behind in the hospital. It just doesn’t feel natural to leave hospital having given birth without a baby, so every parent will most definitely have asked if they can stay.

Instead say “I can’t imagine how you are feeling having to leave your baby. I’m here if you want to talk.”

  1. “Why don’t you just sleep on a chair so you can stay all night?”

It really isn’t a case of “just” sleeping on a chair beside your baby’s incubator or cot. You make it seem so easy saying “just” and that little word can make mums feel like they are not putting enough effort in. 

Most new mums, exhausted after giving birth, can lie in bed, cuddling and feeding their newborn for the first few hours, even days. NICU mums have to move between the postnatal ward and neonatal ward only to sit and look at their baby from an uncomfortable chair.

Many mums will have had a traumatic birth and are far from being well themselves. I’m sure most mums would “just” sleep on a chair if they were physically able and they knew the baby was only going to be in for a night or two. But sleeping on a chair really isn’t an option when you know it’s going to be weeks or months. Baby needs a healthy mum who isn’t running on zero sleep.

Instead say “It’s awful that you are separated from the baby, I can only imagine how hard that is.”

  1. “At least you can have a full night’s sleep while the baby is still in hospital!”

Seriously, don’t even think about saying this. First, think about how difficult it would be to sleep if you were separated from your new baby who is gravely ill in hospital. Then remember that most NICU mums will also be waking up to an alarm to pump milk every three hours for their sick baby. Believe me when I say that being woken by an alarm at 2am makes it infinitely harder to get back to sleep than if you’d been woken by a baby.

In addition to being woken by the alarm, you have to then wake up enough to pump, go downstairs to put the milk in the fridge and sterilise the pump kit ready for the 5am alarm call. Oh, and you’ve probably phoned the unit for an update on how the baby is doing.

Plus there’s also the fact that instead of relaxing at home and napping with the baby during the day, you are instead travelling to the hospital to sit on that uncomfortable chair, wishing you could touch and cuddle your baby. So no, getting more sleep is definitely not an upside to a baby being in NICU.

Instead say “Wow, you are doing an amazing job. Getting up to pump must be so tough but think of all the goodness you are giving to the baby”.

  1. “My friend’s cousin’s dentist’s son had a baby born at 31 weeks too. He was home from hospital after 4 weeks so you probably won’t be there much longer.”

You probably think that saying something like this might make a NICU mum or dad feel better but, in reality, comparing their baby to another is far from productive. All babies develop at their own rate, not to mention the fact that they are all born with different issues. 

It just makes you feel worse when it gets to 4 weeks and your baby still isn’t close to being sent home. How come my baby chose the short straw and needed to stay longer than this other baby?

Instead just say “baby is beautiful, I can’t wait to meet them”.

  1. “I would have loved it if my baby had been taken away and looked after that first night. It would have been great to have had a good sleep.”

Someone said this to me just the other day and it made me feel so angry. I wish so much that I’d been able to spend those precious first moments with my babies, time that we will never get back. It just seems so unfair that someone can say that they wish they hadn’t had to. Maybe it’s easier to appreciate how special those first few hours and days are with a new baby once you’ve had them taken away? Plus, see above regarding the “good sleep”.

Instead, just don’t mention it, even if that’s how you feel. NICU parents haven’t been able to make that choice and would probably do anything to be able to cuddle their baby as much as parents of full term babies can.

  1. “I’m so uncomfortable, I wish the baby would just arrive now.”

I’ve heard this so many times from pregnant women, even ones who know my history of two premature births. I almost didn’t include it as I didn’t want to offend anyone, however, I really think it needs to be mentioned. Although I know that it’s just a thing that people say without actually meaning, I’m never quite sure what to say in response. It just feels like people don’t appreciate how hard it is having a baby in NICU.

I was already starting to feel uncomfortable with my small bumps so can only imagine how uncomfortable being heavily pregnant must be. But surely it can’t be worse than spending weeks or months in hospital, being unable to comfort or hold your baby properly and watching the baby undergo numerous medical procedures while you just have to sit and hope? At least being uncomfortably pregnant only affects you, not baby, siblings and extended family.

Remember that NICU mums are probably grieving that missed third trimester. My second premature birth was half expected but I still felt robbed of my bump and didn’t feel at all ready for the baby to be here. I really do feel cheated that I missed out on the last heavily pregnant stage and it makes me sad hearing people wish it away. (Little disclaimer, this is of course a blanket statement. Obviously there will be cases where mum or baby is actually unwell, not just uncomfortable, and I’m only referring to cases where there are no medical issues, just a healthy pregnancy.)

Instead feel free to complain about how uncomfortable you are, I’m sure your NICU mum friend will be able to empathise. Please just don’t add the throwaway comment of “I wish the baby would just arrive now”.

  1. “At least you didn’t have to give birth to a bigger baby so it won’t have hurt as much as if the baby had been full term.”

I don’t think it is at all possible to compare the pain of childbirth with another person. Out of my two births, I can safely say that I found the birth of my second, smaller baby much more painful than my first and so the theory seems to fall down.

My second son arrived 9 weeks early. That’s more than two months before he was supposed to be here. My first son was “only” 6 weeks early and while that was scary, I had been assured by doctors that it wasn’t really “that” early in terms of prematurity and the likelihood was that everything would be fine.

Nine weeks, however, felt so much earlier than six. The doctors were optimistic that he would be ok in the long run but I didn’t get the same feeling of confidence from them as I had the first time round. I’d been through the neonatal unit before and knew during labour that this time we’d be in for longer, with a toddler at home who I hadn’t fully prepared for the baby arriving right now and a hospital on the verge of lockdown. 

I think my body was doing everything it could to hold him in and I just couldn’t relax into the hypnobirthing breathing in the same way I had before. The panic and worry meant I just couldn’t calm myself down so I’m sure that led to the birth being more painful.

Giving birth early also means that the birth plan, if you’d even got as far as writing one, goes out of the window. You instead need to give birth hooked up to every monitor going, with what feels like half the hospital either in the room or waiting outside. You also know that you likely won’t be able to see your baby, let alone hold them, because they are going to need immediate medical attention to survive.

It’s not the relaxing, minimal pain birth experience you were probably hoping for, no matter what size baby is. Also, many NICU mums have had sections as the birth is often due to a medical emergency and I don’t think the size of baby has any baring on the pain caused by that.

Instead say “giving birth so early must have been terrifying.”

  1. “You don’t like staying pregnant do you?”

Why do people think it’s ok to say this? I get this one far too often, even from a few of the nurses in the neonatal unit. While I get that it’s probably meant as a joke to lighten the mood, it’s really not something I find funny.

I would have done anything to stay pregnant so my babies and family didn’t have to go through the trauma of weeks and weeks in hospital. More than anything, I wish that I’d been able to finish my pregnancies normally, excited and counting down the days for the arrival of my healthy babies. Instead, I had all of my birthing choices taken away from me and was petrified during my labour that my babies would be born terribly unwell or worse.

Instead, don’t make a joke, offer support either emotional or practical.

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